Navigating the Chemsex Recovery Maze

Hey there, Dallas Bragg here, recovery coach for gay men who want to break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and live their best and highest life. Today we're talking about how to escape the maze of chemsex recovery. Spoiler alert, there is no maze. By sacrificing your old self. So if you feel stuck in your recovery right now, you'll want to pay close attention to the entire video. On this channel, you're going to find lots of resources to help you break free from chemsex and attain your best and highest self. Also, don't forget to look for my podcast. It's called The Aftermath Podcast. here on this channel as well. I drop a long-form video just like this one every Saturday, so please turn on the notification bell, subscribe to the channel so you don't miss anything. I offer a group coaching program and a one-on-one coaching program called Recovery Alchemy. The link to apply will be in the show notes. Through weekly one-on-one sessions, weekly group sessions, and daily accountability, your life could look much differently in 6 months than it does right now. All right, so you know that feeling, right? You turn every corner trying to get substance-free, trying to build a better life, and there's just another wall, another setback, another slip, another disappointment. You're doing everything right, going to meetings, working your steps, seeing your therapist, white-knuckling it through your triggers, but you're still stuck in what I call the maze of chemsex recovery. You want the same thing everybody else wants. More confidence, more freedom, more peace, better relationships, financial stability, a life that feels worth living, a body you can trust, a mind that doesn't constantly betray you with cravings. And the harder you try to make these things happen, the further they seem to be away from you. That's deeply frustrating at a soul level. You just want a solution. You want a breakthrough. You're stuck because you're trying to drag your old self into your new life. You're trying to become a new person while still thinking, feeling, and operating as the old one. And that, my friend, is why you keep hitting the walls, the dead ends of the maze. So there's a person you must sacrifice. That person Standing between you and the substance-free life you want isn't your dealer. It isn't your user buddy. It isn't the guy on Grindr who always wants to party. It isn't even meth itself. It's the version of you that's still aligned with your old reality. So let me break this down because this is very crucial. The version of you who is already living substance-free, who has rebuilt their life, Who feels confident and clear and powerful? That person doesn't think like you're thinking right now. They don't feel what you're feeling right now. They don't make the same choices when facing the same triggers. When they get a text from an old hookup, they don't spiral into internal debate for 3 hours. When they have a hard day at work, they don't immediately think about escaping into a session. When they feel lonely on a Friday night, they have other options that actually feel good. That's the gap. That's why nothing seems to work. You're trying to get different results while operating from the same frequency. So think about it this way. If you woke up tomorrow and you were already living the life you want, 6 months substance-free, clear-headed, surrounded by genuine friends, doing work that matters, feeling good in your body, how would that version of you handle the challenge you're facing right now? Would that version of you even see it as a challenge, or would they navigate it with a completely different energy? This is what I mean by sacrificing your old self. You have to let go of the parts of you that are misaligned with where you're going. Not with shame and not with judgment, but with honest recognition that those old patterns, those old ways of thinking and feeling, they served a purpose once. But they're not taking you where you need to go. By the way, I help gay men do this and break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and become their best and highest selves through group coaching or one-on-one coaching in a 12 or 6 month— a 12-week or 6-month program. That's program. Those programs can literally change your life, and I accept new clients every month. All right. So let's talk about this. Your reality is a mirror and why that matters when you're trying to break free from chemsex. So here's where it gets really real. I need you to really sit with this. Your entire experience of life is a mental and emotional projection of what you think and feel. To be true about yourself and about the world. If you're expecting chaos, shame, relapse cycles, and dead ends, it's because somewhere deep down, maybe consciously, maybe unconsciously, you are still projecting. You're projecting a fear of failure. I always fuck this up eventually. Unworthiness. I don't deserve a good life after what I've done. Self-sabotage. Better to sabotage myself than letting somebody else do it. Identity as an addict. I'm just a tweaker. That's who I am. Brokenness. I'm fundamentally damaged. Depression and resentment. Life is just hard and unfair. You get what you give from your mind. It isn't punishment. It's just how the world works. The mirror you're looking at, the world won't smile at you till you do. But here's the catch that trips people up. There's a time delay between when you smile and when it reflects it back. You can start smiling, which is shifting your frequency, changing your thoughts, embodying your healed self, and the mirror might still show a frown for a while. You might still face cravings. You might still have hard days. You might still encounter triggers. And this is where most of you give up. You think, see, It's not working. I knew I couldn't change. I'm still the same broken person I always was. But if you sustain that higher frequency, sustain that smile, if you keep thinking and feeling as the version of you who is already free, if you keep making choices from that place, even when the external circumstances haven't caught up yet, they will change. The mirror has no choice but to eventually reflect what you are consistently Projecting. This is why I always say abstinence is not the goal. A healed life of living as your best and highest existence is the goal. Because when you embody that frequency, when you think and feel from that place, the substance then naturally falls away. Doesn't fit anymore. It's not compatible with who you're becoming. So let's talk