Our #1 Secret To A Successful Marriage

Your personal relationship with God is the most important ingredient in your marriage. We're going to talk all about how faith plays a role in your relationship and how to stay together through life's challenges and not grow apart.

And you're going to want to watch till the end, because at the end of this video, we're sharing a very interesting statistic. This actually blew my mind. It's a surprising way that you can do this one thing consistently, and it will bring the divorce rate down to less than 1%. Couples who do this one thing have a less than 1% divorce rate, and it might surprise you what that one thing is. So stick around. We're Dave and Ashley Willis, and you're watching the Naked Marriage Podcast. All right, guys, so let's dive in the role of faith in intimate relationships and specifically, of course, in marriage. What does it mean to build our life on a foundation of God's Word? So when Jesus was teaching his very famous Sermon on the Mount, which you can find in the Bible and the Gospel of Matthew, chapters five through seven, he ends this teaching, the most famous sermon ever preached, where he's teaching us about life and love and faith. And really, it's just a master study in how to do everything God's way. And he gets to the very end and he wraps it all up by giving us this picture of. He says, certain man, you know, he built his house on a foundation of sand. There wasn't a strong foundation, and a storm came, blew his house down. Another guy built his house on a solid foundation, a foundation of rock. And the storm came, and his house withstood the storm. And he's like, you know, in the same way, you have got to build your life on a foundation that's going to last. The foundation of God's Word. That's the only thing that's going to help us withstand the storms of life. And so if you want your marriage to have that kind of foundation, you've got to build it on God's Word. It has to be rooted in the unchangeable truths and principles of. Of God's Word. Otherwise, you know, your feelings are going to change, the culture is going to change, your life, situations are going to change. Storms are going to happen to all of us in life. And if we don't have a solid foundation, those storms can completely destroy us. And maybe you're in a storm right now. Maybe you're even listening to this podcast, because normally you wouldn't listen to something that's so faith specific, but you're like, well, I've tried everything else, and it's not working, so what do I got to lose? And we're so glad you're here, by the way. God wants you to survive these storms. He doesn't send storms to punish us. Storms just happen because that's the world we're in. But he's telling us how to be prepared for that storm when it comes. And also, even when it's sunshine and outside, how to have the right foundation for your house, you've got to build it on the truth of God's word and inviting the Lord into your relationship. The more you love Jesus, the more capacity you're going to have to love each other.

He.

He's really the secret ingredient that's going to keep your marriage strong through every season.

He is. And I know for some it's daunting. You know, maybe you are a Christian, like, you've professed your faith, you've been baptized, and you're like, yes, I'm a Christian, but now what? Like, I. I don't. I mean, I feel slightly different, but I don't know even where to go with this. And my spouse has done the same thing. And we just, you know, we don't know where we go from here, how this works into our marriage. And I just want to say I commend you for watching this and listening to this because I know it can be intimidating. And you can look around to all the couples in your small group or at church, and you can be like, I just think they know something. I don't know. Or maybe they're just way more mature than me. And, you know, what is it? And I just want to tell you guys, listen, don't get caught in the comparison trap, because we are all on our own journey, and it really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, because your relationship with God is individual but also collective as a married unit. And so you just do you, okay, and tend to your relationship by first, you know, praying. Praying and cultivating that conversation with God. And I would encourage you to pray individually but also together. We've mentioned that before kind of in this series, but also it's good to be among a community of believers. I think a lot of times we are not growing spiritually, individually, or as a couple, because we think we can do it on our own. And we are in this culture, especially post Covid, where we've gotten used to just watching things online. Or maybe you count this as church. Like, maybe you're like, well, I listen to a Christian podcast. So, I mean, that's church for me. And I don't want to guilt you. I mean, I'm glad you're doing it. That is one step. Thank you for listening. We are honored to be shepherds to your faith in that aspect. But we're not enough, you guys. Like, it's not enough. I mean, you got to start somewhere. But I would just encourage you to look for a community of believers, to look for a church in your area. There is nothing that replaces that face to face contact. If you're not accustomed to that ever since COVID or ever. I mean, I know it's scary. It's scary to get out there and do something different, but I'm telling you, you don't even know what you're missing until you experience it. And we have seen the most growth spiritually in our relationship when we are intentional about going to church regularly. And I know Dave's a pastor, obviously we're there a lot, but even before he was officially a pastor, when we would make that commitment, it was. We were volunteers, actually. We got, we got. That's a whole other thing I'm gonna talk about in a minute. But when we made that commitment to attend church regularly, not to be legalistic, not because God is gonna love us more because we go to church, that's not what it's about. But about getting with other believers. You know, in the Bible it says as iron sharpens iron. That means like, you know, we're learning from each other, we're learning how to get sharper when it comes to being a Christian and living the Christ and also just getting hope and encouragement. That's what church can do for you. I think that the more you do that, the more you're going to grow spiritually, individually and together. But also one of the best things is to find a small group. I know I mentioned that briefly earlier, but if you are one where you attend church regularly, but you're kind of just going to church on Sundays and then going home and not really getting to know anybody in the church, I would encourage you to join a small group, maybe of people within your same season, or, or you could even join small groups individually, that you're just building your individual faith. We've done both. You've been part of men's small groups. I've been part of women's small groups. We've started them before. We've also many years been part of couples small groups. And let me tell you, they always start out really awkward and you're like I don't know why I did this. This is so awkward. But when you give it the time and investment, over time, people start sharing, and you realize, man, I have a lot more in common with these people than different. And really, the main commonality is being brothers and sisters in Christ. And that can be really awesome when you're, you know, going through different seasons of your marriage to just have people you can lean on and learn from who are trying to walk the godly walk that you're trying to do. And so it's so good. I want to add one more thing, and then, honey, I'll let you talk. I feel like I'm talking too much.

