How To Handle Conflict

Hey there. Welcome back to another summer episode of our fan favorites. I wonder which one it's gonna be today.

I love every one of these ten. Picking my favorite is like asking which one of your kids is your favorite? You know, it's like you love them all.

Exactly.

And these are 10 great episodes that the Naked Nation has helped us pick out. Based on your feedback, guys, we have chosen 10 episodes that have really stood the test of time over the five years we've been doing this podcast. And then we're re releasing them this summer for people to hear them for the first time, or to hear and gain the insight of hearing something a couple of years later and really learning from it based on the new season of life you're in.

That's right. So let's dive into today's episode. I am so excited to talk about this topic today because I. I believe that every single couple listening can completely relate to this. And that is when you and your spouse disagree, how do you handle it? And this can be in the little things and the big things. And so we're going to start with talking about, like, the little nitpicky things that kind of get us off on the wrong foot and really can kind of send us into this negative dynamic if we're not careful. And it could be things like, you know, you're on a date night and you can't decide where to eat, and so that one kind of gets their way. And then the whole night, the other spouse is like, see, my food is cold. I told you this place doesn't have good service. Like, it would have been so much better if we went to this other place.

And the husband's like, well, if you would have just told me what you wanted instead of saying, you don't care 10 times.

Like, I can't win.

I can't win. Yeah, you gotta help each other win in life. But when these disagreements come, and they're gonna come, and that's part of marriage, is learning to navigate your different personalities and preferences. You know, the Bible says how beautiful it is when we live together in unity, and unity should be the goal in marriage. But unity does not mean uniformity. And so you need to be united on these big decisions, but you're gonna have all kinds of different quirks and preferences and things that you'd like to do, and you have to serve each other in those ways. And. And if one spouse is always dominating, always getting their way, then that's just not right. It's not healthy, it's not sustainable. But Then if it's always a scoreboard where you're trying to keep it exactly 50, 50, that's kind of. That's the wrong mindset, too, because in those kind of scorekeeping marriages, nobody wins there either. And so, sweetie, what do we do when. We'll start with the little things, we'll work up to the big things. But you got Netflix on, and you can't agree what show to watch. This is a big thing, right? Because it's like, I'm gonna spend hours of my life in this, and I'm. And I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, it's gonna be some cooking show. Which, of course, which just makes me hungry. It's like, why would I want to watch somebody cook food and just make me want to go eat?

Because it's an art. It's a culinary art, and it's a beautiful thing.

Agree to disagree. No, I think that Netflix is one of the million places in marriage where it's an opportunity to serve each other.

It is. And learn something.

And learn something. I end up watching, and Ashley does the same for me. She'll watch sports with me sometimes, even though she's had, you know, very little interest. And in the process of watching it and kind of learning what's going on, she's actually become a bigger fan of certain sports, and now we can share it together. I've started watching with her shows. I would have had zero interest in, like, wedding dress shows. I'm like, we got married 20 years ago. We're not going to be buying new wedding dresses. But she's into these shows, and I watch it. And now I'm telling you, I can tell you what's in season. I can tell you what Randy's gonna recommend. I can tell you how much it's gonna cost. So if you've got wedding dress questions come to me. It's become a new area of expertise. And so we've learned a lot, and we laugh and we grow, and we share these things together instead of just retreating. Sometimes we do retreat to separate rooms and watch different things.

Sometimes if, like, we're really into a certain show, like, there's been shows where Dave went through a Breaking Bad phase. And I know a lot of you listening, some of you are like, oh, my gosh, that show. But it's. I mean, you really get drawn in. But there was one episode where I was trying to watch with him, but it really.

It got a little violent for me.

It got a little violent for me, and I was like, I just don't want to think about that. This actually happens in the world. And, you know, that show, it definitely shows, like, what sin can do. So it. You know. But anyway, I just was like, I don't know if I can watch this. And he was really into the plot, and so I was like, I don't know if I can do this. But then Better Call Saul came on, which is like the. What do you call it? The prequel. And I really into. I think I like Better Call Saul more than you do. So anyway, it's like, you know, and so then we watch that together. But there's been times, you know, where you're into certain shows. And, sure, my. I'm watching, like, I can't remember, Sugar Rush or whatever on Netflix, which is like a cooking show. And I love it. And Dave, I mean, he'd rather, like, watch paint dry or something, but, like, I love it. So he sometimes will watch it. Yeah, well, sometimes I'm gonna go watch this game over here.

