Raising Kids Who Thrive with Kristen & Luis Román | Parenting Uncovered | Dave & Ashley Willis

Foreign. Welcome to Parenting Uncovered. We are Dave and Ashley Willis. And you guys, we have some dear friends on the podcast today who are just full of wisdom. Right, sweetie? Like, we admire them so much. And you guys, if you listen to the Naked Marriage podcast and follow Exo Marriage, are very familiar with them. But those of you who are new to Parenting Uncovered and maybe the whole Exo Marriage family, they may be new to you, and I'm so excited that. That they're gonna hear from them.

Yes. Yeah, I'm super excited. One of the main reasons I wanted to do this whole podcast in the first place is an opportunity to interview people that we admire and have learned from and want to learn more from and then want to help share their wisdom with others. And our friends Luis and Kristin Roman certainly fit that criteria. Luis and Kristin are pastors, they are authors, they are podcasters. They host Exito en la Familia on the Exo Network. They've been TV ministry superstars, intern, and are two of the most just down to earth and lovely people you'll ever meet. And they have three grown sons who all still like to hang out with them. And I want to know how. How to do that, because our sons.

Get to that age and they're great young men.

Like, they're just awesome, fine young men. So this family's, you know, they're. It's a bilingual family. They're reaching people in the English speaking world and the Spanish speaking world, and they're also two of our most fashionable friends.

They are always just. It's on point every time.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Always looking sharp.

Are.

If you're watching on YouTube, you see this, and they're a very lovely couple.

And even though, like, they're older and wiser, they both look younger than me somehow. I don't know, they look. Yeah. Muy hoven.

I don't know.

I don't know what the secret is, but we're going to talk about all that and more. Luis and Kristin, welcome to the podcast.

Welcome, you guys.

Hol amigos. Como stan bien, Gracias. Okay. This is not a Spanish podcast, so I get it, but I just wanted to say hello to everyone and we're excited to be here with you guys. I mean, this is super, super great. And we are happy and honored to be a part of this podcast.

Yeah. And it's super exciting also to be talking about a different topic. Right. I know we collaborate on marriage, and that's awesome, but what a great opportunity.

And I want to say something before we start. I Mean, like, I love you guys, the way that you do this, like, jumping from one topic to another, but full on. I mean, like, you just laughed and said, you know, we're going to do this, we're going to do this parenting thing. And you have this amazing voice also. And it's been great to share different opportunities with you guys through exo, and it's just been great. And I've seen how willing you always are to say, you know, we're going to bring more to the people that we talk to. And so I congratulate you for doing this.

Thank you.

Wow. Thank you for saying that, you all. And you know, Kristin, as you were, what we were saying, it's good to talk about something different. What a lot of our listeners and those watching don't know is you and I. And actually I know that you, you and Luis have, have talked about this, too, that it's, you know, we talk about parenting all the time, like in the green room.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We're hanging out.

We're often trying. We're asking you questions. And I mean, even recently, Kristen, as moms, we were all talking back in the green room, a lot of us, different speakers and podcasters. And so I'm just so excited to bring some of those conversations for others to hear because, you know, throughout the years that we've known you, I've learned so much from you as, as people who are a little further your marriage and parenting journey than us. And one thing we always talk about through the Naked Marriage podcast through xo, and anytime we can talk about this, we always tell people that it's good to have mentors, you know, people, mentors and friends that you can talk to and bounce ideas off of and learn from who are, you know, a little further ahead. And you guys have been that for us. And I know, you know, right now we have kids ranging in ages 4 boys from 8 to 18. And remind me the ages of your grown, your grown men that you guys have raised.

Yeah. So it's 24, 26 and 30. Yes.

So you guys have adult children, so you're a little further ahead than us. And you know, one thing that Dave and I like, it's a high value that we know you also value and have done, is that we want our kids to always come back home and want to be around us and be present in their lives. And like, we have seen that you guys have done that. Like, your kids not only are around you a lot and enjoy your company, but they also work alongside you with what you guys do. And how would you say in the years of raising them, what were some things that you all did to help to cultivate that to help to lead to where you are now?

Well, I mean I can say a couple of things that come to mind, but one of them is just consistency to be consistent in living life with them and just an honesty. I think those are the two big factors that for me when I look back and people have asked us, well what do you guys did or something and it's not that we have a perfect family at all, because we're not, but that's what make it different because we have been consistent in the principles that we have learned about parenting and about family. And it's always coming back, coming back to the basics. And if we have done something wrong, so we do celebrate the wins, we repent for the bad, we cry together, we laugh together and we just being honest. So I think the consistency of being real at home as we are at church and anywhere else, that has been a big, big factor for boys when this is something that we have asked them. So what has been good for you guys? And it's just that you guys keep it real. And I think so many parents today, they have like a different way of treating their kids, the way they treat others or pretend something. And kids can smell that when you are really being honest and real as a person, not just as a parent. Those are the things I think I'd.

