Spiritual Slump | The Naked Marriage Podcast | Dave and Ashley Willis

This whole series of the podcast we've been in called Naked and Healthy, which is about how to get healthy in your marriage, in every part of your life, individually and as a couple, mentally, physically, spiritually, is based on our brand new book, Naked and Healthy. And we want you to get a copy of this book. Ashley and I had so much fun writing this book. We had so much fun narrating the audiobook together. And we feel like this book is not only going to be a fun resource for you, but super practical and in helping you and your spouse grow healthier in every part of your life.

That's right. And it's available in a paperback copy. You can get an ebook. You can also get it in audiobook form if you are accustomed to listening like you are to this podcast. So if you want to get your copy today, and if you would like to get it in any of those ways, be sure to go to nakedandhealthy.com hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast we address the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And we are continuing on in our series called Naked and Healthy, which is based on our book Naked and Healthy, which is available now@nakedandhealthy.com and today we're going to talk about how we handle going through a spiritual slump.

Yes. And you might think, what does that even mean? Well, stick around. You're going to find out. And thank you. By the way, for those who've already read the new Naked and Healthy book or listened to the audiobook, which we had so much fun recording, it just means a lot that you guys would check that out and your kind words, your kind feedback. We're just honored to know that it's making a difference in your lives and in every part of your health. And so today we continue those themes again, talking about sort of the spiritual aspect of health and what it means to be in a spiritual slump and how to get out of it. So let's dive in. As we're talking about being naked and healthy in all parts of life, I think one thing we have to acknowledge is there are going to be times when you just fall into a slump. And a slump is when you're in a consistent groove that's going pretty well. But then for whatever reason, you find yourself in a negative groove that you just can't seem to break out of. If you ever played baseball or were a baseball fan growing up, I was, and sometimes one of my favorite pro players would get in a batting slump, which means they're normally a good hitter, but they would go games and games without getting a hit. And it was just a negative streak they couldn't quite snap out of. And we all have times in life and marriage when we get in one of those negative streaks. So at Naked and Healthy, we've been talking about marriage health within the context of our mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. And on this episode, we want to talk about the spiritual health aspect of things, specifically through that lens of what do you do when you're in one of those slumps, when you just feel like, you know, things aren't working the way that you want? Or maybe it feels like your faith has just kind of grown cold and you can't really put a finger on why, or like your prayers are hitting a ceiling and bouncing back. And even though, you know God's with you all the time, maybe he just feels distant right now and you're not sure what to do. And I think that's something everyone can relate to. Even in the Bible, the heroes of faith all experience, you know, what's often in the Bible called a wilderness season or time. Maybe you feel like you're in the wilderness right now, and what do we do with that?

No, it can be a turning point for good or bad, you know, when you're going through this, because whenever we're in a spiritual slump, we feel very weary. We just feel worn down by life. I think sometimes we fall into the spiritual slump because maybe we feel like God's not hearing our prayers or not answering our prayers in the way we would like. Or maybe life has just thrown us a hard set of circumstances and we didn't do anything to bring it on. And we're just like, you know, we kind of get angry at God, and we're like, God, why are you allowing this to happen? You know, why us? Why are we getting this lot in life right now? And we can start, you know, really being frustrated, but then the frustration can turn into really kind of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we can process it differently. And we've talked about this before, but, you know, as a husband and wife, we can process that frustration differently. And what can happen, though, is we can turn it against each other. And that's a really hard place to be because then we get messages, you know, from people where they're saying, my husband says he's not sure if he even believes in God anymore because of everything we've been going through. Or my husband doesn't, you know, my wife doesn't think church is important anymore because the people at church let us down and they weren't there for us, you know, when my mom passed away. And so we just don't think we need to go back to church anymore. I mean, we get a lot of these messages and I just wanna say right out of the gate, you know, those things are devastating. I mean, those things are, you know, I'm not taking away from the fact that these seasons are disappointing and sometimes devastating and can really break our hearts, you know, and you gotta own the fact that, that it wasn't what you wanted. That's okay.

Sure.

But I think when we sit in that too long, that's when we kind of find ourselves in a slump because we stop doing those things that we were doing, like reading our Bible, praying, really focusing on the good in our life. We get so hyper focused on the hard things in our life that we just kind of get jaded and we don't, you know, you don't wanna be jaded because then you start making decisions you would have never made before. You're very hard to be around and it can cause a lot of problems in your marriage.

