Dallas Bragg explains why men in recovery get stuck asking "why" from shame instead of curiosity. The difference: condemning yourself as a bad person versus simply observing what you did. Shifting to curiosity lets you study your behavior and move forward.
One of the top 5 ways men in my program get stuck when trying to quit crystal meth is asking why. There's 2 components to asking why. One is out of condemnation, and one is out of curiosity. One of the best skills you're going to learn in recovery is discerning whether you're operating from a place of condemnation or curiosity. When we ask why from a place of, why have I done this to my life? Why do I keep going back? Why did I hurt those people the way I do? Why is this the way it is? Why did I grow up the way I did? All those type of questions are full of judgment and they're full of condemnation, and there is no answer to them. You are asking why in a way that is self-degrading. Curiosity is just observing without judgment, observing without making an interpretation, Observing without a story. Yes, I used last week. That does not mean anything beyond this is a part of my recovery, and I'm going to study it. I'm going to be curious about it so that I can learn and move forward. When you ask why out of condemnation, you're saying, oh no, why did I use again? Why am I such a bad person? Why can't I get this? Why is my recovery stuck? Why can't I be like them? Those questions get you nowhere.