Say also keeping things in the right order, it really makes a difference, like not rushing into, oh, we just want to be best friends and we're all going to hang out and have so much fun together and that's part of parenting. But you have to keep things first. First things first, that's what I would say. First things first is establishing the line of author, establishing respect, establishing a first time obedience before we can then build on that and build relationship with them. So what we've seen is many times families just, they reverse the order. So when the kids are little and cute and everything's fun, there's very little discipline in the home because everything seems harmless, right? So oh, they, you know, oh, they had a temper tantrum. I can just grab ahold of them and say, come on, I'm going to move you over here. You can't do that with a 15 year old. You can't say, you know, oh, in the middle of your temper tantrum, I'm going to pick you up and just move you to your room. So if you don't establish that line of authority and obedience. When they're young, you'll never have their true trust in their heart, because if they can't trust you to follow through with what you said when they were small, when you asked them to do something and you meant it, then why would they trust you later with your advice? So that's what we laid down, obedience and respect, and then that turned into honor later.

Yes.

Oh, that's so good. Yeah, that's a great pattern. And you're right. I think so many parents, they get that flip flop. They ignore the discipline in the early years and then pay for it later. So that's great wisdom. I'd love to kind of rewind the clock in your story back to those early years. You know, the last time we interviewed you on the Naked Marriage podcast, we asked about the start of your love story. And I love those stories about, you know, meeting, doing ministry together, the date nights at Taco Bell, and all of those fun, fun early days stories. But I want to fast forward some now to the early days of your parenting journey, where I believe you were. You were living in Mexico at that stage of life. And I'd love to hear just what life looked like then and then what the transition was like, you know, coming to the United States and, you know, your kids learning English and learning to kind of balance and respect and honor both cultures and. Yeah, I would just. Anything you want to share about all that? It's just a fascinating, fascinating journey.

Yeah. Well, when we moved to Mexico, I mean, we never thought that we were going to be there that long. We were there for 18 years, almost 19 years. And I remember when Kristen fell in love with me and she fell. No, I'm kidding.

That's not the joke.

Yeah, no. She said, I will follow you. This is true. I mean, our rings have the verse of Ruth that my people will be your people and your God will be my God. I will follow you wherever you go. And that's something that Kristen really have done and I admire of her because even when we move to Mexico, it's not that she keep her American just friends, because there's a lot of Americans down there that she could just keep speaking English only, but she really immersed in the culture and she really embraced our culture and she became a Mexican at heart. And with our boys, it was the same. We decided to become bicultural. And what that means is that we will make the decision to take the best of both cultures and just remove anything that was not godly from our cultures. And we have done that. And it has not been easy sometimes because we still keep our grow up. I mean, the way we grew up and things like that. And sometimes it's like where that came from. It's like eating mango at night. This is something. This is a funny story. When our kids were little, I will come home sometimes from work and I will say, and Kristen was feeding Josiah Christopher mango at night.

And I was like, well, yeah, if you get to live in a tropical place, you're going to eat mango all the time. Of course.

I mean, there's no tropical. But it's not.

Well, it's not super tropical, but mango is very easy. Avocado and mango were cheap and readily available.

Watermelon. Watermelon too. Like, all those fruits. Anyway, so. But I grew up knowing that that's not good for you at night. And you should never walk bare feet either, on your house. So when I'll come home, my kids will be barefoot, eating mango, eating mango. And I will be like, what are you doing, Kristen?

What?

I'm like, no, this is wrong. They're going to get sick. And then she's like, why? I'm like, well, I don't know. My granny used to say that, you know, it's just. And she said, well, we're going to figure that out.

And so I'd be like, prove it. Prove it to me. Show me the medical evidence.

No, I know. So, I mean, I. I was like, totally fine with that. I was like, okay, you're right. I don't know why we say that, but later my mom will come visit and she's like, why are they eating mango night? They're gonna get sick. So it's just like little funny things that we now laugh about that.

Yeah.

But in the moment, they were interesting.