Yeah, yeah, that is so true. So many things can lead into that. I think sometimes it can happen through our own choices. You know, we make conscious decisions to step into sin. And sin is a natural way to separate us from God and from the good things he has for us and will inevitably lead to a spiritual slump. Even though no matter what sin we might be in, we can always at any point turn back to the grace of God and we can confess and repent and he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us and keep. Give us a fresh start. But we have to stop walking in that sin. You know, I heard a pastor say, you can't live in sin and the devil sin and expect God to pay the rent or. I forget exactly how it went, but it sounded better when I heard it actually. But I think if we're walking, if we're making choices we know are apart from God, it's going to just lead us into that slump. Other times, that slump, that wilderness can come through no fault of our own. It can just be life circumstances when life gets really hard and we just feel weary and exhausted. I think, you know, collectively through, you know, what we've all experienced collectively together with, you know, with COVID 19, I think that reset the way church is seen by a lot of folks because churches had to close for gosh, for so, so long. And you know, Some folks got out of the habit of going and then never got back into the habit of going, or they just. They felt like they were on an island at a time when they needed faith and they needed community the most. And that can certainly lead into a slump. But the bottom line is, however you got there, you don't need to beat yourself up for how you got there. Whether it was something you caused or whether it was just a set of circumstances completely out of your control. You just need to ask first and foremost, like, lord, what do you need me to do right now in this season of my life? What do you want me to learn? What do you want me to experience? How do you want me to respond? And show me what it means to be faithful. Walking with you, living in spiritual health in this season of my life. Lead me out of this wilderness, out of this slump as quickly as you can. But sometimes, you know, there are some seasons where that wilderness, you know, even Jesus himself experienced wilderness that God himself wants us to experience that because he wants to teach us something in the wilderness that we perhaps could not have learned about him any other way.

You know, it's so true. And we definitely had wilderness seasons. And I will say that when you turn to God in the wilderness season and allow him to lead you out of it, instead of just sitting there and trying to figure it out on your own, I think the trying to figure it out and just pulling it apart mentally and trying to figure out what happened, what went wrong, and that can really exhaust us and take away our energy and can kind of turn us away from God when really we just need to go to God and say, God help us. But when we walk through those wilderness seasons together and really focus on the Lord and what he has for us, it's a strengthening. I mean, you gain kind of some spiritual muscle, so to speak, through that season that you wouldn't have otherwise gained now with saying that no one loves being in the wilderness.

No, you don't have to, like, you.

Want to get out of there as fast as possible. No one loves being in a slump. It doesn't feel good, you know. But I do think that when we don't go to God with it, and we also don't go to each other with our frustrate, you know, just speaking about our frustration, not taking, you know, taking out our frustration on our spouse, we certainly don't want to do that. But when we don't, like, go to our spouse and we're not honest about kind of how it feels and what we're going through and leaning on each other, that is a really tough place to be. And I think again, we can start feeling sorry for ourselves. We can get really jaded. We can start, you know, just having an all around general negative attitude. But one thing, one very simple way to help move you out of the wilderness and move you closer to God and closer to your spouse is to really reach out and help someone else. And there is such power when you're going through a hard season and you feel like you're in a slump to look for ways to help somebody else. And it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It could be the simplest thing as thinking about any of your friends that are going through a hard time and shooting them a text and saying, I was thinking about you today. How are you? And how can I pray for you? You know, I'm feeling kind of weird right now and I'm not necessarily, you know, this isn't the closest I've been to God in a long time. But I'm here for you and I know that God loves you and how can I help you? I'm telling you, there's such power in that. Or even like going and serving somewhere like a soup kitchen or you know, just getting out of your own stuff enough to see that other people need help too. And I know this may sound kind of weird and maybe it doesn't make sense, but I'm telling you, this is biblical. It really is. Because I think that when we are uncomfortable and we're feeling a little jaded, we can become very self focused. We really can. And we don't mean to necessarily, but we do. And so it's important that we try to do something nice and caring for someone else. And you'd be so surprised at how God uses that to really get your heart and your mind in the right place.

