Dave Willis and Ashley explain how female orgasm works and what husbands can do about it. They cover anatomy, the importance of foreplay, and why asking your wife directly what she wants actually matters. The core message: prioritize her pleasure and emotional closeness.
Chapters
Make 2024 the year of your wife's pleasure.
Yes.
That's my challenge to you. Try to help her reach orgasm as often as she wants to.
We are continuing on in our series. We're hoping that you're enjoying this where we spent the first two weeks of the year talking all about sex and your questions that you write us, because all of this is based on you and the information that you're like, Damon, Ashley, can you talk more about this? So I hope that not only are you enjoying listening to this and watching this, but you're going to your spouse and have in conversations about this. That's the whole point. And so today we're going to talk about the female orgasm, but in next episode we're going to talk about the male orgasm.
That's right.
And so to start us off, the female orgasm. We get all kinds of questions about this because a lot of times we hear from wives who say they're not even sure that they've even experienced an orgasm. Right?
Yeah.
And there's a lot of confusion on, well, what does that feel like, you know, and how often, you know, there's this concept of being able to have multiple orgasms in, in one sexual experience and there's all kinds of things out there. And so, you know, just in basic terms, the female orgasm is like a clenching of, of the female muscles, really. Kind of once, once a female reaches climax, if you're, if you're having intercourse or otherwise, you know, you could be engaging in other sexual acts. But it's kind of like when, when a woman reaches that climax, there's a clenching of the muscles and, and then pleasure that comes from, from that experience. And so that's how you know that you are experiencing an orgasm now. Some are going to be stronger, some are going to be weaker. You know, there's something called the G spot, which is like the spot where a woman experiences the most pleasure. And sometimes women, if they have a uterus that is tilted or maybe shaped a little differently, that G spot can be different. And so sometimes you have to understand and you can get, you know, you can talk to your obstetrician about this, your gynecologist, you can even talk to like a sex, a Christian sex therapist about this to find out maybe positions that can be more pleasurable to you as a woman based on your own anatomy. And I think a lot of times women don't even realize this, that it's not necessarily a one position fits all or one sexual act fits all. Like for some women, out There they're going to be more inclined to experience orgasm with nipple stimulation, whereas others, that's not so much of a thing. Like, there's some women where they're like, I just don't really like that that much. I mean, it's not all women. I mean, I was actually talking with some girlfriends of mine. So two of us are in our 40s, one is in her 50s. And we were talking about this and they were saying how like one of them, she's like, I don't, I really don't want my husband doing anything here. I, I just, she's like, I used to like that. And like, as we've gotten older, I don't really care for it. And she's like, and you know, he enjoys it. So I, I'll, I want to give him some of that, but it's not for me, you know, and in, and when we're, you know, having sex with our spouse, obviously there's some things that, yeah. Where one is getting more pleasure than.
The other and we, and there is a beautiful act of gaining pleasure by giving pleasure.
Exactly.
You know, exactly. Not to that either of us should, should just always be the recipient of the pleasure. I think it's a, both of us, it's a give and take.
It is.
But we should love our spouse so much that we want to do things just because they like it.
Yeah. You're like, I know they enjoy this.
Yeah. Is that we, we both, we both get there for. In the female orgasm, talking to you guys for a second, it, it takes longer often than, than, than yours. You know, it's just how God wired us up. You know, it's been said men are a microwave, women are a crock pot. It takes women longer to get there, but once they're there, they can actually like burn hot for longer.
It can be like a longer experience for women.
I mean, women have more, just anatomically more nerve clusters to experience pleasure in the erogenous zones than men do. I mean, God created women to experience pleasure during sex. And so I think a lot of times Christian women were raised with this really wrong and dangerously wrong concept that sex is for men and just kind of a duty for women, which is completely untrue. I mean, God created sex to be this mutually beautiful gift within, within a sacred covenant of marriage and pleasurable for both. And so husbands, you need to be patient with your wife to get there because she's going to need more foreplay. She's going to need the warmup process to be longer. We guys Are usually ready to go pretty quickly and can, can often climax quickly. We did a whole episode on premature ejaculation. Some of this is kind of, we've, we've trained ourselves to do this. You know, most guys have a lot of masturbation in their past. You know, from adolescent years moving forward where it's just a quick self focused process to go from zero to ejaculation as fast as possible. And we're training ourselves if we do that to be very selfish lovers. And God's design is that we're selfless lovers, that our first priority is bringing pleasure to our spouse. So as men, that means being very, very tender, very patient. Touching your wife where she wants to be touched, not just trying to rush to your own climax, but to really prioritize hers. And if you'll do that, then yours is going to come, you know, easily at that point.
Well, and I think just taking the time really for both of you, I mean, I think it's enjoyable. But to make out, like to kiss and to touch and for women especially sometimes just the act of intercourse, it isn't. For most women, it's not enough to reach climax. There needs to be, like I said, the nipple stimulation and even the stimulating of, of the erogenous zones, like you said, the clitoris, like and that, that's really where a lot of the nerves are. And so just. And that could be through oral sex. That could be through just touching whatever she likes. Like, like ask your wife, what do you like? Like where do you want me to spend more time? And then being willing to. And again, you both need to feel good about it.
Be specific. You know, we joke about communication. Well, oh, he should just know about other areas. And sometimes I think, you know, wives, based on people writing us, they have that mindset. Well, he should just know.
But how's he supposed to know?
How's he going to know what you're feeling? You have to tell him, you know, tell him specifically and then reaffirm what you've told him based on your nonverbals, you know, your, your sounds of pleasure or your true. You tell him, oh, that's, I love that.
Or if you don't like it, not, not to be like insulting but like, hey, not, not right now.
Yeah, that's not really.
I'm not in the mood for that tonight, but thanks for offering or whatever.
Right.
But I think that just being. Taking time. I'm so glad you brought the concept of time because I think that's, that's probably the biggest mistake that husbands will make is rushing it. And I think too a huge turnoff for women. There's, well, there's a lot of turnoffs, but like, I think that a big one is feeling rushed and feeling like their husband is just trying to get to his climax and just foregoing like worrying about her and just kind of like, let's just get there, you know, and that, that's just a huge turnoff. And I think, um, for most women too, if your husband has not been kind to you all day and then all of a sudden he knows maybe sex might happen and he all of a sudden is kind to you, that's such a turn off because it's like you feel so used. And so husbands be really mindful not just of taking time and trying to get your, your wife to orgasm, but all those things you do all day long. Just being kind to her, texting her, doing acts of service, just being a loving, kind husband is a huge turn on and that makes her feel close to you. And that's when we feel more inclined to be ro. Romantic and then therefore, hopefully do experience orgasm at, at the. As the culmination of having intercourse. But I think that sometimes men not, not trying to be unloving, but I think just getting that one track mind of sex can lose track of that. And so we need to, both spouses need to be kind and, and generous and loving and just doing, you know, all the things we know as Christians were supposed to do that we would do to perfect strangers. You know, as far as just how we treat them, we often forget that with our spouse. And so don't underestimate just being a kind, loving spouse.
It's good advice.
Yeah.
For every part of your marriage, inside and outside.
Exactly.
And men prioritize it. Make 2024 the year of your wife's pleasure.
Yes.
That's my challenge to you. Try to help her reach orgasm as often as she wants to. And yeah, and, and yeah. Have fun. So guys, tomorrow it's all about you. We're talking about the male orgasm. We look forward to seeing you then. Ra.
