Beneath The Surface Podcast -Ep. 8- The Stage We Set for Each Other (feat. Alexis Garcia)

Hello and welcome back for another episode of Beneath the Surface podcast. Today we have a very special guest, my good friend Alexis, where we are going to be talking about the stage we set for each other. Before any of us speak, we're already setting up the stage, a stage for how we show up, how we listen, how we hold space for the people we love and the people we're still learning to understand. Some stages are loud, some are quiet, some are built from survival, and some are built from intentions. Today we're talking about the raw emotional architecture of belonging, the ways we create connection, not through perfection, but through presence. You're listening to Beneath the Surface Podcast. I'm your host, I'm your host, Danny. Let's get into it. Alexis, welcome to this. Welcome to the podcast. How are you?

I'm great. Thank you for having me. It's good to see you. I'm super excited to have this conversation.

So Alexis, a little bit, Um, before we get into it, right, let's just talk about introductions. Like, where'd you come from? Where'd you end up? A little backstory about why this conversation, if not this topic, speaks volumes for you. So tell me all about it.

Um, well, I, uh, I grew up in Florida. Um, so I spent a lot of my time there, went to school there, um, graduated from there. Um, and then decided that that I should move across the country, basically. I had a cousin out here who, he's a professor at one of the universities out here and he needed a dog sitter 'cause he was going off to Europe for a couple months and couldn't take the dogs with him. So I was supposed to just come and dog sit, stay here for 3 months and head on out. This was back in 2019. I've stayed, gosh, I don't even know how many years at this point since then thinking that I wasn't even gonna be here and kind of moving here without a plan to stay was daunting, you know, like it just was kind of like on a whim trying to figure things out and doing it, you know, almost alone, figuring out what I could do. And, and through these steps and kind of through coming out here and, and kind of figuring out what I wanted to do and figuring out ultimately that I did wanna stay, um, I found a really great group of people that, that was supportive and really helped me out and became kind of like family to me. And, uh, I think if if people can kind of explore that and kind of find that kind of group for themselves, then it's, it's really great. And, um, it's just important to kind of have that sort of support.

It's kind of crazy when you were saying like how you were, how basically you came from Florida all the way across the country for like a short amount of time, because I think I resonate with that so well because like when I came up to upstate Jersey for the first time back in 2016, it was like, it was daunting as well. 'Cause it's just like you never expect to stay in one place, but just 'cause like, but you just, it just happens and it's just like, it feels so unique and so trivial and so, um, intricate because it's just like, this is a stepping stone for you to build your brand or build the person that you're gonna become in the future.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not, it's not, uh, like a selfish step in a way, you know, like it's a good thing, you know, you, you, you leave behind almost everybody, you know, but they're still with you in a way. And it's, it's super scary. Like you have all these new exciting possibilities and you don't know where to start and it's building a whole new you, which is, which is exactly what you mean. It's, I mean, it's great. You have this chance to become a new person or better the person that you are.

I think the title of this episode is just so fitting because it's like the stage we set for each other and it's rare and it's unique and it's like, and it's like, it's that important. To kind of get out of the backlight and be in the spotlight. So I love it. And it's just like, oh, it just gives me chills just thinking about it. Um, so, but yeah, let's, uh, let's dive into this conversation. So I wanted to dive into something that's a little bit simple, but not easy. So like when we talk about belonging and we talk about like the sense of finding a place of our own, Um, what does that mean to you? Like what, like how, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? And then, and then basically kind of like walk us through it.

Um, you know, I think the first thing that comes to mind for me with belonging is just acceptance, right? Um, and that acceptance has to begin within yourself. You have to try to accept who you are. You can't spend all this time trying to correct the little kid that's inside of you, you know, like I definitely have this weird little kid that was just screaming for attention growing up. And, um, I, I tried to hide her. And I think when I moved out here, I learned that I needed to accept that part of me as well and kind of just let that part of me explore and do what it needed to do too. Because, um, accepting yourself allows other people and the communities that you wanna belong in to accept you.

That's so real and so raw. And like, I, like, I love like the anecdotes and like the, the, like basically the personification, as you will, of what you're describing because it's, it's That's true. Because it's like one of those things where like we, at many times, we feel like we are struggling or we're trying to fit in and we're trying to please other people. And it's just like difficult to navigate and try to figure out like what sets us apart from other people. But I think it's important to figure out who we are. And if we have friends or family or people that support us along the way, I think it's important to like grasp that and fi— and basically mold it into something beautiful and something unique.

