BYOU - Visualize a better life with Stacy

Welcome back everyone to the BU Podcast, where we connect with incredible founders in the wellbeing space. And today we have a very special guest. She is from the United States and it's such an honor to have her because she is truly a powerhouse. When it comes to guiding leaders through meaningful transformations, as she has over 25 years of experience as a therapist, but not only as a therapist. She is also a public health educator and what she calls a technology therapist. Super cool. Stacy has made it her mission to help people embrace the change they want to see in their life. Stacy, I am so incredibly grateful to have you today in the podcast. Thank you so much.

Danique, I'm so excited to be here on screen with you.

Awesome. How are you going? How is life? How—

Oh, 2025 is starting out with— it's kind of slow one minute and then fast the next. And, uh, which is good as long as, um, uh, as long as kind of we know what's coming. So doing well, doing well.

Oh, awesome. And you say like we need to know, is it like you want to have control or what is it?

Um, I just want to be able to know what's coming next, I think. Um, like on my, on my, on our schedules when we, you know, like when I go to bed at night, I look at my schedule And that way I know what time I can wake up in the morning. But then again, sometimes when you get up, you have surprises and fun stuff in your email box too. So like, you know, I think, I think both of those kinds of things are fun.

Yeah, cool. And can you explain how it all started, like, to know what is going on, you know? Because yeah, it is— life can always surprise us. And how do you handle those?

Oh, handling surprises. You know, I personally, I handle surprises kind of like they're a gift to open up.

Wow.

You know, when you're, when you're having a birthday or having a celebration and somebody gives you a gift, you've got this box or this container that has something in it that was picked for you with, with thought and care from the other person. And so you're anticipating it and you're excited, and then you open it and then you figure out what the connection is And, you know, even if it's something that they picked just because they— so for me, people often give me gifts of— excuse me for— they often give me gifts of squirrels.

Oh, yeah.

Little squirrels, because I'm known as the squirrel wrangler. And so if somebody gives me that gift, I know that, oh, they're watching me. They know. They know that that's a part of my business branding, and so they're thinking of me when they pick it. Um, and so like just life surprises, it's the universe thinking of you and giving you a gift.

Wow.

And can you tell me more about— It's also a gift. Yeah.

And so you see challenges also as a gift, right?

Because I think we frequently put our own things out there. We might say something sometime that we're wanting to learn something. Well, it could be 3 months or 6 months later and we get a challenge put in front of us. And we may not know it at that exact moment, but that what the universe is giving us is that lesson we asked for, that thing we wanted to learn. So if you see, if you see challenges as a gift, That you asked for, or that you might have, you know, your heart wanted. It changes your mindset of how you see the the challenge. It changes it into oh, this is something I asked for at one time, and this is something the universe was thinking of me and gave to me.

Even if it is hard, even if you lost someone, for example.

Even if it's hard, even if it's hard. I mean, you know, I think we might not have asked for the losing of someone, but sometimes the losing of someone is— I mean, one, as humans on this rock, you know, all 8.2 billion of us all on this, this rock hurtling through space, at some time we're going to pass away.

Yeah.

And someone is going to lose us, and we have lost other people. And, and so it is a part of like just the cycle that we have to live through. But the gift that someone's death gives us is a reminder to remember the memories of them.

Hmm.

It's a reminder to hold on to the things that they might have given us, or to again just even cherishing the memories. So it's not that it's easy, but it's still a gift. And sometimes if the person is hurting and they pass away, the gift is the fact that they're in peace now.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Right.

So it's— I think it's maybe— it's also— it's not so much always what's in the box. It's finding what's in the box that's good.

