Short devotional episode from the "Summer of Scripture" series on the Naked Marriage Podcast (hosts Ashley & Dave Willis). They read Song of Solomon 5:16 and use it to teach that a healthy marriage requires both romance (lover) and friendship (friend), illustrate with personal testimony about seasonal mood/health struggles, and offer practical counsel (grace, gentle answers, seeking help, marital sexual intimacy is a gift).
Chapters
Welcome to Summer of Scripture on the Naked marriage podcast. For 66 days in a row, we're releasing a short daily devotional for your marriage. Over these 66 days, we'll be sharing one scripture from each of the 66 books of the Bible and talking about how it applies to your life and marriage. Listen to all 66 episodes of these, and you'll have a better understanding of God's Word and his perfect plan for your marriage. Let's dive in to today's scripture. Well, hey, guys, welcome back to Summer of Scripture on the Naked Marriage Podcast. And you probably noticed yesterday that we were getting ahead of ourselves. It's actually day 22, not day 23. Today.
I got excited.
He got so excited because we were talking about Song of Solomon or Song of Songs. Today we're going to talk about Song of Solomon, chapter 5, verse 16. And this is where the lady is talking, okay? And it says this. His mouth is sweetness itself. He. He is desirable in every way. Such. O women of Jerusalem, is my lover and my friend. I love that. I love how my favorite part of Song of Solomon, okay? And we've spent a lot of time in this book is that she always. And I think. I'm not sure if he does, but I know she always refers to her husband as my lover and my friend.
And that's.
And it's just so beautiful, because that's exactly. We did a message on this years ago where we talked about being lovers and friends. Like, we talked about how you really need both. Like, you can have. You can be great lovers, have a great sex life, but if you have no friendship, you're missing out. But you can be great friends and great partners. But if you have no sex life, you're missing out. So it really is how you gotta have both.
We say it's like two wings on the same bird. You know, romance and friendship are two wings. And if you're missing either wing, that bird can't fly. It just kind of goes in a circle. So which of those aspects does your marriage need more of? Most couples naturally are better at one or the other. And maybe you feel like both my wings are broken right now. We feel like we're not friends or lovers, and that can be a painful place to be. But it's not hopeless, because wings can heal. God can bring healing to those aspects. And usually they grow at the same time when you're really trying to grow them. As you become better lovers, you become better friends and vice versa. But it just takes intentionality. It takes getting back to, you know, what made you fall in love in the first place. You were probably spending a lot of time together, having deep conversations, meaningful conversations, celebrating the best of each other instead of focusing on the things that annoy you about each other. And you gotta get back to that mindset sometimes because over time, we can tend to gravitate towards being negative, being pessimistic, being annoyed with each other, instead of really celebrating each other as lovers and as friends.
Right. I don't know if you've ever been around a couple. Maybe you are this couple right now where, you know, when the one spouse walks in the room, no matter what they say, it's like it just lands wrong on the. On the spouse's ears. And it could be nothing. Like, they didn't say anything wrong necessarily, but it's just. They're in that kind of. We call it a sandpaper season where, like, everyone is rubbing you the wrong way because you're just in. But we need to catch ourselves, because I think we've both been in seasons like that where we're just kind of having a hard time. Like, maybe we're moody in that season. And it could be for good reason. I mean, Dave, he. He went through a long season where he himself would say to me, like, I know I am not pleasant right now. Like, I know I'm moody.
I can feel it. I can see it.
I can feel it.
I just can't break out of it. I had, you know, my thyroid didn't work. My testosterone was way off. My mood was off. My serotonin was off.
Way low.
Just chemically, I was just off. And I couldn't, by sheer willpower, rise above it. Like, intellectually, I knew that I'm in a bad mood and I need to. But I need to be better. But I could not will myself to do it. And so there were a lot of times I would have to just, like, remove myself. I'm like, listen, I'm in a funk. It's nobody's fault. But just for all of our sake, I'm just gonna kind of, like, step.
I'm gonna go on a run to do something.
And so you have to be self aware, but you also have to be grace. Ashley was so full of grace with me in that. Cause I know I was annoying.
I know I wasn't annoying. You were just not yourself.
