Why You Can't Quit Meth: Intentions

Hey there, Dr. Dallas Bragg here, recovery coach for gay men who want to break free from the addictive patterns of crystal meth and live their best and highest life. Today we're talking about a shadow part of ourselves, our intentions, and how they keep you stuck in the relapse cycle. That sounds interesting to you. I want you to finish the whole video. On this whole channel, you're going to find lots of resources to help you break free from chemsex and attend your best and highest self. Also, don't forget to look for my podcast. It's called The Aftermeth Podcast. Podcast here on my channel as well. I drop a long-form video like this every Saturday, so please turn on the notification bell so you don't miss any. By the way, if you're interested in my one-on-one coaching program, it's called Recovery Alchemy. The link to apply will be in the show notes. Through weekly one-on-one sessions, weekly group sessions, and daily accountability, your life could look much differently in six months than it does right now. All right, you're ready for story time. Imagine me in my early twenties. I was obnoxious. I was anxious, loud, and quite frankly, I was a bully. There was so much percolating anger from my childhood circumstances, and that met with the anguish of being a closeted adult man. That perfect storm of bitterness rained down on everyone around me, especially those who I could sense were weak. I was a Cracker Barrel server at the time, back when Cracker Barrel was something. I worked to put my first wife through nursing school. nursing school with those tips. Also worked a second job, other story. I stayed stressed out. I was confused and I was sad. Somehow the management team at the, at the Cracker Barrel had the bright idea to promote me to new hire trainer with the justification of, and I quote, if they can survive Dallas, they'll last at this store. That particular Cracker Barrel was one of the busiest and oldest Stores with the oldest employees. The servers were cutthroat. The customers were picky and demanding. My sassiness and overbearing approach became a storewide joke. I could handle the grit of this Cracker Barrel. I received all kinds of attention, and I received the approval I wanted. Everybody was waiting for my next quip. One day while training an older lady, she paused. She stopped me. She looked at me, tears in her eyes. She said, honey, you're the first person I've ever met who can say the words thank you, but it feels like fuck you. And her hand was on her chest as if I had hurt her heart. The sight of this lady tearing up Really would've normally fueled me to just break her down. There's my chance, right? I had to live up to my reputation. But instead, this time, I gave her a hug. It made me realize the power I held in my tone and more importantly, the intentions behind my words. You see, this shtick of being the mean girl was my best way to feel included, accepted, seen. It was my way of fitting in somewhere 'cause I had never felt that way anywhere else in my life. Did I really feel that human casualties, like little old ladies, were worth the feeling of belonging? You see, my intentions were deep within the pit of my wounds. The intention behind my actions was to survive, to feel worthy in a world that told me I was dirty, wrong, and headed to hell. I lived all my life that way, which is how I finally found meth, desperately searching for somewhere to belong. Words are flavored by the intentions through which they are created, and often what is actually said isn't nearly as important as the meaning behind it. Intention. The strongest force controlling our lives, made even stronger by the fact that it most often goes unnoticed in the shadows, a program placed there by our life conditioning. Intention, if truly uncovered, can change everything for you, especially Your substance misuse. In case you don't know me, I help gay men break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex, mostly Tina, and become their best and highest selves. My one-on-one coaching, Recovery Alchemy, is a 6-month intense program that can literally change your life. I accept 2 new clients a month. If you wanna apply, the application is in the show notes. Okay, so let's talk about the stories we tell ourselves. I hear 'em all the time. You know that moment when somebody asks you how your recovery is going and you hear yourself say, great, I'm really committed this time. Meanwhile, inside, there's a voice that's also whispering, but what if I can't handle the loneliness of not using? What if I'm not ready to say goodbye to my friends? What if I'm not strong enough? Here's what I've learned through my own journey and through walking alongside Hundreds of others in recovery. We are masters at creating beautiful lies that sound like truth, not because we're bad people, but because we're human beings trying to survive, just like I was. The research shows something very, very profound. Most of our motivations live beneath the surface. Just like an iceberg. Studies on the motivational unconscious reveal that we often have unconscious states that can directly motivate our behavior, with the unconscious character typically, typically resulting from a form of repression. What are you repressing here? What everyone sees. Is that tiny tip above the water. I wanna be substance-free, but what's underneath? That's where the real story lives. The fear, the grief. You sometimes you don't wanna let go of