EP 72 7 Primal Questions Part 1

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It's really helpful to understand all the different seven primal questions, because when we're growing up, we really can jump into any layer. Everybody has a layer of all of these seven primal questions, but there's one that just resonates deeper. Hey friends, thank you for listening to the All Things Good for you podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions, modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your curated mind coach.

And I'm your co host, Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health Inc. And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered, and limitless each and every day for a life well lived, let your curiosity flow with all things good for you. Good morning, Amy. How are you this morning?

Oh, good morning. I'm good. I just had a lovely sip of coffee while you were saying good morning.

Oh, I'm gonna have a sip now while you chat for a second here. Oh, it's so good. I can't put it down.

Hey, I love a good morning coffee time. So great. Mm, yes.

So glad there's not consistent research showing up that coffee is bad for you. And every once in a while it's peppered with some good research that it has health benefits.

Yes. Yeah, I think it's like everything else that there is in moderation. So I do go through, like, phases and cycles of cutting my coffee back and switching over to a really bold herbal tea instead and try to moderate my caffeine a little bit. And because I I'm aware sometimes the coffee isn't the right thing, I'm moderating.

On my six cup right now. I'm moderating that I'm on my six. So I'm very excited about today. So I just want to jump into it because this is a very fascinating subject that you are an expert in. So for those of you who are listening and for those of you who haven't heard, you know, our podcast before and are just jumping into it, Amy is also a amazing coach and she did a certification program in seven Primal questions. And I listened to the book Amy, after you introduced me to it and was Intrigued. And this has roots in other areas of things that I've looked at before. And I love the. The book and the program and talking to you about this. And so I just want to jump into the seven primal questions and. And get more information. It's so fascinating.

Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. So you're correct. I am. One of my certifications is I'm a certified Primal question coach. And so I have started pulling this in to the foundation process of my coaching about almost six months or so now. And it's extremely helpful. And I find it doesn't matter what I'm coaching somebody on that I can use the Primal question as a foundation for anything and help uncover what's really underlying somebody's feeling stuck or their frustration or their confusion or just lack of motivation or lack of relationship clarity, lack of purpose clarity. I can take it back down into the primal question as the baseline and start from there and then work through other techniques that we've learned from Brendan Richard, that we've learned. I learned from Dr. Leaf and some of the neuroscience. And of course, then if it's a health concern, I can take it in and use that as a base for nutrition coaching as well. So it's pretty wonderful. It's great insight. I think it's can be overlooked. It's somewhat simple. I feel like it's a simple process that makes it quicker for people to reference and get a hold of what's really cooking with them, and it's a tool they can take with them and use long after the coaching sessions have stopped. Yeah, I'm really pleased with it.

Yeah. Just from observation, after going through the seven questions, which I know everybody's already wants to know, what are the seven questions? So we're going to keep dangling that carrot for a while. But I know during coaching sessions I've had, it's really intriguing because some of these naturally, they utilize the language. So it naturally shows up sometimes. And it's really interesting. There's one out of those that is, I feel like shows up a lot. And. And I'm curious when we get into the meat of some of those questions, if you. Which if you see one showing up more, I'm just curious to see if that relates to an observation I have or what you feel like, but a little bit more, if you wouldn't mind, share a little bit of the history of the primal questions, like the foundation that was developed. I totally forgot about the. The gentleman's name that developed it too. If you could tell us a little bit about him and the foundation. That'd be amazing.

Yeah. The wonderful Mike Foster. He is an executive coach and he had started doing research and developing this several years ago. And he came up with the seven questions, the seven primal questions. And now we've just updated this. The 6,000 hours of interview sessions and 23 group labs that he researched on core drivers, desires, wants and techniques. Five years of research around attachment theory, trauma, internal family systems. So he's been doing two decades of executive counseling and coaching. So he compiled all this research to extrapolate what are these underlying driving apex, like these deep core emotional needs that are really being able to look through and unlayer people to like really what. Why do you do what you do? So have you ever, Brian, have you ever had a discussion or an argument with your spouse? Never. You guys are perfect. But that you knew that the thing that you were arguing about wasn't the thing like you could get even this. The topic of argument solved. But oftentimes you would have this underlying undercurrent that kept coming back up again.

Yeah, all the time. And now I just default to. I'm not that person that even decides that we have to fix it and not go to bed mad. Because I know that what we're arguing about isn't even actually true. So I'm just like, let's go to bed and talk about it in the morning. I got better things to do. No, I'm just kidding.

