Timeless Wisdom: Male/Female Hour: The First Episode

Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com. And welcome to the debut of the Male-Female Hour. Months in the, in the planning. I welcome you. This is Dennis Prager for the newest of my dedicated hours of my show. Began with Fridays and the Happiness Hour, went to Tuesdays and the Ultimate Issues Hour, and now an hour on Wednesday on men and women. I call it the Male-Female Hour rather than the Man-Woman Hour because many of you suggested it be Man-Woman. Because that's more, more human. But the thing is, we are not just human. We are human, of course, but we have a male brain and a female brain that is almost primitive. That is primitive. And that is also part of what makes us. The battle between a man and a male is a big battle that a man has, and the battle between being a woman and a female is a big battle that women have. So that's why I'm calling it the Male-Female Hour, because it's even on a more basic level than man-woman. Why have I decided to do this? 'Cause this is not an easy decision to give up, as it were, an hour from news and from, oh, so many of the issues of the day that I love to talk about and feel I have to talk about. Why, why this hour? Well, I have found over the course of many years of broadcasting and lecturing and writing for that matter, that when I have ventured into the realm of talking about male-female differences and how men and women can better understand each other and all of the related matters, including my, my by now fairly well-known 4 lectures on male sexuality. I have been told so often by couples, especially by women, you saved my marriage, you saved our marriage. And I thought, first of all, I was so thrilled. And, and I thought, well, if I can do that with 4 lectures, imagine what I could do with a weekly hour. And so that too has gone into the consideration here. I believe deeply if you understand your husband better, you understand your wife better, you have a chance at a good marriage. See, saving a marriage alone isn't, isn't really only what I would like to do, and it's not the only thing in any event that I'm doing the show for. But it's easier to save a marriage than to have a good marriage. And I want you to have a good marriage. I don't merely want you to cohabit and avoid divorce. I've known people who did cohabit and avoided divorce, and their children paid a terrible price for a mother and father who essentially loathed each other, but who wouldn't divorce. So there are so many reasons that go into this. I'll give you some others why I'm doing this hour. Because so much nonsense has been taught to a whole generation, now two generations of Americans, beginning with this incredibly wrong, wrong statement that men and women are basically the same, and that the reason that boys play with guns and beat each other up is because we give them guns and we give them toy soldiers and we give them trucks. And the reason that girls don't is because we give them tea sets and dolls. So give your boy a tea set and a doll and watch what happens. And give your, give your daughter trucks and see what happens. But then people believe that. The former president of Harvard, to his great credit, Lawrence Summers, acknowledged that. He said, I gave my daughter trucks. And lo and behold, she gave them names and took care of them. I have so many anecdotes about that, and anecdotes will be a very important part. What is an anecdote? It is a real story about these issues, and that will be a real factor. But another— so another reason for having this hour each week is because the amount of nonsense that has been given over to the well-educated. Oh, I remember, this is not something I've read, I remember bumper stickers and buttons citing this feminist phrase that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Which, in case it isn't obvious, what is being said is that just as fish could do very well, indeed thrive, without bicycles and have zero need for one, It's absurd to even think a fish needs a bicycle. It's absurd to even think that a woman needs a man. And a generation of women grew up believing that. I don't need a man, I just need career success. And a generation of women got career success, and many didn't go after a man, and then found that career success was not exactly what it was cracked up to be. Especially for females, especially for women. Not to say that it doesn't give a woman a sense of, of achievement, as it well should. You do a good job, you do a good job, whatever your job is. Of course that's true. But the vast majority of women do not get the satisfaction from career success that men do, and get far more satisfaction from relationships. Something you will never ever be told in a college course because it's this, it's the center of anti-wisdom, the college. And so those are some of the reasons why I have decided, why we have decided to have an hour each week devoted to men and women, to every aspect. Sometimes it will just be about women, sometimes just about men. Sometimes it will be about both. Sometimes it will be about marriage. Sometimes it will be about divorce. And a big factor here, even more so than the Ultimate Issues Hour or the Happiness Hour, will be your calls. This will be half driven by you. Questions that you have based on your life as a man or as a woman. And your interrelationship with men and women, or a man and a woman. 1-800-PRAGER-776 is the number. 1-800-PRAGER-776. Be happy to take general questions on this, but I will talk to you about some of the differences that we will highlight over the course of the weeks and months and presumably years that we will be talking about this. There is, uh, there are so many— we— I'll give you an example of issues that we will, we will take. And, uh, I mean, and they are tough, by the way. A lot of these are tough issues. This, this will be much tougher to hear for some than the Ultimate Issues Hour or the Happiness Hour. There's no question, which will make it It's the sort of thing where, you know, no pain, no gain, which happens to be true in exercise, I'm sorry to say. I, you know, I've never understood those. Oh, that's a silly statement. What do you mean, silly statement? There's no pain in sitting, but you don't gain much body-wise if you sit all the time. I mean, just that's the way life is. No pain, no gain. There will be some pain here. That, that's absolutely true. And, uh, for example, just as I'm looking on the list of some of the items that we will talk about, and that is the, the whole issue of maintaining one's attractiveness through marriage, is a very painful subject. So painful that couples don't even talk about it. And yes, it does fall disproportionately on, on the female. Is it fair? Folks, my issue is not whether life is fair. That's for the Ultimate Issues Hour. That is not for the Male-Female Hour. I am not here to say what is fair or not. I am here to say what is true or not. The fact that I would like reality to be X doesn't mean reality can be X. It isn't. It is, it is a factor in marriages. The death of masculinity, that's a challenge to men, just as the, the other, the, the one I just mentioned is a challenge to many women. The masculinity— are you, are you masculine? Do men even know what masculinity is any longer? We'll be back in a moment. Prager it is, and welcome to the inaugural edition of the Male-Female Hour, my friends. I guess we'll try to get specific music bumpers for this hour too. We have an opening that's specific to the, to the hour, talking about men and women each week because the battle between the sexes is probably greater than it ever was. The misunderstandings are huge. I give one example in lectures that I give on talks about men and women, about how many women think that their husband doesn't listen to them, for example, doesn't listen when they talk. And as I point out, that's not true. Your husband does listen, he just doesn't remember. And that always gets a big laugh because the men feel so relieved that I have acknowledged what the issue is. Yes, we do listen, but guys don't remember dialogues. Women remember things that were said neonatally. Conversations said when they were in the fetal state are somehow recalled. And that is what women do. Their brain is filled with reviewing conversations. Men's are never filled with reviewing conversations and don't recall having had conversations as a general rule. And we remember batting averages, stock prices, and the like. And we are made differently. And another thing that has come up, and we should play excerpts from my debate with Shmuley Boteach, he believes women are basically superior, inherently superior. I don't believe that for a nanosecond. I don't believe either sex is superior innately, but that we both have real issues And the thing is that men's issues are more obvious. Their sexual predatory nature and their aggressiveness. Women's issues, which are as deep and as problem-causing in life, are far more subtle. You can't identify it like that, although I will attempt to, to help us raise better girls and, uh, help women understand themselves better. There is— it is such a vast arena. And let me take the inaugural call on the inaugural show, and that is from John in Downey, California. John, you are the first caller on the Male-Female Hour. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Yeah, well, the question, um, came up when I read this sex expert on Fox.com News, and she didn't once cite— it said, why do men cheat more? Statistics, I guess, show that men do cheat more. She didn't cite one difference between the man and the female. And I read your book, and you, uh, Happiness Is a Serious Problem, and you cited in your book that one of the reasons is that men have an intrinsic desire for variety, whereas women desire emotion.

