3 Reasons You Keep Relapsing with OCD (And How to Stop Them)

Hi, my name is Danielle Jhiani, a certified coach helping people to break free, stay free, and live free from anxiety, OCD, and relationship challenges just like I have, with quicker, more permanent results. Today I want to talk about something that holds so many people back in their OCD recovery journey: relapse. But first, this video is specifically for those who are learning proper recovery skills like ERP or acceptance work. For anyone who doesn't yet have those skills, you're probably going to be in the OCD cycle quite a bit, or you'll be in and out because you haven't yet learned to stop the cycle of obsessions and compulsions. If this is you, the first step is simple, and that's to get into an OCD recovery program or find a specialist to teach them to you. We have two great programs for beginners here at My OCD Coach that you can Explore at the link in the description below. If you already have the tools but you experience those discouraging, frustrating moments when you think you're making progress, you feel hopeful, but then OCD shows up again, then you're really going to like this video. You probably wonder, why do I keep relapsing? What's wrong with me? Will this ever get better? I remember those feelings myself many years ago. You're frustrated, you're hopeless, and it feels never-ending. But it doesn't mean anything about your recovery, and it's not your fault. But you do need to make some shifts if you want to recover with less stress and less disappointment. Today I want to break down for you 3 real reasons people relapse with OCD and how understanding these can help you slow or stop the relapses more permanently. Reason number 1: relapsing with OCD is normal. The reason that I'm stressing that nothing is wrong with you is because relapse is a very normal and actually very necessary part of the recovery process. It's not a failure at all. Think about learning any new skill, like how to ride a bike. You don't just hop on that bike and ride flawlessly. You wobble, you fall, you get back up, and you ride better as you practice. Learning the proper OCD recovery skills is the same way. Even when you've done the hard work, OCD is going to try to pull you back in. This is just the way the human brain works. Your brain is relearning how to respond to discomfort, uncertainty, and imperfection, and sometimes it struggles and wants to go back to those old, more well-known patterns. Just like it's easier to be inactive, but being active makes you feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally. Harder isn't always bad. In fact, it's usually what pays off. This doesn't mean you're broken or weak. It means your brain is still rewiring. Maybe you've had days where you thought, "I'm doing so well," and then you did something scary, or you said that word, and boom, the intrusive thought creeps back in. This is what I call a dip. It's normal. It should be expected. In fact, the more you expect it, the less afraid of it you'll be. And the less afraid of it you are, the less triggered you'll be, and the less it will happen. I know this from personal experience. And the more times you come out of the dip, the more confident you'll get with what does work. And you'll be able to look back and see where things went wrong and be able to manage it better in the future. I tell myself all the time, yeah, maybe OCD will come back. I don't know for sure, but I'm no longer afraid of it coming back. And I know from experience this is one of the reasons why it doesn't come back very often for me at all. Or if it does try, I'm able to disconnect fairly easily. Reason number 2: you still think you need to do something about the thought, the feeling, or the situation. Here is a hard truth: OCD thrives on your attempts to get relief or find the answer. Every single time you try to solve it, check, reassure, or analyze, you're feeding the cycle. You're giving OCD exactly what it wants, and it's impossible to satisfy identify OCD fully. I've learned what my brain wants to worry and obsess about, and I no longer play the game. I use my tools instead, no matter how OCD tries to convince me. Consistency is key. You have to stop letting OCD convince you. No matter how loud OCD tries to scream at you or what excuses it gives you, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to fix the thought or feeling. Or make it go away. Learning to just allow uncertainty and discomfort is key. The fire dies down when you stop feeding it and your brain and your body learn that you can handle any discomfort that comes your way. You learn to trust yourself and handle hard things. It's an amazing, confident place to be. It also takes time and practice, a lot of it, because there's usually a lot of doubt, fear, and worries that have been building up over the years. And we can't predict what triggers or life situations might come our way. But the more you practice, the more you develop a new you and a strong and confident you. So when the urge hits, I need to check, I need to reassure, I need to figure it out, try saying to yourself, nope, I'm good. I'm fine with the uncertainty. Even if you don't feel like it, try, practice, and