Spice Up The Bedroom… TODAY!!! 🔥😱❤️

Intimacy is not all about sex, but sex is a big part of it in marriage, of course. And so in this video, we're talking about rekindling romance and how to enhance sexual intimacy and exploring sensory play. It's going to be a great conversation.

Plus, you don't want to miss our bonus sex tip at the end of the video. There's a good chance you've never heard this anywhere else. We're Dave and Ashley Willis, and you're watching the Naked Marriage podcast.

I'm excited.

I think we're gonna have goofy grins the whole time. And it's sort of that we're talking about, you know, physical intimacy, sex, but also because we're really highly caffeinated. So it's gonna be fun. Guys, I hope you're ready for this ride. All right, we're gonna first talk about rekindling romance, because I feel like, you know, a lot of you who maybe chose to watch this episode, maybe that's why, like, maybe you feel like, man, I just feel like at one time maybe you had romance and the spark was really there, and maybe the fire was going, like really strong fire, so to speak, in your marriage and in your sex life. But maybe over time it's fizzled and it's, you know, feels like a cold. A cold part of your marriage, or maybe you've really never had it. I mean, we talked to couples who were like, I don't even think we've ever really had, you know, a very. Just a really thriving romantic life, so to speak. Like, we have people who write us and say, like, I don't know what we're missing here, but we just don't seem to know what we're doing, and we don't know how to really get each other excited about sex. We have very mismatched sex drives. There's a lot of different reasons. But wherever you find yourself in your marriage, wherever you kind of find yourself in your. In your physical, intimate life, okay, you can rediscover love and affection in your marriage, but it's going to take intentionality.

It is. It's going to take intentionality. And, guys, in every season, it's possible, I think, of this contrast, okay? We've got two different couple friends, two different couples back at our home, church, both the same age, same season of life. New empty nesters. Both of them, yes, One of these couples, they're having the time of their lives. They're having, like, a sexual, like an awakening. Awakening in their marriage. You know, he's buying new lingerie all the time they're running around.

They're literally running around naked.

They're telling their kids, like, give us plenty of lead time if you come over. And they're just, like, giggly. Like a couple of.

They're just so excited.

Yeah. I mean, it's really sweet to see.

Now we don't see it. We just know, right?

We don't see it.

I just want to make that clarification.

We're not there seeing it.

We're not that close, guys.

You know, Ashley's very close to the wife, and they've talked about this, which.

It makes me excited about.

We celebrate them. We celebrate it with them. Now we have another. Another set of friends, Same season of life, New empty nesters, same age. They're all. Probably all these folks are maybe like, early 50s.

Early to mid-50s. Yes.

And they. We haven't talked to them about it, but we can just tell from being around them.

I have a little bit.

Okay, well. That it's kind of a drought this season.

It's a drought.

It's not excitement. It's drudgery. And they're dealing with some other things.

Too, but it's just disappointing. I feel like the best disappointing. It's very disappointing. Yeah.

Right. And so we're just seeing this contrast right before our eyes. And these are two couples that love the Lord, love each other for sure. You know, we've known them forever, and yet their lives and their marriages are in this season, just so drastically different. And so we're saying all this to say, listen, you can be doing a lot of things. Well, a lot of things right, and you could still end up in the season of. Hey, how did we get here? This is not what I expected. I'm disappointed and frustrated. But wherever you are, you can get to where other friends are, where you're chasing each other around the bedroom again and enjoying the sexual awakening and having lingerie parties and whatever else they're doing.

Right. Just enjoying each other.

Just enjoying each other and bringing the.

Fun back into your marriage. I think sometimes we can put fun on the back burner. It doesn't have to be put that way. But I think that we don't need to fear any season of our marriage. We can really. You know, I think the first step is recognizing it. Watching a podcast episode like this and recognizing. I don't know if we. If either one of us would say we're really enjoying, you know, our sex life right now. Like, it's not that we want anyone else or are even unattracted to each other, but it's just not what I thought it would be. I think a lot of people get to that point and they're like, where do we go from here?

Right.

And I think that like the couple that's not doing as well in this new season in their marriage, I think that's what it is. It's like they're not, they feel a little bit like strangers. That happens a lot where they're busy with all the things and now all of a sudden they're in this new season and they're like, how do we rediscover? And this isn't just for empty nesters. This episode is certainly not just for empty nesters. But I feel like at any point in your marriage, it's very easy, unless we're intentional to lose sight of this part of our marriage. Because unless we're being intentional about prioritizing it, you know, trying to put sex on the calendar, really making sure it's something that we're regularly having and that we're flirting with each other, that we're affectionate with each other, then we, we will naturally just our calendar, our schedules are going to be taken up with so many other things. And so again, the first step is that we have to prioritize it. We have to say, you know, where we are now is not ideal. Let's work hard on, you know, taking, taking this seriously in our marriage and being intentional about investing in this part of our marriage.

