Sex and Mental Health | Live from the Minivan | Dave and Ashley Willis

Hey, guys.

We are joining you live from a Thursday.

That's right.

To call it a date on Thursdays. And we just had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Augusta, Georgia, and we wanted to talk about an important topic with you tonight. But before we get into it, a.

Few quick announcements, all right, from this random minivan video. Thank you guys for tuning in live on our minivan. Yes. So we are so excited to be here. All right, number one, while you got your phone out, because you're watching this on your phone, most likely, pull up your podcast app right now. We'll wait, pull it up, look up the Naked Marriage podcast, and hit subscribe. Okay. Because Naked Marriage Podcast with David Ashley Willis. It's a picture of us on the picture. I'm slightly skinnier in the picture because, let's face it, in every public photo, what you want is, like a picture of you that looks better than you look in real life. So. So.

And it was pre Covid, right?

So look for the picture of me where I look younger and healthier than I look right now. And then she looks the same because she's always gorgeous. So. Naked Marriage Podcast, Dave and Ashley Willis hit subscribe. We're doing a series right now on naked and healthy, talking about how to have health in your sex life. How to have sex, how to not have sex, but how to have health. It's a lot of sex, but health mentally, physically, spiritually, and in your marriage. So check that out. We're going to talk tonight about mental.

Health, sex and mental health.

So. But in addition to the Naked Marriage podcast announcement, this is a totally random announcement, and this is an idea for you and your family before we dive into tonight's topic. All right, so this isn't our idea, but a guy in our small group, a family in our small group, and.

Some other friends of ours, the Mondys, right.

And some other friends of ours, they had this idea that, you know, they're, you know, we live in an area, you know, here in Augusta, where we are right now. There's.

There's downtown.

We're downtown. There's a fairly large homeless population here. And it's like, how do you best. When you come across someone who's homeless, how do help them, serve them without, you know, just how do you know what's going to be practical in a very.

A respectful way, Right. In a kind way.

Right. And protecting their dignity and meeting practical needs. So they said, let's buy a bunch of these, like, cheap little string backpacks. Okay? And then as a Group so our kids can be part of it and they can really get the life lesson. Let's put together a kit inside this little backpack of things that they could really use. And so we did in this kit, there's masks, granola bars, socks, socks, chapstick, hand warmers, water, hand sanitizer. There's a new testament so they can realize God has a great plan form. There's some mask. Yeah. So anyway, you can put whatever you want in here, but you.

Snacks.

Hand this to somebody who's, you know, holding up a sign and just be like, hey, God bless you. Here's a little something that might help.

And we were downtown and guys, on the way to our restaurant that we love to go to, we actually spotted somebody. And so what we are going to do when we get off this video with you guys is we're hoping to go back.

Yeah.

And because we. They were in the back of our van and we were like, we need to get them to the front of.

Our person was not in the back of our van.

Yeah.

The kids were in the background, just to clarify.

So I was like, I can't really climb back there safely. So I was like, well, let's make sure we go back that way. And helpless people.

So anyway, somebody on a different note commented on your nail color. They said, I love. We watched this live. Jenny said, I love your nail color. Ashley. No one ever compliments my nail color. But I'm not jealous. I'm glad that you're.

It's like a Tiffany blue. We love it.

All right, so we are gonna dive into tonight's topic, sex and mental health, which seems like a strange combination.

It does.

There. Now there. There is some correlation in recent events. You know, there's here in Georgia where we are.

Oh, gosh, yes.

Yesterday, last night, and all day on the news today.

There's my glasses on so I can.

See a mass shooting. It's a massage. Massage parlors of a guy.

That's tragic.

It's very tragic. Where eight people were killed. And the. The disturbed young man that perpetrated these heinous crimes has apparently told police that he was motivated by it because of, you know, he has an addiction to pornography and which led to sex addiction. And somehow he was trying to like, punish the, you know, the people who worked at these massage parlors. I don't know if they were. Somehow he's visited these places. I don't know if he was directly involved in some kind of prostitution that was happening there or if this was just a deranged. Guy that is acting out deranged things. We're not just going to talk about these, like, extreme examples of somebody who.

I mean, clearly, you know, there's, there's a mental health breakdown going on there.

Clearly a breakdown. We can touch on that. But we're mostly going to talk about your own marriage. Right. Your own life. Because what we find in the work that we do is something that impacts your sex life that we don't talk about enough is where you are mentally.

Absolutely.

Sex is mental, physical and spiritual happening all at once. And if you're, if you're facing, you know, anxiety, depression, body image issues, stress, whatever it might be that can kill yourself, your sex life, and also have ramifications in other parts of your life. So we just want to dive into some of that.

