Foreplay and the Magic of Lingerie in a Christian Marriage

Even something as simple as saying like, I bought some new lingerie. I can't wait for you to see it later.

That will make my day.

It's literally like, I mean, just the.

Other day, you know, Ashley came in and just kind of flashed me with, check out these new panties. And I'm telling you, it stopped me in my tracks.

Thank you all for joining us again. We are continuing on in our 14 day series about sex. You know, we're spending 14 consecutive days. If you have not listened to the other episodes that we've done, go back and listen to those. Because we are building on this theme of sex because we want to have 20, 24, or if you're listening in the future, whatever year you're in, we want to have it be your best year yet of sex within your marriage. And so today we are talking about having foreplay all day.

Yes.

What do we mean by that, sweetie?

We should have called this a fortnight of pleasure.

Right?

Isn't a fortnight two weeks?

Yes.

And, you know, just.

Yeah, let's bring back Fortnite.

Fortnite.

But not the video game. Like, let's. I mean, the video game's awesome. My kids say, but like, let's bring Fortnite just some of the. Into the vernacular, old timey. We just say Fortnite. Like, like, and we can start saying thrice instead of three times.

Yeah, I'm for.

We tried it thrice. Like, let's, let's. Let's embrace.

Yeah, you've got real moxie.

Yeah, let's bring back old words like moxie.

All right, maybe this should have been the first episode because really foreplay comes first before the sex. But the mindset, foreplay all day is that foreplay doesn't just start a few minutes before you want to have sex. It should be an all day intentionality of connecting that we're flirting through the day, we're laughing through the day, we're giving each other physical affection through the day. And all of that is building up. It's filling up our love bank, so to speak. And it's also making it much easier to transition into a time of. Of intentional sexual intimacy, you know, so we need to constantly be in kind of a mode of foreplay.

Yeah. And so what do we mean by that? Like, foreplay? Foreplay. I think sometimes we think about sexual acts that are prior to intercourse.

Right. And it certainly can be that. Yeah.

I mean, and that is definitely part of foreplay. But really what we underestimate are the conversations and the actions that we have all through the day prior to making love. And so I call it one play.

Two play, three play, and then four play.

Wow, you're so silly. But what it can be is like waking up in the morning making your spouse coffee. And I'm saying, do these things even when you don't know sex is going to happen in the day. Like, be kind all the time, because really, we should show kindness and respect and gratitude all the time. But I think it is like being kind to each other in the morning, you know, greeting each other with a smile, sending each other off to your day with. With a kiss, and just being mindful and being very intentional about your actions. I think you can text each other flirtatiously throughout the day. I think women, something that. That I've never really understood as a woman, But I'm now 22 years later married. You know, understanding is how much most men really love to see their wives in lingerie. Like, nice.

Like nice bra and panties, best wrapping paper.

Yeah.

Imaginary.

Because I used to think, like, why is this such a big deal? The whole point is taking it off.

Like, that's right.

But I'm like, why is this a big deal?

Because guys are so visual.

Right?

I mean, we love to see just.

Yeah, I mean, women are visual too.

Of course women are visual too. But it does seem to manifest very differently. Because a woman's thinking, I don't want to see him marching around in, like, a lacy Speedo or something.

I mean, there might be somebody.

And if you're into that, hey, enjoy the freedom of the bedroom as a married couple. But for men, most men, like, we are so visually aroused. That's why we don't want the lights completely off. Our wife's like, oh, but I'm insecure. Like, no, we want to see you. Like, you look amazing. I think most wives don't. They don't have a concept of just how powerful an effect their body has on their husband.

Yeah.

And ladies, you do your body for the most of the time. You know, there might be some times where your guy is, like, sabotaged by pornography or other things, but most cases, your man is absolutely mesmerized by your body. He wants to see it. He wants you to. To. He wants to just see you comfortable in your own skin.

Right. That's a good way to word it. Like seeing you not ashamed of it.

Yeah, Confident. He wants that. Your confidence turns him on, even if you're confident.

And it's same for men. When men are confident, it's a turn on as well, yeah, yeah. No, but I. The whole lingerie thing. Like, I remember in the beginning of our marriage, well, actually, when we were engaged, some people through me, and I was still in college, but somebody, I don't even know who threw this shower, but somebody threw a lingerie shower, which I was like, so embarrassed again. Like, I grew up where we barely even talked about sex.

And you didn't at all.

I mean, I was like, not really.

Like, don't do it.

Like, it was just don't do it. And so certainly, I mean, it just was a very new concept to me, this whole lingerie thing. And so of course they brought me. They bought me, like, really nice things. And I think there were some books thrown in there of like, you know, of a sexual nature that you were supposed to enjoy once you're married or whatever. And kind of like four married couples is what I'm talking about. And I remember just being kind of embarrassed by it and also couldn't like, why is this a big deal? And so we get married and I have all this nice stuff and I'm thinking, I feel silly wearing. Like, I feel silly wearing this, you know.

No, that is not silly.

And you would tell me you're like, this, this is, you know, I love this so much. And I just feel awesome. And I'm like. And I didn't feel like, because I think some women, maybe because of their past, they feel.

Yeah. It objectives.

And now, granted, I would never. I mean, men don't. If your wife has some kind of trauma that is associated with lingerie because someone else used this in a controlling manner or in a negative, dirty or.

Anything, like anything sexual.

I mean, it could be act or.

Just sexual behavior that was demeaning or degrading to her.

Yes.

Then. Yeah. Be very, very sensitive toward that person.