Yeah.

And you know, I think that part of it is just that we both have different ideas of what physical intimacy looks like. I think for a lot of men it's just sex. Like, I think it's like the act of intercourse mainly, maybe oral sex thrown in there is like, that's, that's physical intimacy. But for a lot of women, they're like, yeah, sex is great. I mean, it's not that women love sex too, but it's like, but what about the affection? What about the non sexual touch? You know, and a lot of men, men and women, you know, in the unique way that God wired us. Generally speaking, again, this is generally speaking, there can certainly be differences among general populations of men and women. But generally speaking, I think that sometimes we come to this disconnect because we are not, we're kind of like for women, maybe we're like, well, he's not giving me a lot of non sexual physical touch, so why would I feel like being intimate with him? Like, why would I want to have sex because he's not meeting my needs.

Right.

It's like all he wants is sex.

This cycle where it's like, well, if she's not meeting my need, right. My biggest need is I want to have sexual connection. If she's not meeting that, then how can I be affectionate with her, right? Because one, I don't feel like it. Two, it just gets me more in the mood to have sex, which she's not gonna do. And round and round we go. It's this cycle and both spouses have to be willing to break that cycle and to serve one another. Husbands provide a lot of non sexual physical touch, provide tender affection, provide foot rubs and back rubs and hand holding and gentle caresses and arms around the shoulder, hugs and hugs. And all these things that you don't expect are gonna lead straight to the bedroom. And ladies, if your husband has that higher drive and is wanting more sexual frequency, or husbands, if your wife's wanting more sexual frequency because it can go that way as well.

I can't tell you how many messages.

So many women write and say, I'm the one that has the higher drive and my husband, what do I do with that? And so this is not a man woman specific issue. The majority of the time it is the husband who has the higher drive. But, but in many, many, many cases the woman has the higher drive. And so in either situation, the principle is basically the same. You have to be willing to serve one another, meet each other's needs, not only sexually, but otherwise as well, and just prioritize it because it's important, it is important.

I'm going to look up in just a minute the importance of physical touch and like psychologically speaking, the benefits of this. And I know that as parents, parents like a lot of us parents out there who've read parental books, there's a lot of, you know, attachment theory is kind of, you know, they'll talk about the importance of physical touch with our children and how just even the act of holding babies, you know, when they're young and the skin to skin touch and you know, we're, you know, nursing even and just kind of having that touch, the touch points with our children, hugging them, you know, rubbing their backs, like there's a lot of research on this and how that forms attachment. Right. But for some reason I feel like there's such a disconnect in us making the jump to husband and wife. How that attachment, you know, theory still applies and that we're forming more attachment through the touch as well. Right?

Yeah.

Because there's literally things released within our Body that I will share in just a minute that just kind of connects us and makes us feel bonded. And so, you know, and it's not just through sex. I mean, sex is the ultimate bond for a husband and wife, specifically designed by God for marriage between one man and one woman. And it does do all these things. And we have a lot of physiological things happening when we have sex, but there's also a lot happening through those things leading up to the bedroom that involve physical touch.

Well, physical touch by itself is important. I mean, I saw a study that talked about how life expectancy is impacted by the amount of physical touch, not necessarily by. By sex. You know, a person can be celibate and single and live, you know, a full, long life. But if there's no touch, if there's no. If there's no, like, kind just touching, I'm not talking about sexual touch at this point, but just a friend to give you a hug, you know, someone to come and put their hand on your back. And, you know, just without that, we, as human beings, we die sooner. Like God wired us up to need to connect. And now we're living in an age, the post Covid world, especially where people are afraid to touch each other. We're like, we're all germophobes all of a sudden. And I think one of the casualties of that is so many folks are starved for that physical affection. And again, I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about the single people in your life that maybe don't even have a romantic partner, that they need a hug. Right. They need physical contact. But in marriage especially, your spouse should never ever feel starved of physical touch. And some people desire it more than others. For some, it's a primary love language. For others, they don't really need it nearly as much. But everybody needs some physical touch and some affection.

Yes.

And then in marriage too, don't just stop at the. At the touch, don't just stop at the hug, but also prioritize the sex. And we're gonna be talking about that a lot as well.