Well, and the truth is that a lot of people don't talk about. And we were just talking about this tonight, is a lot of the solutions for mental health issues, like when it comes to medicine, actually have a side effect of sometimes for some people, killing their sex drive.

Killing your sex drive.

And so it's kind of this, this catch 22 for a lot of people is they're like, okay, my serotonin levels are plummeted because I'm going through anxiety and, or depression. And I need, you know, I need some medicine. There's no shame in taking medicine. That's, that's a tool that God has given us in the multifaceted approach for helping us, you know, be healthy when it comes to our mental health. And so, you know, we want to, we want to, we want to go and take advantage of all the different things that can help us. But I think that, you know, the truth is some of these antidepressants and anti anxiety medications can sometimes cause sexual side effects. And that can be depressing. I mean, I've talked to so many different. You know, I end up talking mostly to wives. I mean, there's some husbands that I know of that go through this, but they'll say, you know, I, I was going through depression and my doctor put me on this medication and it helped me tremendously. But the side effect is I never have a desire to want to have sex. And I love my husband, I love my wife so much, but I, I just don't have the desire. And that's a hard place to be because on one hand, it's like, you want to be mentally healthy. You want to have the serotonin, Serotonin levels boosted. But then on the other hand, it's like well, gosh, I mean, I want to have desire to. To be intimate with my spouse. And so, you know, the truth is the mental illness can cause you to not have desire and to. Or. Or to feel less than or to, you know, to be so riddled with negative thoughts that you don't want to have sex because it's like there's not space in your brain to feel romantic enough to kind of get there. But then on the other hand, sometimes these. These solutions, medically speaking, when it comes to the pharmaceuticals that, that doctors often prescribe, you can have these side effects. So what we're going to talk about tonight is kind of what do you do with that? Because it's a lot to kind of wrestle with.

It is, you know, and thanks for your comments. I know Renee just commented after my total hysterectomy, I don't like being touched. This totally resonates with me.

Sorry, Renee. I know that's so hard.

Yeah. And there are so many just real life things like that, like Renee's going through that can impact all of us and really just instantly change your hormone levels. You know, you're. Oh, gosh.

I mean, absolutely.

You know, I said hormone. Like, I don't speak English hormone. But so your hormone levels can really be off. And in those kind of situations, you know, it can be as. It can be as simple as getting prescribed a testosterone or estrogen booster. Bioidentical is a brand that you can look for that can be prescribed that you've been on, and it gave you an amazing boost to your sex drive. It was.

I didn't necessarily expect that. We've talked about this in the past.

If you guys have listened, I am a huge fan of. Of your time on bioidentical.

The reason. And I. People have actually written me about this because we talked about it on the podcast recently, and a lot of you have reached out on Instagram at. At Dave and Ashley Willis. I spell Ashley. A S H L E. Yeah. In case you want to kind of join us there. We share a lot of different things that we don't necessarily share on Facebook. So we'd love for you to be part of that community. But I got a lot of private messages there, or dms, I guess is the cool kids call it. Yes, my mom, My. My son's always like, mom, it's a DM. Okay. But anyway, so a lot of you DM'd me about this and let me give this story. So the short of it is years, probably, I don't know, four years ago. I was just feeling so fatigued all the time. And I was like, you know what? I need to get like a complete work up of my. Just my system. What's going on? Let me get blood work done. Let me see if I'm missing some vitamins and I just need to boost that, you know. And I knew I'd had low iron in the past, I'd had low vitamin D in the past. And basically I went to a do a doctor of osteopath, which is very similar to a medical doctor. They a lot of times will consider doing some different tests than maybe you'd get in a typical doctor's office. I'm not knocking MDs at all. It's just, it's good to have a wide variety of resources, right. And so I went there, got a wide spectrum test done with my blood, and I found out that I did have low D and I had low iron like I usually have. I tend to be anemic, so I have to take supplements with that. But I also had low, lower testosterone. Like women and men both have levels of testosterone. And for me, for my age, it was a little low. So she said, you know, I have this thing, it's called a pellet, a bioidentical hormonal pellet. And. And this little pellet. And it sounds weird saying that because I think of like the owl pellet that you dissect when you're in middle school. Like, that's what I think of. And a lot of, you know what I'm talking about. But it's not that. So like it's a little pellet that they actually insert into your hip. Sounds weird, but it basically your body pulls from it as needed the hormones that it needs. It's pretty amazing. And it's a natural hormone as opposed to synthetic, which I have heard is much better. There's a lot of research on this, but basically it can either have testosterone in it or estrogen in it, or a combination of both. And for me at that time I took testosterone and it boosted my energy, which is really what I was looking for. Because I'm like, at the time I was in my early 30s and I thought, why do I not have energy? And it boosted my energy. But what it also did that I did not expect is it boosted my sex drive.

