Josh & Sav Talk Raising Young Kids | Parenting Uncovered | Dave & Ashley Willis

Foreign.

Welcome to Parenting Uncovered. I'm super excited about today's conversation. It's going to be especially helpful for those of you who have young kids at home. It's been a few years since we've had really little ones.

Yes.

But our guests today, they're in the thick of it with two precious, insanely cute little girls. We never had that either. We only had boys.

I know, I know.

But our guests today are awesome. This is really part two, because our first conversation with Josh and Savannah Alexander, Josh and Sav, as they're known all over the interwebs, was on the Naked Marriage podcast. So go check that out. We kind of hear their love story. It's a great love story. Somebody's gonna buy the movie rights to it. I'm already in my mind casting who's gonna play them. But today, we're gonna switch the gears and talk about parenting. And so, like I said, Josh and Sav are the parents of two precious little girls. And then in addition to that, they are. They're podcasters, they're content creators, they are dancers.

Yes. Super talented.

Just super talented, fun people. So we're gonna have a fun conversation. Guys, welcome.

Thank you for having us again.

Super excited to be here. Well, we are excited to talk about those early years, because before we actually hit play and we're doing the podcast today, we were talking, you know, back in the green room with you all about just how some of those years are a blur for us, and especially you guys just had a big move, and so you're in the midst of settling into a new. Having two little ones. And as of this recording, they are three months and two years old. Almost two. Yeah. And almost two. And so two kids under two, which is. That's a lot. That's a lot. What has been kind of the most surprising thing about parenthood for you all so far?

Surprising. What do you think?

I think for me, I'm surprised at actually how much easier it feels the second time around.

Yes. Yes.

I mean, you'd think it would get harder because you're doing, like, double the work and you have, like, two babies now.

Yeah.

But for me, the first time, it's just such a life change, and that was a lot harder for me, the transition from 0 to 1 than 1 to 2. Like, I feel like this. I'm like, we got this. Like, this is. But it's definitely. Obviously comes with his challenges still.

Definitely. I think for me, I'm gonna go this route of I didn't know that I could become more Patient than I was. Because when we first got married and just we were dating, like, God was working on my patience. Like, for me, me personally, I just like, wasn't that I just wanted things quickly, just sat a quick satisfaction. And when we got married, God was working on my patience. And then we had our first baby girl, and I was like, whoa. I'm like, my heart. My heart is softer. Everything just feels like a little slower, a little bit. And I'm just like, more patient with. With my daughters. And I didn't think that I could get to that. To that level of patience, but I think for me, just, yeah, patience and just learning that I can have more grace towards everything, towards my wife, especially during, like, postpartum and towards my girls. They're young, but, like, even still, just, they don't know anything. So, like, in my head, so it's just having more grace with myself, with my girls, with my wife. I think that's been tough for me. But we're on the up. We're getting there.

Yeah. Patience is a muscle that doesn't get talked about enough. But, like, it's not just something you got a finite amount, and you get that same amount your whole life. No, because when I was first a parent, I had no patience. Neither was.

We had a hard time.

Have a long way to go, even as like a semi old dude. But you're not old. I'm telling you, you do. You just. Parenting makes you more patient.

Definitely.

You have to.

Yeah, it kind of. It kind of forces that. I feel like it's very edifying. I feel like it really reveals. And I'm sure you guys have seen this and you'll see this more. It reveals some of the needs, like, where we need to grow, like in patience, for example. And I know for me personally, gosh, thinking back, I feel totally like what you're saying, Savannah, I feel like with that second one, even though we're doing a lot more, it was easier because it wasn't new to us. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, okay, we've done this before, but once, I don't know, you reach the. Those new phases, it is hard to have the patience because it can be, you know, they don't have language skills quite yet, and so they're frustrated. We're frustrated. We're trying to guide them through that. And so it is definitely an exercise in that. But the fact that you feel like it's getting better and not worse is a good thing because, I mean, you're, you know, so you have. You know, the oldest is 2. Has she shown any kind of like. I really hate that they say terrible twos. I feel like two's kind of sweet, personally. I honestly feel like three is where that. I mean, I don't want to her. I'm just being honest. I don't want to scare you, but I'm saying don't be surprised. I just wish someone had told me that. Is that what you're noticing with too? I mean, like, that it's not. Not terrible?