Whenever you can share things, and then when you can't agree, you know, sometimes it's okay to just say, you know, let that be your thing, and I'll go do my thing. Whether it's, you know, picking a restaurant where I know you love this place. I don't really care for it, or vice versa. But you know what? Let me serve you in this way tonight and take joy in it. Don't do it begrudgingly, but find joy. The Bible says, take delight in serving one another. And I think, man, what a great, great verse for marriage to actually delight in serving one another where it does my heart good to lay down my own preference this time to. To see your face light up when we're doing something that I know you love doing. And the joy that brings me is greater than the joy I would have had to pick the place I really wanted. And again, it can't be all the time, one person getting their preferences.

Of course, that's not healthy.

Let that kind of be the default mode. And then laugh, you know, be willing to laugh about your disagreements instead of feeling like this is where pride creeps into a marriage is when you think your preferences are automatically right. In any place where your spouse doesn't share that preference, they're wrong. And you have to just manage them being wrong. That's not the way it is. God wired the two of you up beautifully unique, with beautiful distinctions, and he made you exactly how you are, and then he brought you together so that you could, you know, your lives could harmonize together. And you could see the world with new perspective because of each other's perspective. So never try to belittle or demeanor or downplay things that your spouse likes just because you don't like them. That's the definition of pride. And that it seems little on these little things, but what happens is it can create a toxic pattern that really can create massive marriage disagreements when you get to some of these bigger issues that we're going to talk about.

You know, that's so true. And I just want to say here, we're talking about little preferences here. Now, if there is an actual sin issue with your spouse and you're disagreeing, like saying you shouldn't do that because it's illegal or unhealthy or it's sin, you know, God calls it sin, clearly you need to help your spouse get the help that they need to stop doing that. So I just wanna make that very clear. Like when we're talking about disagreements here and we're kind of laughing about these little disagreements, we're definitely not saying, you know, that you shouldn't point out sin, that you shouldn't point out behaviors that are going to lead your spouse and your family astray and ultimately hurt you. So. So just to clarify that, and we have whole episodes on that. So if you do have like a. There's a sin issue, there's something that. Like pornography, like pornography, an addiction, you know, maybe there are illegal things going on and your spouse, you know, is doing these things and you're like, oh, my goodness, this is hurting you. And it's ultimately gonna hurt us and get us in trouble and hurt our family. I mean, clearly that's the kind of disagreement where your spouse is in the wrong here. Or maybe you're the one. Like, maybe you're caught in a sin, in a bad situation that you're like, I don't know how to get out of that. And I just challenge you. Get the help that you need, get out of that situation, do what is right, and pray that God will help you to take those steps. But when it comes to little preferences, you know, there are those little things like tv, you know, I was here listening to Jimmy Evans this weekend talk about how back, you know, in the day, that he and his wife Karen would sometimes argue about the direction, like how to go somewhere, basically, like which direction to take to the destination.

He said they have perfect unity in their marriage. Except for in the car.

In the car. And I laughed because I was like, I think so many couples can relate to that.

It is so true. And speaking of that, if you missed it, go back and listen to the last episode on the Four Laws of Love, which is an interview with Jimmy Evans. You're not. Yeah, definitely, definitely. Listen to that real quick. Building on something Ashley said about when. When it's a sin issue.

Yes.

And there's disagreement. I would even add to that if there's something in your life or in your spouse' life that's not technically a sin, but it's also becoming a divisive point in the marriage. For instance, a lady wrote us recently and she said, my husband, he's got this really good group of friends, but he spends all weekend hanging out with these guy friends of his. And I really want that time. And he doesn't see it. It's just what he's always done. And he doesn't see that that time is really. I feel like he's robbing that time from us and it's hurting our marriage, but he just doesn't see it. And yeah, it's technically not a sad sin to go hang out with friends, you know, unless you're doing sinful things together. But in situations like that, you've got to be willing to say, is this helping my marriage or not? The bigger question isn't is this right or wrong? It's is this helping my marriage or is this possibly hurting my marriage?