Yes.

And biote, Robert? Yes, biote.

Yeah, that's it.

And this is for men and women. It's something where I remember after I did it, I did like two or three cycles of that and it was great. And then I felt like I was in a good place and I would do it again. Like, I didn't stop it because I didn't like it. I just was like, you know, I think I'm okay for now. And I kind of put it. I followed it back because I just turned 40 this year. I know that menopause is on the horizon in this decade of my life, and I thought, I'm gonna, you know, follow that back, because one of the ways that it kind of helps menopause is getting, you know, lower levels of estrogen just to boost you, because your body starts just going kind of wackadoodle when you're going through menopause. And so anyway, yes, a lot of people are saying, is this a magic pill? It's different for everybody, guys. But, like, we just want to tell you what we've learned. And again, you need to do your research, you know, your own body. We're not doctors here. We're speaking to you just from experience, our own personal experience. But, you know, for me, it did. It did boost my sex drive. And so a lot of times, we'll encourage people and I'm sorry, honey. I know I'm talking a really long time about this.

No, it's good. Hearing you talk about sex is one of my favorite things.

He does love hearing me talk about sex.

So this is pure joy and entertainment for me.

But I'm telling you, men and women, men and women like this one thing. This bioidentical biote pellet is amazing. Now, there are other supplements. Like, there's something called Horny Goat Weed. It's like my favorite name of a supplement.

It is. You can get this, like, on Amazon, Horny Go, or in some sketchy truck stop gas stations for the men's room.

I didn't know this.

It's an actual. It's an actual herbal supplement that. It's called Horny Goat Weed. It's an actual thing.

I think that's hilarious that it's called Horny Goat Weed.

That makes you more aroused. And it works like I've taken it because for me, I went through a period where my testosterone levels were low. We talk about this in our Naked and Healthy book, which get, by the way, go to Amazon right now. Look up Naked and Healthy Dave and Ashley Willis. Get the audiobook paperback. We're so excited.

We go into great detail about this.

To share the message of this book with you guys. So get the Naked and Healthy book. Dave and Ashley Willis. I share a lot about my own journey. We Share a lot about different stuff. But at a thyroid disorder, my testosterone levels were all over the place.

And it affects your mental health, too.

Yeah, mental health. I was just a wreck. But I started taking some natural supplements to boost testosterone. I started taking a little bit sometimes of horny goat weed.

You did?

Because for the first time in my life, I didn't have my normal level of desire, which. Which kind of freaks me out. But so many guys go through this at different points, and there's no shame in it. But listen, what we're trying to say in this whole video and in really a lot we do on the Naked Marriage podcast and in our live events and everything else is just keep looking for solutions. You know what you can't do is just say, well, this is just how it's going to be right now.

This is just.

Yeah, we're not going to have sex very much or I'm not going to enjoy it, and we're going to disconnect.

Hold on, Sarah. The pellet is bio. Like B, I, O, T, E. Capital T, E. I'm sorry. I just want to make sure. Several people have been asking that.

Yeah, look that up. And they don't, like, sponsor this thing. This is just something she took that really helps her. It's a widely known brand. Yes.

And I'm so sorry, but several people have asked that.

So go ahead, check that out. People are all into that.

Yes.

But there are a lot of different solutions out there. Like, we just want to be a safe place here in our random minivan where we come to you, our 2016 Honda Odyssey.

I love it. Hey, is horny goat weed okay for women, or is this just for men?

No, ladies can take it.

Ladies.

But, you know, it's.

Guys, I've never taken this, but it.

Might be like, I want to start slipping it into your.

Oh, my God.

No, that would be creepy. I'm not slipping anything into any.

Don't drug your spouse.

Do not drug your spouse. Do not do that. Okay, but, you know, look it up. Totally kidding. Yeah, I've never slipped anything, but if you wanted to.

Not good. He's teasing. Oh, my gosh.

Rare.

That is not good. It needs to be, like, your spouse needs to be motivated for their personal body.

Well, horny goat weed is, like, a totally natural thing. It's not a true.

Do not do this, like, secretively to your spouse. That's creepy. Don't do that.

You know, it's so. But you look into all this stuff on your own.

You need to choose yourself for yourself. Take the horny goat weed. What you want to put the Biote pellet or what was the other. You took a testosterone supplement for men that was really good. And I'm trying to remember.

It was.

And it was Amazon too.

Yeah, I got it on Amazon. It had like a bowl on the front, flexing his muscles. It was called like something prime.

It was prime. It was.

If you search like testosterone boost on Amazon, it'll probably like pop up.

They're gonna put the prime.

And that helped me, like that's, you know, and I'm not taking it currently but you know, I take other supplements.

But in that season it really.

