Dallas Bragg says men stay trapped in relapse cycles because they're angry at themselves for relapsing, which feeds self-defeating thoughts. Public penance and performed guilt actually make another relapse more likely. Breaking the cycle requires self-compassion and allowing yourself to feel okay.
Hey, if you're stuck in a relapse cycle, listen up. What I see most of the time are men who are stuck in a relapse cycle because of unresolved anger of being stuck in the relapse cycle. In other words, you are so angry at yourself and it's unresolved that you keep relapsing. Or why am I not farther along in my recovery? Or why am I still dealing with this? All those self-defeating, disempowering questions keep you in the cycle. And then a lot of men and the people around them expect them to pay a penance. They have to show just how upset they are and how guilty they are and how remorseful they are that they used. That is not necessary. In fact, the more you show those kinds of negative emotions, the more likely you're going to go back to it anyway. It's like people aren't allowing themselves, and groups aren't allowing people to feel okay and to feel Hopeful after a relapse. Listen, this is a principle in any part of your life. Like, if you stay so angry because you haven't found your soulmate, that's the block on finding your soulmate. So the longer you stay angry at yourself for relapsing, the longer you're going to build a block between you and abstinence.
