How To Raise Respectful Kids | Parenting Uncovered | Dave & Ashley Willis

Foreign.

We're so excited to be on this journey with you. Hey, I don't think I said this at the start of last episode, but we don't want you to ever leave before the end of the episode, because every time we're gonna end with something really special. At the end of every episode, you're gonna get a dad joke from Dave.

Woohoo.

And a fascinating fact from Ashley. And her fascinating facts about parenting are super fascinating. My dad jokes are mostly terrible. I love them, but that's what makes them great. And if you want to submit a fascinating fact or a dad joke or if you just have a question or a topic you want us to cover, write us on Instagram. We're at Dave and Ashley Willis on Instagram. We would love to connect with you there. We appreciate all the messages and feedback you leave us there. And, yeah, we're excited about today's episode. It's an important topic.

Yes.

One of the most difficult topics at times in this very confused world we're living in. But how to teach kids respect, especially in a world that seems to have lost sight of what respect even means.

I think it's so true. You know, it's kind of. It seems silly that we have to say that. That we have to say, like, this is a controversial topic, but it really is. I mean, I. Actually, some of you may know this if you listen to our Naked Marriage podcast, because I've shared that a little bit. But I used to be a teacher. Like, I taught middle school. I taught sixth grade, and I taught eighth grade, and I rem and teaching. And this was probably, what, like, 10 years ago that I was teaching. I remember how people had, like, students and parents and maybe even some teachers all had very different ideas about what respect is. And I just think it was kind of a cultural commentary on kind of the state of things in America, because it's like, no one could agree on what respect even is. And so I think right out of the gate, sweetie, we need to define what is respect? Like, what is respect?

Well, because of Aretha Franklin, I at least know how to spell it.

Yes.

And it is R, E, S, P, E, C, T. And it's time to find out what it means to me.

Okay, that was Michael Scott.

Yeah.

R, A, S, P, C, D. Right. All right. No, that's. Seriously, I'm, like, thinking about it, but yes, thank you, Aretha Franklin. We always know how to spell respect. And that is a great song.

Let's start with the actual dictionary definition, and then we can start. We can launch from there to our own commentary to see how correct we think this is. Because sometimes the dictionary gets it right, sometimes the dictionary leaves some things out.

So I'm going to find the verse that I'm thinking of right now as you're doing that.

All right, so respect Several definitions here. Number one, a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements, as in the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor. Or number two, due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. Young people's lack of respect for their parents as a verb to admire something or someone deeply. So all of those are kind of like tied to respect being earned, I guess, through very specific actions like I respect you because of this. We're really talking about a broader concept. Maybe honor would even be a better word.

I really do think honor is a.

Better word than respect, because we honor those, because it's a way of honoring God. Showing reverence, showing respect, showing gratitude, showing deference and saying, I value you. That's really what we're saying with respect and with honor. With all these words, we're trying to teach kids the importance of valuing others, considering others. Jesus would have described it, like as the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat others how you want to be treated. That's the simplest definition of respect that I can think of. That we're treating others the way we want to be treated.

Exactly. And I'm going to share some other verses that really kind of tie into what you're talking about with respect and honor going hand in hand. First of all, we have Romans 12:10. It says, Be devoted to one another in love. So that means we need to have love, just love of humanity, because they are God's creation, just like we are. And it says, honor one another above yourselves. I love this. In Philippians 2:3, it says, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself. So, you know, seeing again, it's having that love, respect, value and honor. Titus 2:7 says this in everything. Set them an example by doing what is good in your teaching. Show integrity and seriousness. First Peter 2:17 says this. Show proper respect to everyone. Love the family of believers. Fear God. Honor the emperor, so honor the leader. And then First Corinthians 10:33 says, Even as I try to please everyone in every way, for I'm not seeking my own good, but the good of many so that they may be saved in Other words, just not being all up in your own, you know, concern for yourself only, but being concerned for others and then treating them, you know, with that respect and honor that God calls us to do. There's many. There's many other, you know, verses about honor and respect, but I think those are some that really stick out. And you shared, you know, the golden rule about, you know, treating others as. As you would have them treat you. And I think that, you know, when our kids are young, I think they can understand that. You know, I remember our boys, you know, we had our first two boys only about two years apart almost to the day. And I remember very quickly when they became, you know, probably one. One of them was one and a half and the other was three and a half. They started having little fights and they would take the toy or they would even slap you. Babies don't know. I mean, they might go up and.