Yeah, yeah. And I find it so fascinating. So sometimes when I lose something, I always ask, what is the good in this? You know, I always ask myself, what is the good in this? And then it's— I don't know, it calms my mind a little bit. Um, so I feel like that the universe is having me. Um, if I think about the good in those moments. Um, but then, you know, your, your brain, your mind is like, how can we change that? Because at the other side, we know about the good in those moments, but how can we handle those negative thoughts? That is—

I mean, obviously we're gonna have— in order to have good, we have bad. Like, in order to understand what it feels like to get warm, you have to have been cold.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

In order to understand what it's like to cool off, you have to have been so hot that you were, you know, uncomfortably hot. And so I think, you know, in order to have one, you have to have the other, and, and it's the balance. Um, and so I think the recognizing the negative, telling it thank you for the— I mean, there's lots of— there's a lot more to it than this, but recognizing the negative, telling it thank you for coming to give me whatever you gave me, give me the knowledge. You know, like if you have pain, oh, thank you for letting me know what it's like to feel good.

Wow.

By feeling the pain and I appreciate you and you can go now. You know, obviously it's not that simple to completely get rid of pain or to get rid of negative emotions, limiting beliefs, baggage. But there are actually some really cool techniques to get rid of negative emotions, limiting beliefs, and baggage, because those emotions, those negative emotions all live in our past. They live in our past and they live attached to our memories. Right? They don't live in our present and they don't live in our future. They may happen again in the future, but they don't live there. They're temporary. Those emotions and, and things, um, the emotions that hit us are temporary. The limiting beliefs have— are like, uh, limit— one limiting belief that a lot of people share is, I am not enough.

Hmm.

That belief comes from a decision that we made at some point in our past that we weren't enough, and it reinforces itself over and over through time. There are actually really cool ways that we can detach those things.

Oh, tell me.

From the memory and leave leave that negative thing in the past and bring forward the lessons. Unfortunately, I can't tell you or walk you through all of those, like, in a, in a quick podcast.

But— What is the first step?

The first, the first step's recognizing what our responsibility is in the situation. So I describe that as Choices, consequences, choices and consequences.

Yeah.

So everything we do is a choice. Yeah, even the negative stuff. Everything we do has a consequence. Every choice we make has a consequence. And then there's also rights and responsibilities. There's certain things we have the right to do and certain things we don't have the right to do. So like, we have the right to make whatever choice we want, but it also— if that harms another person We have the consequence that that comes with, and we have the responsibility. So rights and responsibilities, choices and consequences, rights and responsibilities. Rights and responsibilities. We have the right to say whatever we want, but if it hurts another person, there's consequences with that. We have the right to be and do— like, we have human rights, basic human rights of decency and, and having shelter and clothing and You know, in, in the United States, we have certain basic rights appended to our government in our Constitution, you know, and those rights also come with responsibilities. I may have the right to— I'll use drinking as an example.

Yeah.

I have the right to drink if I'm over 21, and I have the right to drive. Anytime. But if I choose, if I make the choice to drink and to drive at the same time and I hurt someone else, there's consequences. And that's because I also have the responsibility that I can't make a choice for myself that's going to harm someone else, right? My choice, my rights end where it harms someone else. So the basics is, is we have the choice. We have choices and consequences, rights and responsibilities. So I think I say all of that to describe that the first step is realizing what our, what our responsibilities are in any given situation.

Yeah.

Using those 4 pieces, our— the first step is what is our responsibility in a particular situation? What choice did I make in life that caused this responsibility?

Right.

And that goes down to everything.

Yeah. And so if you know your responsibility, um, and then it is act on it, is that the way you break your limited beliefs or?

Well, there's, there's 5 things you need to do to be able to make any change. And this is breaking limiting beliefs. This is, um, making a change in life. Um, a year ago I had— so an example, a year ago I had not stepped on a treadmill more than 2 or 3 days at a time ever.

Mm-hmm.

And had only done it a couple times. And April 2nd— or no, I'm sorry, April 1st last year, I stepped on the treadmill. And did 10 minutes a day for 90 days in a row. 3 months. The only reason I stopped was because of a foot injury. And I stepped on this— on the treadmill again January 4th of 2025, and I've been on every single day for 10 minutes since then.

Wow.

The reason that, that worked is not a New Year's resolution. A lot of people are like, oh, you did that because it's a New Year's resolution. Nope. New Year's resolutions do not work.

Mm-hmm.