Yeah, I would agree. I think, um, you know, finding that community, finding that family, it doesn't have to be just in one place either. I mean, you can take all kinds of people from any point in your life and keep 'em with you and build your own little community that way. Even if you don't have, you know, the kind of luck that I did where you find like a group of people who accept you, you still have some people somewhere who do, right? And little by little, you can build that community within yourself that supports you and loves you. And that is a true community. That is your true family, you know? And that's, that's the key there.

So I think that's, that's really raw. And I'm sorry if you hear my daughter, she's not, she's not doing too hot, but like, it's, it's wild how the absence of belonging teaches us that we have to be more present in it. We have to, we don't have to, we can't take it for granted and we have to appreciate all the fine moments that we have. So was there someone early on who set that stage up for you? Like, it could be intentional or non-intentional.

Yeah. You know, I think, um, I think just like I was talking about a second ago, how there's, there's your own little family that you pick. Um, there's people in my family that I would say definitely taught me that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am or how I am or where I come from. I mean, I would say that the women in my family, particularly my mom and my aunts and my grandmother, they, they all are so just strong and independent, and they know who they are, and they're not afraid to be that person, you know. There's been, um, a lot of just different trials in life for them that they've been able to overcome that, I mean, I'm astounded by. And I think that, you know, their, their conviction and their pride and their courage is what really helps me move across the country and kind of try to figure things out on here on my own, you know. And I think because of that, I was able to carry that into finding out, you know, a whole, whole beautiful community that, that, that sort of supports all the same things that they do, you know? And it, it's just interesting how you find a common thread amongst people that even under ever like expectation, you know, that would have something in common. I mean, it's just wild that just little basic things can bring people together. Um, and I have, you know, family that's out here too, like I said, but I think that having them. And having the community that I've chosen come together has really, really helped me find some really valuable and true connections out here.

Right.

Yeah.

So I think it's crazy how one little leap or one little trickle in the pond could basically set apart everything, right? So it's, it's just crazy because it's just like it has movements and has patterns and it's just like, and it helps like navigate you and it's, it's beautiful. It's, it's lovely. I love every second about that story and like, yeah, I see how it results, you know? Yeah. And it resembles like so much and it, and it's so authentic to you. Like you don't have to worry about pleasing other people. Cause you're like, I forged my path. I made that path myself. Like, yeah, like there's like, I had family and friends along the way, but like ultimately It was all me. Like I did that. Like I decided to step outside of my comfort zone.

Right. And you know, it's, it's, I think particularly interesting for me because, um, I have, I don't know if you know, but I have a twin. Um, and so, yeah. So having, having kind of a shared life experience with someone else and then kind of diverting from that. Right. And building a whole new thing without kind of like your, your best friend by your side is super, super different. Um, and it'll like, it, it kind of allowed me to like know that I'm allowed to take up space, you know? I was kind of just used to being like one of two and now I'm, I'm out here just being like one of one person on my own. And it's, it's just so interesting to like develop with that growth, you know? Um, I think, I think if people can find a point maybe to grow and like offspring from, you know, and just jump from and like flourish from that, that's the key. That's the key.

I have so many questions about being a twin, but we'll get to that later. But I gotta focus on one thing or another. It's just one of those things. But so, so, um, I guess in a sense of like jumping from finding that foundation of belonging, right? I just want to know, like, moving on to the work of connection and like the rawness and everything, because connection is work. It's not easy. It's not, it's not, it's not something that can be like solved in a day. Like it's, it's that old saying, you know, like Rome wasn't built in a day kind of thing, but it's not, it's something that we built with intention. So what does it look like for you to create that emotional safety for someone, whether it could be a reference to art, to media, to, uh, growing up or just life in general? Like, what is it, what is it like for you?

Um, Well, I think, um, to have emotional safety, you have to have a certain amount of emotional vulnerability, right? You have to be able to open up to either one person or, or a room full of people and, and show yourself and show the message that you're trying to get out. Um, you know, you just have to be ready to give yourself that chance, that opportunity. Um, you know, and, and the whole concept of setting a stage for each other, right? All life's a stage according to Shakespeare. So at any moment you have a chance to show everyone who you are. And do you take that chance? Do you take that next step? Do you live to be your authentic self? You know, whoever that person might be, do you give yourself that chance?