We had to figure out what from our cultures were the keepers. And I know we had an experience also at Christmas because we couldn't keep all the traditions from both cultures. It's impossible. So we had to kind of pick and choose and see what worked, you know, what worked best for us. And, you know, like the staying up on the 24th for Christmas, December 24th, I discovered that his family stays up all night, like, literally. And now that we've all gotten older, not as much, but when the kids were little and they're open, opening presents at like, at 3:00am and, and the kids are like, all like on these sugar highs because they've been eating desserts all night, so they're like, raring to go and. And I'm like, passing out, like, Literally that night.

And.

And so I tried to do it for a couple years just to respect the culture and to respect his family. But I remember one year, I literally, in the morning, had vertigo, and I was like, okay, I'll just say it. I was throwing up from vertigo because I was so exhausted because we'd been up all night. Sorry I missed that.

I just said, that's the worst feeling I've had. It is. My heart goes out to you.

That is not a Feliz Navidad.

And so I just remember saying, I don't think I can do this anymore. Like, I've tried. I know the kids are having fun, but, you know, they'd be up all night, and then you have little ones, so they'd. You know, they crash, and then the baby would wake up right when you fell asleep. And I'm like, this part of the culture's not gonna work for us. I'm sorry. I tried. So some of it was like trial and error and just picking and choosing.

But one thing that I wanted just to share really fast about a more serious side of the story is that when we have our first born is Josiah, the oldest one. He was so sweet, but he always had these terrible temper tensions. We were, like, so shocked.

Temper tantrums.

Yeah, that's a word. Anyway, so. And even in the supermarket, he would just throw himself on the floor and do this. And.

Oh, we were the ones making the scene. You know, that family, the big scene in public, that was us all the time. I mean, it was hard to go out, actually, with him.

I know. And we didn't know why. We were like, what is this happening? Because, I mean, we didn't know why. So we were trying to also calm him down through different things or whatever. But then later, I mean, we figured out that there was something more than that. It was spiritual. So bringing our kids to a point where they can understand God, and we also need to understand God, and we need to understand the spiritual world. And it's not just about teaching them the right things. It's like also watching out for their souls. We are guardians of our children, not just physically or through education, but also directly in the spirit. And so we start asking the Lord, what is happening? What is this? Why? And then Christian had a revelation one night that this was a curse that was passing down through generations. My dad was very violent, very, like, angry person with me. And I remember me running away from that because I left home when I was 13. But later, when I met Christian and I met the Lord, and everything. I started having these attitudes myself too. Like very angry attitudes and just not being nice to Kristen. And I remember going into the bathroom and saying, God, what is this happening to me? And I felt the Lord said, you need to be delivered. You need to be delivered from this curse of aggression and rejection and all this. So I went through that. I called my pastor, they prayed for me. I even manifested. I remember, like I was like, who am I? You know, I mean, but this was this oppression that was over me. So that fast forward then we saw that. I mean, the Lord revealed to us that that was happening to Josiah too. And I don't know if you want to tell the story, because it's a fascina story that I want to encourage parents not just to look into the natural only, but also to be watching over the spiritual. Because there are things that are happening to our children and they are not just the consequence of being good or bad parents, but also the consequence of the spiritual forces that are against us and against our family. They are coming to steal, kill and destroy. But the Lord has given us the authority and the power to deliver him from evil. So I don't really want to say that.

Body, soul and spirit. It's the same way when we take on anything in our personal lives. We. She'd hit it on all fronts, our marriage as well, and with our children, with raising our children. And we did that because really, Josiah, our oldest, he was truly out of control. And we got in a parenting class. That was one thing we did. We signed up and enrolled in a parenting. And he's the reason actually that we started our ministry. Success in the Family Exit un la Familia. We started teaching parenting more than marriage. And then it's kind of evolved over the years, but it was parenting. So we began to train ourselves in parenting and discipline and all the natural things. But then the Lord also showed us it's more than that. There was a spiritual stronghold in the family that had to be broken. So then we took it on spiritually as well and began to pray over him in a way that was very gentle. It wasn't scary or freaky or like exorcist type of thing. I mean, this is a two year old. And so when we prayed, we would try to use words that would not. Not frighten him or make him think he did something wrong. Like we used big words that he wouldn't even understand. Spiritual words coming against, you know, like I said, using the word stronghold or a spirit of those that anger and rebellion that was in him. And we would pray very quietly with our tone of voice and gently, but with authority. And I believe he was delivered. You weren't even home that day. It was really, really frightening for me because I didn't believe that a child born into a Christian home could actually have a spiritual oppression. That was just my paradigm at the time. But then I was experiencing something different. Like what I knew in my head, or thought I knew in my head was not lining up with what we were living and someone had shared with me, hey, maybe it's a spiritual stronghold. Maybe he has something that isn't, you know, that was actually passed, you know, through generations. And I'm like, I don't know about that. I was desperate one day and, you know, I'm like, well, I'm going to try it, you know, I'm not going to lose anything by trying. So I very quietly and gently began to bind a spirit of anger and rebellion over him. And what happened was actually unbelievable. But he got 10 times worse. And I hadn't done anything in my demeanor to cause any difference. It was just the words that I was speaking. And it got completely out of control. And I realized he was not him. This. This was not my son I was actually speaking to. So I pressed in just as gently, just as quietly, but with. With a lot of authority, I pressed in and, and commanded that, that spirit to. To leave our family and to stop oppressing my child. And. And it, it left, it left to the point that, I mean, he just. He slumped down, fell into my lap. Lap, began to cry. Like, gently. I held him, I hugged him. And from that day, he was. He was different. And he was able to actually control himself because before there was no self control. Like, it was, it was, it was completely absent. And even though I would tell him, oh, you need to settle down, you need to quiet, you know, he couldn't. It was like out of his control. And now he could, like, it was still. He. He still had to be disciplined, but what you would say more normally. And he was able to respond to me where before it was just completely out of control. So it's an incredible story, really, and it changed our lives and.