Yeah. We definitely, like. I would say actually right when our second was born, we started to notice her really, our oldest, coming into, like, her emotions. She's like, exactly a year and a half. And we're like, this timing is crazy. I'm like. She's like, starting to have little tantrums. And this is right as I'm about to give birth. But she's so sweet. And it's just, like, amazing to us how much she really listens. And I'm like, she understands everything we're saying. And I just. We have nothing to compare it to, obviously. Cause it's our first time, like, being parents, but it's just so beautiful. Even with her only being a year and a half, almost two. She really. I can like, see it in her eyes when I talk to her. I'm like, she knows what I'm saying. Like, she really does.

Yeah. With. With us not knowing what to compare it to. Like, I mean, yeah, we have, like, littles in our families, but, like, no one's that little. Like, so terrible twos. If she's having, like, a little tantrum or anything, to me, I'm just like, I've heard about this. This is a thing. Let's just see how we. How we react to it. And that. I need to work my patience with this at this time. But I. Because we don't know anything right now. We're just like, okay, this is just normal. This is, I guess, what they do. And she. I don't think she's having too bad of a. Of tantrums.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah, well. And I think it's. You all are so wise beyond their years, by the way. Like, don't you wish that we were more chill like them? Like, we. We always joke. We're like our. Our first two kids, man. It was such an experiment.

We had to have two more just.

And they're such great boys. We're a lot more chill with our second two. We really are. We're like, Completely different parents.

Yeah.

This because I feel like we. We were pretty intense feeling, I think for us. And maybe you all can speak to this too. We were the first kids in both of our families, grown kids to have kids. So the first grandkids we were too. And so there's no one else in the family to compare it to. We were really pretty much the first of our friends to have kids. Is it similar for you guys? Yeah, we had some coming close, you know, like. Like within a year they had kids too. But so it was very like there was no nobody like that. We go off of right. To go off of. Right. And so I read all the books. I mean Dave and I read lots of books and we, you know, we would try to learn everything. But I remember being like, I just don't. I felt like I was blowing it a lot of the time and I. Do you all ever feel that way? I mean, I'm just. Hopefully not. Because I don't know if that was.

Like we were so hard on ourselves.

Yeah. Like, I don't know if we were being too intense with ourselves.

But no, I've gone the other way now. I'm like too easy on myself.

He'll be fine.

I mean our 8 year old smokes cigarettes and has a tattoo and I'm.

Just like, oh sweetie.

Oh, sweet.

No, he loves that joke. No, Chatham. We are a lot more chill with Chatham though. We are.

He gets away with a lot more.

He probably does.

Yeah. That's what I've heard. The younger sibling. I'm the younger sibling. So I'm like, they get away with more because they're the second and they're just like, it's no big deal, it's fine.

Well. Cause you have perspective. Like you have more wisdom. Like with every passing year you're getting more wisdom. But I can tell you all are more chill than we were. And I think that's such a good thing. You all are wise in that.

I'd love to know like as you see each other. Cause parenthood changes you. Right. In all kinds of ways. So. So what's one way you've seen each other change? Or maybe something good you've seen, like as he's become a dad, as you become a mom, like how's. How's the relationship changed? And yeah.

You want to go first?

You can go.

I feel like we still have these moments to this day. And it's only. I mean our kids are still young, but almost two years. I'm like, we've been doing this for Kind of a minute now.

Yeah.

And we still have moments where we'll look at each other and we're like, we're parents. Like, we. We have two children, and, like, we are responsible for them.

We would literally, like, be in the living room sitting down. The girls could be just chilling, and we're just like, huh, Those are our girls. Like, we have to keep them alive. Like, it's like we're having, like, little things.

They're depending on us.

They're depending on us right here, now.

Sorry. Yeah, no, but I just think that is. We still have those surreal moments that we don't even realize we're, like, we are fully parents. But I think it's been such. I would say it's the coolest, like, version of Josh that I've known, like, to see him become a dad. Because I'm like, I thought I was in love with you, which I was, but it really is true. You always hear that, like, you fall more in love when you see your spouse, like, become a parent. And it's so true. Like, just watching, like, even just you alone parent them is, like, the most amazing thing to me. I'm like, you are just such a great father and.