about resetting your frequency. Listen, you're not broken. You're running malware. So listen, you're not diseased. You're not fundamentally flawed or defective. You're a computer running malware. Think about it. When your computer gets infected with viruses, it doesn't mean that the computer itself is defective. It means there's corrupted code running in the background, slowing everything down, causing crashes, making normal operations impossible. All those messages about being sick, Powerless, an addict for life, always in recovery, one day at a time because you can't be trusted with your future. All of that shit is malware. The guilt from things you did while using, the shame from people who abandoned you, the internalized homophobia from a society that told you your desires were wrong, the trauma responses that got wired in before you even touched a substance, the societal programming that says you're forever tainted, forever less than, Forever broken. None of that is who you actually are. You're not reaching for some higher state. You are returning to your natural state of functioning. You need to remember who you were before all that malware got installed in your mind, in your subconscious, before the shame, before the trauma, before the messages that you weren't enough. You are not separate from the creative power of this universe. You're not cut off from source or God or higher power, divine intelligence that animates everything, whatever you want to call it. You're just vibrating at a frequency that's been weighed down by guilt and shame and old programming that was never yours to begin with. When you clear the malware, when you delete those corrupted files, you return to your natural state, which is powerful, creative, Whole, deeply connected, confident. I'm not saying that you need to levitate or become some enlightened guru. I'm saying you need to get back to baseline functioning where you can trust yourself, where you feel deserving and worthy of good things, where you can navigate challenges without imploding, where you can naturally use your creativity and intelligence can come through you. That's your natural state. Everything else is just interference. So you wanna plant new seeds and be patient. Once you've let go of your old self, once you've identified the patterns that aren't serving you, make the decision to stop consenting to those patterns. Once you've started clearing the malware and resetting your frequency, you start planting new seeds, seeds of confidence. I can handle this. Seeds of self-trust. I keep my promises to myself. Seeds of possibility. There are paths I can't even see yet, but I trust they're there. Seeds of worthiness. I deserve good things. Seeds of gratitude. Even the hard parts are teaching me something. Everything's happening for me. Seeds of connection. I'm not doing this alone. Impatience is just the fear that the results won't show up. Impatience is the fear that the results won't show up. When you're impatient with your recovery, when you're constantly checking, how many days am I? Constantly checking other results, analyzing the setbacks, analyzing, measuring every day against some impossible standard, you're not being motivated or committed. You're actually telling the universe, I don't trust this process. I don't trust myself. I don't believe this is really gonna work. It's like planting a seed and digging it up every day to see if it's growing yet. You know what happens? The seed dies. You give a seed too much water, too much sunlight, too much interference, it actually never grows into a plant. The only watering your new life needs is patience and certainty that it's happening. Listen, I know this is hard and you wanna wake up tomorrow and have 6 months substance-free. You wanna fast forward through the uncomfortable middle part. You want proof right now that this is going to work, but transformation doesn't work that way. There's a time lag between planting that seed and seeing the fruit. And during that lag, you have to trust the process even when the mirror is still showing you a frown. This is where most people are going to give up right before the breakthrough, right before the seed would've sprouted. That's the practice. That's the work. Not white-knuckling, not forcing, but understanding. That everything is happening for you during that time lag, helping you learn how to live in your desired state. If your desired state's meth-free, you have to learn how to do it. Or chemsex-free. You have to face adversity in order for you to hone the skills necessary. So I'm saying hold both truths at the same time. This is hard right now. And I'm becoming somebody who can handle hard things. I'm struggling with cravings. And I trust that this will get easier as I keep choosing differently. So here's some heavy lifting that's gonna happen for you, and it happens all up here. You think the hard part is saying no to meth, avoiding hookup apps, staying away from the scene, white-knuckling through Friday nights, resisting when the random text comes through. I get it. Those things do feel hard. They are hard at first, but that's not where the heavy lifting happens. The heavy lifting happens in your mind and in your spirit, in your thoughts, in your beliefs about yourself, in your emotional patterns, in your relationship with yourself and your story. The heavy lifting is choosing to see yourself differently, even when history suggests you should see yourself as broken and flawed. The heavy lifting is trusting yourself even after there's been broken promises to yourself 100 times. The heavy lifting is believing you deserve good things, even when shame says you don't. The heavy lifting is staying committed to your healing, even when progress feels slow or invisible or stagnant. Here's the beautiful part. When you do that internal heavy lifting, when you're mentally and spiritually aligned with the substance-free version of yourself, the physical actions become Simple. Saying no becomes easy because you're no longer fighting yourself. You're not using willpower to resist something you still want. You're making a choice that aligns with who you are. Building new routines feels natural because they fit the new frequency you are operating from, your new identity. So new tasks and new habits come easily. Resistance doesn't throw you off course because you've developed the mental and emotional flexibility To work with it instead of run from it. You have everything you need already within you. You just have to clear that interference, the malware, and remember that you have it