Because today, I mean, if you know Josiah, you guys know him, Josiah's amazing.

Yeah. I mean, it's like, it's hard for.

Me to picture him angry. An amazing guy. And he's very loving and caring and, and slow to anger. So all the opposite to that. And I just wanna. I don't know why we started talking about this, because that was not what we're thinking. But I mean, I think that probably somebody maybe are struggling with something, you know, and they said that we have tried everything. We have tried everything that discipline, technique, techniques, attitudes, whatever. But probably it's a spiritual. And it's just not as complicated as we think because we should. The spiritual side of our lives also as a par should be so normal, you know, like to pray and to use the tools that God has given us. That God has given us. Because our fight is not against blood and flesh, flesh and blood, but against principalities that are against us. Right. So anyway, I just wanted to share that.

And he continued to be a strong willed child. Like his temperament didn't change, but then we could actually work on his character and work on all the skills that we learned about parenting.

So anyway, that was a little, a little thing we used to know and.

That'S, that's a big thing. And I'm telling you, I wish that I had had people like yourselves, wise, biblically based, you know, wise biblically based family to speak into that back in our early days, because we definitely had moments like that. And I totally get what you're saying, Kristen, about, you know, God's not going to necessarily change their personality. I mean, he made them that way for a reason. But when there are these sinister forces, you know, because, I mean, not to freak anyone out, but the enemy has it out for families because God created marriage, he created families. And of course, you know, there's strongholds that can, like you said, can follow us generation to generation. I love if somebody wants to find more on what, what you guys are talking about. Jimmy Evans, if you guys go to YouTube, to the ExoMarriage YouTube channel, he has a great talk about what he refers to as enmities. And am I saying that Right, right, right.

Okay.

And he talks more about this and basically it's strongholds, things that have gone from generation to generation, like what you guys are talking about, that we need to bind up and pray and stand in the gap and say like, you know, Jesus is greater because we don't have to be afraid. And you guys weren't afraid, but you were like, I'm going to do what I can as a human being to go get parenting classes, to do what I can in my own, you know, kind of realm of existence. But I know that there's something supernatural here too. And I'm going to pray and I'm going to let God do the rest. Rest and, and, and holding to it. And I think that there's such power in that. Because I do think sometimes whatever we're facing, even if it's not, you know, crazy temper tantrums, it could be a lot of different things. I think sometimes as parents, we can find ourselves just desperate and feeling like, I don't know what to do here. And I think making sure that we go to prayer faster than we. We tend to, because I think sometimes we go to it as a last resort when really that's our first line of defense. And I think realizing that is huge. And you guys have empowered people today by sharing that story, and it's just so powerful. And especially those with strong willed, you know, maybe some toddlers that are throwing these temper tantrums, and especially, too, when they're so intense and you're. And it's clear that you can't resonate with them, because that's what I hear you saying, Kristin. It's like nothing was getting through to your child at that time, that there couldn't be any kind of. He couldn't regulate his emotions even at the level he could at that time in his life, because there was this, like, you know, there was something keeping him from that.

That.

That stronghold that needed to be broken. And so I just. I think that's so powerful, and it. It's definitely something that, as parents, we need to be. We need to realize what power there is in that, as believers, that we. That we can call on, you know, our savior and that he is greater than any force that comes against our family.

