Dallas Bragg argues that loneliness persists because people want connection without vulnerability. True intimacy requires showing the parts of yourself you think are shameful, not just the acceptable ones. Substances feel healing because they skip this painful work of integration.
Most of us don't actually want connection. We want the feeling of connection without the vulnerability it actually requires. We want to be seen and accepted, but only the good parts of ourselves. We want intimacy, but with masks firmly in place. Everything in our lives seems to be centered around circumventing the work. Real, real connection requires us to bring all parts of ourselves. All parts of ourselves. Into relationship, including the parts we've deemed unacceptable. That is the big work of recovery. It means getting curious about our internal fragments instead of trying to eliminate them. It means loving the parts of ourselves that feel shameful instead of hiding them away. This is why substances feel so healing.