So going from that, I ask, I have a follow-up question then. Have you found your stage yet or you're still searching for it? And if you are still searching for it, what are some key points that, um, that help find or help make your stage more unique?

Well, I think Kind of finding your stage is an evolutionary process for yourself. I think here locally in Flagstaff, I've found a couple of groups that have really kind of encouraged me to do that, that little community I found. It's called the Flagstaff Foundry, and it's an arts incubator. And what that means is that you can basically show up and do whatever it is that you consider your art, your true passion and show it to the whole room. And that can be kind of daunting, right? I mean, you could come up and have a standup routine that bombs. You could come up and think that creating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with great music behind it is art and people fall in love with it. And then the next time you're there, you know, something you do is just flat or something like that. And, uh, you see a lot of vulnerability in there, but you also see a lot of love and support and connection and intention, right? There's a lot of intentional support that's there. Um, because you want to better, you wanna be good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not just ultimately you're crafting art, but it's about what you're crafting within yourself in the long run too. Right. That support doesn't just stop when they support your art, right? That support affects you personally as well, and you feel it and then you push forward and you continue. And that's the kind of community that people kind of set for each other here. And that's the kind that people can grow within.

That's amazing. I mean, Oh my God. Like, I feel like I wanna be a part of this community cuz it's just like, it seems like such a, like, close-knit, um, unique, unapologetic group of people. And it's just, it's, it sounds like a great time. Like, that's awesome.

It is. It is. But we're also like super welcoming, you know? I mean, if you've never been to a show and you wanna come on in and just sit and see what it's all about, like, we're gonna welcome you like we've known you too. You know, it's, it's just a whole sense of. Community and reinforcing that belongingness. Um, and I think that's why a lot of people continue to just be a part of it and, and bring their loved ones in and just really foster growth within each other.

Yeah. Cause like I've seen, I've seen, I've seen the clips that you showed me and like I follow the Instagram pages and everything and it's just, and I've, and I've seen it and it just looks so cool, so authentic. And I'm just like, damn, I wish there was more groups like this out here, you know, but, but like, it's just, it's just, it's just crazy, like where it is and everything. Um, But yeah, like definitely, um, yeah, it's, it's different.

It's unique, but, um, I think it's a little piece of magic and you can find little pieces of magic everywhere if you look, you know?

So I guess, um, so like when we're talking about like, so it's just like sometimes the most healing that we can do is not rush into something or someone out of, out of their truth. We just have to sit with it, sit with them in it, and basically help understand or help you help gather more detail than anything, right? Um, so from that, it's like you're finding your chosen family. So I guess, and community. So, um, because a lot of, a lot of us, that's where we learn like the, the deepest lessons about belonging, who we are, who we surround ourselves with, the people that we see and everything. Um, so who are the people who like, so if within the community or in general, who are the people who you feel like home to now? Like, is it the same group of people that you're talking to, or, or, or is it like someone else, like outside of this? Like, and how can you blend the groups together to make it one big quote unquote, and cliché as it is, happy family in a sense?

Well, I think it's, um, I don't know. It's just hard. It's hard to answer that because I feel like it was just so naturally easy for me to blend these groups. Um, because like I said, I, I do have family that was out here already and they were, they were already a part of this group and my family is super supportive and anytime I send them a video of whatever we're working on or whatever weird thing we've come up with, you know, it's always just positive feedback. Um, and I think that it was just, it was just easy. I don't know. I, I don't know if, I wonder if maybe when something's just easily like meshing together, like maybe it's just naturally where you're supposed to be. I don't know, it, it's just, it worked for me and I can't say that it'll work for everybody. I, I don't know if it'll be as easy as it was. It might be, you know, something that has to be a little more intentional for everyone. Um, cause I know that there are moments where I definitely are like, have to be intentional about being a part of these groups and like meshing them together. Um, but I don't know, it just, it just works for me.

Can you elaborate on that? What do you mean?

Like, what do you mean?

Like, so when you said that like sometimes you have to ease into I guess being yourself, like what, what does that exactly mean? Like, can you explain like a little bit more, like you were saying something about like how, like sometimes you have to be wary about like not being your true, I mean, have you ever had those moments of being like worrying about being your true self to open up to people?