And they don't work because you need to do these 5 things to change. You have to do them. You have to do them in order. You have to take responsibility for your own stuff, just like I just said. Then you have to get rid of the limiting beliefs negative emotions and baggage. Now, that generally takes some type of intervention. So that's one of the things I do with people is I work— walk them through an intervention as a master practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming, mental-emotional release, which is also in some circles known as timeline therapy, and hypnosis. So I use techniques to help that, help people get rid of their limiting beliefs, get rid of their negative emotions, and get rid of the baggage. Because then the next thing is to create a compelling future or create your goals and your goals, your strategies and your action and your things you're going to do. Then the fourth, then, then I can, I kind of help people with that too, but then I can't do any more after that. Then it's the person's responsibility to take the next 2 steps on their own with my support or with someone's support is taking actions and maintaining focus. So if we go back to taking responsibility, getting rid of the baggage, then making your goals and strategies, those— what happened last year was I created a strategy. My goal was to get on the treadmill.

Mm-hmm.

7 days for 10 minutes. 10 minutes more than 7 days. The strategy— first strategy I used didn't work. I created a strategy where I put my shoes next to or on the treadmill, and that was all funny. The shoes sat on the treadmill, didn't do anything, because what I did was I went and got the shoes, put them on next to the laptop. When I put them on and the laptop was there, the laptop distracted me and I didn't get back on the treadmill.

So, but I love what you share already. So it is also in the beginning, like, your consequence, because people don't— are not, I don't know, aware that they have consequences. They know afterwards, but they don't know—

They know they have consequences. What they don't know is they have choice. Yeah, they know they have consequences of their actions. They don't realize that everything you do is a choice. You just now made the choice to pick up your water and drink. That was a choice. The consequence if you hadn't done that was being dehydrated later and maybe getting a headache. And but you know they don't understand. They understand that the consequence happens. They don't connect it to the choice. I think it's the connection to the choice that they don't have. And a lot of times people say. Oh well, I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. You always have a choice. You have the choice to do the thing or not do the thing. Sometimes it's you don't want to do the thing. Yeah, that has nothing to do with whether you have the choice to do it or not. I don't want— there's a lot of times I don't want to get on the damn treadmill. Yeah, I don't want to get on the treadmill, but I have the choice to get on it or the consequence That what if I don't? And, or I don't want to. There's a lot of times I don't— like, if somebody put in front of me a piece of peanut butter pie, I have the choice to eat it or not.

Yeah.

I don't want— I don't want to skip it, but sometimes that's the best choice, you know? Or somebody may say, well, I don't have a choice. So-and-so made me, or such-and-such made me do this. That doesn't happen. You have the choice no matter what. It's whether you want to make that choice and whether you want— because of the consequence. Yeah, you know, a lot of you don't want to make choices that have consequences that hurt. I mean, none of us do, but you do still have the choice, you know. I mean, I could go out and beat somebody up. I have the choice to do that.

Yeah.

I choose not to because I don't want the consequence and because I don't feel like that's the right thing to do. And, you know, there's lots of reasons that I don't think people realize that they have— that there literally is choice. And it's something we should learn as teenagers developmentally. That's the time of our life that we usually learn that. But we— if we don't realize that everything, every action we take is a choice and everything has a consequence and we have rights and responsibilities, yeah, if we don't understand all 4 of those things, then we're gonna trip over ourselves every time.

And when you have like the feeling of, okay, I don't have the choice, and they say to someone, for example, to a therapist Please make a choice for me. Because people think like, oh, I go to a therapist and they will have—

they'll tell me what to do.

Yeah, tell me what to do. How do you handle those situations as a therapist?

Oh, well, and, and I'll say it as a coach or a therapist because primarily I'm doing— I do coaching now, but I do approach that the same way whether it's in coaching or therapy. My view of coaching and of therapy is the person I'm working with is the captain of their ship.

Yeah.

They're the one in charge. They're the one that has to make the choices and bear the consequences. They're the ones that— they— and they have the right to make whatever choice they want and the responsibility of taking care of themselves and that ship, whatever it is, whoever they choose to be on there. My job as the therapist or coach is as the navigator. I don't make the choice for you because I don't know you enough to do that. I'll go back to 8.2 billion people on the planet again.