So we're not gonna turn this into a session about your marriage discussions. But the point being in that you can all obviously or oftentimes find that even in your own life, like these. There's a thing that you're you. There's this surface area issue. Like I think about a running river and you see the bubbling brook on top. But if you were to get underneath in the current, that deep current is really where the power lies. Right. And I used to have this conversation with my ex husband and I always would say there's just something underneath that current. There's just. There's something underneath. And Mike presents it in this thing. It's the thing that drives the thing underneath the thing. So that's your primal question. It's your apex emotional need that's really driving your emotions, your desires, the choices that we make, the reactions that we have, the things we extrapolate out of and. And the things that we go after in life. There's an undercurrent that's driving you and that is a question that you're trying to get answered over and over through Life. And that's your primal question. It's why we self abandon. It's why we let fear control our decisions. It's why we develop unhelpful tactics is a way to get a positive response that gives us the impression that our emotional need is being met.

So is there some people, so a, Is there people in life that don't run up into circumstances when they're younger that develop a primal question? Or do you feel like everybody in life, because of life experiences, develops a primal question? And then when do these primal questions typically develop?

The research shows, and I think this type of research is overlapped, a lot of research will call it your child wound. Right? There's some kind of question that we all develop. Even if you had a perfect childhood, you develop some impression or some kind of experience that left you with a no or a confusion or a maybe to one of these seven questions that you did not get a good strong yes to. And as a child, it created a space where you kept trying to get a yes to that question. So everybody has an apex emotional need. Everybody has a privilege. And it doesn't matter how great your life is or it was. You do not get out of life without this level, some level of this question in your life.

No one's left. No one's left unscathed, right?

And here's another thing. A lot of people will look at the primal question as this is a negative thing because it was labeled in other therapies and other approaches as a wound. Right? That connotates this negative thing. And it's actually not. You can have unhealthy ways of trying to get a yes if you're. If you've got a wound from your childhood or a question that was left unanswered, depending on how that happened in your life, you can have unhealthy tactics. And most of us tend to operate in that at different times of our life. And we can talk about those strategies. But you don't. It really gives you also a gift.

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Okay, so when you're looking at your primal question, it's really a window into the way you want to get this met, this need met. You've developed these observations and this heightened awareness to get this yes to a question, to your specific question that you also develop some really good habits and techniques to give that to other people and to provide that and push that into your life. So it really becomes a gift.

I just find it intriguing. Just in the past, we've talked so much about just, you know, human conditioning, and even when we talked about the five elements, there's such an interesting overlap with some of this stuff as far as the filters and the way we see things and the reticular activating system. And so it's an interesting. Okay, we have this. This brain. Something happens. It's like all of a sudden we put this lens or this filter on and we start to filter our perspectives or our observations and so forth through this lens. And when I feel like I remember reading, there's a specific age that this tends to develop more. And I remember it being like, fairly young, which was shocking. What was am I remembering? Is this something that was in the book? I can't remember if this was in that book or something else I read somewhere else.

Yeah. And. And he does mention this in the book, the book Seven Primal Questions. It's a great read. It's. You can find it on Amazon or you can find it at Mike Foster tv. And it's really helpful to understand all the different seven primal questions, because when we're growing up, we really can jump into any layer. Everybody has a layer of all of these seven primal questions. And. But there's one that just resonates deeper. There can be one that, that hits deeper for you. But if you had a really tumultuous childhood, or if you had any type of neglect or abuse, or if you had some unfortunate circumstances, and it's not necessarily has to be overt, just sometimes there's something, like I said, it's left in confusion with a maybe or no. But what you're referring to is that usually around the years of five to seven, most children have developed a basic foundation about the beliefs about the world, how things operate, who they are, what relationships look like and what their role is. In that environment and in the world, that's usually a baseline around about the age of seven, it can happen as early as three. But if there's something traumatic that happens later in life as a teen, or even in your 20s or even as an adult. Right. If you had some severe trauma happen to you that can throw you into a need of another primal question. All of these questions are baseline. We all have a need for all of them in our life. And so if a traumatic event happens, you can hop over into another primal question. But once that one is solidified, if you work through it, if it's healed, you will still find yourself coming back to that underlying current of question that you're looking to get met in your life so that your real true primal question will always resurface.

