Dallas Bragg describes how he monitors his own performance during sex like a scorecard: erection speed, stamina, partner satisfaction. When validation doesn't come, shame spirals kick in, and an inner critic he calls Crystal whispers that something is fundamentally broken.
Sex and validation had become so intertwined. Every sexual experience was a performance review. Did I get hard fast enough? Did I last long enough? Did I make them come? Was my body good enough? Was I a good top? Was I a good bottom? Was I good verse? The whole time he was in his head performing, trying to get validated as good at sex instead of actually experiencing the pleasure or the connection. And when the validation didn't come, when someone didn't respond after a hookup, or when he couldn't perform the way he wanted, the shame spiral would begin. I'm not desirable. Something's wrong with me. I need to fix this. And Crystal would start to whisper its promises.