see what shifts. This is really, really powerful. Reason number 3 is hidden compulsions are keeping you stuck even when you think you're not doing them. This one is subtle but crucial. Sometimes you might think, I'm not doing any compulsions, but I promise you, you are. If you are feeling bothered, if you can't let go of something, you are doing compulsion. Maybe it shows up as mentally checking how you feel. Replaying a thought or memories, subtly avoiding certain people or places, or constant thinking about the topic. These hidden compulsions are just as real and just as powerful as visible rituals like hand washing or locking the door several times. Additionally, I can promise that almost every one of you have at least one compulsion, if not 10 or more, that you have no idea you're even doing. You can download the free compulsions checklist in the description below to see if there's anything you find there. I say this because I learned this mistake myself several years into OCD. I was relapsing, and then I learned what I was doing that got me there. Another hidden compulsion would come to light. This is what led me to getting really clear about what my compulsions were. Every time I work with a client or someone who joins a program, They've all told me they've learned compulsions that they didn't know they were doing. This is crucial because if you're doing compulsions, you're feeding the cycle and we're trying to stop feeding the cycle. For example, you might say, well, I'm not doing any rituals, but then notice that you've spent an hour replaying the situation in your head. You've Googled about it a couple times today, or you're mentally reassuring yourself that everything is fine. Those are compulsions. They're feeding OCD's patterns behind the scenes. If you miss the hidden compulsions, you can't break free. OCD will keep using them to hold you hostage. If you're struggling with symptoms of OCD like anxiety, doubt, discomfort, any topic that you just can't let go of, it's always one or more compulsions that's making things worse. Take the last time a relapse caught me off guard. I'd had some physical symptoms coming up— fatigue, body aches and pains, and brain fog. While these can be related to something being wrong, nothing I looked into was leading to any evidence of that. But I was convinced that it might be hormonal or something wrong with my body. I was doing my best not to hyperfocus on it since I know this is a pattern of mine that will only make it worse. But I didn't realize how much I was trying to figure it out. Mentally. So as time went on, my attempts to get healthier not only failed but made these symptoms worse. I started to recognize that the more I tried to fix it, the worse I actually felt. So I decided to use my tools even though something might actually be wrong with me. I let go of that idea. I stopped trying to figure it out. I stopped resting and avoiding certain difficult tasks. And I started doing all the things that I didn't feel like doing. 3 days later, it was all gone. This works every single time I use it. You have to do the work to let go of trying to fix it or figure it out. So what's next? Step 1: Train yourself to accept that dips or relapses will come. Tell yourself that they will, that each one is an opportunity to learn and get better. Just like each time you practice your craft or you go to the gym, you may not want to, but it's making you stronger. Step 2: Watch for those moments when you feel the urge to do something to make the uncertainty, imperfections, or discomfort stop, and practice letting it be there instead. Don't focus on it, but remind yourself this can be here. And Step 3: Get curious and real with yourself about hidden compulsions. Every time you find yourself thinking or worrying about your topic or obsession, notice what you're doing to get rid of it or figure it out. Knowledge is power. Recovery isn't easy. It takes practice, patience, and small steps. But I promise you, it's really, really worth it. Every choice you make not to engage with compulsions builds your freedom. Recovery is like compounded interest. It builds and builds until one day you look back and you realize how far you've come. I no longer hate that I have OCD. I'm thankful for how strong I've been and how far I've come. I've learned that everyone has big challenges in life. This is just one of ours. But you're not alone, and recovery is possible. If this video resonated with you, it means that you've learned effective tools like ERP but you may need more accountability or support to get deeper, more long-lasting recovery. This is why I developed the Destination Stay Free Live Free program. It's designed for people who have the tools, who've had recovery success, but want to reduce their relapses and learn how to stay in the recovery stage more permanently. The link to learn more is right in the description below. Remember, relapse is part of the journey. But knowing how to respond to them appropriately makes all the difference in whether you spiral down or your brain lets go and you return to a normal, happy life. Every small win is moving you closer to the recovery stage. 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