all. All right, so how do you actually do this? What's the practical integration, right? I've given you a lot of concepts, a lot of vagueness. So let's make it practical. Number 1, identify your old self. Get specific about who needs to be sacrificed. Not in a violent way, not in a self-hating way, but with a clear-eyed honesty about your thoughts, beliefs, and patterns that are keeping you stuck. What does your old self think about you, about your worthiness, your possibilities, about what you deserve? How does your old self handle stress, loneliness, triggers, success? What stories does your old self tell about who you are and why things are the way they are? Write it down, get it outta your head and onto paper. You can't release what you won't acknowledge. So there's the first part. Number 2, reset your frequency. It's about clearing out that malware. And yes, it's work, but it's the work that actually matters and pays off long-term. Notice when you're operating from fear, from shame, limiting beliefs. Just notice. You don't have to fix it in the moment. Just become aware of it. Start monitoring your language. I am broken versus I am currently healing. I always fuck this up versus I'm learning a new way. I don't know what the hell I'm doing versus I'm learning and open to new, new ways. Your words are the manifestation of your thoughts. Change your words, change your frequency. Practice feeling as if you're already there. What does the healed version of you feel in their body? How do they move through the world and show up? What's their energy like? Practice embodying that even just for a few minutes a day. Number 3, plant new seeds with patience. Choose one small thing. One, not 10, not 20, not 5. One, not a complete life overhaul. One small action that aligns with who you're becoming. Maybe it's a morning practice, maybe it's journaling, maybe it's a boundary you set, maybe it's a promise you keep to yourself. Maybe it's reaching out instead of isolating. Do one. thing consistently. Build trust with yourself. Where attention goes, the energy flows. So feed your attention to the positive wins, no matter how small. And then be patient. Trust the time lag. Trust the silence. The seed is growing, even when you can't see it yet. Number 4, follow the synchronicities. Pay attention to what lights you up. Where are you getting bliss? Where can you get your dopamine now? What feels exciting, even if it doesn't make logical sense? What opportunities might be appearing? What people are showing up? Look for ways. Look for answers. Look for help. Look for the path that's there. The universe is always communicating with you. When you say, I wanna be meth-free, the path is laid out for you. You just have to be open to receiving it, but you have to be listening. You have to be willing to follow the breadcrumbs. Maybe it's a podcast, maybe it's a person in a coffee shop, maybe it's a book you're reading. When you remain open to guidance, it can come into you in so many ways. Number 5, remember there's not an actual maze. When you feel stuck, there is no maze. When you hit what feels a wall, just pause, take a breath. Ask yourself, is this wall real or is this my old programming trying to keep me safe, trying to keep me in this box, trying to keep me small? Most of the time, that's what it is. And most of the time, the wall is just your mind trying to protect you from the unknown because you still have a belief that you don't, you don't deserve sobriety. You don't deserve success. It's convincing you that stay back, it's safe. It's not a maze. You're not lost. So let's talk about a final word here about Language. I want to circle back to something very important. Language matters. Perception matters. The story you tell yourself matters. Additional recovery language is steeped in powerlessness. I'm an addict. I'm powerless. I'm in recovery, as if you never actually arrive. I'm sick. Fuck all that. You're not sick. You're healing. You're not powerless. You're powerful. You're learning to use your power in a different way. You're not in recovery forever. You're transforming, evolving, becoming the best and highest version of yourself. Make up your own goddamn language. Make up your own words and phrases. There are no rules, only healing in whatever way that takes. I say I'm substance-free, not clean. I was never dirty. I talk about my journey of transformation, not my recovery story. I'm not trying to get back to who I was. I'm becoming someone new. I call myself a healing storyteller, not a recovering addict, because I tell my story for healing. My identity is about where I'm going, not where I've been. So what language serves you? What words make you feel powerful instead of powerless? This isn't semantics, okay? Semantics. This is literally reprogramming your frequency. Your words shape your thoughts, shape your behaviors, shape your feelings. Your feelings shape your actions. Your actions shape your reality. Choose words that align with who you're becoming, not who you were. This isn't about meditating 15 hours a day or becoming some spiritual guru who only eats vegetables and speaks in whispers. This isn't about recognizing. This is about recognizing something fundamental. You are not broken. You are not your addiction. You are not just an addict. You are not your past. You are a powerful, creative being that temporarily forgot who you were. The shame, the trauma, the programming—it covered over your natural state, your natural light, and installed malware. It convinced you that the maze. was real and that you're lost and the walls are solid, but they're not. And now you're waking up. You're remembering. You're becoming enlightened. Your light is shining through all the shit that the world put on you. You're remembering that you are the executive and your recovery, that you make the rules. The transformation isn't about earning your worthiness through suffering. It's about clearing the interference and returning to your natural state of wholeness. Life is happening for you, not to you. You are not the victim. You are the creator. You are not powerless. You are remembering your power. You are not broken. You're becoming. And that becoming, it's not about reaching some distant destination. It's about your choosing to be right now. Who are you in this moment? In this moment, make a choice. Choose the healed version. Choose the powerful version. Choose the version that knows there is no maze. Rise up and see that it was all a dream. And watch what to your chemsex cravings. Hope that helps, and I'll see you guys next week.