In this monologue, Dallas Bragg addresses men recovering from chemsex who fear intimacy. He argues that intimacy is not limited to physical affection but is the result of deeper relational practices. Bragg outlines concrete behaviors that foster intimacy: having difficult conversations, showing up authentically without a performance filter, openly admitting struggles and cravings, setting clear boundaries, staying present during uncomfortable emotional moments, and engaging in repair work without blocking the other person. He emphasizes that practicing these actions creates a safe relational container, after which physical closeness like cuddling or sex can naturally occur. The video invites viewers to reflect on how they have built intimacy and to apply these strategies in their own relationships.
Chapters
A lot of the men that I work with in Chemsex recovery are scared to death to be intimate again, and they don't know how to establish intimacy even with their partner. What I found is that we're thinking that intimacy means cuddling, and it means snuggling, and it means touching, and it means sex. But that is what is the result of establishing intimacy. So intimacy. So here are some ways. to create intimacy that you may not think of. Number 1, difficult conversations. Having the difficult conversations that need to be had that you're avoiding, something that you need to say, that is intimate. Number 2, seen with no filter. Being seen for who you are without performing, without a filter, being authentic, Speaking your truth—that's intimacy. Admitting to struggling, standing up and saying, "I'm struggling. I'm having a craving. I have—I'm hopeless here. I'm helpless. I need help. Someone help me." That's intimate. Setting boundaries, saying no when you mean no, not saying yes when you mean no, being clear with those around you about what you'll tolerate and what you won't. That is establishing intimacy with another person. Staying in the room when it's hard, even when the emotions are raging, you're uncomfortable. There's the— you are in a place that you've never been before. You don't know how to do this. You don't know how to sit in this hard stuff. Stay there in the room instead of fleeing away from that person. Just sit in it. That's intimacy. And repair work without blocking. Working to repair a relationship or a conflict or a disagreement, even with someone you haven't— you barely know, without blocking them. That's the work of intimacy. All right. What did I miss? How have you established intimacy with another person? How can you engage in these behaviors. Because once you do, once you get into that space and you build that container with somebody, then you can kiss and cuddle and get hard and do all the things you want to do.