Ideally, you have these seven primal questions, and ideally we would like. They're. They're always in our lives and ideally we would like to be answering our yes to these. But at some point in our life between five and seven, we start to have a wishy washy answer or no to maybe one or multiple of these that are highlighted. And I'm curious to see what you think about, because of that age, is it statistically higher probability that your question might be the same as one of your parents or both of your parents questions? Because if they're acting in a way from their primal questions that it's imprinting or that your system's picking up on that and, and doing the kind of answering that as well. What's your thoughts?

Yeah, and that I. He doesn't really go into that aspect of it in the book necessarily, but there's a lot of research around child psychology and cognitive behavior theory and how that shows up even in DNA. My perspective on that, and I am not a psychologist in that space, even though my bachelor's degree work is in psychology, I have some understanding of it. But what we do know is that we can get learned behavior. Right. Of course, that carries over. If you hear your mother saying a certain phrase over and over again and she's having a certain behavior pattern, you may pick that up. But the short, the long answer, the short of it is no, not necessarily. And actually in parenting roles, when I talk with parents in a parenting aspect, you want to try to answer all seven questions to your children, but you will be really good at doing one of them, which is your own. And it's really a good idea to start paying attention to your child's reactions and their motivations and how they interact, because their question could be completely different than yours, even than their mother or their father's. So it's really intriguing. Yes, it can be the same, but it very likely could be different.

And just to be very clear, like, I am not putting it out there to where this is another situation where we get to blame one of our parents for our fault in life, because that always comes back sometimes to that. But obviously your environments and the, the things that you're exposed to the most often has a very powerful influence. And I just look at my upbringing and my, some of my parent, my mom and dad, and some of my behaviors, thoughts, actions, and my sister's behaviors, thoughts, actions. And it's interesting because you can see some of that. So then it goes back to nature versus nurture a little bit. Okay. There's so many layers and it's so complex. But at the end of the day, I think to see, to understand these questions, it's very illuminating to have some objectivity, to see where you're at. And I love what you said about the parenting piece. Okay, I understand these. And now you start to use a different filter when you're listening to people and your kids and stuff like that. And you can be a little more objective to what's going on and not as reactive to situational stuff.

Stuff. Bingo. That's so great, because I, I, it is very complex. I think one of the nice things about the primal questions is that the approach is fairly simple. Once you get an understanding of these, the seven primal questions, and you start to be aware of your own, you can start to see where this is showing up for other people, and you can start to guess or at least take some perspective of. Hmm. Even as with a co worker that you're not going to delve into. Oh, what was your childhood? And did you take this assessment? No. But you could start to maybe go, huh, I won. If because they do this and this, their primal question is this, maybe I can do this and make this a better relationship, or you just get better perspective. I had one of my coaching clients who came to me was really, she's in her 50s and she is still really working through some stuff from her. Her mother is an alcoholic and her father was also an alcoholic and very abusive and to her and to her mother. And she's really struggled with some boundaries and some things showing up in her own life as a reflection of the lack of connection she had with her mother. And working on her primal question helped her understand her boundaries, her emotions, but it also gave her great insight to probably her mother's primal question and building empathy around it. Not excusing the abusive behavior or the maybe unhealthy ways that her mother shows up in life still, but empathy and understanding for what maybe is happening with her mother. And through our coaching phase, she was able to start building some boundary and some language for her mom. And she said this was the hardest. We had several areas we were working on with her in her life and this was one of the hardest ones. And not up until the very end was she really able to start to see some empathy. But by building quiet empathy and soft boundaries or pliable boundaries with her mom, she was actually able to start to see that her mother responding to her in a better light as well. We didn't go into telling her mom about her primal question or anything. We just learned to start saying certain things that would maybe appease to her mother's primal question and start answering with a yes while also maintaining the boundaries for her. For my client and her mother started responding in very positive ways and she actually was able to emotionally open up a little bit that her, she had never seen in her mom before.

Yeah, I love that. I definitely can relate to situations like that, even understanding of situations with my parents and where they're at. And it does give you a lot more compassion and, and understanding to where it's. Again, you're just not trying to change somebody understand some of the mechanisms behind that. But I do like the idea of even taking it a step further and being able to utilize language around that question that helps resonate because I think that's be able to reinforce or to, I don't want to say help answer, but put some energy into that area I think could be really nourishing for them too.