I didn't like being around myself, but she was so full of grace. Instead of just being like, oh, my gosh, you know, we're all dealing with stuff. You need to. I Mean, she could have just snapped at me and been justified in doing it, but she didn't. And because she didn't, it was easier for me to come out of that well.
And I think that. I think, too, we have to recognize, like, I knew that you were dealing with some parts of your body that were not. Like, your thyroid wasn't producing what it needed to. To help level. It affects your mood and all those things. And also, I think that you were dealing with some depression. And it even took me a little bit to recognize it because it manifests itself differently because person to person and even from men to women, but, you know, you were willing to go and reach out for help, and thankfully, you're in a better place. And I want to say, too, that during all of this time, you were always praying. We were always praying together as well. And you had already gone to Christian counseling. Like, you had done all these things, but there's some. Sometimes, you know, it takes a little more boost with the chemicals because if your chemicals are off, too, you got to make sure it's hard to process the therapy that you're trying to. To work through. So I'm just so thankful you're willing to get help. But I think that, you know, it is important, especially if one of us is in a funk, that we show that friendship. You know, I think sometimes we're more willing to give our friends chances that we won't even give our spouse. Like, we would let our friend be in a bad mood all day long, but heaven forbid our spouse has a rough day.
Friend's a bad mood. Oh, you know what?
It's just her.
You know, it's. You need to just process. You've got a lot going on.
Right?
But we don't have that same understanding or compassion with, like, the one that should matter most.
You're a grown man.
Get over it.
Get over it.
We're all dealing with stuff, just, oh, you've had a bad day.
Well, I mean, what kind of day do you think I've had? I mean, that's what happens. And I don't know why we do that. Like, we expect, like, we won't have the same expectations on our friends or even maybe other family members, but with our spouse, we just don't cut them any slack. And so I think it's important that we offer grace, that we have patience and even go to the Lord first and say, God, man, they have been in a bad mood for two days or three days or whatever. Please give me patience. Because clearly something's off here. And instead of just making the problem worse, adding gasoline to the dumpster fire over here, I want to be water. I want to calm it down. I want to help them, you know, And I feel like whenever you come from a posture of help, it's disarming. But when you come from a posture of accusations and of blame, it's just. It doesn't make anybody feel you might be even right. Like maybe they did do something wrong. But I don't know if that's going to help the situation.
To just go two books back to Proverbs, which has all this life wisdom. One verse that I think is just gold for marriages, in that book is a gentle answer. Turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. It comes all back to, you can be fire or gas, you can be water or gasoline on a fire. That gentle answer diffuses it. Or you can poke them right where it hurts and just to watch them burn. And you've got to be the one who's throwing water. You've got a gentle answer. You just. You need to do that. Another aspect of Song of Solomon is it's a celebration of sex. For sure, it's a celebration of sex. And so we. One of the big things we try to do with this ministry is to destigmatize just enjoying the gift of sex because God made it. It's a gift. It's meant to be enjoyed within marriage. And if you, because of your own background, because of just some legalistic upbringing or whatever, you've got stigmas attached to it where you can't really enjoy sex. This book in the Bible is just a beautiful reminder that God made sex and it is meant to be enjoyed. You're meant to have so much freedom in the marriage bed and enjoy each other, explore each other, and have fun. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. It is meant to be fun. It is meant to be a gift. It's meant to be pleasurable for both spouses and just celebrate that. And if you're not experiencing it that way right now, we've got a lot of tools here at Exomarriage to help you get there. Videos, books, podcasts, resources, referrals to professionals who can help you, depending on whatever the issue might be holding you back. But God wants you to enjoy sex.
So true. And if you don't believe us, read the book of Song of Solomon. It'll blow your mind. It just might. It might even give you some ideas.
It just might. Yeah, it just might.
Well, join us tomorrow. Guys, we're so excited. We hope you've been enjoying this. And what book are we doing tomorrow, sweetie?
Day 23. We'll be in the book of Isaiah. The prophet Isaiah had so much wisdom to share with us. And a lot of prophecies about the coming Messiah. Yes, as well. So tune in tomorrow to see what verse it will be. We'll see you then.
