A person describes being bullied in sixth grade before realizing they were gay in eighth grade, then turning to meth to feel valued through physical attractiveness in a hypersexual gay community that made body and sex the main currency for belonging.
I was bullied so much before I actually even knew that I was gay. It was like, I realized I was gay in like 8th grade, right? But my bullying started in 6th grade. And so I came into myself, into my sexuality, with this notion that being a faggot equals being excommunicated. All my friends in elementary school, they weren't there for me anymore, right? They abandoned me, right? So I was always trying to like, what is my in? How can I belong? How can I fit into this group? But with meth, it was like, well, my value is my body. I have this, I'm attractive. I have this body. I have this sexuality. I'm a sexual creature. It's like people, everybody wants me. And, you know, that feeling came in trying to fit in with the gay community, I feel like, because that's, we're a hypersexual community in lots of ways.