Yeah.

There are 8.2 billion plus or minus people on the planet at any time, and there's only one that knows what's going on in this head, right? Right here. And the only one that knows it is sitting in this seat right now. I don't know what's going on in your head, Danique. I can't— there's no way. I, I don't— I have no way to know. Even if we had been— grew up together, had been friends all of our lives, had done all the same things, learned all the same things, maybe even we were twins and had the same biology, Hmm. I still would not know what is going on for you. How you construct your thoughts and how you construct your reality. So because of that, I don't have the right as a therapist or a coach.

Yeah.

I don't have the right to make a choice or decision for you. But I do have the responsibility to help be there, hold space, and help guide you and say, hey, Captain, what do you want to do today? This is the choice you told— tell me you have. Let's walk through that and let me give you some possible roadmaps. As a navigator, let me give you some possible maps of places we can go, things we can do, and ways we can do this. Yeah, you can make the choice of how you deal with it, and I am just guiding you on that journey.

Yeah, and this is nice that it is like visible for people, like okay, we have like this road and this road and this road, because sometimes it's all in your head, and I don't know which way to go, and then. Yeah. And how do you handle those situations that, for example, it is also very scary to go to a coach or therapist? How do you handle those people are completely lost and I don't dare to go to a therapist, but I have a choice to just go? What for advice can you give them?

Oh, that's where I would say That it is, it is the scariest thing to ask for help for anything. And as humans, we kind of have this, especially in the Western thought. So I'll say, you know, in the United States, even in Europe, in, you know, in Western thinking, the idea of asking for help and leaning on other people is not really part of how we think. We think of, oh, we have to do this all by ourselves. And that's not true. If we had to do things all by ourselves, we would each individually— there's enough planets in the universe, we'd be each on a planet. We'd have a planet to ourselves and we wouldn't have to worry about it. And it's not. It's all of us on this planet together. Why in the world would we be on this planet together if it weren't to help each other?

Yeah.

And therefore, because we're here and we're supposed to be helping each other, and if, if But maybe if I ask that same person, hey, if your neighbor needed this, this, or this, or if your daughter, your friend, your coworker needed something, what would you do? And their response is very likely, oh, well, I'd help them, right? Because we're perfectly willing to frequently give of ourselves to help someone else. We're scared to death of asking someone else for that same kind of help. So I would say, yes, it takes bravery. It takes, you know, it takes something to ask someone for help. But those of us in the helping professions, one of our responsibilities is that I hold— I see it as I hold space for you. My responsibility is to hold space for you that is safe, that is confidential, that is—

Comfortable.

That is open, honest, where you have the space to explore yourself in a safe, in a safe way that's not scary.

Mm-hmm.

So my job is to hold that space for you so that you can actually do, you know, go through whatever growth you need. And so I think it's probably what I would let somebody know is, is it's not a scary space. Now, sometimes the therapist or the coach may not fit with the person. And I may have people who don't fit with my personality. And that's okay. That's okay with me as an individual. That's okay.

Mm-hmm.

You may not fit with the person to ask for help. And it's okay for you to say, you know, this isn't going to fit, but can you help me find someone else? And if they are a good coach or therapist, they're going to help you do that because they understand that the most important piece of changing from the therapist or coach perspective is that you have the right relationship with the person. So if somebody comes to me and I have the right relationship with them, and I usually know within a couple minutes, and usually I think they know. Because it's— you kind of get that gut hit. You kind of, you know, if you're walking down the street and you see somebody and they smile at you, you go, oh, I like that person. And you may not know them, so you'll know fairly quickly. But it's— know that if you're coming to me, I'm gonna say, you know, we're gonna do— we're gonna talk so that— do I know, you know, am I a comfortable space for you?

Hmm. Right.

And you, you want to— and it doesn't matter whether it's a therapist, a coach, a doctor, a lawyer, anybody you go to. I think it's really important to have the relationship first.

Yeah.

And then what you're exchanging with each other second, which would be, you know, energy and, and value and relationship.