No, you're saying great stuff.

But I want to say, like, volunteering, like, becoming part of something where you end up giving back to the church, you know, and that's. That's how it goes. It's like you're first going, you're tasting, maybe it's online, and then you go in person, and then you maybe join a small group, and then you're like, okay, I want to volunteer. I want to actually give back to this church and this community in some way. That. That is where it. Couples who do this together and find something that they can do together, like greeting, you know, being greeters at the church or volunteering in the nursery at church, or being some of the kids teachers at church or coffee ministry, or. I mean, it could be you're on the music team together or want to use on the tech side of the music team and want to use out front. I mean, it could be a lot of different ways, but the couples that do this together, there is such a joy that I see on those couple's faces. I mean, we've been at our church on and off because we've had some moves in between. But our church, Stevens Creek Church in Augusta, Georgia, if you're ever out that way, come visit us. We've actually had some of you do it, and I just. It just.

Oh, yeah, we love you.

I just love it. They're like, I heard about you from the Naked Marriage podcast, you know, and I just love it. But we've been there about 17 years, and it's been such a gift to us. And, you know, volunteered in various. I mean, Dave is on staff there, and I'm now counseling there, and. But even before that, I mean, we volunteered in different capacities, and it is. It's just amazing how it draws you together. But over the years, you know, we've kind of counseled couples here and there and walk through some things and they end up a lot of times volunteering together and it like takes their marriage to a whole new level.

It really does. Yeah. I mean, it really. We've experienced it in our marriage.

Yes.

I mean, again, early years of our marriage gave us such a foundation. Is the community that came for volunteering together, the partnership, the shared vision and goals and just shared moments. Getting to just use our time and gifts and energy to do something meaningful together. It was so important and just great. I wish every couple could have that. You know, we did a missions trip together to Casa Shalom orphanage in Guatemala, which was a powerful experience. A great place that takes care of about a hundred kids.

You're hoping to go back again sometime soon if schedule.

Yeah, I've been there several times. It's a wonderful ministry and just those kids will steal your heart and being able to go together. We took our oldest son with us years ago and it was, I think, a life changing experience for him as well. So serving together as a family, serving together as a couple can be huge. You know, we have a Dream center that our church runs, which is a place in a less resourced part of our community that provides all kinds of different things, Resources, food, clothes. They had a Cinderella day recently where people donated old prom dresses or new ones, wedding dresses or new one. And these girls that might not have been able to afford to get dressed up and go to their school dances were able to get made up and get to walk the red carpet. And it was just really a special day.

It is.

And we weren't there. I wasn't even there for that. But I'm just saying that's some of the stuff that we have though, served at the Dream center, which is really cool.

And I see so many couples serving there. And like, I know we have some dear friends that serve on the food team there where I think every Sunday they make like a special dinner for people just in the community who want to come and have like.

And then they show them while they're eating, they put the church service from that day on. So folks are experiencing church, but they're also experiencing the love of the church just by being fed and cared for.

