Psalms 15:4 // Summer of Scripture

Welcome to Summer of Scripture on the Naked marriage podcast. For 66 days in a row, we are releasing a daily devotional episode for your marriage. And over these 66 days, we're going to pull out one scripture from each of the 66 books of the Bible and talk about how it applies to your marriage. So if you listen to every single one of these episodes, you're going to have a comprehensive understanding of God's plan for your marriage. We encourage you to listen to everyone. Let's dive into today's scripture. Welcome to day 19. We're in the book of Psalms and man, it's hard to pick just like one verse from Psalms because it's like there's so much beauty in poetry. You think of like the 23rd Psalm, perhaps the most, you know, quoted passage.

It was my first, the first verses I ever learned as a Christian.

Yeah, the Lord is my shepherd.

I loved it.

I mean, it's just beautiful. Written by most of these. Were many of these written by King David, who was just a poet, a warrior, a king? He's a fascinating, a musician guy.

He was really. I mean, he definitely was a Renaissance man.

Yeah, he was ahead of his time.

Yes.

And yeah, so much good stuff in the Psalms. And I love how the Bible has poetry in it. Like, you know that it's not just history. It's like there are certain parts where we can only express our love to God through these beautiful poems and songs and psalms. And this one verse from Psalm 15:4 is one that we use because we use this verse this year in our XO conference talks about the power of perseverance. And the verse is talking about the kind of activities that God blesses. And he's like, he blesses those who despise flagrant sinners and honor the faithful followers of the Lord and keep their promises even when it hurts. Such people will stand firm forever. And that whole keep your promises even when it hurts. We really focused in on that one line in our talk on the power of perseverance, especially as it relates to marriage. Because your vows, your promises, there are going to be times where it hurts to keep them. And we're not talking about hurts like you're in an abusive situation because if you are, you need to get out and get the help and protection you need, but just the regular day to day pain of living with another human being who's also imperfect and the trials of life, there are going to be moments where it hurts to keep those promises. And you might feel like not being married that day, but you got to hold on, man.

I love this verse, and I think that it's a challenge for all of us. You know, our human nature says leave when it gets hard. You know what I'm saying? If this is hurting, if this is uncomfortable, then maybe you shouldn't even be in this relationship, or maybe you shouldn't try to go through this hard time with this person. And, I mean, that's just human nature is we just want to get out when it's hard. But I think that the thing about marriage, the reason marriage isn't just like a, hey, you want to get married and then you're married. Like, there's actual vows that we exchange is because we know, like on our wedding, we are making these promises because we know it's going to be hard to keep them. Okay. Because we know we have to establish a line in the sand saying, okay, I'm agreeing to this. You're agreeing to this before God, before all those that we love. And we're saying we are going to do our best to keep this. Like, why would we go to all this effort if it was easy?

Right.

Why?

The vows would just be for better, for richer, in health.

Exactly.

But, no, it's the other side of the vows are really the important part.

Exactly.

Because it's easy to keep the vow when it's for better, for health, for richer, but when it's poorer, worse, in sickness.

We don't like that.

Yeah. Or when you're frustrated and you don't want to forsake all others, you want to find some other person who hates you, and, you know, you want to find comfort in that. That's when your vows matter the most. That when we're tempted to break things off or to compromise.

Right. And so we have to dig deep. I mean, it's really in our faith, in our commitments. We have to really dig deep. But what found in our marriage, but also in all the different marriages that we've encountered over the years, people we've worked with over the years, is it's hard. You know, it feels really hard when we're walking through those hard times. But when you get through those hard times, on the other side of that endurance and that perseverance is a grit and an appreciation for each other and a faith in the Lord and what he brought you through that you did not have before. And we've lived this over and over and over again, and we will continue living it over and over again. And I think that we have to go in with that perspective. And I'll tell you, I was this like bright eyed, bushy tailed 20 year old on my wedding day with not a lot of life experience. Dave was 22. I mean I just turned 20, like I was barely 20, still in college. Dave had just graduated one week earlier. 22 year old. And we're both just thinking there's no problems coming our way. I mean, who does?

It's gonna be just smooth sailing. Yeah. And we had some wonderful times there.

Oh, we've had wonderful.

I mean even early on, you know, we were broke, but we had a ball.

Absolutely.

There was some really hard stuff we faced.

And it started right out of the gate. Right out of the gate.

It really started quickly and we were not equipped for it.

No.

But God was faithful.

Yes.

And he's still faithful.

And we didn't get through it alone. Like we reached out for help very quickly. It wasn't, you know, we had mentors at our church where we went through our premarital classes, which I love that they set it up that way. But also. And we've had mentors continuously over the years, but we went to professionals. Like, I mean, I would say within the first year of marriage, maybe the first few months, we reached out to a counselor that we got through our church, you know, network of counselors and immediately sat down. And a lot of, you know, we shared this throughout the Naked Marriage podcast and even in the summer of scripture, a lot of it boiled down to boundaries. You know, when you're very young and you get married, it can be especially hard on the parent in law relationship. And also even with your friends. Like sometimes that was a thing with us too. I mean we were, none of our friends were married right away. We were the first of our friends to get married.