Yeah, yeah, so true. So when I was young, I had a lot of therapists. And what I— in Holland, the doctor, uh, choose a therapist for you. And I find that so annoying. Like, I was, I think, 16, 14 years old, and I thought, oh, I can choose my own therapist because I know which one feels right. Because we know exactly what you just what you just said about we know which therapist is right, what feels right, I have a connection with this one. But yeah, yeah, but so many therapists and someone choose the therapist for you, this is never going to work is what I believe.

Only statistically, it's, it's pretty— It's probably rare if somebody else chooses unless that other practitioner really does know you well and they give you like, hey, Here are 4 people I think you might fit with.

Wow, that is amazing.

But then still, you need to have the choice. Or if you— if they give you one therapist, you should have the right to go, you know, that doesn't fit, I need a different one. You should have the right to ask for a different therapist. I've actually helped clients before that they may have another provider doing something for them. And it's not comfortable for them. And so I actually will help them learn how to ask for another provider in, in that way also.

Oh, that's amazing.

Yeah, I have— I've walked— that's a journey that I've walked with people before. Yeah.

Is it also in the United States that the doctor, uh, tells you you need to go to this therapist, or is it Not that they say you have to go to this specific person, but frequently it'll be you, especially for therapy.

Now, sometimes for like a specialist for medical things, sometimes they'll, they'll still, they'll refer to, you know, if say you go to a regular doctor, they need to go to a cardiologist, they'll send you to the cardiologist. But if you say, no, I don't want to go to that one. pick a different one, then, then you, you can ask your doctor to do that. Um, and they could refer you of, oh, well, here's a therapist you could go to, but you don't have to go to the one someone says you— they, they're recommending.

Yeah.

You can, you can choose your own providers at, you know, and now sometimes insurance, and if you have insurance coverage and it's paid by insurance, Then insurance will say you can only choose from this group of people who are on our, our list.

Yeah.

Which is also one reason why instead of just doing therapy, I actually am doing coaching now because anybody in the world can pick me as their coach.

Yeah. Yeah.

They don't have to worry about whether— what insurance or this and that.

Yeah. So yeah, yeah, that's, that's the same in, uh, in Holland as well. And that's why I like— so now with a global platform, people are willing to spend their own money on their own therapist and not the therapist that has been, you know, connected with a specific insurance. Um, and I love that the world has been changed into technology, and I know that you are in technology as well. And can you share more about this super unique— Tell us from you.

Oh, well, well, one, first I'll say is it's so amazing that, you know, we're able to— I don't have to worry about just working with people in my geographic area. Now I can provide services, especially coaching services, to someone around the world. My only limitation there is, is I— the only language I speak is English. And, you know, maybe, who knows, AI may catch up where I'd be able to provide it in to somebody in another language because we've got a really good translator going on at the same time. Uh, that's probably the next thing, and then that limitation won't be there either. Um, I, I, 20 years ago, I could see— no, more than 20 now, 25 years ago— I could see that we eventually would be providing, um, therapy over video. This is 1999, 2000. And my colleagues thought I was crazy. Yeah, they thought I'd totally lost my mind.

No.

And we already had the technology to do it.

Yeah.

Years ago, we had that technology. It was there. We just were afraid to use it. And the world wasn't ready for it. So flash forward, I always now I say, you know, before the pandemic I just said, well, you know, flash forward and we still have the stuff available, but we're still scared to use it. Now after the pandemic, everybody finally uses video. It took a pandemic for what I saw to be true to actually come into the world and happen, because that's just what it took for the all of us to understand that. This tool was not— that it was there, but that it could be used for good.

Yeah.

Because all tools we've had going all the way back in time— the first tool man had was fire.

Hmm.

And we've had lots of tools since then. So technology is not just a computer or an electronic piece of something. Technology has been around since the dawn of time. Fire was one of our first ones. Um, writing on paper, or, you know, chiseling stones, then writing on paper, then the printing press and horses, and then cars and telephones. And, you know, yes, technology has become machines as well, but technology is a tool.

Yeah.