Yeah, yeah, no, definitely. I think we've always wanted to have kids, even before we knew each other. And I've always dreamed of having kids, and so has she. And we would talk about it, but nothing can prepare you for it when you actually have it. And you don't know what's going to come along with that. And as soon as she became a mom, there was just this whole new. There's this whole new grace, just this whole new just woman that has just evolved in front of my eyes. We were married for about a year before we had our first. And I'm seeing just her just change and the way, like, she communicates to. To me, to other people. Like, we have these moments where we're like. If we're out in public with some friends or something like that, and I would say, babe, like, that was really attractive. The way you were just like. Like being a mom or the way you were, like, talking to people, because, like, it's. It's a new version. Like, I've never. We've known each other for five years or whatever, and each year it's something different. And now this version, I'm just like, wow, this is different. This is new. It's making me feel a certain type of way, in a good way, and I like it. So, yeah, I would say just seeing her in Just different seasons has been just a great thing for me personally. So.

Yeah, and it grows your relationship. I mean, it can be really hard, especially when they do really start having tantrums because it's triggering because you're like, I don't know how to help you, but I want to help you. But I think being team, you know, going, going, you know, towards trying to figure out how this all works together, it does grow you so much. And I feel like, you know, I will never forget having one of our kids. I don't know if it was Cooper or if it was Connor. Those are our first two, but I distinctly remember, like, having the baby. And I have my mother in law on one side and my mom on the other. Both of them were in the room, which people think I'm nuts for that. But it was so sweet. I loved having the two, you know, most important women in my life on both sides of me. And then Dave right there as I'm delivering and just, I just remember you being like, you're doing so good, you know, and just, it's a miracle. So excited. Not at all grossed out. Like, there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on, but you were like, all up in it and so excited, you know, And I just. Well, you know what I mean? All up in the moment. All up in the moment.

I was letting the doctors do their thing.

He's like, I was not holding that baby.

I had a front row seat to a miracle and it was incredible. Four times.

I mean, I know, but I know for me, just that. And I know that's probably very personal, but, like, I just remember that. And I just remember being so, like, thankful and being like, I'm so glad I married someone who's just in this with me and excited and it has. It just bonds you. And I think, you know, we live in a time where I think there's a lot of people scared to have kids. I mean, do y' all find that, I mean, among your friends?

Definitely. We've even gotten just like comments of, you know, like, this makes me like, never want to do this. Because we have talked about the hardships and sure, it's amazing and beautiful and like, we love, like, the versions that we've both become. But we've been through, like, some of the hardest things, like having children in our marriage, in our relationship. And it's just gotten us closer, though. Like, it's just brought us closer together. So obviously in the moment, you know, it sometimes doesn't feel like that, but yeah. Like, we wouldn't change it for the world, but we do. Like, people are afraid to have kids because of, like, the hardships that do come with it.

Yeah. And there are. I mean, just to. For those, you know, who are. Who are watching and listening and maybe haven't had kids yet, but you're watching, listening, because you do want to have kids. Don't be afraid. I mean, I feel like, yes, read the books, listen to the podcast, watch people like you guys and learn from others. But I also think, I love how you talked about how you're never completely prepared, because even though there are some things that are similar from family to family, it's so unique to each family. Each child is unique. Each birthing experience is unique. Even the seasons of childhood that each child goes through, it's unique. You'll find this with your girls. It's like you're gonna go through the toddler years with your first one and. And you're gonna kind of get the hang of it. And some of that will work with a second, but some of it won't. And like, what the leverage you had with discipline with the first one is not the leverage you have with the second. And it's like, it's just totally keeps us on our toes. And I think I feel like God.

Each kid's so different.

God is just up in heaven having, like a lot of so much. You know, we have to have a sense of humor with parenting.

Part of his sense of humor is often he'll give in our friends lives, they'll give a fairly easy child first. No child is totally easy. Some just have a personality, though, that's more. They're more pleaser, they're more compliant, they're more laid back. And a parent will have that as maybe a first child. And then they'll get real judgy over anybody else who has a child that's not like that, who's like strong wills. It's just because I'm a great parent that they never do whatever I say all the time. And then they have maybe a second or third child that is totally different. And then they have to go back and like, repent to all their friends that they judge.

I've had some friends and friends did.

This to us because our boys were pretty rambunctious. And I had a friend, good friend, who he had his son first, and his son was just like, super chill, super laid back. And he was convinced it was because he was just a great dad. That's why he's the dad.