We will. And I wanna say this before we go into the science behind this. I don't know where I saw this, if it was a personal interaction or if it was something I read, but it really struck me. And it was someone who had just lost their spouse. And I remember this wife was saying it had been a little bit since she had lost her spouse, and the wife was saying something she did not expect that she would miss so much. Are the daily touches she said, I feel so starved for daily affection. She's like, literally, I feel starved. And it feels wrong because Daley, her husband, had been a very affectionate man. And she said, I don't even know how to respond to that. And a lot of it is, again, it's a, it's, it's a physiological response, but also that has formed this bond and it broke my heart. Like I, I thought nobody really thinks about that. I mean, we don't, right? We think about the conversations you think, you know, we assume all this, this bonding, but the actual pat on the back, sitting in bed together and just being close to someone and having that physical touch. You know, sometimes when we're, you know, watching Netflix or whatever, I'll just like hold your hand, like. But we take that for granted, you know. And it just broke my heart. I thought, man, it just shows you the power of that physical touch and how it builds intimacy. It also builds trust. And so, with that in mind, I want to share an article with you all from lovediscovery.org I'm not saying everything on there is great, but I do like this article. Just a little caveat there. It says that there's scientific research that consistently highlights the emotional and physiological benefits associated with physical touch when intimate and sensual touch occurs. Okay, and we're talking about sensual, you know, intimate and sensual. Sensual means like sexual, obviously, but I mean, intimate could be just leading up to like the touching that you do. Flirting throughout the day. Okay. It says it helps to reduce. It releases oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. That's what I was talking about when it releases those things. And all of those combined help reduce stress levels and promote overall well being. These neurochemicals also play a role in decreasing feelings of loneliness, sadness and anxiety, while fostering positive emotions like contentment, relaxation, and inert alertness. And it also fosters trust between individuals. And this is crazy. By activating the brain's orbitofrontal cortex, which is responsible for feelings of reward and compassion. Our skin is equipped with specialized receptors which elicits emotional responses, making touch a powerful vehicle for connection and understanding. So God designed us to have this touch right, as a husband and wife. And it actually gives a little more on non sexual touch, which we were just talking about. So this is, you know, we're talking about sensual, intimate touch, but also just even the non sexual. It says that this plays a vital role in the nurturing of intimacy, in particular, because research shows that this kind of physical touch promotes a sense of being understood, accepted and cared for. And it has a huge influence on just your physical and emotional well being. And I just want to say one more thing. So like when that oxytocin is released in physical touch and bonding, they refer to that as the love hormone. Now where you've heard this before is with children, like as a mother to a child or a father to a child. But this is even more so. It applies to this bonding of a husband and wife. And so when we engage specifically in intimate touch, our oxytocin levels rise and we feel trust, attachment and connection. And so it brings that intimacy. Literally. It's the intimacy hormone. Really. They call it love hormone, but it's more than that. It's that intimacy, that bonding. And so there's a lot going on.

God wired us up.

Exactly. He made us to experience this.

Yeah. And it's a powerful force in marriage to experience that intimate touch together. It's gonna bond you together. It's why it's also so important to be careful that you're not experiencing any kind of intimate, romantic, sensual touch with anybody other than your spouse. Way out of bounds. For a whole number of reasons.

And I will say too, I know you're like, well, you're kind of blurring the lines between non sexual and sexual. I want to tell you it's not that much of a leap because I think sometimes we've seen people, just a little side note, think, well, I just love giving hugs to my co worker because he's just a great hugger or she's just a great hugger. But there's not quite, you know what I'm saying, you get more and more used to this friendliness that it can cross those boundaries because you're starting to bond. There's still attachment that happens.

Love smashing your torso against the torso of that person of the opposite sex. Like that's, that's.

And holding on tight, like holding on. I mean, I'm not saying don't hug people obviously, but I think just be aware of those things.

Yeah, that's really good. You know, the Christian side hug is the safe bet.

Or the open hug. What do you call that? Like the.

I don't know, like the.

It's like you're hugging but you're not smashing.

You know, like the scoliosis hug because you have to. Your back has to take the form of.

Oh, gosh, it sounds painful.

Yeah, it's probably not the right.

I know some people don't believe in the Christian side hug anymore because they said it Just feels weird. But I'm like, do what makes you feel like you're honoring your spouse. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. That's the best route.

Don't be a creepy Christian is basically, don't be a creepy Christian. And you know what I'm talking about. As soon as I said that, somebody popped in your head. You're like, don't be like Ted. You know, like somebody.

It's not always a guy. It could be a girl. We don't know.