Like, I mean, yeah, I think there's, there's definitely been moments like that where maybe if you're first meeting someone, you don't, you know, you're kind of on the fence, you're a little bit guarded. Um, I think letting your guard down is important, but I think, I think for me, I've, I've kind of just was able to walk into this group with my guard already down, which was nice.

Um, okay. So there was like, okay, so background. So I just wanted to make sure like there was no, there was no like awkwardness or, or any of that, right? For you?

I don't think so. Um, I mean, it, it was definitely, I think, you know, moving, moving to a new kind of. Whole town can be a little awkward and a little weird, but I think that just, I don't know, I walked into the room and, and it was like walking into a hug, you know? And it just, it didn't feel awkward at all from the very first time I walked in. And I think, um, I don't know, it was just interesting. I, I kept showing up after that because it just felt so welcoming. So I, I don't, I don't know if it was, there was like a negative experience with it ever. Um, it was just definitely something that I just was lucky to have. I don't know, it was just easy to blend everything with my, with the way my family supports me and with the way this group supports me. They just kind of melded together the right way.

And I think that's very unique too, because it's just like, I think for me and kind of like similar situation of like traveling, right? And going across basically states or even across the country to something new. I think it was definitely difficult for me to try to be myself because it's like, I had that intention of like, I wanna be myself. I want people to like me, but also at the same point, it's like, are they going to like me? Like, do I, do I give off more of my personality than meets the eye? Like, do I show that college side of me where like, I'm quirky, I'm new, I'm exciting? Or do I hide behind the facade or the mask where it's like, I don't know, like, do I be reserved? Do I be hardworking and just like, wait until someone makes the first move? Like, it's, it's kind of like, it's, it's like a dance. It's like a tango, right? It's like, who's going to lead, who's not? And it's tough. And it's definitely hard for me to figure out I don't know, because I have two left feet, I don't know what to do. So it's like, so it's hard. And but, but then as, as the while, as like the night goes on, it's like you're feeling your groove. You're like, okay, maybe I don't have two left feet. Maybe I have a left and a right. Maybe I could actually do this. And then you let loose and like you're all over the dance floor and everybody loves you. But it's just, it's hard, right? So I'm just trying to figure out the, where it blends or where intertwines because it's like, I don't know what to do here. Like, I guess like everybody has like their own experiences and everybody has something unique that they bring to the table. So I think if you could find someone or find a chosen family like that, like by all means, like do it. Like, I'm, I'm so happy that you found it and it was as smooth sailing as for you. But like, I know for me, like it was, it was difficult at first, but now I'm starting to feel it. Now I'm starting to feel my rhythm. Yeah.

So, yeah.

May take me a little bit.

I was definitely lucky with this group. I, I know that there was, there's definitely been, gosh, a ton of other just people and area in my life where I felt like I was just fighting for that acceptance, you know? Yeah. Um, and fighting for that understanding. But I, I just, I feel like I spent so much time fighting for all of that that it just wasn't worth it.

Hey, this is my daughter. She wanted to say hi.

How are you?

She likes to pop in and out of my podcast episodes. So if you hear in the background, listen, yeah, she, she might take this over from me. Who knows? But you were, what you were saying?

She, I was just saying that, um, yeah, it just, uh, if, if you feel like you're having to fight for that acceptance, um, you need to kind of just ditch that whole entire mess, you know, just don't, don't put effort into people situations, moments that aren't going to give that effort back to you. Um, you know, and I think being a part of these groups like The Foundry has, has really encouraged me and helped me realize, and it's that, you know, you really should push to be a truer, more authentic version of yourself. Um, and if someone doesn't kind of vibe with that, then they can go vibe somewhere else.

Of course.

Of course. Yeah. You don't have to have everyone's approval. Yeah. She agrees too. Yeah.

Yep. But I mean, I mean, it's, it's, I love it how you mentioned that because like, it's like stuff that I'd mentioned in my other previous episodes where like, it's like important for you to, to hone in on like being your true, being your true self. Right? Like, it's like, don't let, don't, don't let people dictate who or what you do. And I think it's very raw and very important for people to realize that because it's not always It's not always going to be sunsets and rainbows.

It's not.

But it's very important for you to know your own— what's your own, um, like, I guess, like, what's your own worth, right? Right. So it's definitely, it's definitely important to realize that, like, you got to be— if, like, you could look yourself in the mirror and be like, that's what I did, I gave myself 110% that day, and And I'm comfortable with the outcome, no matter if I pissed off a lot of people or not, then yeah, then you did a good job because at the end of the day, you look yourself in the mirror, you're having that conversation, you're having, you're having that, you're having that conversation. But it's just, but like, you know, you can't, you can't please, you can't please a lot of people and you can't please everybody. You can only please yourself.