Right.

And maybe that's going to cause you to pull back and say, you know, I'm going to get with my friends, you know, maybe, maybe a couple hours a week, we'll go out like one time for a couple hours and that's going to be my limit there because I don't want to rob my family, I don't want to rob my spouse of the place of priority they should have in my life. And one of Jimmy's four laws of love in his book, the very first one straight from the Bible, is the law of priority. If you're not making your spouse consistently your number one priority, then you're breaking this vital God given law of marriage. And so we've gotta look at our decisions through that lens.

And really it's neglectful. It's neglectful. You know, I just read a message the other day from a lady who said that her husband works out of town and she noticed on his Snapchat that there was this lady that she knows is in that town and he swears up and down nothing's going on and he won't, you know, he's like, I'm not even really communicating with her. But she's like, but the fact that she's on there, it really is unsettling for me. And, you know, he doesn't get it. Again, kind of what you're saying, like, he doesn't get it. Cause he's like, well, I'm not doing anything. But the bottom line is, when it comes to disagreements, if it matters to your spouse, it needs to matter to you, and you need to go above and beyond to build trust. You know, we have whole episodes on how to create boundaries with people of the opposite sex, especially in the workplace. And, you know, the bottom line here is just making sure that your spouse feels like your marriage is a safe place and that they can trust you. And so if there's, you know, if you have this disagreement you keep on having, because they're having a trust issue, and they keep on questioning you, instead of getting defensive, I would say, listen, what can I do to reassure you? What steps do I need to take to reassure you of this? And maybe it's turning off your Snapchat for a while. Maybe it's just not engaging that app for a while. Or maybe it's going and blocking that person on Facebook or whatever it is. You know, maybe it's doing what we do. Share your same Apple id. So you just see those correspondences, and you bring each other into your life in every way so that there's transparency. Just don't be defensive. Talk about it. You know, really talk about it. Really listen. Be willing to listen. And your marriage is gonna be better for it. We're gonna transition here into kind of those more major things that really affect your daily life. And I would say kind of leading into this, A big thing as Christians is where we go to church. And Dave and I, you know, we moved to DFW in Texas just a couple years ago, and Dave had been a pastor for about, you know, 10 years, and at this one church, this one particular church. And so that's where we went to church. And we love our church Shout out to Augusta, Georgia, Stevens Creek Church. But, you know, when we moved here, we work for a parachurch ministry. And so all of a sudden, we get to choose, you know, where we.

Go to church, which was kind of weird.

It's a weird place to be.

I mean, not the job. We love working where we work at marriage today.

Absolutely.

Ministry. But I mean, I just mean, it's weird walking into a church, not being a pastor. Not being a pastor and just thinking, like, all right, we just kind of pick where we want to go, and it Was a unique experience which most.

People have to pick. Like, we know that we're not. I mean, he was. When you're a vocational pastor, you know, you worship where you work. And so it was interesting, you know, having to go to all these amazing churches. Like, there's so many amazing churches in this area.

Yeah, it's crazy.

But, you know, I remember that time we were kind of. We had different ones that we would each kind of prefer. And none of them were. We liked all of them. But it was like, I would like one a little bit more and felt like I could get more involved, and Dave would like one a little bit more where he felt like he could get more involved. And so we really had to pray about that. Not only just between the two of us, but as a family. We really brought our kids in on praying about this. And ultimately we landed where we need to be. And we're, you know, we're so thankful for that. But it was a process. And there were times where I remember one time, you know, I could tell that Dave, he just wasn't feeling the church where we were going at the time. But he didn't really want to say anything. Cause he knew I was really, you know, feeling like, oh, this is where we need to be planted. And so, you know, I remember when he finally, you know, told me about it, a few weeks into us going there, I was like, well, sweetie, I. It, like, steal. Like, I can't feel good about this being our place if you're not feeling really good about it. Like, I want us to be unified in this again.