Tina, the part of us that's terrified of who we might be without the familiar patterns. This is what I call the intention iceberg, and there's an intention iceberg method to use so that you could kind of pinpoint What your intentions are. So look, let's look at this. Level 1, the surface statements. That's the tip above the water. What are you telling yourself and others about your recovery? Write it down. Write all of it. I'm done with meth. I'm ready to change. This time is different. What are you saying out loud? Level 2, right under the water, the patterns that's driving your life, your subconscious patterns. Look at your actions. Over time, do your actions line up with your words? When do you actually follow through? When do you make excuses? What's the real pattern here? Don't judge yourself for it. Just look for the truth. Level three, deep in the sea, the deep beliefs. Here's where it gets really real. What are you actually trying to protect? Or avoid by staying in the meth use, by staying in the familiar patterns? What are you afraid of losing? What are you afraid of becoming? Let me give you a simple example of how this might work. So somebody might say, I really want to start exercising regularly. That's the surface. But then they notice they've bought 3 gym memberships in 2 years and barely used any of them. That's the pattern beneath the water. Then when they dig deeper, they discover they're afraid that if they do get in shape, people will expect them to maintain it forever. And they're terrified of disappointing others because deep down they believe their worth depends on never failing at anything. That's the deep, deep belief that's driving all of it. It isn't about shame. This is about Setting yourself free because the truth, even when it's uncomfortable, is what sets you free. When our wound words become weapons against ourselves, this is what happens. I remember a client, let's call him Marcus. He sat with me, of course, virtually on Zoom, saying with complete, complete, complete conviction, I really want recovery. I'm just not ready yet. It sounded very reasonable and it sounded very self-aware. But as we dug deeper, we discovered he was terrified that recovery meant becoming someone boring, someone disconnected from the vibrant community he'd found through the party culture. The fascinating thing about self-deception is how sophisticated it becomes. We might say we want to be substance-free while unconsciously believing that sobriety equals isolation, or that we don't deserve to be happy, or that we're going to fail because we never succeed at anything, or change is somehow a betrayal of who we've been. So here's a way to reframe your own resistance to quitting. Parts of you want recovery, And there's a part of you who's terrified of what that might mean. Both parts are real. Both parts deserve compassion. Both parts are protecting you. When we stop fighting the scared part and start listening to what it's really trying to protect, those deep, deep water beliefs, everything is going to shift for you. That resistance isn't your enemy. That resistance to quitting is not the enemy. It's information. There's something in there. It's your psyche's way of saying, hey, we need to talk about recovery, actually what it means before we jump into recovery. Something has to change. Something needs to be— there needs to be attention on it. This needs to be addressed before recovery is possible. But I want you to know it is okay to pause and ask yourself, do I truly want to stop? That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you authentic, vulnerable, and honest. So here's some questions that will change everything for you. The most powerful tool I have found for breaking through our beautiful lies that we tell ourselves is the right question asked at the right time. Time. Not questions designed to trap you or make you feel worse, but questions that invite us into a deeper relationship with ourselves. Like, why me? Would be a question that doesn't invite anything but more shame. Here's some questions. What would you have to give up to truly be substance-free? What are you afraid recovery will cost you? If you knew you could handle whatever comes up, what would you choose? These questions don't have right or wrong answers either. They just have your answers, and that's what really matters. So what does it look like moving forward? All right, so if you've skipped to the end of the video, here's what I want you to get out of the whole video. Your journey toward authentic intention Isn't about becoming perfect. It's about becoming radically honest. It's about meeting yourself with the same compassion you'd offer your dearest friend. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't want to have your recovery 100% all the time. You just want to be willing to tell yourself the truth. About where you are right now, even if it's, I want to use, I don't wanna quit, whatever you're really feeling. And what you actually need is the truth, because from that place of radical honesty, real change, real sustainable change, real long-term change becomes possible. All right. What do you think? Uh, tell me in the comments. I'd love to hear from you. What are your thoughts? What are your suggestions? What are your feedback? Share this, like it, subscribe, turn the notification bell on, all the good stuff. Let's get this video out there to everybody who needs to hear it. But until next week, see you then. See you then.