It's so cool. I mean, so many ways just to come alongside your spouse and really kind of live out your faith in a simple way. And I think again, we don't need to complicate it. Like, it's, I think so many times we assume, well, we don't really know anybody or you know what, we're just we're not as Christian as these people. Like, I don't know the Bible. Like, these people. I don't know if I can serve you guys. Like, if you're. You're a person who can do, you know, just basic tasks. I mean, we need all the hands and the feet and, like, it's like, come on, let's just help out, you know, and it's. Everybody is needed, and everybody has something they can give. And I think that it's like a. It's just an amazing way to grow as a couple is when you serve together. And God really honors that. Like, you will have fruit like that. You didn't realize, not only spiritually, but also in your marriage that comes from that. That you didn't even know you could experience. And it's like, here we are, you know, trying to pour into other people, but God always returns it back. And just. Whether it's through just that warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing you did something good, you know, to help somebody, or the fact that you get to watch your spouse. Like, one of my favorite things is watching Dave minister to others. And I don't just mean, like, preaching an amazing sermon, which he always does. But just the other day, we were in the car driving to Atlanta, like we always do, to fly out to Dallas, and you guys. It's busy. Like, we keep a really, really busy pace sometimes. Breaknecks, sometimes we gotta have boundaries. You know, we try to. Some of you write us, and you're like, have boundaries, you know, and we do. I promise you. We preach it, we try to live it out, but we also try to keep room for people who have needs, you know, and we're both in ministry. We want to be available. And I remember he got a call from a dear friend of ours, and they had recently experienced a death in their family. And, you know, Dave wasn't able to talk to him the day prior because of our kids or whatever. And he was like, oh, I need to call him. And like, here I am in the car.

And.

And he's this. This man had a lot of questions about where do we go? I mean, he's a Christian, but he's like, can you explain to me more what the Bible says about what happens after we pass away? And I just want to. You know, his wife had lost a parent, and he was like, I want to bring her just some peace and perspective. And first of all, I thought it was so awesome just knowing this couple, the leadership, the spiritual leadership he was taking in, wanting to minister to his wife in that moment as he's grieving too, but Dave walked him through it and, like, I took a picture of you and I'm not going to share it. It's for me, but it was you just spending a moment just doing what you do. I mean, so simply explaining these things and, you know, showing empathy and, like, it's just so cool, you know, that's what you'll get to experience when you take that step of faith and volunteer and do something together within. You know, knowing your ministering, like, knowing your activating your faith, like you're exercising it, you're doing it being the hands and feet of Jesus, it is cool to just take a moment and watch. And I love that. And, you know, sometimes people write us and they'll say, I was at an exo conference. And how you all look at each other is so sweet. Well, what you're watching is us, you know, doing one of the things that God has called us to and just stepping back and being really grateful for that. That's what that is. And so don't cut yourself off from experiencing that. It's just really cool. And you're going to. Sometimes through this process, you're going to discover things about your spouse you didn't even know. Like, wow, that's a spiritual gift you have that I didn't even know. You know, I mean, maybe your spouse is amazing praying with people like, like there's prayer ministries, and maybe as a couple you can go forward. You know, a lot of churches, like, we'll have altar calls and prayer times where people can come forward. And as a prayer warrior, ministry person or couple, you know, you get to come and people will come and tell you what they need prayer for, and you come around them and pray and you, like, you'll be in the midst of that prayer and God will, you know, just the Holy Spirit will move in a way where you're like, seeing your spouse or maybe yourself praying, and you're like, I don't even know where that came from. And it's like, well, it's God. You're seeing God move in your life, and not only does it touch your heart, you're helping somebody else. So just. Just be willing to go and step out and do those things. I'm telling you, they're some of my favorite parts of our marriage.

It is a gift. I mean, and we want that gift for you guys. It will look different in every relationship. Maybe you're not called to marriage ministry or you're not called to maybe working in a church. But all of us are called to be part of a church and to serve within the church. That's God's plan. You know, people think we hear all the time, like, oh, I don't need a church. Church is just, you know, full of hypocrites.

And I mean, well, yeah, it probably.

Is, but so, you know, so is them all. It's all works in progress. But at least the church, you know, we're working on it. We're trying, right? We're trying. But our faith can't fully be lived out in isolation. And when you read the Bible, you see that, you know, throughout the New Testament, so much of what we're commanded to do in Scripture requires relationship. It requires that context of doing, you know, encouraging each other, being accountable to each other, serving one another, breaking bread together, learning together, gathering together for worship. It's like God wants us to do all of these things. And if we're just doing church or faith solo, we're missing out on all of that. We are not saying you're not a Christian. It's not a heaven and hell thing. You put your faith in Christ. He's the one who saves. But to live for Christ, the only way we can fully live for Christ is to be part of his body, the church, and that's by his design. And yeah, no church is perfect, but your presence there should make it better. You know, you contributing the gifts that you have and the perspective that you have, like, they. They need you.

They need you.

They need you. And it can be awkward at first. You go into churches. You know, we've.

We know what that's like.