It's an opportunity to serve. And as a husband, I do feel the weight of what the Bible says about spiritual leadership. But I don't ever take that as meaning that I've got to fight for my own preferences. Spiritual leadership, the way Jesus describes leadership, it's servanthood. And so it's like, how do I take the lead in serving my family here? And so for me, it was, where can my family best connect? You know, where can my kids best connect? Where can Ashley best connect and feel, you know, fed and feel like they're growing in the Lord and having opportunities to serve? And so it was. That was my motivation, and it was a journey. And I think that church decision, for those of you who. That's a priority in your life, the way that it is for us, that can be a really big decision. But other big decisions that people write us about are things like children. Should we have more children? You know, I've known couples who divorce over the issue of one wanting another child and one not. And so what do you do in those kind of huge decisions where you're just on completely different places? And I want to share a real life story of a couple that I feel like really did this right.

Yes.

You know, our friends Matt and Kelly, great friends. They love each other. They love the Lord, but they could not come to a place of agreement for a while on this issue of adoption. They had four kids of their own. And then Kelly said, I really feel led. Like, I just feel like God wants us to adopt and he wants us to adopt, you know, internationally. And she just had this very clear vision of it. And Matt just said, no, you know.

Like, we are in over our head.

Yeah, we're in over our head. You know, these. These kids. These kids are. Our kids are young. We've got. We've got work. We've got, you know, just really all these practical concerns. And he's like, I'm not there. I'm not there.

Yeah.

And so instead of them just resenting each other, they started praying together. They started just saying, let's both pray that, you know, God brings our hearts to the same place, you know? And I think Kelly said that she prayed, lord, either change my heart or change his heart to bring us to a place of unity. And I, with open hands, hold on to this desire. I don't want to force my own way. I don't want to force something. And then, you know, him go along begrudgingly. But both of us, God with open hand saying, I'm going to let go of my own agenda here and bring us to a place of unity. And over a period, I think of, like, multiple years, it wasn't quick, but they said, this is not going to be a place of division in our marriage. Let this be something we're praying specifically about. And eventually, God brought them both to a place of complete unity where neither one of them felt dragged along. Both of them were equally excited about pursuing this adoption journey. And now they're deep into the journey of adopting two kids.

Yes.

And from a distance and even up close, at different points, talking to them, it was so encouraging to see that, because so many couples would just give up. Like, no, it's my way or the highway. I'm not gonna give this one up. I'm not gonna meet you in the middle on this. I'm not gonna do any of that. And they just. That's pride, right? That is the voice of pride. And pride is what drives couples apart. But that humble Spirit willing to learn and love and serve, to say, lord, I don't wanna let my own agenda get in the way of what you want to do in our life. So bring us to a place of unity. And if you will let Jesus be the one who leads it, he will always lead you to unity every single time. He does not want division in your marriage. So if there's division in your marriage, it's because of a timing issue, or it's because one or both of you is holding on stubbornly to pride. When Jesus is gently saying, just let go and I'm going to just trust me. God over and over is just saying, trust me, I believe and I will lead you to a place of unity. And that's what happened with them.

It's so true. You know, I remember talking about that with Kelly and she said there was a time when Matt was saying no, that she was really frustrated with him, you know, because this was her dream. And you look at something as beautiful as adoption that is so biblical. You know, it clearly says to take care of the orphans in the Word. And so she's thinking, I'm doing something biblical. I have this righteous desire to help children who don't have a home. I mean, that's just such a beautiful righteous desire. And she's thinking, like, how can you not want that? And so at first she said she really had to wrestle with those feelings. And you know, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, maybe it's not adopting necessarily, but maybe it is having children, you're like, children are a gift. It's clear in the word. Children are a gift. But your spouse isn't ready to start the family yet. I would just challenge you to do exactly what Kelly and Matt did. Because we never want to in marriage. We never wanna make a huge decision like that and not be unified. Because one spouse will feel like they're being kind of drug along or that their dream is being squashed. And you don't want either one of those dynamics. And so you've gotta pray because he will unify you. And sometimes it's, yes, go ahead and do this. Sometimes it's not even a firm no, it's a not yet. And like for Kelly and Matt, it was a not yet. I mean, it's been. I think by the time that their children will come home from the international country that they're coming from, it will be like six years from the time that they first started talking about this, or maybe even longer. Cause it's a very Adoption's a very long process, but it was even, you know, it's been a long process just praying through this. And so in marriage.

And they brought the kids too.

