Dave and Ashley Willis talk about premature ejaculation and how couples can work through it together. They cover desensitizing gels, condoms, mental tricks, more foreplay, and when to see a doctor. The main thing: communication and patience matter more than any technique.
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You know, there's a lot of shame that the man feels about this because he feels like it's something he'll never be able to control. But I think again, there are solutions. We're continuing in our two week series all about sex to start off your year really strong and hopefully make your sex life even better. And again, everything we talk about here is to give you information. But also the most important part of this is that you go to your spouse and actually talk about this with your spouse, because that conversation is going to lead to much more change than anything we could say here.
Yes.
So we just encourage you to do that. I know a lot of you listen separately and then come back and talk about it together. So make sure you're having that conversation with your spouse. Today. We have one that we've touched on this a little bit, but we've not really talked about it in a while and that is premature ejaculation, which is something that so many men experience and can leave a lot of men and women frustrated.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, so it is just what it sounds like if you're unfamiliar. I mean, it's when the guy climaxes too quickly.
And then you said climax.
Like he's climbing.
I know, I was like, and then.
He takes a climb.
That's a whole other climax. Yeah, right.
And I have like a cold too, so I sound, I've got this weird voice on top of it.
I like it.
So he climaxes too quickly, which, you know, on one hand you could say that's a compliment to my wife. I'm so attracted to her, I can't control myself. But practically it leads to a lot of frustration because once a man climaxes, then you can't maintain the erection. And then there's nothing that he can do to help his wife climax. Unless he. Through manual stimulation or oral stimulation, not intercourse. But right through intercourse, you're not going to be able to, you know, it deflates quickly, basically. Right. So you have to, you have to keep that in mind. So there are, there are ways to help prolong the process and make it enjoyable for both of you and make it to where you can wait for your, your wife, which is the whole point. You, this is like, you know, both of you should reach climax. So there are, in terms of products, there are things like desensitizing gels, which, it doesn't just completely numb you, but it does give you just a slight little barrier of desensitization or numbness that I don't think sensitization is the Word. But I think numbness maybe where you still feel it. It still feels great. You will reach climax, but you won't do it as quickly. Sometimes wearing a condom is a natural barrier of kind of desensitizing. You know, I. So like the people say the downside of condoms as well, it doesn't. It doesn't feel as good. But, you know, the. The upside of that is, in addition to being a form of birth control, it will help you last longer because the sensation isn't as great. And then on some of its mental. Like, guys, you know, as you get close, you have to just kind of like, you got to take. Take the. The mental reins and say, all right, I'm gonna just think about baseball for a second, or whatever it is you need to do.
Get your mind off to kind of.
Stay in the moment, but. But slow yourself down.
That's right. And also spend more time, you know, making out to get the wife more inclined to climax. Right. So that you're not, you know, because I think that once you're, you know, in the act of intercourse is he's more likely to have that premature ejaculation. Whereas if you're maybe doing things to stimulate the wife to get her more, you know, inclined to. To be near climax, then hopefully that there wouldn't be so much time.
Both finish quickly.
Right? Exactly. But exactly.
You both have fun.
Yeah. So, I mean, there's a lot to it. I think that this can be a really, really. I mean, we. We receive a lot of messages about this where it. You know, there's a lot of shame that the man feels about this because he feels like it's something he'll never be able to control. But I think, again, there are solutions. Just look for solutions. Talk to your doctor about it. I mean, this isn't anything to be ashamed of. It just means you're really sensitive. And that's a good thing. I mean, that's a good thing.
But it's turned on by your wife, which is.
Exactly. But I think sometimes, too, this is something that usually decreases with age. I think that it won't be something that you necessarily always deal with, but in the time that you might be dealing with it right now, you know, look for those solutions. And also, there might be some solutions we haven't even listed that we don't even know about that your doctor could. Could help you to discover. Yeah, but be patient with each other. You know, for the wife that's listening whose husband has this issue, be really patient with them and know that he doesn't want to, to have, you know, sex always be about him and always where you never are satisfied. I mean most husbands would, would agree like in the ones at least that write us that that is hugely. I mean just seeing his wife experience pleasure is a huge turn on. He wants to be able to, to bring you to that point and share in the, in the climax with you. But I think that it's easy as a wife to get frustrated. Like, well, gosh, I mean, how can I ever get there, right?
And, and if a guy is just so selfish that he doesn't care, that's.
A completely whole other issue.
Different issue. That's, that's an issue in itself. Right? Of being a selfish lover is not being a lover at all. I mean it's just you completely using your spouse and you're, you're not. But, but again, like Ashley said, most of the time the guy isn't trying to be selfish. He just, you know, he just has lost control of right. And you, it's easy to get there. I mean you, the train gets revved up. It's hard to hit the brakes and slow it down. But there are ways and so talk through those ways. Like Ashley said, be patient with one another. And we're going to make this a short episode. I mean if there's ever one to end prematurely.
Oh wow.
I guess it would be this episode.
We're gonna, you're gonna have this all the two weeks.
We're gonna have lots of fun little innuendos.
Little innuendos. I mean the, the middle school in us never goes away. The middle schooler.
So yeah, it doesn't. I, I'll, I'll end it with a, a quick plug for upcoming exo marriage conferences. We would love to see you live at the events or you can stream online, simulcast it become in person. If you can go to xomarriage.com click on the conferences link and come come wherever you can. We'll be in Texas here just a month from now, less than a month from now. And then that'll start kind of our little spring tour. But we love and appreciate you guys. We'll see you tomorrow.