It could. All right, let's get back to sex. All right? Because some of you guys are listening. You're like, yeah, you've been talking about holding hands and stuff in this sex.

Episode, but we're getting into the sensory play, which is more the sensual play.

So, yeah. So, guys, sex should be an engaging of all five senses. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and. Yeah. So you got to use. Use all of that. That's.

Think about it. I think just giving that thought.

Sight. Let's just unpack them one at a time. Sight. Explore each other, celebrate each other visually. Have some lights on, even if it's soft light. That's more flattering.

Don't have the lights glaring in your eyes.

Yeah, not your eyes. Get some candlelight going or.

That's weird, too.

Some side lamps going where you can see what's going on and you can celebrate each other's form. And, ladies, listen, even if you don't like your body, I promise you, your husband loves seeing your naked body, and it impacts him in ways you cannot imagine. So let him see and celebrate your feminine form and thank your creator. He will thank your creator when he lays eyes. Every time he lays eyes on you. And so sight, you know, just take it. Take it in, you know, sound. I say it's good to be expressive. Letting your partner know something feels good. I think. I think moans or.

Well, we talked about this on our previous podcast because some people are really into that and some are not, and some feel weird. So why would you. I mean, talk about it? Well, I just heard certain people say, like, I don't know. I guess it's like, what they.

Or just like, that feels really good. I don't know, but that's what I mean. It's like. It's so safe and intimate that, like, let just express yourself in whatever ways, but there should be sound, and if it's too silent or if it's put on some music in the background.

Yeah, find like, that. I was gonna say with sounds. I mean, find your songs that, like, you're like, ooh, this sets the mood, right?

Because we'll put on a show sometimes.

And somebody's murdered all of a sudden, right?

If there's like a murder and that's a mood killer. Or, you know, if there's like a laugh track. If I feel like people are laughing at me while I'm making love, you know, that's a bit of a turn off. And so. But then the clapping is nice. When everybody's clapping the laugh track, I'm.

Like, that is true. You feel like, yes.

I don't know. All that's weird. I'm just.

I think music is great.

I think music's your best bet. Have some music on.

Get some R and B, some Boys to Men. That's gonna age me.

But, like, we're just in a 90s kind of just. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of their songs are sad, though. Like the End of the Road, which was literally the soundtrack of my childhood.

I'll Make Love to youo by Boys to Men.

Yeah, there you go.

On repeat.

There's that. But some of theirs, I was just thinking, like, total side note, they have some sad ones, like, some of my favorite. Well, down on Bended Knee, there's Down on Bended knee, but he's begging to have her back. And then there's let's not wait till the water runs dry. Which is a good message, but, like, why is the water running dry?

Young people listening have no idea what we're talking about.

Go look it up, guys. You're going to have a whole new genre.

Boys to Old Men at this point.

No, no, they're amazing. They're still. Hey, they're going strong. I'd go see them in concert, but, you know, find. Find your.

Your soundtrack.

Your soundtrack.

And then smells. All right, so this Smells are huge. This gets. Okay, so, guys, listen, especially if you want your spouse to focus on your intimate areas.

Oh, you're gonna bring up Lumi?

Well, I could actually.

They're a sponsor of this podcast.

Yeah, they are now, right?

They are, they are.

How about it? So you got. You want to smell good in your areas that in other regions, potentially without proper attention, smell less than good.

Yeah.

And so good hygiene to take a shower. Shower. Make sure if you're all sweaty, go shower first. Maybe spray on a little cologne, even if your spouse is into that. Or perfume Lume, which is a full body deodorant that stays kind of in your crevices in nether regions, your bits, you know, and make those areas more. I don't know, inviting.

Yeah. Smell is definitely. Like, if it's not good, it's a mood killer. So definitely take in those smells.

Smell goes into.

Have a candle going.

Yeah, yeah, Scented candle. Taste.

Have good breath.

Good breath. Guys, listen, you're a mouthwash guy. Yeah, I put on some mouthwash because I've got. I'm starting to get old man breath.

And then you rinse with some mouthwash.

Like, I used to have naturally pretty good breath, but something happened as I enter middle age. Yes, I kind of do. I don't know where that came from. But listen, you just got to be aware. Nobody can really taste their own breath completely. But just believe your breath is worse than you think. And brush your teeth before. Get some mouthwash or mint. Twist that stuff around. And. Yeah, you want it to be minty.

Well, and I'm going to say some of you, too, more than just fresh breath, you might want to bring some actual flavor into this. Now, not everybody's going to be into this because some of us out there don't want to be messy or whatever because sex is messy enough. But, like, I mean, you can involve syrups. Involve. I mean, I'm just. You're looking at me like I'm crazy. But this isn't real flavor.