And it's had lots of— we have lots of different tools. Tools have always been able to be used for good or evil. And here we come back to choices, decisions, rights and responsibilities. We have the choice to use the tool for good or to use the tool for bad. Using the tool for good and for being more productive and for getting more done and for being able to create more human relationships. That's where my heart just gets excited. It's like I have the opportunity, yeah, to use a tool, yeah, to create a relationship with someone from Holland.

Yeah, it's, it's true, from all over the world.

It's a part of that.

Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's thoroughly amazing.

Yeah. And what do you believe about AI? Do you believe that AI will, um, take over therapy?

AI is only going to do what humans tell it to do. Yeah, because again, any tool can be used for good or bad. So I'll ask you a fun question. I'll ask the audience. 12:01 AM. August 8th, 1981. Or I'm sorry, August 1st, 1981. Do you know what happened that at 12:01 AM that day? A new platform showed up on TV and played a— and the platform was called MTV. Okay, everybody in the world knows MTV, right? Now, yeah, 12:01 AM, August 1st, 1981 was the first video on MTV. Okay, that first video, do you know what it was called?

No.

Okay, it was Video Killed the Radio Star was the name of the of the video. Okay, so they played that video on purpose.

Oh, they knew.

They knew that what they were doing was revolutionary.

Mm-hmm.

And at that moment, a brand new generation of, of kids, of teenagers, were ecstatic. They had this new thing to play with and do and take up their time. And but at the same time, an older generation was terrified. They were absolutely terrified that this thing, this music TV, was gonna take over and it was gonna destroy the world. It's gonna eat our kids' brains up. It's gonna make them into zombies. It's gonna, you know, um, we're not gonna have radio anymore, ever. So that's why they played Video Killed the Radio Star, because they knew that video— they knew that they were bringing something new that was going to change the game. But I think at the same time, they also knew that it wasn't going to kill radio either.

Yeah.

It was just going to bring this new tool, this new thing that was going to give us a new way of consuming music.

Yeah.

And a new way to communicate and a new way to, like, be in the world. Well, flash forward, and AI, it's the same thing.

Yeah.

AI is this new tool, this new way of being, this new thing that we have a way So it's a new tool that we have a way to be more functional, do more things. It can be used for good or it can be used for bad. And it's going to do— because AI is also tech and tech or computer, and computers do what man tells them to do— it's going to do the good or the bad.

Mm-hmm.

If we program it to be bad and to take over and to hurt people, it's going to do that. But it's not going to do that because it's a computer or AI. It's going to do that because humans programmed it to do that. But it also, at the same time, has the possibility of so many things. It has the possibility of curing disease by—

Yeah.

By bringing together the best of our brains and working back and forth with us in iterations. Yeah, because don't get it wrong. AI is never— don't put something in AI just thinking, oh, it's going to give me what I need.

Hmm.

AI is only going to get you about 80% to whatever it is you need. You put something in, it's going to give you about 80% of your functional job, whatever you wanted done. You're still going to need to interact back and forth and back and forth and back and forth with it to get it up to that close to the 100%. And it still takes human input for it to do that. So it's an iterative process, and you have to do the back and forth. Think of it as your best brainstorming partner. You know, but what it does is, is it taking us 80% there in a very short time collapses the amount of time that it takes for something to be done, which makes things move faster, which means we can get more done. With less time. And don't we all want that? Yeah.

Awesome. So, wow, I love that we end this, uh, podcast with something positive because it was a really intense but so helpful interview. So I would love to thank you. And where can people find you if they, you know, want to learn from you? Needs you as a coach. Where can I find you?

Well, the first place they can find me is on the BU app.

Awesome. I will drop you in the description box. Okay. What else are you?

And then they can find me. They can find me on YouTube. They can find me on LinkedIn. Stacy Bryoka. We can put those links in also. I do have a website. Um, that's stacybryocka.com. Um, and on almost any platform, I'm @stacybryocka. Uh, YouTube, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. Um, although probably the best one to find me is on LinkedIn.

Yeah, yeah, awesome. Okay, awesome. I will drop it here now. Thank you so much, Stacy. And I see you guys in the Podcast. See you later.