Dallas Bragg explains how shame works: we imagine how others see us. In recovery, relapse often triggers exclusion, deepening shame. Instead, separate the behavior from your identity. You're not your relapse.
Shame is how we think others see us through their eyes. Brené Brown said that, a shame researcher. Oftentimes when you relapse, it's not how you feel about yourself, it's how you think others are looking at you. And when you operate within a recovery system whose architecture is set up to say, if you relapse, you don't belong to us, you are disconnected from us, You are below us. You have to start over at zero. It is easy to feel shame because how people see you through their eyes is clearly stated. So the best way to heal and learn from a relapse is to see yourself as you are, to only concern yourself with how do I see me through my eyes. In the end, I am not my relapse. I am not an addict. I am not a bad person. What I did was against the values I hold and against the goals that I have, and that's okay. I'm going to keep trying.
