A podcast Q&A episode (Dave and Ashley Willis) addressing whether online sexual activity (sexting/FaceTime sex, “Christian porn”) between spouses is morally acceptable, especially when one partner travels. Hosts discuss practical concerns (privacy, recording, children seeing content), pastoral/Biblical perspective (no explicit prohibition; emphasis on mutual consent and safety), and prudence around technology risks. Tone is conversational, pastoral, and mildly humorous.
Chapters
All right, guys, we are going to transition to my favorite part of the episode every week, and that's the question and answer. Because I love, love, love, love the questions that we get. And we don't see these questions beforehand.
We don't see them.
Our producer, Marcus, sends us these questions. Sometimes I think he sends us them just to throw us a curve ball because he'll, like, dig through the pile and. And throw us, like, the hard. He never throws us the easy ones. You know, I'll tell him that.
He keeps us on our toes.
He keeps us on our toes, and today's question keeps us on our toes. And so I'm going to read it because I just. I see what it's about, and already it's like, this is a hot one. All right, so here's the question. And by the way, if you want to send us questions, you can send these to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can also reach out to us on social media. The questions we answer on air are the ones that come specifically to that Naked marriage podcast site. But you can write us on Instagram, Ave and Ashley Willis, or if you just search the keyword marriage on Facebook, our page will pop up. And we do respond there as well. But today's question says, my husband travels a lot, and when traveling, he desires for us to have online sex. I was initially uncomfortable, but over a period of time, I gave in with hopes it would improve our marriage. As a Christian, I'm still not sure if this is right. What are your thoughts? So online sex, and so we do get written questions about these kinds of things, and technology sort of created a whole new area where a lot's possible that wasn't possible before. And for couples who are traveling, who they're apart physically, they're on deployments. You know, there are a lot of different circumstances that can create physical distance. There are those. There are a lot of people that have written and said, you know, my. My husband. It's usually, you know, usually. Not always, but usually the husband who initiates this and says, I want to feel connected to you sexually. You know, I want some sexual connection and sexual release. And I don't want to just turn to porn, which is clearly out of bounds and wrong. But I want us to be able to kind of, as best we can through technology, recreate some sexual intimacy, and then just to creatively, through FaceTime or Zoom or whatever you're on to, you know, get creative with that. And then the questions like, this wife is asking, like, is this right I mean, am I making, you know, is this right? You know, we're making videos like that and then sending them to each other as husband and wife, which is a term that some people have actually coined as Christian porn, which just means, you know, you're making these sexually explicit videos specifically and exclusively for each other within marriage. And there's kind of debate as to, is that out of bounds? Is that right? Is that wrong? You know, what if that falls into the wrong hands, once it's recorded, it could go out there and be all over the Internet. Or my kid could be playing with my phone and scarred for life because he sees. I mean, there's a lot of nuances to it, but at the same time, when you're traveling and wanting to stay connected somehow, I'm just babbling at this point.
I know. I was like, you're really going on there, Marcus.
What have you done?
Okay. I actually have an opinion about this. And I mean, I think when you look at it on the surface, this is a husband and a wife who are married. They are only engaging with each other. I think as long like this is online. So I take that as real time. Okay. I would say first and foremost, it needs to be a very private safe. Like this can't be shared. This is not being recorded and used for pornography, but it is for each other in the moment. I think that that's just a modern day way to connect. And it wouldn't be any different than if you were each kind of stimulating yourselves while watching each other in person. I mean, and that's not wrong. There's nothing in the Bible that necessarily says that's wrong. I think though, the bigger question here is does she feel comfortable? Because the marriage bed needs to be a safe place. And I don't know if she's uncomfortable with it because she feels a little guilty. Like, is this something I'm really doing wrong? Or if really she doesn't find it enjoyable. I'm not really sure she didn't put that in there, but I think that that needs to be something you're both asking each other. But as far as biblically, I mean, we don't have anything in the Bible that says anything about this. I mean, you can go to Song Solomon and you can see they did a lot of spicy stuff for their time.
And if they had phones, they would.
If they had phones, they would have been doing this. There would have been some online sex going on. But I think that there shouldn't be any guilt or shame here as far as just in the moment, engaging with each other in that way. And we've certainly known, you know, people, couples who. Where one spouse travels or is in the military on deployment, and. And they've had to be creative in this way. So I think you have to make sure it's very private. And I don't know how all that stuff works technologically wise, but I would just make sure that, you know that this is a private online engagement. But I think that, Biblically speaking, I think if it's just the two of you engaging as a husband and wife, there's nothing in the Bible that says that's wrong.
Yeah, it's an innovation, but at the same time, I think there's prudence in, like Ashley said, just making sure that this isn't something that could be recorded and come back to.
Oh, absolutely.
Get you in some way. In a way that was an unintended use because like we've said, any sex within marriage is meant to be very private and very exclusive just for the two of you. But these are great insights and I appreciate the question, because now, sweetie, next time you travel or I travel, you can expect a FaceTime call. You can just expect it. Oh, wow.
Giving them ideas.
Yeah. More information than anyone wanted. And I have a feeling you would decline that call.
Our team is about to go vomit in the bathroom. You guys are taking me too far.
I think. Yeah, I could just hear you're just saying hitting decline and texting.
We're sorry, mom and dad.
Like, nope, this is not going to be our thing, but who knows? I can hope. I can hope.
But no judgment for those.
No judgment.
Yeah.
These are great questions, you guys. I appreciate you writing them in.
Yes. We appreciate your honesty. Thank you all so much for tuning in, and we hope to see you next time.