Yeah. You'll exhaust yourself by trying to please everybody. Exactly. You know, exactly. So if you do, do you and see who follows, that kind of thing.

Yeah, definitely. For sure. And there she goes on to tackle another project.

On to her next big adventure.

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But I mean, I definitely feel like if you're fighting for something like you're being accepted, like you said, ditch that mess.

Yes.

Let it go. Things are too short. Things are too, too short. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It shouldn't. And like, I guess, I guess it's very unique to find those group of people, right? A chosen family or not. Like, I feel like we're all here for a purpose and we're still trying to figure it out along the way. And I think it's very important to, to build upon it, um, to solidify it and then to, I guess, preserve it in a, in a sense. And I think, and it's definitely rare, but, um, But as we're talking about that, like, let's move, let's go a little bit deeper into, into like the repair, the boundaries, and growth. Um, because, because sometimes whether we like it or not, it gets messy and we still have to test it to figure out what works, what doesn't work. Is this a good idea? Is this not a good idea? There's always like polar opposites of everything. So what happens when that stage isn't safe anymore? What happens when all the connections you have just suddenly poof, break or dissipate, right? Like, is it for, like, is it for a purpose? Is it like something that like we can construct upon? Like what, like what happens then? Like, has that ever happened to you? Like, can we talk about it that way? Like, like what are your experiences with it?

I mean, I think, um, for me personally, you know, it came down to asking myself why, why did that connection break? Okay. Why did that stage break? Right? Um, I mean, did you do everything that you could to, to make sure that you were safe and loved and that's why it broke, you know, or were these people not valuing you correctly and that's why it broke? Or were, was there a lack of like boundary respect? Was there some sort of just neglect that was going on, whether it was like personal neglect because you were giving your all or they were neglecting you in a way. Um, you know, and there's definitely been times where I've had to learn kind of those hard lessons alone and try to figure those things out. Um, but it doesn't mean that you won't have at least one person still left in support somewhere, you know? And even if that person is yourself, like there's still gonna be either you or somebody, or maybe if you're still lucky, a group full of people that are gonna be cheering you on even through some of the most absurd things that you've had to experience. You know, um, you know, the hard asks of other people don't— or what you feel might be a hard ask, they don't, they don't always have impossible answers. You know, you might feel like you might be asking for something that could be world-ending, but the answer could just be, yeah, let's, let's fix that. You know? And it doesn't have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be hard, but you need to stay where you're valued because if you like we said earlier, give yourself, give your value into people, groups, situations that don't value you back. You're wasting your time, you're wasting your energy, and it's not, it's not good for you. It's not good for your mental health. It's gonna exhaust every part of you in the long run.

I think it's very, I love that. I love every sense of what you were saying. Right. Um, so I guess, is there a sample or an example that happened to you with regarding this, like basically putting it all out there and basically be like, all right, well, even though the connection broke and made for something beautiful on the other side, um, has that ever happened to you? Like since being moved out there, especially with your troop, or has, has, has there been like reflections aga— again, like around this? Like, I just, I wanna dive a little bit deeper and like know, like about—

there's just been a lot of like reflection. There have been like, you know, just like some personal things that have gone on, um, in my life that have really forced me to ask myself those hard questions. Decisions. And, um, with that came a lot of reflection on, you know, what am I worth? What am I— what am I to my community? What am I to myself? Um, you know, what is my value as a person? And these are like really crazy questions to ask of yourself when you're just trying to move through life, you know. But asking these hard questions and figuring these things out for me at a difficult time, um, kind of reinforced that I have value, that I have strength, you know, that I matter. Um, and that, that there are gonna be people who will still love and support me through crazy things. Um, and you don't have to go it alone, you know, and, and if you choose to go it alone, that's okay too. But there will still be a group of people, whether it's family or chosen family or community around you that are ready to support you. And it'll, it'll be some of the most random people, you know, it could be your neighbor, two houses down. It could be your best friend from high school that you haven't spoken to in years. It could be, you know, someone that you never even thought would say more than hi to you. Um, but it's just interesting, you know, to, to grow in those kinds of situations and find these answers and the support in unlikely places and finding community in unlikely places and kind of holding onto that.

