Dallas Bragg, a chemsex recovery coach, reframes relapse as the answer to your intention to stay clean, not a failure. When you set the goal of never using again, you attract the challenges needed to learn how not to use. Extract the lesson, adjust what needs changing, and keep moving.
If you're struggling right now with a recent relapse, I want you to listen up. I'm going to share a perspective shift for you that could change everything. My name is Dallas. I'm a chemsex recovery coach helping men who have sex with men. There was an older lady once in church when I was younger who I remember standing up and she— we had testimony nights where you stand up and share something from your life and Her, her whole theme was, be careful what you ask for. What do you ask God for? And she said that she had asked for patience and just endured a year of tragedy— death, destruction, sickness. And she said, you know what, I learned patience. I got what I asked for, but not in the way that I expected. That stuck with me. I was probably— I don't know. 7 years old. That has stuck with me, and it applies to your recovery. Whatever you set an intention for, you're going to get the opposite of— at least what you think the opposite of— so that you can learn and do the work of getting that intention. So if you set an intention of, I'm never going to use crystal meth again, you're going to get the opposite. You're going to get the biggest temptations. You're going to get that Dealer walking up to you on the street. You're going to get all— everything. Really tough emotional situations, conflicts at work, maybe even a death or a family drama. Everything comes at you because here's the thing, you have to learn how not to use. Here's the thing, you have to go through the experience Of using often to learn how not to use. So this is where relapse comes in. When you relapse, you're getting what you asked for. I don't want to use meth anymore. Then you have to learn how not to use. You have to learn what's in your life that needs to be changed. You have to learn how to show up differently so that you don't use. But you can't just say, I want to— don't want to use meth anymore, and it's just given to you on a silver platter. You have to do the work. And often the work is going through a relapse, going through a relapse and extracting the good from it, extracting the learning from it, knowing I have to learn, I have to use to learn how not to use. But we get caught up in what a relapse means in the recovery industry and that it's a sign that we're doing badly. It's not. It's a sign that you're getting exactly what you want. So accept it. Your prayers are answered. Keep moving.
