Radical Honesty to Deepen the Sobriety Experience.

All right, let's get started. How you doing? I'm going to start with cleansing a little bit. Palo Santo, going to clear the air. I guess the question to get us started is, how many people in your life know the real you? Do you even know the real you? Withholding your authenticity leads to disassociation. You wonder who is actually living your life. Ignorance of your authentic self is going to lead to feeling stagnant. Misguided versions of yourself are living your life. So are you ready for something more? If so, stick around and I'll tell you what I did to become more honest in my sobriety journey. So pride was an issue for me. At the beginning of my sobriety, I told myself that I was not on the same level as other addicts. As an older professional white man, I did not look like most people who were around me in rehab or recovery court. My prideful perspective also really inhibited me from being honest about my internal struggle. I was scared of being like them. I hate to admit that, but it's true. But during one of my final sessions of rehab, my counselor broke through the smokescreen, and I finally admitted that I was scared to graduate from rehab without the security of random drug tests. I mean, I was having sometimes 6, 7 drug tests a week. I would be, you know, if my collar was drawn down at recovery court, I would go there and submit a drug test. And then in rehab, sometimes I would have the luck of the draw and be tested once or twice. And then if I had a probation meeting that day, I would also be tested. So Anyway, I admitted that without the safeguard of those tests, I kind of doubted that I could stay sober. So I realized that at that point, addiction does not discriminate, like Rich Roll says. So my counselor remarked that since I was finally being honest, I was ready to complete the program. And I thought they were going to hold me back. Um, and I thought that admitting that I was not ready would hold me back. But as the saying goes, the truth set me free. And I'm a pretty slow learner, pretty, pretty slow learner. Um, it took me a while, um, through all of the drug tests, through all of recovery court, through all of rehab, to finally start being transparent. With the judge, with everyone, but mainly myself. You know, the route to living radical honesty is not easy, but here's an overview of my method. Number 1 is accept the inevitable. Active addiction is all about deceiving others, but especially deceiving ourselves, right? We grew familiar with lying to the point that it became our truth. For most of us, this practice began long before the substance use. Probably for the most part, our first addiction was to lies. I, for one, spent my entire life hiding my true nature. I believed that I needed to hold back and that if anyone saw who I was, inside, I would be ridiculed, which happened quite a bit in my younger years. So mask wearing was my default. If you are an addict, I'm sure that you can relate to that. But we become addicted to creating false realities to numb and distract our inner pain, because a made-up version of ourselves avoids facing the enormity of real-life selves. So understanding the why behind our behavior, it calls forth this self-empathy because we understand where it's coming from. So just take a moment right now if you're feeling bad about what you've said and done and the lies that you've that that you've. Weaved. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tight. It sounds really corny, but give yourself some grace around all the lies and all the deceit that you felt comfortable with, and understand that it is okay and it is normal and it is valid. So the second thing that I did was mirror work. This practice shifted my sobriety profoundly. Um, it can be terrifyingly vulnerable to expose your inner self to other people, but mirror work creates a foundation for that honesty by practicing with yourself in front of a mirror. Begin by telling yourself obvious truths like, I am standing in front of a mirror. Work into deeper truths. You know, what you really think, how you really feel, and where are you really in your sobriety journey. Admit things that you wouldn't admit to other people. And there's something powerful about looking yourself in the eyes and saying these things, practicing radical honesty while making eye contact with yourself. It creates new neural pathways in your brain. And then it will feel more natural when it is time to interact with other people. So pay attention while you're doing this to how the body feels, and journal all of this in vivid detail if you can, because in your body it is going to signal where it feels the most uncomfortable. And then there's going to be other videos about this, but that is going to signal where energy is trapped inside your body. You can narrow that down to the chakra system, right? And then, then you'll have a clearer direction on where to work and where to focus your, your energy to clear that energy. And it's going to actually create a more open space for you, to be honest. I learned the power of mirror work from my spiritual grandmother, Louise Hay. Um, and for more on this, I'll put her site link in the description. But remember, you will only be as honest with others as you are with yourself. And I have a plaque in my bathroom, serves as a reminder to tell myself, I love you, every morning. It sounds really corny, but that was not a truth at first. Took a lot of time for that to actually be true, and I couldn't look myself in the eyes for a long time. But if you try any form of mirror work, I'd love to hear about your