So real. That's so real. So it's like, that's like the purpose of like why I wanted to do this podcast. It's like, we're just real people talking about real issues that like, that come up to us. And like, it's like we have those, and it's like, I was talking to an employee yesterday at Target and he was asking me like about my podcast and everything. And I was talking to him and I was just like, I'm like, I wanted to do this podcast for like such a long time that like, I do it not for my benefit's sake because like, yes, like it's a hobby. It's, it's a great interest. It's something that is unique. Week, right? But it's something, it's something more than that. It's like, it's more, it's a community. And I think the fact that like I'm bringing together like all these different guests, all these different topics, all these different points, right? I think it's important for people to realize that like there's more than beneath the surface, right? So that's why I chose the title. And that's why it's like these topics are very like much more surface level area. So like, if you, if someone finds, um, I guess I'm trying to see how I could put this. If someone feels like they resemble or that they could, um, interject and say like, hey, like this is what I gone through, or they know someone that has gone through this, then this is the podcast for them. Because like, at the end of the day, I'm not, I'm not trying to sit here and make money from this. This is not no way, shape, or form a monetary value type of thing. This is more of me trying to get together with people that like I either know or people that I want to know a little bit more on a deeper level and basically talk about the hard topics because mental health is a scary and crazy and fucked up place to be in. And it's very dark. And I think it's very important for people to realize that You're not alone dealing with this. And I want to let people know that, that like they matter. Everybody listening to this podcast, whether they're like, this is like the first episode that they listened to, or this is like the 29th episode that they listened to. But I think it's important for people to realize is that the subject matter doesn't change, which is you matter, your voice matters. And, um, and basically let alone like The thoughts in your head, they're not so loud when you say them out loud. It's very important for, like we said in the beginning, right? The stage that we set for each other. It's important for us to realize that like, we need to get out of that backlight, do whatever everybody else is doing in the backlight, whether it's like mimicking something or being just like a stage prop. But we come into that limelight where we have more than one speaking role, or we have more than one line and we're having a full monologue. Like basically moving around, interpreting, dancing, what have you. But that stage is ours, baby. We're taking this for a ride and like, let's go. Like, it's like one of those things. It's like you tell people, it's like, I'm going on a crazy ride. You want to come with me? You know, kind of like, it's kind of like the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It's like, I'm Willy Wonka. Let's explore my chocolate factory. You want to come along? The door's right this way. Kind of thing.

Exactly.

But it's like, be yourself, be yourself, because it's like, it's a great quote. One of my favorite quotes is like, be yourself because everybody else is taken. And I think it's, it's, there's so much realness in that because it's like, there's no room for two. Like you said, like when you came out to Flagstaff, right? There's no two Lexuses. There's only one. So you got to stand apart from that other one to basically be your own person. So it's kind of like that in a sense, right? Where we have to be ourselves. There's only one me and there's one of you. And like, yeah, like there might be like, and especially with podcasts right now out there and my podcast, it's like there's 1,001 mental health podcasts, but there's only one that I'm doing, right? I'm still going to do— Exactly. So I'm going to keep doing my one and show my, my uniqueness or my, um, flair on the subjects. So I think it's very important.

Right. And by doing that, you're setting the stage, which is exactly what we're talking about today, right? You're setting the stage for other people to have company and awareness in their mental health issues and essentially for other people to kind of do what you're doing too, if they want to, to get out there, put themselves out there, do something bold, be brave, and make a choice, right? Exactly. And you're setting the stage, giving options, giving help and guidance and community for that to happen for other people.

And I think this makes a good point. To our next topic, talking point, which is like where we have to set that legacy and that forward motion for other people and for the future generations, like for my daughter or for the next Alexis or for like the next X, Y, and Z person out there, right? Like the next Jim, whoever wants to be, right? But yeah. So as we talk about that, what kind of stage do you hope to set for, for the next you after, after you?

Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm coming to a point where, um, the stage that I think is most important to set is, um, like a connective stage, right? Like one where people have connections that grow into family because they're strong and they foster love and they foster support intentionally. Um, I mean, I think that you could find common ground with people from all different walks of life if you lead with that kind of intention. And so I feel like the stage that I would want to try set is one where even the most shy or nervous person could walk in and we're just happy to see them. You know, they just feel, hi, we're happy you're here. And just like a big hug, like I did when I, when I came here. Um, it's just, I think walking into any sort of community or set stage or space that has that intention, you can feel it. Um, and I think it makes a difference. Um, especially in the long run. Once, once you really kind of learn to fly in a sense, you know, you really learn to take that center stage and figure out, you figured out like who you are and you've done all that hard work and you're here saying, this is who I am. And you've got that whole community around you that's like, we're so happy that person is finally out and here. That's the kind of, that's the kind of legacy I think I'd like to leave, the kind of stage I wanna set up for others.

It's beautiful because it's, cuz the way you're saying it and the way you're describing it, it's kind of like a tree. And it's like, at first you have like 1 or 2 roots, then you have, then like over time, 3 or 4, then over time, 5 or 6, then it becomes like this big, like, like, I, I'm gonna try to, how am I trying to describe this? It's kind of like the, like a big treehouse type of like tree where like it has different branches, but like it all stems from like the same foundation, the same root. And I think it's very. And I think that's very unique and very raw. Yeah. And I think it's important because like, that's your legacy. That's what we leave behind. It's not the things that we leave behind, but it's like the environment, the weather pattern, the, the people, the, the sense of community, the X factors, right? Those X factors that, that we create while we're here and in the, in the present. Right. And I, and it's, and it's, it's beautiful and it's like, it's just people should strive to always do that because you gotta realize that, like, and a lot of people, myself included, cuz like I have this, had, had this happen to me in the past where I'm hardheaded and I'm like, it's like I can't fathom what's going on or what's why it won't go right. But I had to stop, close my eyes, take a deep breath and realize I'm not in this by myself. Like, I have my wife, I have my daughter, I have my family, I have my friends, I have all those people with me. Like, I just need to stop. Worrying about all the excess noise and just put on my headphones, my proverbial headphones, drown out all the negativity and just focus on what really matters. Right.

Right.

And I think it's very important. But last, last thing, right? And, um, um, I don't know if you have any contributing thoughts for this, but it's just like, it's just kind of a reflection where listening to this, it reminds me that belonging isn't a destination. Isn't a destination. It's a, it's a rhythm. It's a practice, a choice we make every day to show up intentionally with softness, with grace, and with care. So I think that's very important that people realize that, that if we're all setting the stage here with our voices, our silence, our presence, our boundaries, our love, it's that we're doing this together and that we chose, we choose to build this stage not only for ourselves, but for where others feel safe as well to fully be themselves. And this is where the kind of life that we need to create the kind of belonging that changes lives. So I think that's very important for us to like realize that.

Yeah. And it starts with one person, right? I mean, community can occur with one person. You can't just magically appear. So it starts with you. It starts with how you treat others, how you affect others, how you communicate with the world and the message you put out, you know? And, and over time you create that stage yourself just the same way you're doing with this show, just the same way, you know, I'm, doing with The Foundry over here. And it's just, um, it's a unique privilege that we get as human beings to be able to care for each other that way.

I think definitely for sure.

I think, I think we should, we should take those chances when we can.

Yeah. Because life doesn't give us many chances. So like we got to grab it. Not at all. You got to grab it.

You got to take them when you get them because they don't always come and, you know, it comes down to just sometimes like the blink of an eye choice and you've gotta be ready. Yeah. Um, but if you are setting yourself with intention in the world and putting that kind of message out, then you're already ready. So you just gotta take it when it comes. Exactly.

Yeah. So for others that are listening, watching, what have you, if this episode made you think about the people who've held space for you, reach out to them, tell them how much they mean to you. Like I value Alexis for taking time out of her busy day to talk about like, the stage that she sets for other people as well as for herself.

And if you— Thank you, Danny, for doing all this. It's such a great thing you're doing.

I appreciate that.

Thank you. I appreciate you.

And if you're building your own stage of belonging, know that you're not doing it alone. Like Alexis and I said in the beginning, like, we all do this for other people, but you gotta— but we can't be the only ones. You gotta do— you gotta take that first step. You gotta take that first leap and basically put yourself out there. But on that note, I wanna say thank you so much again, Alexis. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for being a part of this.

Thanks for having me. I, I, it was a blast. Thank you so much.

And then thank you to all the listeners, the viewers, and everything. Thank you for going beneath the surface with me. And until next time, take care of yourself and take care of the stages you set for other people. Have a good one.

See ya.