Certainly don't force her to do something that she's uncomfortable. Comfortable doing. I mean, that's just not loving. But I think that sometimes women, I mean, I think, you know, most ladies, we like having nice lingerie, but, like, you know, I mean, like a little lacier and just things that are a little sexier than maybe you would just wear on your daily. You know, daily. Because, you know, but it's. I think that we underestimate how really that is such a turn on for the husband. And even something as simple as. As saying, like, I bought some new lingerie. I can't wait for you to see it later.

That will make my day.

It's literally like.

I mean, just the other day, you know, Ashley came in and just kind of flashed me with, check out these. These new panties. And I'm telling you, it stopped me in my tracks. And I was like, yes. I mean, it was the high.

Well, because I have four kids, it.

Was a highlight, and I'm a mom, and it made me super excited about what might happen.

Well, I will just say this. They were having one of the Cyber Monday sales, was like, all this Victoria's Secret stuff. And so I was like, you know What? I am 42 years old. My kids are older. I mean, I've had many years where I'm just momming it. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, let's spice it up a little bit. And you were. I mean, it's been, like, really, like.

A gift to you. I guess it has been a gift. Yeah.

And it's like. And I think, too, over the years, and I've talked about this very open on this podcast, my body has. Has changed a lot. And I do try to be really healthy. I exercise regularly. I try to eat really healthy. But I've had a lot of changes in my body, and it's not always been what I want it to be. And Dave has been so sweet. And I think that's where I'm going with this, is I think that's why I've shied away. There's been years where I've not been real keen on wearing lingerie because I don't feel real secure wearing panties that are not as comfortable or maybe show a little bit more, you know, when you're just wearing panties or whatever. But I just didn't feel good about it. But what I found is, Dave, you know, you've loved my body through all the different changes through pregnancy, all the way to after having babies and trying to, you know, get back in shape. Like, you've always made me feel beautiful, and that builds my confidence. You know what I'm saying? And it makes me. That in and of itself is foreplay for me because you see me as beautiful, you see me as desirable, and it's helped to build my confidence.

Well, I do, 100%. But husbands listen. Like, your words of affirmation, they matter so much. Like, let your wife know over and over again that you find her beautiful and captivating and that you're so attracted to her and you feel so lucky that she is your wife and you would pursue her all over again if given the chance.

Well, and one thing you said to me is. And it. It's like, you know, because I'VE said on here before, there's been times where I've been been really like really skinny, probably too skinny. And then there's been times where I've been a little more curvy is how I would say it. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I've been on Weight Watchers before, so I've had weight that I wanted to lose, you know, But I try to speak in positive terms. So, yeah, more voluptuous, I guess, you know, and I've like, I like the variety.

I love all the variety.

Well, I was talking with two of my best friends at our little Christmas dinner that we did together and one of my friends is going through menopause and she said that she's gained a little weight kind of in her backside. And she's always been a pretty thin person and hasn't really had much of a backside. And she said her husband has been going crazy. And she's like. And I'm over here thinking I need to lose weight. She's like, I've gained like 10 or 15 pounds. And he's like, no, please don't. He's like, this is awesome. And he's like, I've always loved your body, but this is a whole new side of you, you know?

Literally.

Yeah, like, literally. And so for her, here she is going through menopause seeing her husband, and they're also recent empty nesters. Like, seeing her husband, so excited, she's like, it just gives me so much confidence. And yes, she's still getting, you know, she's trying to still be healthy and all that kind of thing, but she's like, it just, I didn't know, you know, and we were laughing about it and I'm like, I know we're so hard on ourselves and we just don't realize how much our husbands find us desirable. And if we did, I think it would help us to have more confidence. And then you feel better about yourself and then you do want to take better care of yourself. It's like this whole cycle.

So for husbands and wives both, make sure your spouse knows that you love their body, that you're so attracted to them. And even if they're in a place where they're trying to get healthier and they have insecurities about, let them know, like, listen, yeah, I support your health journey and all that, but I celebrate you and love you just as you are. Like, I mean, I'm attracted to you right now. And make sure they know that that's going to create such connection inside and.

Outside the bedroom for both men and women. And that, you know, I know we're talking about foreplay all day, but I think the point that we're trying to make with this big talk about bodies and insecurity and attraction is that when you, when you are mindful of trying to compliment your spouse on their body, but also trying to compliment your own body, like just being like women, you know, wearing the lingerie, not that you have to. I mean, I'm just saying this is something you could do to spice things up. Certainly, if it's not your thing, don't do it. I mean, I'm not saying this is a must, but I think that just don't underestimate what that can do. And men, I mean, your woman wants to see you confident and you flexing and you, you know, just being your funny self or being, you know, like. I mean, just women, we like to see that too in our man. And it's just. It's just something that is really sexy, like when you're confident and you're, you know, doing your thing that you do. So I just think that we underestimate that. I think. What are some other ways that we can have foreplay all day, sweetie?

Well, I would say stay tuned over the next several weeks because we're going to continue to talk about things even when foreplay is not the topic. But all of what we're going to continue to talk about over these two weeks is going to help you have a mindset of prioritizing sex, prioritizing foreplay, prioritizing connection inside and outside the bedroom. And so just stay tuned as a resource that we recommend. Again, two resources. There's a free resource we have available for you in the show notes. Just click on the link. And then also our book the Counterfeit Climax, which has some great conversation guides to help you and your spouse connect on a more intimate level sexually. So check that out. Continue to stay tuned. We'll have a new episode for you tomorrow. Sat.