It really helps just give you back control of you. It helps you grain. Deeter. Deeter. I have a really great friend, Deeter. So nice. Hi Victoria. Yeah, anyway, it helps you get access to some kind of deeper things and that you might see in other people that are. You're coming into contact in your life. So you're going to build better relationship by having a deeper understanding into you, your boundaries, what you need, what somebody else might need. And it really just helps. It really just helps with flourishing and thriving in all parts of your life. What you want, what you don't want, what you need, what you want to have in your life, relationship wise, career wise, it really does start to help you feel a little more in control of these things that may have felt like hidden little forces driving your life where you Become a little bit more control.

Yeah, I think to understand them, the seven secret primal questions, because they're really secretive right now that we're not going to tell you. You'll get it on podcast number 27 of this year. No, we're not going to hang. Hang in there, people. Now, this one of the. To understand one, the seven secret questions, I think is amazing. I feel like for me, even after I read the book and knowing it a little bit, I feel like it's something that I'm going to have to. I need to get back to. And whether it's, you know, again, coaching with somebody like you that's trained in it is, I think, critical. But to keep going over the information, to have it in front of you. I did not have any triggers yet set up that like when I catch myself in a situation or thought process that automatically I go back to, oh, wait, that's coming from this question. Or that's. So there seems like that could be the. Not the tricky part, but where there has to be some reps put in and just practice and observation and being able to catch. And do you have any tricks around that or ideas?

The biggest thing that, like what you're referring to, what we call from primal question coaching is a scramble, right? So if you know your primal question, let's. If you know what your primal question is, and you're always recognizing that your deeper need is to get a yes to this question, whether it's in career, your marriage, your friendships, your. The way you treat your body, the way you think, if you're asking this question and you want a yes, if you get a no or a maybe to your primal question, you will go into what we call a scramble, right? So it's unhealthy tactics to try to get a yes. So if you are a people pleaser, that is a scramble, right? People pleasing can be an unhealthy way of getting a yes to one of the questions. And if you continue to get a no to that question, you will go even deeper into unhealthy tactics and you're actually going to step over into what we call the avoidance, right? So you're avoiding even putting your question out there. You're not even going to risk getting a no. You're just going to build a giant wall and isolate yourself. Now, everybody's tactics are a little different. So everybody has a little bit different scrambles. Everybody has a little different avoidance depending on what your question is and where you're going to get into all of those.

Of course, I would love to, if we could step back for a minute and talk about this, hang up, hang with the scramble a little bit more because I found that to be a very fascinating chapter in the book. He went through some examples and I'd love to hear if you have some on the top of your head of more examples of what a scramble might look like or feel like to, to us on a daily basis. And I know there's a variety and we don't have to associate them to each question, but some of the examples he used I didn't see as I get it, but I didn't see it. I didn't think it was unhealthy. You know what I mean? And it's interesting. It's. Oh, shoot. Yeah, that is not the best idea. Right. Because even for some people, pleasing. Right. They might just feel like that's what my heart just wants to help people. I just love to, so I love to. I love to do whatever I can for everybody. So there's situations like that, some of the examples he went through and I'm like, oh, after I step back, I really thought about it, I could see it a little bit more how that is not the best idea. So I'd love to hear a little bit more if you have some examples of other scrambles that people might experience.

Yeah. And I think a quick way, no matter what it is, no matter how you're dealing with a scramble, the idea around the scramble is if you're unhappy, if you're getting signs in your life that you don't feel fulfilled, you feel resentment, you feel like you're being taken advantage of, you are constantly worried about the world falling apart. If you have to control scenarios all the time because you're afraid of if you're not in control, if it's not like you know it, that there's going to be anxiety or you're going to feel unsafe around things, if you notice that somebody, maybe there's passive aggressive behaviors like you can't speak your voice, you have to do it in an unhealthy way. Even people pleasing, it's wonderful to love people and do kind things for people. People pleasing can definitely go way too far. You can feel again like you're being resented, you're resentful or you're exhausted and you're overwhelmed. The whole world is on your shoulders. You become kind of self sacrificial, you martyr yourself a lot. You become codependent, you constantly need.