Yeah, it did. It gave me more energy. It might be something I end up start taking again.

No, it's great.

There are solutions out there. Like again, we're not trying to push any specific product or herb or resource or medicine on you. We're saying talk about this with your spouse, talk about this with your doctor if you need to, and really find solutions for the mental side and the physical side because those two things are interconnected. That's how God made us. Mind, body, spirit, it's all interconnected. And so if your mental health is off, it's going to affect your physical. If your physical health is off, it's going to affect your mental. And so just look for solutions and don't beat yourself up and don't just live in this funk where you say, well, this is just how life's going to be. Absolutely fine solutions.

And I just want to say too, I know out of the gate we talked about some of the antidepressants and anti anxiety medications sometimes affecting your sex drive. It doesn't affect everybody that way. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take it because I think there are so many times, like when I was first going through my depression, my doctor put me on Zoloft and I was on that for about two months. And for me personally, that that gave me enough boost to my serotonin to where I didn't need to be on it any longer. But I continued on for four years with my therapist that I was seeing and I had several different therapists during that time. And for me that's what made the difference. But first, for a lot of people, they need to be on this all the time and that's okay. There's no shame in that. And I just want to say real quick, like, if that's what you need to be on, don't feel like, oh, I shouldn't be on the medication that I need, because it's not going to make me want to have sex. What we're saying is be on that medication, but maybe take some of these natural supplements if they're not going to interfere with your medication. Again, make sure you seek medical advice. You talk to your pharmacist, you let them know all the things you're on to make sure there's nothing that's going to counteract the effectiveness of something or make you sick. And we certainly don't want that to happen. But just, just know that there's things that can boost it. Other natural ways, like exercise.

You guys, get outside.

Never underestimate exercise. Like, it's going to make you feel better because it gets your endorphins going, especially when it comes to mental health. But it also makes you feel sexier. I mean, my goodness, it makes you feel like, wow, I, I'm seeing muscles I didn't see before. And it just makes you a generally happier person. It's good for all of you. It really does. And you know, the best kind of exercise is exercise you can do together, like go on a walk, go do a sport you enjoy together.

Sex can be.

Have sex. Like, that's cardio, guys. Count it. You know, wear your watch, see how many calories you're burning.

But get outside, like she said. And that vitamin D is going to improve, you know.

Absolutely.

When you're prioritizing your physical health, mental health is going to improve. When you're prioritizing your mental health, physical health is going to improve. It's all interconnected, you know, and again, not just to push a book, but I really think our brand new book, Naked and Healthy by Dave and Ashley Willis on Amazon or wherever you get your books or audiobooks. It has so much practical stuff in there that we've learned through the years and that we're still learning that could make an immediate impact in your marriage and in your health individually. And so check that out.

Definitely. And I want to say I'm trying to read some of your comments here too. Sometimes when you, you know, sorry, somebody was asking about the supplements. Why are they trusting it? Do your research, guys. Like, again, this is just from our own experience. Make sure you do your research and read reviews.

I mean, do all of that.

Like, I mean, that's what we've done. We're just telling you from our, we're.

Not pushing anything in particular. We've just said we've tried a lot of different things to be at our best and to stay at our best and in different Seasons, different things have worked. But you have to.

But you have to do your research.

You have to, and you have to stay on it.

Yes.

When couples really struggle is when they both just stop trying, and they're like, I'm not gonna make the effort. And what your spouse hears when you stop trying is like, oh, well, your needs don't matter to me. And so, like, I don't care about being at my best or us having a sex life or anything like that, because I just don't feel like it. And both of you suffer.

Exactly. And I think just knowing that your spouse is not willing to get help, that's demoralizing.

It is.

And so, you know, guys, we actually do talk more at length about this and mental health in general when it comes to marriage on the most recent episode this week on the Naked Marriage Podcast. So if you want to listen, it's free. Free. Our favorite.

Oh, yeah.

So go there today and you can listen to it, because there's a lot more than just sex when it comes to marriage and mental health. Yeah, but sex is one of those things that definitely is tied to mental health, because sex starts here, guys. Like, it starts here. And so, you know, what we're thinking about kind of where we are mentally, it affects everything. It affects how we treat our spouse. It affects how we think about ourselves, about God, about our relationship, and it's certainly about. And so we want to make sure that we get mentally healthy. And, you know, that could be. That could mean going to a Christian counselor. It means maybe getting on medication. It means just being honest with your doctor about where you are. You know, I think that that's just really important so that we can find solutions. But we really appreciate you guys tuning in. And we tried to answer the questions that we saw, but again, we tried to go back through the comments, and also, you guys are amazing at answering each other's comments to. To and praying for each other. So we just thank you guys for tuning in and for this awesome community. We'll see you next time. Bye, guys.