No, I'm just imagining things.

So, like, you can involve flavored.

Flavored what?

Syrups and whipped cream, things like that. If you want to make it real spicy. Edible underwear. I mean, that's a taste.

Like, that's a thing we've not ever used.

We've never done that. I'm just saying some people like this sort of thing.

False picture here.

I'm not saying us. I'm just saying some people out there really enjoy that.

Larry the Cable Guy did this whole comedy bit on edible underwear. And it was.

I mean, that's funny. It's like a fruit roll up. Just get a fruit roll up.

And like she had these eating britches and he's eating britches and oh my gosh. He said, but I had to get her fruit roll up. Cause I'm on a diet. So I had to get the, like the low calorie eating britches.

Oh, my gosh.

It was ridiculous.

No, but seriously, if you want to get fruit by the foot and like, make a little weave around the. Maybe you take it and just down each other's body. Make it fun. I don't know.

Okay, while we're on a random tangent, there was this Seinfeld episode one time where George Costanza got into this kick where he thought like food was, was so sensual during, during, like intimate.

Oh yes.

And so, so he like talked his, I guess, girlfriend into whenever they would like start making out and like heading that way. They had all this food and he'd be like, all right, eat. And like they would like, they would stop making out and he would like down a sandwich real fast like with his shirt off. Because he, they, they, he was convinced that like it enhanced the taste buds or something. Were, were fired up and it made sex better. It was, it was, they didn't show anything. It was just kind of a ridiculous sort of scenario as the show was built on. But I do think something that they were onto is that you want to engage all five of your senses. That's why we're talking about this. And then the last one of course is touch. And touch is the most obvious one.

Yes.

Because it should be full body. It's your every one of your senses is engaged. The touch isn't just during the act of lovemaking, but leading up to it. Some massage, even sensual massage. The non sexual physical affection you've shown throughout the day, all of those are an act of foreplay. Foreplay should be an all day event that you're, you know, through the words you're saying, through your flirtation, your laughter, your tenderness, your touch, that when you get to the bedroom, both of you are feeling loved and cared for and safe and that this is just a natural expression of, of continuing that to its natural climax.

That's right. Yeah. Touch definitely enhances it. I think that, you know, there's a place for a quickie like for busy parents here and there. But when that's your go to and you never engage your senses, you're missing out.

Yeah, you're just getting, you're just going to release and it can be fun.

I mean like, I don't know why I was thinking of fruit roll ups and I was just thinking like all these kids snacks, like you could, you know, like get your fishies and like, oh, how'd that get there in my belly button? Wow, There it is.

That's our house is a bunch of kids snacks, which are the least sexy things on the planet.

No, but I'm saying use what you.

Have Lucky charms all over your body. Yeah, I'm gonna find your lucky charm.

That's right.

I don't even know what that means. We're off the rails. But if anyone at Lucky Charms would like to be a sponsor of this podcast, we could, we could have it.

Yeah. Those marshmallows Are amazing. They're yummy.

They're magically delicious.

They're magically delicious. Yes. So that brings us to the tip, the sex tip that you may have never heard of. Okay, I have one. Do you have one?

I want to hear yours.

All right. Okay. So mine you may have heard of, actually, but I think a lot of people neglect this part of the body. Okay. And you're like, oh, what is she talking about?

What?

Okay, so the pinky toe. It's the pinky toe. I'm just kidding. Is that a thing? Write me if that is. That's.

I don't know. Some people have these foot feathers. Toes.

Toes are a thing for some people. Like, your digits might be really something. I don't know. Like they might. You know, they call them digits. Right? You're looking at me like I'm crazy.

No.

Okay, so like, maybe that's something, but. No, I was going to talk about the ears. Ears.

Yeah, there we go.

So there's something in. There's like some nerve endings in the ear where, if you stimulate the ears, kissing on them, you know what I'm saying? Like, that can enhance the experience. Even rubbing them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now those ears, it kind of can enhance.

It can enhance things.

Go for the lobe.

The lobes. Give some love to the lobes.

Give some love to the lobes. Guys. You weren't expecting that, but give it a try. Give it a try. You might like it.

Want to hear more about sex? Well, we did a 14 day series in January on the Naked Marriage Podcast all about sex positions, foreplay, fetishes, you name it. So you can go and check that out on the Naked Marriage podcast right here and also check out right here on YouTube one of our shows called Christian Sex Positions. So if you don't want to miss anything here, and I know you don't, make sure you like and subscribe. We will see you next time.