Like he had cracked the code and.

Then he had this daughter that was, she's precious but just bouncing off the wall, defiant, just rebellious. And I was so entertained by all of that because he had to come back and be like, I was wrong, it had nothing to do with me.

He's like, I'm out of my league, I don't know what to do.

Parents take way too much credit and way too much blame for their.

It's so true.

Kids, God given personalities. It's like, you know, you work with what you love them as they are.

And you guide them and you guide them.

But that's why we're like kind of dealing with that right now a little bit. She's only three months our youngest, but we are.

And then I have to tell me.

To reel it in. She's like, you cannot compare them. But like I've been comparing our almost two year old to her. I'm like, she wasn't doing this at three months. Yes, she is a little different or whatever, but they are, it's, it's a reality check. They are all different. I thought they were going to be the exact same. Our first one, super easy. She was like sleeping through the night a little earlier possibly. And like she was, she still is. She's just chill and personality and I can't compare the personality to a three month old, but I'm comparing when she was a three month old.

Right.

Like, yeah, that, that's a little different, but they are different.

Yeah.

No, it really is crazy. And I, I really think you can tell three months they start to show a little personality. You really can. People who don't, who don't have kids, don't like, you don't know until, you know, until you experience it. But I think with all of our boys you had that little, little clues of like what kind of personality they would have, you know, Like I remember our third. He by far was our loudest. Like and not. And it was good or bad. Like it could be. He could be upset and like the loudest cry ever or excited and the loudest screams ever and even till this day. But he's turned out to be. Most of the time he's pretty quiet. He gave us a little run for our money in the preschool and kind of early kindergarten years. But super, I mean great kid. But he, he just. Some kids are louder, you know, and they're just more expressive and, and I think too being able to celebrate the, you know, the good things. I mean obviously there's some things you'll have to every child and every parent needs to work on. But I think it's good just to keep that in perspective. And so, you know, I'm excited for y' all to see those.

Yeah, it's gonna be super exciting just to see how they just raise together, how they are sisters together, creating that bond. Like, we're both. She has a sister close in age. I have a brother close in age. So knowing that our girls will have that, that's just super fun and, like, scary a little bit, too, because, like, for us, when they get older, I don't. We joke about them, like, I don't know if I can handle a teenage.

Yeah. Like, we cannot imagine that.

How are we going to raise some older girls?

But you will do it. Y' all gonna do it fabulously.

He'll prepare you this season, but we'll. We'll get there. We're not there yet.

It's so true. It's so true.

Yeah. He gives you the grace for the season that you're in because he really does. Because, like, now I feel like I couldn't go back and start over.

Wow.

Yes. Yeah.

But I feel like, yeah, you know, we're getting a grip on this season, but he does. He always gives us what we. It's the daily bread. He gives you what you need for that day. We start thinking about, like, 10 years down the road. He's like, no, no, no, not at all. Today. Focus on today. And he gives us what we need for today. But you guys are. You're doing an amazing job. I mean, it's just. And I encourage everybody listening or watching to go check out their social media. Not just for the adorable kid pictures.

Which there are so many beautiful pictures. Yes.

But so much great content. You're wise beyond your years. You're so much fun.

Yes. And real.

And real.

Yeah. And people, you know, people want to hear the real stuff. And so, you know, and because all of us are going, like you said, I mean, we have really high moments and things that surprise us where we're like, wow, that was better than expected. But we have a lot of hard moments, too, and I think it gives couples and families hope. Just when people are real and they're like, I went through this hard time, but God got me through it, so keep on doing what you're doing. And I'm just so excited to see more awesome pictures of your girls growing up. And I am such a baby person. Like, I obsessed love babies. I know that's closed for us, you know, but I'm like, I love the baby season. I honestly didn't mind being pregnant either. Did you like pregnant?

I actually enjoy being pregnant.

She said that she would like.

I also, yeah, I feel like giving birth to me is not the hard part. I think it's the. After that.

Oh, I'm completely with you. Postpartum can be a beast. But definitely, you know, and that maybe we'll have to have you on another time to talk about that because it is. It's a lot. It's a lot. But you were so right. And I, I'm always careful to say I like pregnancy, like, because I know it's different for everybody, but no babies. So when I see the picture, like, I'm just like, oh, she loves it.