He really does. Serving others is an antidote for so much of the frustration and discouragement and spiritual slump that we face in life. Because selfishness is an enemy of spiritual health. It really is. The more self focused we are, usually the more miserable we become. God designed us to serve. Jesus modeled this. He said, this is what I'm about. I came to serve. In fact, greatness in my kingdom isn't about having people who serve you. It's about you serving other people. He washed his disciples feet. He was present with the crowds to heal the individuals and to encourage and to be present with people in his life who had no way to repay him. And he modeled that as the highest way to live. He said that's what we need to be about, is his church, is his hands and feet, his body here on this earth. And when we do it, it's counterintuitive. You think that as you serve other people, that you would be miserable because you're not focusing on your own needs. But the truth is, yes, we have to focus on our own needs, but most of us are hyper focused on our own needs, and we're not at all focused on the needs of those around us. And when we will look beyond ourselves, even look beyond our own families, even though we obviously need to serve our families, and look to the community around us and look to those who might be in need, whether it's a friend we haven't talked to in a long time, that we could, you know, reach out and send them a message, like Ashley said, letting them know we're praying for them and thinking about them, or. Or whether we're rolling up our sleeves and doing something in our community to serve other people. Those simple acts of kindness and faith, it's like God uses that somehow. And it's a spiritual mystery. Exactly how it works. But I know that it does work, that when you're serving others, you're unleashing God's blessing in your own life. Not just in their life, those you are serving, but in your own life, too. And I don't think there's anything that'll pull you out of a slump faster than serving somebody else.

Well, you're doing what the word says of being the hands and feet of Jesus. And you kind of are. You kind of put yourself right there on the front lines of helping others, you know, to know that there's hope. And you could say, okay, that's all fine and good, Ashley, but is it kind of phony if I'm in a slump and I'm going and trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus? And I would say, no, you're just a human, okay? Because none of us always have all the right feelings, you know, I mean, your feelings are gonna be all over the place. But when you move towards what you know God would have you do, and that is loving your neighbor, that is serving, you know, people in your community. You're being the hands and feet of Jesus, and that's moving yourself towards God. I remember one time when I was in Christian counseling, you know, just dealing with some stuff. I've been on and off throughout the years. It's such a healthy thing. I remember her saying, you know, Ashley, you know, you doing what you know, you need to be doing is like. It's like, you know, the train is kind of your feelings sometimes, but you need to. The tracks are those actions you're taking. You're gonna tell your feelings kind of where to catch up. Because sometimes your feelings in a slump season, they're just not. They can't be your guide. You know, we've talked about that before. They're not your compass. But you do know from the word, you do know what God would have us do. Like the simple things that we know are part of our Christian walk. And when you do those things, you will find that your mind and your heart will eventually catch up. And so it's important that we don't just completely stop doing those things.

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And probably your faith. I mean.

Oh, no, it was a little bit of a crisis of. I mean, not like I. Yeah.

I mean, you didn't.

I believe in the. It wasn't like a crisis of belief, but it was like, God, where are you in? I was a little bit disappointed, discouraged.

Yeah. Like, I hear I'm serving you and trying to use my gifts for your glory.

Like, nope, we don't need you.

But as God always does, he used that wilderness to lead us into a new promised land. Right. Because a place we never would have considered that chur that we knew nothing about. We never would have really considered it. We were open to it. And that church, we were able to plug in right away and start serving in the youth ministry. And we ended up making some lifelong friends there. It really just prepared our hearts for everything we've done since in ministry and working. And now even what we're doing in marriage ministry is working with those kids, talking to them about healthy relationships. You know what it was teaching us as we were serving, as we were learning from some of the kind of the mentor couples who were there, older than us, wonderful mentors, wonderful people. And it was that several year period, ended up being one of the most precious seasons of our entire life and ministry. You know, our first son was born while we were still doing there, part of that. And they celebrated that life milestone with us. It was just a Wonderful time. And it is what made us decide and made us really solidify that calling God had placed on our hearts to really give our lives to ministry. We didn't know what that was gonna look like, and we didn't stay in youth ministry lifelong, but it did so much for us. And I think that had we gotten our way, you know, if you'd have just kept singing on the worship team of the same church where you'd grown up, I don't think that we would have ever stepped out and done some of the things that God has called us to do. We wouldn't even know what we're missing. And so disappointment. Those disappointments, those little slumps, very often are the very things God will use to create a turnaround moment and to open a door for you that you may have never walked through because you were so comfortable where you were. And so don't look at a slump always as a punishment or as, you know, like God just slamming doors in your face. Everything God allows into our life, he does for our good and for his glory. And even if it doesn't feel good in the moment, even if it doesn't feel good, it's still something he can use for our good and his glory if we'll trust him with it. And part of the. One of the best parts of our faith that we have is that all of our pain is temporary. No matter what tragedy you might face, no matter what loss, no matter what setback. Every bit of pain you ever face in this life, even death itself, is a temporary setback, because we have life eternal with Christ, where there's gonna be no more closed doors and no more setbacks for eternity. And so in this life, when those setbacks happen, just remember, God's gonna use this for my good, and I just.

