Dallas Bragg argues that shame-based labels like "I am an addict" trap you in a fixed identity. Instead, say "I made a choice to" and explore why. This deepens accountability without collapsing behavior into who you are.
Separate the behavior from the identity. This is one of the most important distinctions in recovery work, no matter what we're talking about. A shame identifier collapses behavior into an identity. I am. I am a cheater. I am broken. I am addict. The moment you say I am, you've made something you did into something you are. Suddenly, there's nothing to work with. Nothing. There's no wiggle room. That's who I am. So try this reframe. Instead of I am blank, say, I made a choice to blank, and I want to understand what was driving that choice. This isn't letting yourself off the hook. It's actually holding yourself more accountable because now you're responsible for understanding the why, not just performing remorse about the what and being stuck with the what. The behavior belongs to you. The identity doesn't have to.