Just even once they did know, they.

Would try to hurt each other. Even when they know each other. Even when they know. Exactly. And I remember you don't really want to let that happen because then that's saying, like, that's okay, you know. And I remember going over and saying, no, no, no, you don't take your brother's toy. And this is even before, like, they're actually talking and forming words. But I think it's important to say, you know, to the older sibling, let's say the three and a half year old took the one and a half year old's toy. Okay. You would say, listen, would you want your brother to do that to you? And most likely he would say, no. You know, and then you can say, well, then don't do that to your brother. I mean, you know, we're going to show him respect. Maybe you can play with this toy in a little bit. But right now, you know, he's playing with it, and once he's done playing with that, then you can maybe have it. I mean, he's one and a half, so he can't ask for his permission. But at the point when he can ask for permission, you know, and they're able to articulate that, then I would. That's a way to show respect, is to ask, you know, eventually it's just.

Treating others the way you want to be treated.

Exactly.

You would want to be asked yourself. And so ask somebody else.

Exactly.

Not just taking what you want, somebody else being considerate, being kind. And in our world, you know, we're all. We all come out of the womb pretty selfish.

We do.

We're born into a sinful nature. Thankfully, we're created in God's image as well. So, like, you know, we've got the capacity to learn and grow and all those things, but all of us are sinners. And you see that right from the start, man. They come out of the womb selfish. And all of us struggle with that all of our lives. And then the world, I think, perpetuates it. This very consumeristic culture that we live in makes money off of our selfishness and tries to keep us in that cycle. And Jesus is inviting us into another way of life, another rhythm of living where we're considering other people, where we're valuing other people. And we've got to be so intentional about teaching our kids that. Last week, in the very first episode, foundationally, we talked about teaching your kids to love Jesus. I really think that's where this starts.

It totally does. And I think about how Jesus always went against the cultural norms, especially if they weren't a reflection of God. I think about when he talks about turning the other cheek to retaliate back to someone, in essence, turn the other cheek. You know, let them. If they hit you on one side of the cheek, they're gonna hit you on the other. And that's in essence saying. I mean, it's one way of saying, show respect. Don't stoop to their level where if someone's mean to you, you're mean back. Instead, show them respect and kindness. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, but this means that you kindly say, that wasn't very nice, but I'm gonna walk the other way. I'm not gonna get muddy with you. I'm not gonna fight with you. I'm gonna walk the other way. But, you know, we can be strong and in showing respect, but I think we do live in a culture where there's been this narrative of sorry, not sorry. And I know a lot of people say that tongue in cheek, they're joking about it. But I mean, online, you see these whole people dropping what they think is a truth bomb and then never even having a conversation about it. And you see kids, you know, like teenage kids on Snapchat, you know, going at, you know, having these mean things about each other and not really showing each other respect and also saying things, you know, through text and on social media platforms that they would never say in person. And so it's really. It's really sending the wrong message to our young people that words don't really matter and that they aren't Even part of this whole respect equation. But the truth of the matter is words are so important, they are so powerful, they tend to stick. It's hard to forget what someone has said to you. And on the flip side of that, like we're talking about the negative part of it. When words carry so much weight and can lift up and can, I mean literally chart new courses in your life and they shape your life. And I think when we can teach our kids the power of words and how if you get it wrong, the power of an I'm sorry, don't believe this sorry, not sorry stuff. And I think where that comes from is like, I think what they're, it's kind of the pendulum has swung really far to this other side saying, oh, you should never apologize. Have you heard that? They're like, never apologize. And I get, I think it started with someone saying, be confident. You don't have to explain yourself. Be who you are, don't apologize. And that in and of itself isn't a bad thing. Be confident. Yes. And don't feel like you constantly have to apologize for who you are. I totally get that. But as far as our actions and as far as how we treat people, we can't just willy nilly go around, say we want to say and do whatever we want to do and then just drop it and walk off and act like we'll just deal with it. Sorry, not sorry. I mean that that's gonna lead to terrible relationships. It's gonna lead to, you know, if they stick around, if you treat em like that, it's gonna certainly be toxic and manipulative and it's just not godly. And so I think as parents, we first of all again have to model this behavior. I think where kids often first learn this and this is gonna step on some toes. But where kids often first learn a lack of respect is by how their parents don't have respect for each other.