Have to trust him absolutely. And I will say just a little bit more about that particular season. You know, I didn't. When we actually decided to leave that church. We've been back to that church many times, by the way. We have many friends there and love that church. We didn't leave like, we're stomping out, we're mad at you. We leave you. And, you know, it wasn't that kind of thing.

No, no, not at all.

I was grieving, leaving before we actually left, because I knew that God was closing that chapter for a season. And it really was hard for me to leave because I just. I don't know. You know, I think sometimes when you're in that wilderness again, your feelings are all over the place. Sometimes it's hard to know what you're supposed to do, but again, you have to really, really just keep on praying and keep leaning into your spouse and really, the Holy Spirit. I mean, we really prayed a lot during that season because it wasn't a quick decision even, you know, after the worship team thing. I mean, it was us really just like, okay, well, maybe worship's not where we'll serve. Maybe we'll serve over here. And through a slew of circumstances, God really kind of showed us. You know, he opened up our eyes to that other church, and it was just really great. And I just think I'm so glad Dave was right there, because I think I would have waited around and maybe not considered it because I was so, so feeling like I just had to make it work where we were. And, you know, I wasn't as open, but it was so good to go and do that. And so in whatever wilderness season you're in, you know, sometimes when you come out the other side, most of the time, I think when you come out the other side, life's gonna look a little different. But different isn't bad. You know, different can be good. And it doesn't mean, like, you're just completely abandoning whatever was before, but it means he's taking you into a new season. And that's exciting. And it can be scary, too, but it's exciting. And that can really. That can kind of give fresh air to the time when you're coming out of that spiritual slump. Because I do remember, like, when we were in that. And we've had many seasons where we've come out of different slumps. But I remember in that season, it was exciting on one hand, but it was also, you know, it was just a little bit. I don't know. My feelings had to catch up a little bit, but they really did. And I am so grateful for that. And I learned so much. I mean, you do again. You learn so much in those hard seasons. And we grew and we grew so much. And so, you know, if you kind of are listening to this today and you turned it on because you're like, that's me. Spiritual slump. Haven't picked up my Bible, and I don't know how long. Haven't even, you know, considered going to church, and I don't know how long. And, you know, I know I believe in God, but I haven't really said a prayer, and I don't know how long. I want you to know that God still loves you. And he's right there. He's been there the whole time. And, you know, just. I encourage you to go back, find a community of faith, find a church where you can connect with other believers and open up that Bible. You can start really easy. Just even if you start in proverbs, you know, reading one proverb a day, there's so many things you can do to start turning towards the Lord and. And don't let shame keep you from doing that. I think the enemy would love to convince you that you've done wrong by being in a slump. Well, I wanna tell you that you're a human being and we go through seasons and God is right there with you. And go back to him. He loves you, and he always welcomes us back with open arms. And I encourage you and your spouse to do this. Cause sometimes it's just one spouse that is in this, sometimes it's both. But I encourage you to bring your spouse into the picture of what you've been experiencing and share with them. Be honest about kind of where you are spiritually. And then both of you talk about, like, what are some new habits that we can do? Or maybe the old good spiritual habits we had that we wanna bring back into the picture. What can we do now to move ourselves closer to God and one another? And little by little, you'll start to see the difference. You know, it's a process. We don't wanna rush it. You know, it's little by little. But I think the. The worst thing we could do is just sit there and feel ashamed and feel like God doesn't love us anymore. Because that is a lie straight from the enemy.