Yeah. So true. And there's so much hope in that. There's so much encouragement. Thank you so much for sharing that. I'd love to pivot just a little bit and talk about when you guys made the big move to come to the United States. A lot of parents listening right now are maybe in a season of transition, maybe not as big a transition as you went through, where you're going from one country to another, one language to another, but they're in a transition where maybe they've moved, they've taken on a new job, their kids are in a new school. And parenting through those transitions can be so unique and so challenging. What did that look like in your family as you made such a big move? How did the kids respond? What did that do to the family dynamic? And what did you learn through that?

Yeah, well, that was a huge transition. But something that I guess always help us is that we, at home, we always talk about being a tribe, that we are a tribe, we are a family unit. And the most important People in our lives is our family, and we've always.

Got each other's back.

Yeah.

No matter what's happening in the external world.

Yeah. So. And at that time, I mean, I was going through a specific transition myself. And I remember telling my boys, I mean, like, I think something's going to change. We're losing our business, things are going to start getting rough financially, and I really don't know what we're going to do. And God is going to show us what to do. That was before we knew that we were moving to the States. Because for us, coming to the States was more like coming to the exile more than the American dream, because we were living the Mexican dream.

Right.

Right.

You know, we had our family and our church and our business, and life was good in many different ways. And they loved Mexico and Christian, too. And so we never thought that we were going to be transitioning to the United States, but when that happened, when the Lord spoke to us. So I remember telling my boys, and I remember being very, very vulnerable, which I think that's another quality that should have with their kids. And I remember. I mean, I know there's topics that you don't talk. You don't talk with your kids when they're very little or something, but when they know something is going on, you just. You can just give them some information, whatever is healthy. Right. But I was telling them, you know, this is happening. And I remember me crying in our kitchen back there in Mexico. And the three of them, they came around me, I was sitting in a chair, and they said, we love you, papi, and we will stay with you, and what. Whatever we have to do, we'll do. And they pray for me because prayer also has been a good exercise in our house. So, anyway. And then later, the Lord gave us this word and confirmation about coming to the States. So they were ready. They were ready. I mean, they missed a home, they missed their friends, they missed everything. But they knew that God had something new for us as a family. And also I asked him for forgiveness for that transition because I know it was hard for them, but that was something that God was opening a door for us here in the States. And we didn't know what we were coming to because we had no idea exactly what was going to happen. But they were willing. And so I do appreciate that from them.

And creating family identity was always really big with us, even when they were little. And I think that has made such a difference. When we had to transition together, they knew that we were all doing it Together, this is who we are as a family. And as long as united, we're going to make it. And as long as we have each other's back, you know, there's nothing that can take us down. And obviously with the Lord, with us. And so that carried into everything we did. And I think it started even when they were little, with very little principles about like your sibling, you know, your brother, your sister is your best friend. They're forever. So if you have other friends, that's great, but you're not going to reject your little brother who might want to come hang out for a little while. And we would try to balance it. We knew the older siblings, siblings needed time with their friends, but we would always encourage them to include their brothers, include their siblings. A lot of times teenagers get with their friends and they think it's funny to make fun of their siblings or reject them. And that was never okay in our family. So your siblings were forever and you had to treat them respectfully. And so that translated into making it easier when later in life we had to all transition together into this whole other life. They really stuck by each other. Even like going into school, I had been home and then when we got here, they thought maybe they'd go into school and, and so the two younger ones would have gone into middle school at that time together. And they were like, well, are you, do you want to do it? I don't know. Are you going to do it? We're going to do it together. We're not going to do it if we're separate, you know, like, so it was such a sense of we're going to take this on together and make that decision together. I know another time when our youngest was starting to drive and he had gotten like a doordash kind of job driving and he had a little fender bed and the poor guy was trying to earn all his, you know, his summer money and have money in there in the, the accident, all that he.

Had earned a brand new BMW.

