Dallas Bragg traces people-pleasing to the belief "I am not enough," a feeling that drives endless pursuit of external approval. For gay men, internalized shame about sexuality and masculinity intensifies this pattern. Recovery means daily practice in self-compassion and authenticity, not selfishness.
At the core of people pleasing is a belief that whispers constantly, I am not enough. When we function from this place of feeling inadequate, there's no way we can ever really measure up because we're trying to fill a bottomless pit with external approval. For you as a gay man, the belief often gets layers and layers of complexity piled on it. We might have internalized messages about our sexuality, our masculinity, Or our worth in a world that told us we were wrong for simply existing. That shame becomes fuel for the people-pleasing fire. We think, if I could just make everyone else happy, if I could just perform perfectly, maybe then I'll be worthy of love. Recovery from people-pleasing, like recovery from substances, is a daily practice. It's not about becoming selfish or uncaring. It's about finding balance and authenticity.