And for the kids too. Yeah, they brought their kids into it. They've been praying, which is so beautiful. I mean, they've been raising money for, you know, international adoption is expensive. The kids have been part of raising money for these siblings they're going to have. And it's just amazing. It's a beautiful, beautiful picture of God's love. But the one thing we have to remember is being patient with each other. And Dave and I, I mean, I feel like that's a lesson that God teaches us constantly, is to be patient, not only with each other, but with him and his plans for our life and with our children and with just life circumstances. And so, you know, we have to be willing to be patient with our spouse too, especially when we feel so strongly about something and they're not quite there yet. And so be patient, be loving, be kind. Resist the urge to point fingers and say, you're wrong, I'm right. You know. Cause in a lot of these big decisions, it's not really a wrong or right. It's a timing issue, like Dave said. And just having your heart in the right place.

Yeah, it really, really is. And so patience is key. I think, you know, it's one of the fruit of the spirit. The Bible says he wants us to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. And that list is in the book of Galatians. And I think, man, I want those things in my life and in my marriage. And I can't manufacture any of that on my own. I can't just make myself be more loving, kinder, gentler, more joyful, more patient. But if I will really surrender to God and say, lord, you lead my heart the way it needs to go, then he's going to bring us to a place where we're more loving, we're kinder, we're more joyful, we're more patient. And he'll use the circumstances in our life to help bring those beautiful things out.

You know, I want to share a story. Another big decision that I think that many couples have to make is like taking a new job or moving even, especially if that job requires moving.

Yeah, that's good.

And we've been there multiple times. Like throughout our marriage, we've moved multiple times. And it's even a bigger decision when there's children involved that are school age, because then you have to take that into account. And, like, would this be something that would be, you know, a good move for our children or would it be detrimental? And we have to weigh all those things. Well, years ago, we had an opportunity to move, and it was a great job opportunity for Dave.

And.

And I remember we went. We did the interview, and, you know, we felt pretty good about it, but there was this part of me that just. I wasn't. I mean, I was just not on board. And I said, I don't. I don't feel good about this. I don't think it's it. And Dave's like, I kind of. I feel like it's not perfect. No job is perfect. No place is perfect. But I really feel like God's leading us here. And this was the first time in a long time that we had kind of been on different pages with that kind of decision, and it was a weird place to be. I remember being like, lord, why don't, you know, why are we not unified in this decision? And so that night, I prayed. I just prayed this very fervent prayer. And it was almost like when you're dozing off and you're just really praying, almost like meditating on the word and praying that same one simple prayer over and over again. And that's what I was doing. And then at one point in my prayer, I found myself asking God, why here? Why would you want us to move here? We love where we are. I know this job is great, but really, he loves his current job. And we're so settled where we are. Why here? And it was. I mean, it wasn't God, audibly speaking, but in my spirit, it talks about God kind of moving in your spirit through his Holy Spirit. It was like I heard him say, why not here? Why not here, Ashley? And it really pushed me, and it was like in that moment, my heart just settled. And it was like I didn't have that. That fight in me to kind of fight Dave on this anymore. And it was like I felt that.

Peace, and I was never going to let it become a fight.

No, no, no, you weren't. You weren't.

You had total veto power here, because absolutely any decision ever, ever to. There's no decision that's ever worth a lack of unity in our marriage.

Sure, sure.

Ever. And so I feel like if God doesn't lead us to the same place on these big decisions, and, yeah, I can kind of lobby from my perspective, and I can say I really feel strongly about this and. And ask, in some cases, just kind of just trust me on this one and let's take a step of faith together. But the bottom line is, if you didn't come to a place where you felt good about it, like it was never going to happen. And for some couples, I think there's such vast personality differences. Most couples have one spouse who's more of one who really desires security and predictability, and another spouse who desires kind of adventure and new beginnings and just kind of going off into the unknown and what might happen there. And so that can be a constant source of friction in the marriage. Because God wired you both up with that personality. It's not that either of your personalities is wrong. The one who desires security, God created you to desire security. The one who desired kind of like adventure, God created you that way. But you can't worship your personality as the one that's always right. You have to both be willing to step out of your comfort zone. And sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone means staying when you'd rather go. And sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone means going when you'd rather stay. But in every opportunity, pray together. Really turn it over to the Lord and trust that he has got your best interest at heart.