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Drive somebody else either their problem or rescuing them or you need them to make you happy or you constantly need to be in a relationship with somebody. If you find yourself over criticizing, if you're a complainer, a gossiper, you're really seeing the negative in other people. And even that part can be tricky. You can show up in, in criticism in a nice way. Our Southern, my Southern folks, when we're oh God bless her heart, that's that might slip over into the sign if you're saying oh bless her heart a lot that you're actually criticizing and judging somebody. Now all of these can be based on very justified observations in our life. One of the big ones I work with is perfectionism. Perfectionism is like the hero boy. Everybody thinks if you're a perfectionist that you elevate yourself a little bit, right? Because you try really hard, you do everything really well, everything looks to the T. But perfectionism can really be you stuck. It can really cause you to not do things. Perfectionism and procrastination are like the yin yang in an unhealthy way. You can be so obsessed about perfectionism that you become a huge procrastinator. You can be so obsessed with perfectionism that you self abandon that you work on. You're over performing, you're exhausted, you are over controlling, right? Frustration, isolation, anger, unhappiness, stress, disconnected. Those are all signs that you are actually operating in a scramble.

Yeah, I feel like one of, one of mine that I connected with is hard working. Like sometimes I've been accused of being a little bit of a workaholic and I feel like that's just passion. But, but I did look back and pry and have pride around being a hard worker. And I think that there's some good stuff to that. But looking deeper at it, there definitely relates to a primal question and even a statement that I would make to myself that kept me going and I'm like, oh yes, that's directly related to that primal question. It was very obvious when I stepped back and looked at it, it was.

Interesting and I love that, that we get that insight into ourself. Right. And that you were able to say, yeah, this is a good thing, but when you have too much of it, it's not a healthy thing. And overworking is a great example of one of the areas and it can come from a lot of different places of several questions. Just because you overwork doesn't always mean you're 100% this ABC or this 1, 2, 3 question. We can be operating in different unhealthy ways to get yes to several different questions. So working in a way that it is creating an unhealthy environment. Overworking can definitely lead to burnout. It can lead to disconnection and not having a balance in family relationships. It can lead to unhealthy, literally unhealthy sleep patterns. You can be over drinking coffee and exhausting your adrenal glands. Those are, they're going to show up in your life in some way that shows you that you're not balanced. So the quick way to recognize if you're in a scramble is if you're truly not feeling fulfilled and happy. Right. If there's some area of your life that's really just out of balance, you're probably operating in a scramble. And then it's, let's play a little detective and say, okay, if I know my primal question, how am I doing something to force a yes to get this emotional need met for myself, whether. Whatever it might be? So that's the quick answer to the scramble. We can have some scrambles that tend to follow underneath one area of a question. Right. So some questions do these type of things more than others. So I feel like right now we may have to jump in to just list the seven questions and maybe jump into one as an example so that it makes more sense to. Of people. What do you think?

Or should we just list the one and keep dangling this carrot longer and longer?

I don't know what it's worth.

I'm just teasing.

I'm just teasing because each of the seven questions we go into, we can go into, talk about the different types. There's, there's a, there's the, the questions. There's seven of them. There's a kind of a big idea about how that may have formulated for you. There's a snapshot of kind of an overview and what that emotional need looks like. Then we can talk about the primal gift. We can talk about what it means when you're in your truth, and we can talk about the core Fear of what drives you into the scramble and what may even push you into your avoidance. And then we can talk about just some ways that you might ask yourself a couple of things just to see if you're in that primal question scramble or ways you can help be healthier in your primal question. So really we can talk about all seven quite a bit. So let's. Let me. Can I. May I have permission, Brian, to reveal.

Reveal. Reveal the questions.

Okay. The seven primal questions are in this order. And again, there's not a hierarchy. It's just what we labeled them or what Mike designed them. Primal question number one is, am I safe? Number two is am I secure? Number three is am I loved? Four is am I wanted? Number five would be am I successful? Primal question number six, am I enough or am I good enough? And primal question number seven is do I have purpose? So those are the seven primal questions. Safe, secure, loved ones, wanted, successful enough, and purpose.

I love them.

So just a reflection back somewhere, hopefully during your childhood, your parents or your caretakers, your family unit gave you a yes to all seven questions. If one was left a little confused or a straight up no, you got. You interpreted a scenario. It wasn't necessary that your parents didn't make you feel loved because they were mean to you or abused you somewhere in your life, maybe you just did not get a strong yes to am I loved? And it came up for you as a question mark, right? It can be a traumatic experience, it can be subtle things, but you were given the question and it resonates with you. Am I loved? And that is what is your driver through everything in your life, all of your relationships all the way into adulthood, you are strategizing to get a yes to that core. Need.

I resonate? Yes. I resonate for sure with three out of those seven that come up more. And I wonder if that's kind of a commonality. And that again, this reminds me so much of some of the five element stuff we talked about, how there's one core one, three, sometimes that you have. Obviously I navigate through all of them, but it's just interesting to me that to see some of those amazing overlaps stuff.