There it is.

I mean, it really is, it is. And I know it's sticky and I'm like hitting the mic because I'm like, oh, I know I'm step. But you guys and all of us fail at this sometimes. Like we all do. Okay. Like none of us are gonna get this right 100% of the time, but let me tell you, one of the most powerful, powerful things you can do is when maybe you've had a disrespectful moment with your spouse, for your children to see you very authentically seeking forgiveness for that disrespectful moment is so Powerful.

It really is.

And to see your spouse, to see their parent, your spouse, to accept that apology and to say, I love you, thank you for that apology is so powerful. And that's where they learn it. They learn it from what we're modeling. It's not the only place. I think we can also teach them in correction when maybe they've gotten it wrong. But what's even more powerful than that is how we treat each other, but also how we treat our kids. I think sometimes we expect our kids to be respectful in a way that we don't even respect them. And I was convicted of this years ago. I mean, I. I would sometimes just get snarky because I'm a frustrated mom, and I'd be disrespectful. And then I really felt convicted by it. And then I would go and say, I'm sorry because, I mean, I obviously needed to say I'm sorry to my child. But I think that, you know, I think it's important for our kids, our kids to see it modeled not only in how we treat our spouse, but also in how we treat them and how we allow them to treat us.

Yeah. Your kids are watching. Like we said last week, if you want to teach your kids to love Jesus, then you've got to love Jesus. Let them catch you reading the Bible and let them see you praying and let them see you prioritizing these things and with respect. I mean, obviously they're going to look to you as their first example, an.

Imperfect human being, as we all are.

Yeah. And on our other podcast, the Naked Marriage podcast, we have a ton of content about. About respect and about communication and how to. Even if you've gotten into a negative cycle, breaking out of that in a healthy way. But I know some of you are listening and you're maybe a single parent.

Single parent.

And we're glad you're here. I mean, you're doing an amazing job trying to do the work of two parents as one. But, sweetie, what would your advice be for that parent that's like, well, I don't have a lot of adult interaction in the home for the kids to see, to look to as a model. So, you know what, what can that person do? And I would say, too, to start there, you model it. By the way you talk to your kids.

100%. I was going to say, I mean, single parents, you're awesome. I mean, you are awesome. And I would say you are modeling it for them for sure. And I think, too, for those of you who are maybe divorced and you are splitting. You know, the kids are splitting time. How they see you treat their father, treat their mother is huge too. And I know you all have probably, if you're. If you're, you know, you've dealt with a difficult divorce and a child custody agreement, there's probably been some hurtful words that have been said. But I know people who've walked through that road and for the sake of their children and to model respect, have really done a lot of hard work to get to the point where they can be civil. And that is so powerful. To see both of their parents, even though they're not in that home together anymore, to see both of their parents to show respect to each other, so powerful. And I would say, too, maybe if that's not your situation and you're a single parent, they're gonna see how you talk to your own parents. They're gonna see how you talk to your friends and how you talk to their teachers and all of that. And this isn't just to put just crazy amounts of pressure on you guys or us. I mean, like, again, we're gonna fail. We're gonna mess up. But I think just seeing an authentic Christ follower parent doing the best they can to live it out and then saying they're sorry and meaning it and trying to do better the next time, that's powerful, man.

That's so good, guys. I hope that was helpful to you. But, hey, the episode's not over. That's right, because it's time for my favorite part of the episode.

I need to do a little sting, like Dave's dad joke and fascinating facts with Ashley. Ding, ding, ding.

Maybe not. We'll keep working on that. Don't let that attempt at a jingle turn you away. Pretty sad keeping on with this podcast. But as promised, we're gonna end every episode with a dad joke from Dave and a fascinating fact from Ashley.

That's right.

