Dallas Bragg explains why trying to quit drugs keeps you stuck in negotiation with cravings, while being sober as an identity removes the daily battle. The difference: trying makes each day a victory or defeat. Being makes it just what you do.
So I want you to stop trying and start being. I've worked with many men in recovery and I've noticed something very crucial and very pivotal. The ones who succeed don't just try to quit meth. They become people who don't use meth. Can you feel that difference? Trying to quit is transactional. It depends on circumstances, feelings, motivation, willpower. I'll quit when I feel strong enough. Right? I'll commit when I have more support. I'll stop after this party. Trying is conditional. Trying leaves room to negotiate, and you cannot negotiate with chemsex. Being substance-free is an identity. It's who you are regardless of how you feel, regardless of circumstances, regardless of whether it's easy or whether it's hard. There's no negotiation. With your identity. So let me show you what that looks like. People who are trying to take success and failure personally, people who are trying, right? They take success and failure personally. They get one week substance-free and they think, I'm finally fixed, right? Then they use once and they think, I'm hopeless. I'll never get this. Every day substance-free is some personal victory and every slip is a personal defeat. They're on this exhausting emotional rollercoaster. And it makes recovery unsustainable. People who embody recovery don't take anything personally. They understand recovery is a practice, not a perfection.
