After five or six years together, the speaker and their partner opened their relationship. The speaker returned to dating apps and bathhouses, describing it as a "kid in a candy shop" feeling. This sexual freedom collided with their history of methamphetamine use, triggering relapse-like episodes.
So at some point, as many gay couples probably do, we had a conversation about, do we wanna remain monogamous? 'Cause we had been together for maybe like 5 or 6 years at this point, monogamous. And we had the conversation, we both agreed, well, I think it might enhance our relationship if we explore the open realm. And this really was the activating point, I think, for my reusing episodes, if you will, that it really did kind of give the green light to be on the apps again, 'cause I hadn't been on any of those for a while. Some of the cruisy spaces and bathhouses and things like that. All of these like kid in a candy shop kind of experiences for someone who has a history of meth use like I had were suddenly all available with, whereas the day before had not ever been in the picture.