Our producing team voted on this week's dad joke, and this was the winner. What do you call a whale with no underwear?

I don't know. What do you call a whale with no underwear?

Free Willy.

Whimp. Whamp. Wham.

Okay.

Alrighty.

Can I. I'll go ahead and give you second place, too.

I just.

Because I like.

I like the Free Willy movie. I just want to say that's where my mind went to the actual movie about the whale.

Yeah.

And not in the gutter like some.

All right, well, say that. I think Free Willy's hilarious.

All right.

You know, you gotta wait until next week. To get the other one. But it's no underwear involved in next week's joke.

No, no. Yes.

But it's probably not as funny too, because underwear is.

That was a middle school one. That was a middle school joke.

Probably.

Probably when we were in middle school. People are saying that since Free Willy came out when we were in middle school. But. All right. So fascinating fact today is actually taken from a site called Fascinate.com and I thought this was so interesting. It said, in Vietnam, babies are often potty trained using a whistle. And it works. Vietnamese babies are potty trained as early as nine months old. Yes.

You know who we need to ask about this on our team? Dan Van is from Vietnam. He didn't move to the United States until I think he was, like, seven.

I think that's about right.

So he would have been potty trained.

He might have been trained like that. We don't know. And he's.

I see him right there. He's out. We need to ask him in the lobby. So we're gonna. We're gonna ask him after this, and.

We'Re gonna report back if this is.

A true fact about the potty training. Cause I'm fascinated.

Whistle training in Vietnam. Have you heard of this potty training? He's heard of it, and they said it works as early as nine minutes. He is getting the okay. He is giving.

Look at this, man.

You heard it here first, guys.

Probably he was able to use a urinal at like, six months old. He's, like the smartest guy on our team.

Oh, my gosh.

So look at that in real time. We got the fact check. Like, that's amazing.

That is amazing.

So my mind is blown.

I know. I never even knew that, but that's amazing.

See, your fascinating facts, they just blow me away.

Wow. Again, if you want to submit a dad joke or a fascinating fact, please go to Instagram and follow us and message us, or direct message us, as they say, Aveadashley Willis. And we will get back to you and hopefully share it. And we will say your name if you'd like us to say your name if not. And you want to be anonymous, no big deal.

Yeah. But please. Yeah, write us. We really, really appreciate it. Listen and listen. We're not gonna, you know, just share. Share resources every single time. You know, we. We shared a lot of resources last week for teaching kids about Jesus.

I love hearing about resources personally, when I listen to podcasts. So share away. So, sweetie.

Right. So share. Share away. So I think, you know, to give a Few plugs for some resources we actually have here at xo.

Yes, yes. Lots of resources.

So I have a devotional on the Book of Proverbs. The Book of Proverbs, I think, is a great template for what respect looks like, for what wisdom looks like. It's a book in the Bible. And start there. Start with the Bible, obviously. The devotional I did on it, there's one just for young adults. It could even be for, like younger teens, I think. And it's called Think Like Jesus. So you can check that out for parents. This is more of a marriage book, but I think kind of about respect within your family. Married into the family, which is primarily about in law relationships, but it has so much in it about respect, even family relationships, family relationships and how to show respect. And so the XO store, you can go to xomarriage.com or Amazon, or Amazon. There's a lot there, a lot on parenting. We're adding more and more resources on parenting. Our ministries founder, Jimmy Evans just released a powerful new book on parenting. And he's farther along in the journey than us. You know, that's right. Grown kids, raised great kids.

Great grandkids.

He's got great grandkids. I mean, he's doing it. Him and Karen are doing it, right?

His grandkids are great.

Yeah, his grandkids are awesome.

That's right.

So check out the XO Marriage Store, the whole library, and also write us on Instagram and let us know what you want to see in this podcast. We're still developing. We've had some great interviews. We can't wait to start airing those. We've got some good topics lined up, but we want this whole podcast to be a service to you. We're all on this parenting journey together. We're learning together. Write us, tell us what you want to hear about, and we want to cater this to help your family thrive. That's why we're doing this, to help your family thrive. And so thank you for investing this time to be a better mom or a better dad. We love you, we appreciate you, and we'll look forward to seeing you next time.

Bye, guys.