Danielle Jhiani explains how reassuring yourself to quiet doubts can become a compulsion that feeds anxiety and OCD cycles. She breaks the pattern in three steps: label the urge to reassure, drop the anxious thought without fighting it, and redirect to something that matters to you. Positive self-talk helps only when it isn't trying to erase specific fears.
Do you find yourself responding to doubts and fears with it's okay, you'd never actually do that. Of course you love him. You were just tired yesterday. Or that thought doesn't mean anything. Don't worry about it. Does this internal dialogue sound familiar? But what if I told you that this very act of self reassurance is a sneaking compulsion? And it's one of the very things keeping your brain needing more and more reassurance, reassurance and keeping you anxious? Yes, giving yourself reassurance is also a compulsion that you need to stop doing. Today, we're going to learn when it's compulsive and how to fundamentally shift your relationship with your own thoughts. Hey, everyone, and welcome back. One of the first things we learn in recovery is to stop seeing, seeking reassurance from other people. But what happens when the reassurance giver is us? Self reassurance is one of the hardest compulsions to break because it feels natural and productive. It feels like self care. But in reality, if you're doing it to feel better or give yourself reassurance about an obsessive thought or feeling, it's just feeding the anxiety cycle on a loop inside your own mind. In this video, we're going to cover what self reassurance is and how to spot it, why it's a trap that strengthens your fears over time. And finally, three actionable steps to stop the cycle and find real peace. First, let's be clear. Self reassurance as a compulsion is not the same as self compassion. Self compassion sounds something like, I'm having a really scary thought right now. It feels hard. And that's okay. I can handle this feeling. See, it acknowledges the feeling without trying to erase it or gain any sort of certainty. Self reassurance as a compulsion Sounds like that's a stupid thought. Don't think that it's not true because of X, Y and Z. This is an argument. It's an attempt to disapprove or push away the doubt or fear. The mental review of evidence, the internal pep talk designed to make the doubt go away. And these are compulsions. What we're doing is learning to respond to them in healthier ways, mentally and emotionally. So why is this so bad? Every time you give yourself reassurance compulsively, you are sending a powerful message to your brain. This thought is a genuine threat that requires an urgent response. It completes the anxiety cycle. But that moment of relief is what makes it so addictive. Because you treated the thought like a real threat, your brain learns to Flag it as even more important the next time it shows up. Okay, so how do we actually stop? It's not about trying to think or feel it. It's about changing your response so you can train your brain to stop worrying about this topic so much. STEP 1. Acknowledge and label the moment. You catch yourself wanting to reassure yourself for instant relief or certainty, just notice it. No judgment, just label it. Say in your head, ah, there's that. Self reassurance. This is a compulsion. Labeling it creates space between you and the action so you can take away its power. And this puts you back in the driver's seat. Step two. Drop the rope. Imagine you're in a tug of war with your anxiety, your thoughts, or your feelings. You're on one side, the fear is on the other. You're pulling, arguing, and fighting. Self reassurance is pulling as hard as you can. It's exhausting and you're not winning. The only way to win is to drop the rope. Just let it go. This means you stop engaging. You don't argue, you don't analyze, you don't reassure. You just let the thought or discomfort be there. It will be uncomfortable, but you're not adding any fuel to the fire. And it will get easier with time. In step three. Redirect to a valued action. Once you've dropped the rope, redirect your focus to the world outside of your head. Ask yourself, what is one thing I can do right now that aligns with who I want to be? Don't do it to distract yourself. Do it because it's what matters to you. It could be sending an email, petting your dog, making tea for your partner, or stretching for 30 seconds. This teaches your brain that your thoughts aren't dangerous and then they don't have to dictate your decisions. Your brain will then focus on the topic less and your nervous system will calm. You might be wondering, when can I reassure myself? Isn't positive self talk a good thing? The short answer is yes. Positive self talk is a great thing. So when the moment isn't about a fear, doubt, or one of your common OCD topics, it's perfectly fine to speak positively to yourself. What you don't want to do is give yourself certainty or relief in response to your typical OCD themes, fears or doubts. No matter what, in those moments, your goal is to get more comfortable with discomfort, uncertainty, and imperfection. This is how you feel peace within these inevitable human moments which quiet your nervous system. The goal is to stop showing up for the fight. Freedom comes when you can have a thought or feeling and respond in healthy ways. This is the hard work. It takes practice and a lot of self compassion, the real kind. So be patient with yourself in the process. I promise you it's going to pay off in the long run. If this video is helpful, please hit that like button and subscribe for more tools to help you on your recovery journey. And if you're ready to learn how to recover long term, make sure you check out the links in the description below for our recovery programs and let me know in the comments what is one thought you can practice dropping the rope on this week. Thank you for being here. You've got this and we'll talk to you soon.