If you people want to know what their primal question is or get a good idea of it, you can go to my website. You can go to the primalquestion.com and take the quiz. The same quiz is on my website. Amy Cherise. So Amy, Amy she rice S H E R I C and just go to the little button that says find out your primal question and Take the quiz. It might take you a couple minutes, five minutes tops. And that's a good starting place. But you can also look at what is. You can look at your childhood experiences. If you reflect back, there may be some significant outliers or moments that tell you. You can look at the things that trigger you. What really gets you angry, upset, frustrated. What's your big message to the world? Is my favorite. Like Brian, if you had today this opportunity right now to tell the world one thing that you wanted to pass along to any, all the world, your children, what do you think your message would be to those people?

Oh, you're putting me on the spot to ask this giant, huge question.

Yeah, you don't have to, but you could look at it. A lot of people, a lot of people know what their message is like. A lot of people, when I ask that question, they think for just a second they'll say, man, I just want, I want my children. I want everybody in the world to just know. You're really special. You are unique. You can do anything. You have a. There's something special about you that you're going to impact the world. Even if it's just the world right around you, it's meaningful. Like you have a purpose, you have something, something special about yourself. Right.

That's very beautiful.

That's my message. It gets me a little teary eyed just saying it in practice. I want people to know that they are incredible. And it doesn't mean that there's this big pressure that you have to go and rescue the whole world or whatever. It just means that even you just showing up for the people in your office, it matters. Right? That's my huge.

That could give you a beautiful message.

Into what, what, what? I tend to see the gems in people. I see people's huge potential. I see their beauty and uniqueness. And I see people often more than myself. Right. I can see somebody's goodness and their potential. And if I'm not, if. And so what that reveals to somebody is that we often put our question on other people. I look at people and I see my question over them and I want to fill that bucket for them. It may not be their question.

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But I have a really good ability to really see something good in somebody and draw that out of them and support them and be their coach, be their cheerleader, be their supporter, see their greatness more than my own.

Sounds like a little superpower. That's your superpower?

That's my superpower. Yeah. So that's my primal gift, right? That's my superpower that I can give back to other people. And I have to watch that I'm not working in my scramble because the truth is that I need that answered from for me I need to find ways and I'm looking to have other people answer that. But the magic of knowing your primal question is that you get to answer that question for yourself. Yes, we want that reflected. Yes, we need those in our relationships. And we once we know what we're looking for, we can reflect that and honestly communicate that in our relationships and in our career path or whatnot. And we're not blindly just trying to get that response back. But if I'm not able, I don't feel like I can say that. Or if I am unaware of what I'm looking for, I will put that over other people. And then if I'm not getting a yes, I can operate in a scramble to get that yes. Of the seven primal questions, mine I'm a Q. I call myself a Q 6.5 and I'll explain that in a minute. So I frequently back and forth between am I good enough? Am I enough and am I purposeful? Is this, is there purpose in this? What is my purpose in whatever I'm doing? But my, my, if I had to say one, it is. I'm a Q6, am I enough? And if I'm not getting a healthy yes to my question, if I'm not answering my own question with the yes people in my world, I have not built good boundaries of communication to get a yes from. They're not giving me a yes, then I will get trapped in over performing. I will get trapped in self judgment and defensiveness. I will really struggle with huge insecurities.

And does defensiveness usually come from that question, I'm just curious because I might sometimes be defensive. Is that typically associated to that question?

It tends to be a primary way that if that is truly your. Everybody can get defensive and protective at moments, but that tends to be a resonating space of defensiveness. And I can have soft defensiveness, right? I can. If let's say I have I put up a suggestion or an idea and somebody is looking at it and critiquing it, I might over take that as criticism. And then in my defense I may, and this is a healthy way to strategize around my scramble, I may come up with lots of questions why I have this. What about this person? They did it this way and it works for them. And what's really the problem? Couldn't we do it a little bit like this? I might wiggle and that's not necessarily a bad tactic, but that is ultimately me being defensive and trying to get a yes to my questions like oh, you're criticizing me, but I'm going to find some ways to get a little bit of a yes here and let me know.

Sneaky, sneaky.