A brand new BMW. But it wasn't, you know, it wasn't enough like for the insurance. It just didn't work to have that hit on a 16 year old's insurance. Like, we're like, no. And so I remember when we were talking to him, well, obviously his responsibility. We knew he had had to, to pay for it. But we sat down as a family and we're like, oh, you know, what can we do? And I remember his brothers and, and us saying, okay, you know, we're in a tribe, we're A tribe. We're, we're in this together. So we're all going to pitch in to help you pay for it. And his brothers pitched in and everybody pitched in. Some he still, he paid the, a majority of it. But everybody helped, you know, kind of get through that, that, that season in his life or that moment in his life. And so that's kind of an example of how, you know, what we do. Even if we have like there's a need in the church for, and they're asking for giving or someone, you know, someone needs to pay, like I said like a medical bill or for a wedding or something. Sometimes these things happen. And does anyone want to donate? We always sit down as a family and say, hey, are we going to donate? How do you, what do you guys think? You want to pitch into this? And they're like, yeah, absolutely. All right, let's do it. We're going to donate to this or we're going to help towards this, that. And so we, we talk about it. We don't force them to give. We're gonna like, we're gonna give anyway, but we want to give you the opportunity. And then when we give, we usually give as a family. Like, you know, this is from the, the Ramon family instead of this is from, you know, Louise, Christian, blah, blah, blah. So those are just little things that, that I think made it easier when we, we transition.

Yeah. And, and yeah, I think just for them was, was an adventure. I think also life should be an adventure. And we have taught our kids and ourselves like life is not fair. So when we hear that a lot, life is not fair. Well, welcome to life. Because yeah, I mean, so you're finding out the reality of what is to live in a fallen world. And so we had about talked from the beginning. I mean this is. Life may not be fair, but God is with us and he will take us through it. So when we had hard moments and hard situations and things like that, we were like, well this is it. I mean, but we're going to endure this together as a family, but also with the Lord's help and we're going to do our part and our part is to have a healthy life, a holy life, a servant hearted life where we serve one another when we help each other and we just navigate life with the Lord and even if it is not fair. And I think that that has helped them to understand that when we are in different position situations in life, hey, I mean that's where it is. And yeah, do you have it bad now? But there's people that have it worse and there are people that have it best, you know, so when you. When things are going well, enjoy it. Right. And just. And share that. But. And when they're bad, well endure and move forward and. And just buy.

Together.

Yeah, together.

So you're never alone.

So I think that transition was a little bit like that. And of course, the English, I think the culture was a little shaking for them because even though Kristen, I mean, she was born here in the States and we used to come often to family and some business things that we used to do here, but it's never the same living within the culture. Right. And so one of a funny story is that we were used to the Latino parties or birthdays in Mexico. When they tell you, okay, a party starts at 6, well, you get there like around 7:30, and, you know, things are just starting to roll on. And then by 12, kids are still running around. And so when we got here and we were invited to somebody's birthday and some other kid and they said, party's at 5. Well, like, I think we'll just get at 5:30 or something. No. Well, by the time we got there, they were like wrapping up the party. They're like, okay, thank you for coming. You know, and another thing is that you never tell anybody. And I don't think it's worse. It's just different cultures. You never tell people, okay, party is over. You know, kind of like, okay, everybody goes home. No, you, I mean, if somebody stays there at your house until three in the morning, you just stay with them, stay up with them and feed in three times if you have to. But here is like, at 7:30, they were like, okay, well, we're wrapping up. And we're like, yeah, thanks for coming by. And my kids were like, what's going on?

They're kicking us out.

Funny things, you know, that we learned. And that was part of the transition, trying to adapt to a different culture. And of course, the language was a big thing for me, even though I understood English better than what I spoke it. But getting on the phone here and just listening to people and customer service and some of them with the Dallas accent and. And me, it was just hard. Kristen used to do all that. That was a big transition for us because in Mexico I was in charge of everything kind of thing from the house. But then when we moved here, I couldn't really do much. I didn't understand how things were done, and I didn't understand people when they were talking on the phone. So Kristen Took over. I don't know if you want to talk about that transition.

Not really. Do I have to relive that? It was very, very hard. It was very hard on our marriage, I think, But I think it was good for the family in general. And it just pulled us even tighter together. And if I can just touch on something kind of going maybe to a little topic a little different, but honor, when I said that at one point, it just jumped out at me. And I think that's what made the difference. As our kids have gotten older, like, the honor was always there. So it wasn't hard for them, as they became adults, to continue to honor us, because family honor was something that we developed even between, like I said, with your siblings, you're not going to disrespect your siblings in front of your friends. I don't think. Even if you think it's funny, it's not funny. You're not going to do it. You know, that kind of thing. We just wouldn't. That was non negotiable. And the same thing with honoring the family in general. Like you reminded me when you mentioned birthdays, we would do something called the circle of honor. So when it was, we do it, we continue to do it. And when it's someone's birthday, whoever's birthday it is, you know, we go around and we all say something that we admire about them and how they've impacted our life and. And we'll stop the party for it. Even though everybody's having fun, we're like, okay, time to. You know, and. And we've done that now forever. Even as they're adults and their friends now know they're gonna do it, you know, like they're not.