It's so true. Because the truth is, your spouse's opinions aren't wrong. They're just different. And like, in that particular scenario many years ago, when I was having that, I mean, Dave wasn't, like, forcing the issues. I wanna make that really clear. But I could just tell that he felt led there at that time. And I just wasn't quite there. And through that prayer, it's like God did answer my prayer. Cause I was trying to just find, like, God, what do you want us to do? And in that moment, he unified us. And I woke up the next day and I said, sweetie, listen, if they offer you the job, I do think you should take it. You know, I know I wasn't quite on board before, but I feel more of a piece now. And I think you should take it. And so we ended up ultimately taking that job. And God taught us a lot in that season. It was a season we needed. We needed to grow a lot. We needed to learn a lot. And so, you know, I'm just so thankful that in that moment of prayer that he showed me, and that's the truth, that what we're trying to say over and over again is that when you bring it to the Lord, he is going to show you what step you need to take. And it may not be in how you expect it to Go. I mean, like, I really wasn't expecting that in my prayer. I wasn't expecting for him to say, you know what? Why not here, Ashley, you need to give this a chance. But he did show it to me because I brought it to him in prayer and because Dave was also seeking him. So just always seek him in every decision. All right, now we're gonna turn to one of my favorite parts of the podcast, and that is our Q and A section.

Yes, this is a big one.

It's a big one.

Yes.

And it's very current, right?

It is. And it fits beautifully with this kind of whole theme of big decisions where you disagree on big things. And I think this might be the single most divisive issue right now, right now in our nation and in many marriages in our nation. And so I'm thankful for this question. And it's, it's. But it's a hot button one.

So, yeah, it might, might hit a nerve with some of you.

Right.

But before we dive in, I just wanna say if you want to have one of your questions answered live on the podcast, then you can submit it to nakedmarriagepodcast.com and those are the specific questions that we answer. All right. Do you want me to read it?

Sweetie, you have a lovely reading voice. So, yes.

All right. It says, I have enjoyed all the information and advice gleaned. However, I haven't heard or seen anything that deals with a current challenge which created the gulf in my marriage. I supported Trump and my spouse is a die hard Democrat from New York. We were happily in love and married for two years until the night of November 8, 2016, when he shunned me for two weeks because he was in, quote, mourning. It took over a year for him to agree to go to counseling with a Christian counselor, but it's still difficult. And we now have nothing we can talk about because everything has become politicized. What might you have to encourage Christians like myself who apparently have wrong thinking because we support potus. By the way, I am Canadian and didn't even vote in the 2016 election. Never knew our politics were so different until that night.

Yeah. Yeah. This is a big one. I mean, and it's never been bigger than it is right now because I don't think things have ever been as politically polarized as they are right now. And in the past, like, I knew couples that had different political leanings.

Oh, yeah.

And it was just, you know, it was something they would just sort of tease each other about.

Right.

But now, now it's like, everything has become so polarized, where it's like you're either for us or against this. You're either smart or an idiot. It's like everything is so, so polarized in a really just insulting kind of way. Like, the battle lines have been drawn. You've got to be on one side or the other, and that's all there is to it. I wrote an article, actually, several years ago on this that you could Google by Dave Willis on how to survive a politically divided marriage. And we'll kind of hit on a couple of those things. But a few of the high points is you gotta remember what's going on in your house is always more important than what's going on in the White House.

Absolutely.

Your marriage is defined by the unity that you share together, the way you love and serve one another. And again, unity does not mean uniformity. You're not gonna agree on everything. You might have vastly different opinions on what the. Even the size and scope of government should be. But part of the lie I think our culture has believed is that a political identity is somehow like identifying our very soul. Like, you can't disagree with me politically without attacking who I am as a human being in my very soul. And that's. That's just not true. Guys. Like, look, Jesus is who defines us, not who happens to be in the White House, but it's who is the savior sitting on the throne of our heart. And if we're not allowing him to be the one to kind of guide us into humbly serving and loving one another, even through disagreements, then, yes, everything is going to be a point of division. Because pride leads to division in marriage. Humility leads to unity in marriage. And so I would take a step back and kind of swallow our pride and say, you know what? We're going to have disagreements on this. We're probably not going to convince each other. Shouting about it isn't going to help. It's not that one of us is an idiot and one of us is not. We have very different perspectives based on our different upbringings, based on the way that we see the world in this particular area. But none of that is more important than unity and peace within this home. And I think that you have to start there with what's most important. And if you're allowing politics to become more important than the unity in your marriage, then, yeah, it is gonna start to unravel everything.