Yeah, we moved. We moved to the Dallas area, I don't know, like, six years ago to be, you know, part of exo. We're still working full time with xo. It's the joy of our life, being part of this team. But now we're back in Georgia, back at our home church. But for the few years we were here, it was difficult for us to feel, like, really connected in a church because I'd been on staff at a church for so many years, and now we're going and we're just starting from.

Scratch like most people do.

Like, yeah, most folks. And it gave me a lot of compassion for folks that are moving to new areas or, you know, going through that process. And it just. It felt awkward. There were things we liked about every church, but, you know, things that also felt a little bit weird. And it's like, where do we fit?

But we did it.

Like, I remember we did it.

And we challenged each other on it.

We did. We stuck with it. And now we've got some great, great friends at churches, you know, here in town. You know, I just preached at Keystone Church in Keller where we used to live. Pastor Brandon and Susan Thomas, great friends and part of this ministry. And here today. Later today, we're going to interview the Kleins on staff at Keystone Church, and they're going to talk about their adoption journey. And so many. And then other churches here in this community as well, that we've gotten connected to.

Well, I will tell you, too, because we did go to several different churches, mostly for our children, just trying to find where our children would fit and especially in, like, youth ministry. And I remember at Keystone specifically, we were like, we're not just going to sit in the pew. We're going to get involved. That's how you really get to know people. And like, I'd go, I went to the women's night. I think I knew one person at the time. And you guys, I'm an introvert. I know you see us at the conferences, meeting and greeting, and we're here. You like, oh, they're both extroverts. I mean, really not. Like, I. I really would love to just sit down one on one with someone. Like, when I see a crowd, I do get a little bit. A little bit overwhelmed. And I. You'll find me. I'll. I'll beeline it for someone that. Usually someone that looks lonely, like. Cause I'm like, oh, they're feeling. They're feeling off over there. It's another introvert. And I'll go talk about, like, we'll go deep fast. Like, I want to. I don't want to talk about the weather. Let's talk about, you know, what's going on in your life. That's hard right now. Like, let's. Let's talk about it. And so, you know, I had to get out of my comfort zone, but I did it. I was like, I'm doing this scared. I mean, I get that feeling. And like, you went to some stuff, too. You became a greeter. You'd never been a greeter. And like, you had to show up early, like, where's the team meeting? I got my name tag and where do I seat them? Where do I do this? And then I joined the worship team. And. But it was so great. I mean, I'm so glad I did it. It was not. It's not like right away you feel at home. I mean, but you know that these are steps I'm going to take that help to cultivate relationships.

And I had somebody be like, you know, a friend back home, like, why, why would you, why would you be a greeter? Like, like it was like beneath me or something. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

Greeters are the front lines, guys.

Yeah. I'm like, this is first off, first off, I firmly believe that someone who won't hold a door has no business holding a microphone.

Yeah, for sure.

But in the kingdom of God, Jesus modeled what servanthood looks like. He said even the Son of man didn't come to be served, but to serve. And he rolled up his sleeves and he washed feet and he hung out with folks who had no way to repay him. And he humbled himself and he's our model, he's our standard. And ultimately I think when we're serving, when we kind of like take our own egos out of stuff and we just roll up our sleeves and do do the basic things just for the sake of serving God, like he fills us up in a unique way.

He really does.

I'm telling you, like I was happy holding a door.

Well, and you really, you know, something like a first impressions or greeter, like churches call it all different kinds of things. You really get to meet people. And what I love about being on that committee or like the coffee committee or even the child check in committee, you are take, you are the one who is making it easy for other newcomers to feel at home. And so because we're all at that point sometime, we're all the newbie at some point. And I will tell you, I feel like God used that time of us being the newbies to remind us of how hard it is for you guys. Because we have been in ministry a long time, vocational ministry, and you just have a built in community, even though you still have to put work into it. But it's very built in. And it did remind us like this can be hard, you know, but also through that process I was reminded of just how important the church is, how important getting involved is and the intimacy that you get from that, like it does grow your spiritual intimacy with each other. And so that's the whole reason we're having this episode is like, just think about that. And I want to say this too. It's really important individually. I mean, we're talking about all this stuff together, but it's really important individually that we're trying to grow, grow spiritually as well. And that means reading our Bible, you know, reading God's word. Start with Proverbs, Dave. This is Dave's favorite thing. Like Proverbs is a very simple book to read that has all this wisdom if you want to have help reading it. Dave has a book called Think Like Jesus. It's available here really anywhere books are sold. But you can get it here at the store@exomarriage.com it's just awesome to walk you through the Proverbs. But Proverbs is just really practical, not intimidating.