We do it for a great tradition.

We do it for their friends, too.

And we'll do it at their parties. We're like, all right, stop. It's time for the circle of honor. We're gonna honor you. And, you know, every. And it can take forever because There can be 20 people there, but everyone says something, you know, and so that. That was another little practical thing we did. Since they were little, they learned as siblings to honor each other verbally as well as giving. We. We would always have them give gifts to each other that they'd buy.

Wait a minute.

Sorry.

Just let me just say this part. I love this part that the kid used to. Let me. Let me go back. It will be somebody's birthday. Christopher and the boys. I was going to go buy him a gift. And they will say, what about Me, I'm like, it's not your birthday. What about you giving something to Christopher? And they were like, me?

Yeah, how much do you got?

And then we took him to the little whatever.

It could be a piece for them.

And. Yeah, a little card from Hot Wheels or something. And. And they will learn to do that. So today, whenever it's a birthday or Christmas, Christmas is like if we. It's like if we had 30 people at home, because now everybody work and everybody, I mean, gives gifts to everyone. So if you multiply a gift for four times five people, it's like crazy gifts, you know, I mean, it doesn't get expensive, but it's just this fun thing about giving to one another. And just to say that the tradition of the Circle of Honor, it's hardly to ask people to. I mean, Sibilians hardly say nice things to each other. Other in a regular basis. And to have the opportunity to say something about their brother or sister, it takes a lot of effort sometimes. But when this common, it's just very easy to celebrate other. Your brother or your sibling wins. Sorry.

No, it's because Josiah. Josiah, our oldest, produces our show. And he's like, mom, it's a circle of blessing. It's not the circle of honor. It is called the circle of Blessings. Thank you. Thank you. It's called the Circle of Blessing, but we do it to honor.

There you go.

Yes, absolutely.

Sorry, hon. Sorry.

It's a great tradition.

It is so good. You know, Dave's mom, like, when you were growing up, I don't even know if she called it, like, had a name. I like that you guys named it. We're going to copy that.

The Circle of Blessing.

I love that Circle of Blessing because you guys do it. And actually, you know, some people are more inclined to receive it than others. And Dave's youngest brother, Drew, he gets so embarrassed. He just is not used to being the center of attention. But you can tell he still loves.

It, but he still likes it.

And same in our family. And I actually saw recently Jenny Allen, who is a Christian speaker and author that I follow online. She has a son also named Cooper, like our oldest. And she said recently they all did a circle of blessing with him. I don't know if they called it that, but. And his friends were there, and his friends had to do it. And she said he was so embarrassed, and his face was like, kind of like, you could tell he's sweating it a little bit. But then he went home and he's like in his upper teens. He went Home. And later that night he said, mom, he goes, thank you for making everybody say something about me. He said, you know, usually this time of day I'm thinking about everything I have to do or maybe even, you know, thoughts that aren't the best, you know, about myself, like negative. And he goes, all I've been thinking about is everything you guys said and everything my friend said. And I, it just dawned on me. I mean, it brought tears to my eyes because I was like, those kind of things that have become cyclical in your family, the family traditions, it's like a soundtrack to your kids minds and to your mind, you know, because I know and I'm sure you guys do this in our family. The kids, Dave has the kids do it for me and I have the kids do it for him. And I'm sure you guys do the same. And I know as a mom, to hear the kids say something particular that they appreciate about me or whatever, whatever it is, it means a lot. It really means a lot. And sometimes I'm even surprised. Like, sometimes I'm like, I didn't even know they noticed that or that that even meant anything, you know. And so I just, I love that. And I. We could like literally talk to you guys forever, but I just want to recap really quick because you guys have shared so much gold. So so far we've learned from the Romans and we're gonna, we're gonna give you guys a chance to like get their book and follow them and get even more amazing content from them and we. Wisdom. But number one, they talked about honesty and transparency and vulnerability with your children. I think that's huge.

Oh yeah.

Number two, they talked about being prayer warriors for your kids and realizing that there is, you know, we're not, we're not going against just the things of this world. There's the principalities, sinister principalities that we're fighting against. You know, there's spiritual warfare that we need to go to bat and fight for our kids there. And they talked about having honor, having honor in your family. Not only, you know, having your kids show you honor, but honoring your children and encouraging your children to honor each other. And doing that by having traditions such as the circle of blessing. And I think, I think that's just, I mean, there's a lot more there. But those, those main things are just huge takeaways.

They're huge. And just having been able to hang out with this family, like, you can.

See they live it.