Right. You know, how you change the world starts with changing your home. And when you have civility in your home and especially if you have children, I mean, they're seeing that because, you know, I think where this gets especially complicated is when you have kids and one spouse is really kind of indoctrinating the kids to go for a certain candidate, and then they're going to school. And then that spouse, the other spouse who believes differently is like, how could you teach that to our kids? And so then you have, you know, these differences in how you're going to parent your kids and how you want them to kind of lean politically. And really, what's so much more important is their character and in knowing how to be kind to each other and knowing how to disagree properly. Because we do disagree. We're gonna disagree all the time, and we are gonna disagree with people we love, people we love very much. And so we have to be willing to approach that in a respectful and in a loving manner. And, you know, we have lots of friends and even family members that are in a politically divided marriage. And. And just in watching them navigate that, it just starts with just tremendous respect. And not trying to say, I'm right, you're wrong. Because especially in these political times, when we're getting ready for an election, it can get really heated.

It can. And I would say, in this. In any area of marriage, don't lose your sense of humor.

Exactly.

I mean, the couples that are in this situation that are the healthiest ones we know, they just joke about it. Like, they'll put the other candidate's bumper sticker on their spouse's car or, like, sign their spouse up for the other candidate's, like, email list. I mean, just. And just, like, as a playful way to have fun with it. But when it becomes this point where you can't even talk about anything because it becomes politicized, that's really a deeper. A deeper issue. We need to get back to the heart of saying, lord, bring us back to a place of unity and joy in our marriage, and don't let our joy be robbed by this or by anything. So pray for each other and also pray together for. For the political leaders that happen to be in office, whomever they may be. The Bible says pray for those in authority. Not only pray for those that you happen to vote for.

Right?

So at all times and all seasons, pray for the president, pray for the Congress, pray for the Supreme Court, pray for your local government, and really mean it when you pray that the Lord would guide their hearts, that the Lord would give them wisdom. And I think as we pray and as we trust God, we remind ourselves that he's on the throne for eternity and not just for four years at a time. And it helps us look at the current whatever's happened currently, whether we're way for it or way against it, with the right mentality. And we don't start worshiping politics because really, politics have kind of become a false God of our age. You know, people look at it for their very identity when they should be looking for Jesus. And so, yeah, I think we should vote and we should be part of that whole process and we should take advantage of the freedoms we have. But man, don't let those freedoms turned into a place of such division and anger the way that it's happened for so many.

And I want to say this too. So many people are putting so much effort and thought into who they vote for and they're educating themselves and they're getting so into it. And I would just say, are you giving that much effort and thought and prayer to your own marriage? Because if the answer is no, then things are off kilter. Because our marriage and our home and the peace in our marriage and home deserve more effort than whatever's going on in politics. And I'm not saying it's wrong. Like Dave said, be involved and be read up on what's really going on and educate yourself on the issues. But if you're putting way more effort towards that and then just fighting your spouse on it, then we're not really doing it God's way. God wants us to give much more effort to our marriages and to the peace in our own home and in our hearts, in our relationship with him. Reading the Bible, you know, educating ourselves on what God's word says. And when we do that, we're going to have more peace and we're going to be able to approach someone who disagrees with us in a much more peaceful manner.

Man, that's good stuff. Hope that helped you guys today. Thank you for that question and thank you for all of you who. Who leave questions who follow us on social media. Again, we are Dave and Ashley Willis. You can find us on Instagram, on Facebook, wherever you happen to be. We're part of the team at Marriage Today. You can find out more@marriagetoday.com thank you for listening and subscribing to this podcast. We read every single review and your reviews and your subscriptions really help us. It encourages us, but it also helps others discover the important message that we're doing here on the Naked Marriage podcast. So thank you guys so much for that. Thank you for listening. Thank you for reviewing.

We will see you next time.

Bye, guys.