Yeah, it's so practical to everyday life. That's why I think it's a great place to start for somebody that's maybe new and intimidated by the Bible. And it's also a great place to return for people who've been reading the Bible their whole lives. The Psalms are right next to the Proverbs.

Some of my favorites.

Right. Because it's this love poetry about God that also is so full of encouraging words, honest, very language for when you're, when you're frustrated, when you're confused by what God's doing, when life's hard, when life's good. It's like it covers the full human emotional spectrum. Yeah. And then I would also start with the stories of Jesus in the Bible. They're called the Gospels, the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John which each record the life of Jesus from a different perspective and to a different original audience. But each one of those books is so meaningful in helping us understand our Lord and Savior. And so start in those places and I think that'll teach you the teachings of Jesus and a lot of practical timeless wisdom for your life that's going to help you build a foundation of faith.

It will. And I want to say this, if you want to do a devotional, a devotional is simply a spiritually based book that is usually involves scripture and some thoughts on that scripture and then maybe sometimes a prayer. And you want to grow together in that way. Jimmy and Karen Evans, the founder of ExoMarriage, have this amazing devotional that is for 365 days. So a whole year long devotional where it has scripture in it, it has a good thought on marriage in it and even a prayer and just some things to think about. It's called I will and I really encourage you all to get it again. You can get it at store.xomarriage.com and it is just an incredible resource. You would get so much from that. And it's also very simple. Like it's not overwhelming. I think a lot of times when this, this is a new practice for us, like in spiritual disciplines, like reading that every day, you don't want something that's just going to be too much and you're going to end up not doing it.

Yeah, it's like a two minute read.

It's like two minutes and then pray together, move on with your day. It'd just be amazing. And I'm telling you, you'll see the fruit from that. So I encourage you to get that again. It's called the I will 365 day devotional.

Yeah. And I'll give you one more resource that's totally free for your faith, and it's the YouVersion Bible app. Y O U version. Like over a billion people worldwide have this app and it was started by our friends.

I use it all the time.

Yeah, I do, too. Our friends at Life Church, just up the road in Oklahoma. But now it reaches around the globe. It has daily devotionals, verse of the day. It has the Bible available for free in many different.

We have some free devotionals on there as well.

Yeah, we do. We do. So check out the YouVersion Bible app right on your phone. And yeah, we live in a time where there's so many resources available. You're listening right now. Just these podcasts like this one, to help you grow in your faith and also in your marriage. So thank you guys for taking advantage of that. All right. We promised at the beginning of this episode we were going to give you a statistic.

I love the statistic.

What you could do to bring your divorce rate to less than 1%. And it's from a Gallup poll that studied and said that couples who pray together have a 1 in 1152 chance of getting divorced. It's the biggest indicator of a low divorce rate are couples who consistently pray together. This study proves that praying together is one thing you can do to keep your marriage safe from divorce. And all of us can do it. If you don't know where to start, just start every day, grabbing hands at the end of the day and just saying, lord, thank you for my spouse. Thank you for this life you've given us. Jesus, thanks for dying on the cross for our sins and rising again from the dead so that we don't have to fear death anymore. Thank you for life and help us be the people you've created us to be. We receive everything you have for us and we love you, Lord, in Jesus name, amen. Maybe throw in some specific prayers about what you love about your spouse. God, thank you for my spouse. Thank you for my wife. Thank you for her kindness, her tenderness, her grace. Thank you. Thank you for the way she makes this house such a wonderful home. Help me be the husband she deserves. And when you bring your request to God with each other, it softens your heart towards each other and it invites God in to help you in those places that you need it most. And so just do that. It doesn't have to be long, fancy prayers. God knows what you need before you even ask. But if you'll do that together, it's one of the most intimate a couple can share. And apparently it's also great for almost completely eliminating the risk of divorce.

And I see why. I've always said it's really hard to stay mad at someone, especially your spouse, and pray for them at the same time. And I challenge you on it. I've tried. Like, it's really hard. You just keep he softens your heart. He may change your situation, but a lot of times I don't think he does in that moment just so that we can trust him. We can build our trust in him and then gradually things can improve. But it's amazing how God can really soften our hearts towards each other. So definitely start with prayer. And we have that practical way to help you guys start with prayer through our free prayer guide. All you do is click on the link in the description and we'll send you this free prayer guide to get you started again. Don't miss out on that. If you want to grow with your spouse spiritually or just get deeper into the Word. We have an entire series of short videos where we picked one verse from each book of the Bible for your marriage. This has been one of our most popular series. Just click right here and start binging the whole series. Like subscribe and see you next.