Harm OCD & POCD Intrusive Thoughts: Why They Feel Real (But Aren’t)

Hi, my name is Danielle Jhiani, a certified coach helping people break free, stay free, and live free from anxiety, OCD, and relationship challenges just like I have, with quicker, more permanent results. If you're watching this video, you might be terrified of your own mind. You might be experiencing unwanted thoughts that feel violent, dark, or completely against everything you believe in. Thoughts about harming others, yourself, or even thoughts involving children. And because of these thoughts, you've probably convinced yourself that you're a terrible person, a danger, or a monster. But I want you to take a deep breath. Today we're going to talk about the science and the why behind these taboo OCD themes. I'm going to explain exactly why your brain is producing these thoughts, urges or images, and why they actually prove that you are the opposite of what you fear. So why do people get unwanted thoughts about uncomfortable things like harming their own children, innocent people, or even themselves? To understand this, we have to look at how the OCD brain works. If you struggle with anxiety or OCD, your brain has a hazard detection system called the amygdala. Is turned up way too high. First, it's important to understand that most people have intrusive thoughts. The brain throws out thousands of random weird thoughts and images every day. A typical brain sees a random violent thought and thinks, wow, that was weird, and then it lets go of it. But somebody with anxiety or OCD sees that same thought and thinks, What if it means something about me? What if I really want to do this? For those people who do end up doing bad things, they're not afraid of the thoughts, nor do they typically try to get rid of them. There's a true desire there, not discomfort with the thought of the act like someone with OCD. Nor will they try to seek help for the thoughts or urges. The reason you're having these specific taboo thoughts is because they they are typically ego-dystonic. That is a fancy way of saying that they are opposite of your actual values. If you're a deeply kind, non-violent person, your brain knows that harming someone is a scary thing. Because it's your biggest fear, your brain flags it as high priority and keeps bringing it to your attention to make sure that you stay safe. The thought isn't an It's a warning system that's malfunctioning. And sometimes it shows up as a question. Sometimes it shows up as a statement, even being something like, "You want to do this." The times that I've gotten harm intrusive thoughts was when I was on high alert, experiencing a lot of anxiety in that moment. My brain would then throw out a thought like, "What if I stab myself?" randomly. And it was jarring because it was so out of left field. But it meant nothing, although I didn't see it that way in the moment. I thought, "Why would I think something like that?" And then I felt like I had to protect myself from myself by having my friend stay the night. This was a compulsion, the behavior of doing something in response to the thought to reduce the discomfort or threat. And this was actually a mistake. The reason these thoughts get stuck is because we do something about them, either mentally or physically. We check our bodies for feelings, we replay memories to see if we enjoyed the thought, or we avoid children or knives entirely. But here's the truth: compulsions are the fuel. Every time you take the thought seriously or try to solve the puzzle of "why did I have that thought?" you are telling your brain that the thought is important. And the more important your brain thinks a thought is, the more it will repeat it. This is why you feel like you get stuck in a loop of taboo thoughts or images. Your response is feeding them in more. Common compulsions that need to be stopped with Harm or Pedophilia OCD are: Avoidance, or not being around or even looking at things that trigger you. Pushing the thoughts or feelings away. Ruminating, analyzing, seeking reassurance, giving yourself reassurance, praying can be compulsive, or anything else you do to get certainty or get rid of the discomfort. Recovery doesn't mean finding a way to guarantee that you'll never have a bad thought. Remember, intrusive thoughts are quite normal. Recovery means learning to see these thoughts for what they are, which is just brain noise, and instead responding to them in healthy, non-compulsive ways. So what could I have done in that moment when I had the thought, "What if I stab myself?" Looking back, I could have said to myself, "Hmm, maybe," and let the discomfort be there, understanding that this is just a thought. I'm feeling really anxious right now, and I'm getting a random uncomfortable thought. Letting that discomfort be there and going and doing something to take care of myself. I know this seems really hard in those moments, and hindsight is always 20/20, but I promise you, when you get the right recovery tools and support and you practice, not only are you going to reduce the amount of times that you get intrusive thoughts, but you're going to drastically increase the health of your brain and your inner confidence. In my recovery programs, I go deeper into the skills that I use to overcome multiple OCD themes. Here's a beginner skill that you can try using today. First, acknowledge, "Oh, that was an uncomfortable intrusive thought." Second, allow. Tell yourself, "This thought can come, but I'm not going to do anything about it." And then align. Go back to living your life according to your values, not your thoughts and your fears. A value for me in that moment would have been doing something for self-care, going and turning on my favorite movie, or tackling a project that I've needed to do in that moment. The goal isn't to get rid of the thoughts or discomfort—that'll make it worse. It's to respond in healthier ways. This is how you retrain your nervous system, not by trying to get rid of the thoughts or feelings. I worked with a new mom who was having harm and pedophilia intrusive thoughts about her young children. She was avoiding being home alone with them, having her husband do bath time, and constantly beating herself up for having these thoughts. As soon as she finished our program, she was caring for them at home alone, giving them baths, and felt confident with what to do if she had another intrusive thought or doubt because she learned that when she responds in the new way, she feels a whole lot better. Her life has become what she hoped it would be as they've added to their family. If you're struggling with these themes, please know that you are not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. They are so much more common than you think. I've helped so many people move past this and reclaim their lives. Click the link in the description to learn more about our PATH programs. You can find peace and confidence in yourself again, just like I have.