We were like aliens.

I mean it wasn't relate to any.

Part of our life anymore because.

And they got offended too if we were like, no, we're going to be home together tonight. What do you mean you too good for us now that you're married? You know, like, I mean they don't know because they're still 22 or whatever. But you know, there was a lot to work through and, and it was, you know, it hurts sometimes because we were trying to under. Trying to figure out communication and trying to figure out sex and trying to figure out what, what job. I mean, I had a hard time, you know, I quickly graduated, I think about a year and a half into our marriage. And then I had the time finding a job and we were so broke and I, and then I, it Affected my, I, I really, it affected my self esteem.

Well, because you, you'd worked so hard. You amazing in school. You were valedictorian of your high school. You thrived in college. You, you were planning to be. You were pre law student of the year. And then you decided that.

But I pivoted and decided not to go to law school.

Yeah, because, you know, when I was.

Well, my internship, everybody hated their job.

So it was for us and. But you know, you had, you have so much talent, but in those early years, you couldn't find anybody who recognized it in the professional space.

Well, I couldn't even get an interview.

You couldn't get an interview?

I mean, honestly, I couldn't get it.

Eventually, you know, she was, you know.

You were, I was a temp.

You were temp. You waited tables at a place that they.

Oh, I did mashed taters.

It went out of business quickly, but it was basically like a buffet where they didn't tip hardly. Like. And so she was working for just nothing. Just.

And I have a college degree.

She's the most brilliant woman I know. And so I think God, he allowed us to experience some humbling situations.

He did. And then my worship team let me go. Do you remember that? Yeah, you got that literally, like fired.

From the worship team.

I was like. And really not officially fired. They didn't even care enough to call me. They just stopped putting me on the. What's that app that like you get the scheduler? And I was like, what is it me? No, I'm serious. But you know what it led to? Like, honestly, because it was a hard time for like. And I feel like God was really working on me. Like, okay, Ashley, you know, like, what defines you? I mean, I think it was like, what defines you? Is it this? You know, something you're good at? Is it a job? Is it being married? Is it, you know, what is it? And so it really was kind of like an identity crisis for me. And counseling really helped. Like, I. And I was seeing a counselor. We were seeing a counselor together to deal with the boundary issues with in laws. But we were also like, I was seeing a counselor individually. And it really was a humbling experience for me, but it really helped me. And I remember that, you know, kind of the worship thing and some other things too. We were also trying, remember we were trying to start a small group and we couldn't get anybody at our church to call us back. The church I grew up in. But do you know what? God used it, though? Didn't God Use it to get us to get out of our comfort zone. And we actually should have attended this other church because it was much closer. And ultimately, what that led to was some of the best years of our life volunteering with youth.

It really was.

And we never, ever would have gone out of. We would have never even explored that. So with all that to say, I think we have to continue to persevere through the trials, through the identity crises that we may have, and just support each other in it. And I will say there's a lot more to say about this. But just to shorten this, Dave, during that time of me going through. I mean, I really was. I'm not even. It was like, a delayed, like, identity crisis. I think a lot of teens go through that earlier, but mine was delayed. I mean, it was like, in the first year of marriage, I just really was like, who am I? You know? And I feel like you were such a great. Even though I know you were like, what is going on with my wife? You were so supportive in that and, like, list, you know, just affirming me on being who I am in Christ, you know, and really turning me to God. And, like, listen, your good grades don't define you. This job title doesn't define. You know what I'm saying? Like, who are you in Christ? I love you. I'm here for you no matter what. But you're not even defined by your role as a wife. You know, it's God who defines you. And just being able to persevere through that was just huge. I think if you had really pressured me to just get over it, I probably wouldn't have done as well. So I just thank you for that. But I think all of you watching, listening, what is it right now that you're going through? Are you going through a trial? Are you going through an identity crisis of sorts? Because it can happen at any time? Are you doubting God? Do you feel like it's hurting right now to keep your marriage vows? If so, talk about this with your spouse. And if it's something where it's a sticking point, where you're like, we're not able to get past this. Like, every time we talk about it, it's a fight, or every time we talk about it, I just shut down. Like, I don't even know how to even express myself. I just encourage you to reach out to our exo mediators@exomarriage.com help. And if it's not necessarily a marital issue, but a personal issue with yourself, find a trusted Christian counselor, Biblical counselor in your area. There's so many. You can even use our partner Faithful counseling. You can go to getfaithful.com nakedmarriage and meet with someone online. But whatever you do, make sure you reach out for help and know that you're not alone, man.

So, so good guys. Thanks for tuning in. Join US Tomorrow, day 20 will be in the Book of Proverbs, the Book of Wisdom.

My favorite.

And yeah, it's a favorite for both of us, so I'm really looking forward to it. We'll see you then.