You can see the fruit of that. And you can see that the Fruit of years of prayer and circle of blessing and prioritizing God in each other. And it's beautiful. I mean, no family's perfect, but your family is so healthy and so fun to be around and a real, I think, model that all of us can learn from. I know you guys are a few years ahead of us and we genuinely hope that our boys love us, love each other, honor us and honor each other the way that your boys do with you. And so thank you guys for, for that. So we're getting ready to end. We end every episode with Ashley sharing a fascinating fact and then Dave doing a dad joke. And then we're going to give you guys a chance at the very end to let people know where they can, they can find you. So Kristen and Luis will have the, the final say.

Cool.

Sweetie, what is your fascinating fact for the day?

Fascinating fact, y'.

All.

I just, she's so good at finding this stuff.

So excited about this stuff.

She finds the most interesting, interesting stuff.

I nerd out. Okay, so did you know that many mammal mamas carry kids on the left? And here's why. Regardless of whether they are left or right handed, human moms tend to cradle their babies on the left side of their bodies, especially in the early months. This left handed bias likely has to do with the human brain's lopsided layout. Sensory information on the left side of the body is processed on the right side of the brain. The brain's right hemisphere is also where emotions are processed. So holding and observing the baby on the left may help transmit social information to the right side more efficiently. Babies seem to prefer to keep their mother in the left visual field too. So fascinatingly, researchers recently documented left side bias in non primate mammal mothers observed off the coast of a Russian, Russian island. Walrus moms tend to keep their babies on the left while bobbing along the waves. And their calves swam over to their mother's left side before diving to suckle. Ditto for flying fox moms dangling from tree branches in Sri Lanka who seem to have favor, who seem to favor keeping their babies on the left. I got this from Smithsonian mag.com and I just thought that is crazy. And when I was thinking about, like, I'm right handed, but what I was thinking about how we would hold our babies. Like, it makes sense, like, because I was thinking about it and I was like, oh my gosh, that's true. What about you, Kristen? Did you tend to hold them on the left? Can you remember? I know it's been a long time.

You're making me think about it like that. And too long, too far. 30 years ago. Nope. No idea.

Yes. But you know what? Look back at pictures and be like.

Oh, my gosh, that's true.

When those grandbabies start coming, the grand babies, you let us know which side you're holding.

That's true. Isn't that wild? I just thought that was wild.

Yes, that's super interesting.

Yeah, very interesting.

All right, Dave's dad joke.

All right, Dave's dad joke of the week. This one I got from our producer Taiwan, who is an amazing dad joke teller in training. He's not even a dad. He already has really great, really great dad jokes. So his dad joke was this. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

No, how?

Follow the Fresh Prince.

Oh, my God.

He's the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Oh, yes. I love it. And I love.

It's really bad if you have to explain it.

Yeah, right?

It is.

Yeah.

Well, some of these.

This is joke. This is my pet joke. You know.

If you watch on YouTube, you can see he's removing his thumb.

Yeah, I know.

You that.

That was a joke that used to do to my kids all the time. And they were fascinating by it. And to one day Christopher saw it and he was like, I got you. I know how you do that. So next time I did it, it's like, no, it doesn't work out, you know, but for years I did it when they were little.

For years.

It was magic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dad is so. He's magic.

I love keeping our kids thinking we're cool.

Oh, I love it. So, guys, before we close out, tell folks where they can connect with with you online. You've got so many great resources out there, so folks want to learn more from you. Where can they go?

Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you for having us and I hope you enjoyed this podcast. We are. Our main ministry is in Spanish. It's called Exito la familia or Luis Cristin, as you see on the back. Luis, Kristen, E. Means and Kristen. And that's how we are in social media, like in Instagram, Facebook and YouTube and all that. Lucy, Kristen, you can follow us there. And I don't know if you want talk a little bit about the book and just to.

Well, there's a whole chapter in Divine Marriage about parenting and parenting principles. And we just tried to take our 30 years of everything we learned and, like, condense it as tightly as we could and stick it into one chapter. So I think it's golden. I think it has everything that that we've share.

And one thing I want to say is our podcast, it has English and Spanish episodes, so you can share with people that are bilingual. And our heart is to bless families and marriages, and especially those bilingual couples and bicultural couples. So thank you for having us. We really enjoyed this episode.

Thank you all so much. And you are, like you said, your goal is to bless couples, and that's exactly what you all are doing. You are the real deal. And so guys, go get their book, Divine Marriage, and all the different places where they have amazing content. And we just thank you guys so much for being on on here.

We love you guys having us.

Byebye.

Adios. Bye.

Bye.