experiences. Comment in the, the, uh, the show notes, um, or DM me. Let me know about your experience. So next is create the container. So once you're ready Um, practice honesty with others. Learning to be honest is like learning any other new habit or skill. In the beginning, it's helpful to use metaphorical training wheels. So use intention to create a safe space to practice honesty so you don't crash and burn, right? So find at least one person who provides a space of non-judgment. This person will allow you to speak without interrupting, allow you to speak without interjecting their own thoughts, um, and the nervous system will then get used to speaking and not— it— and not being met with shame, condescension, condescension, condescension, or dismissiveness, because the nervous system will be damaged. If your honesty is met with shame or dismissiveness. So practice within the container, and that teaches the brain that truth is met with grace and acceptance. You're going to feel a shift into alignment with your authentic self when you begin speaking truth and it's met in this way. So once it feels more comfortable, begin speaking your truth into the world. Honesty, though, I will warn you, is uncommon. So people may not be able to process or interpret your new transparency, and they may not even believe you, right? But be patient and remember to be kind. Marianne Williamson, in her book A Return to Love, states, honesty without sympathy is brutality. So sometimes we have to hold back We, we sometimes we've held back our truth for so long that when it comes out, we go the opposite way, right? And we're just spewing truths all over the place regardless of its impact. And we call it brutal honesty. But brutal honesty is not going to improve your sobriety experience. I can promise you that. Next is know thyself. Living and speaking your truth organically will build authenticity. And revolutionizes your well-being. Suddenly you realize what you really want and what you really need. Knowing your truth creates a connection back to self and anchors that wobbliness that you've come to know is actually your normal state. Freedom is realized once you stop carrying around hidden thoughts and emotions. So leverage this clarity. By defining who you are and establishing boundaries around that. When you start doing this, you're going to be organically released from people and situations that are out of alignment and holding your life back from growth. So for more on this, I'll link an article that I wrote, um, on my website, and it's titled Do You Know Who You Are? So because what I hear from most clients is that they don't know who they are. People come to me and I'm just confused. I don't know who I am. I don't know where to go from, from here. Um, it can feel overwhelming to begin this journey. And where do you even start? Right? But my advice to people is to begin saying no. Say no to the people, places, and the situations that do not feel aligned with you. Saying no. Like, if you don't want to go somewhere, don't go. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. If it feels out of alignment, say no, because people pleasing is not going to get you anywhere. Saying no begins the process of knowing and implementing your personal boundaries. Saying no allows you to understand who you are and what you want. So try it today. If you're going to— if you say no to something and it felt uncomfortable and weird, comment in the comments, let me know about it. And it helps other people when you do that too. So next is pay it forward. So unlocking honesty takes sobriety to really its deepest level. This journey isn't only for your benefit though. When others see your freedom that you've unlocked in your life, they will be inspired to change. In the beginning, I was very nervous about this, about sharing so intimately. Um, with others, especially on social media. Every time I would get vulnerable, and the more vulnerable I would get, another addict would come out of the woodwork and express their gratitude. And the deeper I shared, the more feedback I would receive. You become a voice for those bound by fear. You say what others want to say, and then when you do say it, There's this commonality, there's a relatability. They feel like they're not alone. So there's— seeing someone else's honesty gives others the strength to step into their power. You know, this is your opportunity to affect lives, leave a legacy, and shape the trajectory maybe of the whole world. So I want to hear from you. How can you embody radical honesty today? Um, if you like this video, I'd really like you to subscribe, push the bell so that you're notified when I post my weekly videos. I also post a weekly guided meditation that you might enjoy, and I also post videos, a lot of shorts, and other, uh, opportunities that come up. Like, I have a, a relapse course coming up. It's Reframing Relapse online course coming up in a month. Um, it's, uh, it's guided meditations, it's group coaching, it's personal coaching, it's daily journal prompts. And what we're doing is giving people an alternative to the shame and guilt-ridden approach that many 12-step programs and other, um, people and groups in the sobriety space, um, are causing people to feel when they relapse. So it's reframing the way we look at relapse, react to relapse, and we also dig deep in to find out why you are relapsing. What's that part of you doing? What's that part of you wanting? And how can we alleviate that pain? So that being said, have a great night. Have a great night. Or day or evening or afternoon or morning, whatever it is. I hope to see you next time.