We even have a baby sized dog. We do.

She's my perpetual baby.

We want to give you guys the last word. So we're going to do our fun fact. Ashley's fun fact.

Yes.

Why don't you go first and dad joke. But then at the end after that, you guys tell folks where they can find you. But in addition to that, I want you each to have one little piece of advice that you give to a brand new parent.

Okay, let's do it.

One little piece of advice from each of you. All right, so dad joke and fascinating fact. Which one first?

You go first because I had it on here and then it went away.

So many in my head. It's always hard to pick. This is so much pressure. Okay. Did you hear about the woman who divorced her husband after he had several of his toes amputated?

I did not. What happened?

Turns out she was lactose intolerant.

That's crazy.

Wow. Lactose intolerance. See, you can take these. You can not take them. You know, there's. You have a choice. All right, so today I'm going to share a fascinating fact from goodhousekeeping.com it talks about kind of some different parenting practices through the decades. So this is from the 1950s and this was advice for new mothers. Okay. It said mothers who reported feeling sad after their babies were born. We were talking about postpartum. So essentially postpartum depression. This is what they told them to do. They were not instructed to see a doctor or psychiatrist, which if you are watching or listening, that's what you need to do is go see, talk to your doctor and go see a Christian therapist or psychiatrist. But they were told not to do that. Instead they were told to strip furniture. Okay. Like take chemicals and go strip your furniture in your house. And this was in. This was published in the Mother and baby magazine of 1958. So basically, they're saying just. Just distract yourself and smell the fumes of the stripping oil and stuff that you're using to strip furniture. This is legit. This was in a magazine as how they should handle postpartum depression.

She finds the most interesting stuff that people used to think was a good idea. I wonder what, 50 years from now, what people are gonna look back on.

They're gonna say on what we're doing.

Now and say, who knows?

They'll be like, can you believe that?

Right? Right.

Oh, my goodness.

Before we go, give us each a. So for the new parents listening, what's one nugget of parenting wisdom you find?

Yes. You got it.

I would say just try not to have everything figured out. I know we kind of touched on this, but you really can't be like, as much as you wanna be prepared, you can be prepared, but you aren't gonna know until you're in it yourself. So I would say just give yourself grace and don't try to have it all figured out. Like, it will. It'll work out. Like, I feel like for me, I was so just fixated on, like, baby sleep, for example, and, like, trying to get them to sleep in a schedule, and it really just works out. And so if I could go back to our first, I would just, like, relax more. I know it's easier said than done because it's your first baby, but. And like, with that lean on support, because really having people around you is what's gonna make it easier. So.

Good stuff.

I would say. I would say breathe, relax. For us, our first postpartum, the first couple months. First few months, actually, it was very tough on me personally and my wife, postpartum. But it was tough because I was trying to understand what she wanted and I was trying to fix everything or try to. Oh, I know she needs this. She's crying, so I think she probably wants this. And I think I know what I'm doing, and I have absolutely no clue on what she actually wants. And nine times out of 10, she really didn't even know what she was wanting. So now knowing our second baby is just like, relax. Just let everything just happen. Communicate over. Communicate. Especially when, like, time, postpartum, things are happening and you don't know what's going on. For us, we weren't communicating that well when baby number one was here. And like I said, I would just assume and guess and that would cause more friction on our marriage and things like that. So I would just say, relax, breathe. Just let everything happen. Have grace for yourself. Have grace for your wife. Especially like the husbands, the dads. Like, sometimes they don't. We don't get talked about a lot, and rightfully so. Y' all just did the most, and you guys are doing a lot. But, like, give yourself grace, bro. Like, it's.

You're still going through a life change as well.

Yeah.

So that's so true.

Yeah.

You guys.

So beyond their ears.

Love it.

Guys, check them out. Joshandsav.com and on all the social channels. They're such a great following.

The For Us podcast.

For Us podcast. Yeah. Talking about all the stuff like this.

Yes.

Yeah.

If you're thinking they sound like pros on this podcast, it's because they are pros. So check out the For Us podcast. And, guys, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you, guys.

Yeah, we. We appreciate you. You got. I mean, we. We're honored. So keep up the good work and thank you, and we will hope to see you back real soon.

Yes, sir.

Let's make it happen, and we'll see you guys back next time on Parenting Uncovered.