Yes, we're very clever as children we had to figure that out. And if a Q6 is really working in like heavy their kryptonitis criticism, if I'm really feeling criticized, unapproved of, not worth enough, not enough, then I may shut down entirely, right? Oh, I may just altogether refuse to engage and that's the avoidance tactics. I may avoid even putting myself into risky scenarios to ever even get a no or maybe to feeling enough. So I might take jobs or roles that will protect me and I will never be pushed to have to question am I enough so I might live beneath myself. I might be in relationships that are giving me an answer or a yes, but in a level that may not be good for me and that will bubble back up. If, if you're taking a an unassailable role in something, you probably won't be fully satisfied. Yeah, it'll bubble up. You're going to avoid getting asking your question, but it will still be there in you.

It's amazing how it can show up in excessive or deficient ways of either trying to overdo or over over perform or over something or a deficient where you're playing it too safe and you're not allowing your best that stuff to percolate to the top. And it's interesting how it can go on go either way. And I know we don't. There's no way we have time to go through all this actually would love it. I don't know what you think about this, but on our next podcast, getting into each one of these, but I like to hear, like, how you were talking about that one. So the first one is am I safe? How does that. What does that look like? How does that question? And then I love how you were talking about the kryptonite and tying into what's the scramble of that look like? What is that Kryptonite of that? How that might show up in your life and kind of that excessive or deficient way and going through each one, if you. I love the way you were describing that in conversations.

Yeah, that'd be lovely. I'd love to do that. Thank you. Let's talk about it. And we can just go over those things. We can talk about each question and what we call the PQ map and this amazing website that someday we're going to develop for our podcast. And we could even put this up there.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, it's on the list. I know.

You and me both. But yeah, we can talk about your PQ number and what it looks like when you're in your scramble, what it looks like when you're in avoidance. But also let's highlight what those primal gifts are and what it looks like when you're living in your primal truth. So when you're living in your truth and your primal question is actually serving, sir. Oh, I use the word serving when it's really serving. I hate that word when you're really using it as it's serving you in a good purpose and a good place for you to have healthy boundaries and healthy communication and healthy expression of your primal question. That's when you're living in your truth, and that's when you're living an amazing life. And that's what we like to see people living in.

Absolutely. That's beautiful. I love the passion you have for this. And I think it's fascinating. And again, to observe into all things good for you is always talking about things on how you can have more insights and discovery with self and be able to pay attention to all the little signals that your body's putting off and understand what those are. And this definitely, it gives you such great tools and insights to all of that and makes me really curious to. To really deep dive deep into each one of these. And again, just practicing, how can we recognize when we're in the scramble and how that's rooted in one of these questions and then be able to not necessarily alter or change, but be able to adapt and see it for what it is and maybe make some better decisions.

Yeah. And I'll leave it with a little quick wrap up of it just because sometimes it can get thick. And the simple process of why we like the primal question is that you can just walk away with understanding. You, you were stamped, you were imprinted with a primal question, with a question in your childhood. Now as an adult, you're consciously or subconsciously asking that question over again, over and over again. When you get a yes to your question, your life is good and you're performing well and you're happy and you're balanced and you're thriving. If you get a no, or maybe you will enter into some unhealthy tactics, your PQ is rattled, as we say, and you start operating in your kid logic. So that fear of that wounded child or these things that you operate in an immature way, an unhealthy way. Right. And if you get a rest again, you move back into life is good. If you get a repeated no over and over again, you may go into a complete avoidance of ever risking asking or for a time risking even asking your question, which leads to even really harder areas of life and walls instead of healthy boundaries and unfulfillment. Yeah. What you can do a quick assessment, jump over to the website amy cherise.com and take the quiz and find it. That way you can ask yourself what was confusing or unclear in your childhood? What is your message to the world? What are your triggers? What really makes you angry or upset? And what do you do really well in a relationship? What you show up in the world and give really is often an insight into your superpower and your primal question.

That'S getting to know your operating system.

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

I love it. I love it.

Yeah.

No, go ahead.

Yeah. And we can. We'll just dive into our next podcast. Let's just pick apart the the other seven primal questions and see how that might show up for people. And maybe you can start getting insight into some other people in your world and what their question might be.

I love it. Thank you for an intriguing conversation and thank you guys for listening and please share this podcast with everyone in your life. Everyone needs to hear good things and to learn and discover and get curious about all things. Good for you.

Absolutely. Thanks, Brian. This is wonderful.

You're welcome. Thank you. And you guys have a beautiful day. Appreciate it.

Bye bye.

Bye.

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