It really is. And so if you are in a slump, and one other scenario, if you're in a slump because you've been hurt by the church, you've been disappointed by people at the church, don't let that make you disappointed with God, because people will always disappoint us. But that is not an excuse to spend your life out of church. The church is still God's hope for the world and still his plan. His plan for you to have community and hope and healing. So even if that church hurt you or a person at that church hurt you, don't let that become an excuse to live your life far from God and far from community. His plan for you is still to find healing and to even find healing in the church. It might not be that same church where you got hurt, and I'm talking about hurts a whole lot deeper than not making the worship team. Some of you have experienced real abuse Real betrayal and heartbreaking situations, just tragic situations, even criminal situations at times. And it can be just devastating. But God wants to bring you back. He wants to bring you back first and foremost to Him. But then he also wants to let you experience healing within his community, within a healthy church. And so don't be afraid to put yourself out there and find a healthy community where you can connect as part of that. We all need that. Well, that brings us to the Q and A time. Thanks. For those who sent questions to us on social media, you can find us Dave and Ashley Willis on Instagram or Facebook. And then the questions we answer here on the podcast are Those sent to nakedmarriagepodcast.com Today's question is this. Besides praying, what should be the next steps? When my Christian husband admits to having an affair but isn't looking to end the relationship, do I ask him to leave? Do I act like it isn't happening? I'm not going to give in for a divorce, but don't want to be walked over either. Wow. Thank you for sharing this. You know, it's a heartbreaking situation. You know, our hearts go out to you and we are praying. We're praying for you and praying for him to come to his senses and end this. But here's the deal. You are not. You're not called to have to live in a situation where your husband is openly, unrepentantly, defiantly violating the vows by being in an active relationship with somebody else. So you can let him know that you want to fight for this marriage. You can encourage him to pursue counseling with you. You can offer the grace of saying, I'm even now willing to give us a fresh start and really actively pursue this. But right now, your heart and mind is confused because that's what sex does. Sex is binding. It confuses us. When we step out of marriage, it's gonna give him all kinds of feelings again. Feelings are never meant to be followed because so often they're wrong. His feelings for this other woman are actually wrong because his decisions that led to this relationship were wrong. And now his feelings are all mixed up. So he needs to trust God enough to repent, to thank the Lord that he's got a wife who's willing to forgive him and to actively work at rebuilding your trust and re earning your trust and pursuing your heart and loving you and adoring you the way that he should have been doing all along. Until he does that, there's really not a marriage to save. Because right now, if he's going to openly live in this other relationship, I would say it's important to guard your own heart, your own sanity by saying, you know, I want to be in a marriage with you, but I'm not willing. I'm not willing to share you with another woman. And that's nothing that God would ever call you to do. So if he's not willing to break things off, then he's the one who's really choosing a separation at that point. It's not you. He's already chosen it, and you're just trying to make the best of that situation. And, sweetie, what? These are messy situations.

It is. You know, I would encourage him and say, first of all, you know, if we're going to stay married, you have to end this relationship. I mean, that's it. I mean, you have to end this relationship. Marriage is between just the two of us, and you've stepped outside. I love you. I'm willing to forgive you, but you must end this relationship. And then I would go a step further, and I would say, and after you end this relationship, I want us to go to a crisis marriage retreat. They offer these all over the United States. We have a lot of different resources@xomarriage.com that can kind of show you some different places to consider based on where you're located. But I also would definitely encourage you to talk to one of our marriage coaches here at Exomarriage. You can go to xomarriage.com coaches and maybe even talk to a Christian marriage counselor in your area. This is crucial because, you know, affairs don't happen overnight. It's little by little. And so, like Dave said, his mind and heart are all over the place right now. And clearly you're brokenhearted, as you should be. And so there's gotta be a lot of healing that has to take place. But behaviors have to change, especially on his part, because he can't do what he was doing before that led to this affair. And so it's important that you get into Christian counseling, both of you, and I would say individually and together, to kind of process this and start moving forward towards healing and just know that we're praying for you. I mean, like Dave said, this is. There's so much more to this than what we can answer in a short Q and A. But I just want you to know that we're here for you as a ministry, and I do encourage you to reach out to those marriage coaches and just know that we're in your corner and your husband's corner, like, just praying for you and your marriage and just that God would pierce his heart and convict him of how wrong this is and for him to go to you, seek your forgiveness, and then you both move forward together towards healing.

Yeah, absolutely. And like Ashley said, we're praying for you. And those resources are available to you and to all of you who are listening. Whatever situations you're facing, our marriage coaches can be a wonderful resource. These are trained, gifted, compassionate people who will listen to your story, pray with you, offer very practical advice in whatever situation that you're in. And we're honored to be able to serve you in that way.

Hey, listeners, we just want to show you how much we appreciate you listening to the podcast week after week. And we have a free gift just for you listeners, and that is a free chapter from our very new book, Naked and Healthy.

That's right. The chapter is called In Thickness and in Health, which is one of my favorite chapters in the whole book. It's about our misadventures, our wins and our losses, and kind of our journey toward physical health. It has some of my favorite stories in it. And again, we want to give you this chapter for free, just for being a listener to this podcast. So all you have to do is pull out your phone and text Naked Marriage, all one word. That's N A K E D M A R R I A G E to the number 31996. Naked marriage to 31996. And we will send you that free chapter. Thanks again for listening.