You heard a sex expert speak on this subject as to why men cheat more?

Just yesterday she wrote it on Fox News.

Right, alright.

She didn't once mention the difference, the nature difference between men and women.

So what did she say was the reason?

She said the reason was primarily because maybe he's unhappy with the physical or emotional sex, or maybe there's an affair. Um, which I agree, but I think the primary reason, and I cite your book, is because we as men have no— our desire has no memory of the great sex we just had with our wife. Yeah, before, it has no memory. We intrinsically like variety. We, we yearn for it all the time.

Yes.

And well, I just find it amazing. She's college, you know, she's college educated.

Well, that's, that's, as I would always say, that's part of the problem. Well, I'm glad we didn't say the name of the person because I didn't hear it directly, but I believe him. And whatever she said may have been utterly true, but the point is, yes, and this is something that I will be dealing with on the program, and this is very painful stuff. There is no hour that will entail the self-inquiry that the male-female hour will. There will be challenges to both men and women. To, to understand themselves better. And it is, it is going to be a painful process at times. I acknowledge that, and I'm not thrilled about it, but that is the way it is. And it is not happy news to women that men are variety-oriented. That— but what is amazing to me is that it is news at all. It wasn't news to my grandmother or her mother or her mother or her mother or her mother, going back to Eve. It is news to the modern Western well-educated woman, because education doesn't tell you about people. It tells you about theories that people want to believe about people. And that is exactly right. What sex means to both sexes is so different. And this will be— this is why, by the way, I guess I have to say this, that there are times when this is the one hour of the week where maybe some kids, you won't want necessarily all your kids listening. That is a— because I know, for example, we had a wonderful homeschooled family who use my show as a form of education. A lot of people tell me that, and I'm delighted because frankly, I think there's a lot more wisdom on 3 hours of this show than in 3 hours at college. And I'm not even happy to say it. It's not only not boasting, it's painful for me to say. But there's no doubt in my mind that that is so. Anyway, so there is— that is a statement that I had to make for those of you who have kids regularly listening. There are times where it will be adult matter, not titillating matter, but adult matter. And in this matter of variety, it is remarkable how women have not been taught this, that men, that is what men want. And what women have been told is that, oh, you are just like men. And so they have these hookups at college thinking that they can have as great a delight in superficial sexual encounters as men do. And then, and it hurts them over time because it cannot but hurt them. Some permanently, some temporarily. But the denial of one's feminine basis and to think that, oh, a male body, I just want another male body, because that is the way the male is constructed. This will come up over and over. There is no way a woman— I am old enough to have dealt with this a lifetime, to have talked to brilliant women about this. It doesn't matter how brilliant a woman is. Asking her to understand how a man sees a pair of legs of a woman is not possible. There is no analog to women. There is no— a man wearing shorts has nothing in common with the female wearing shorts. Nothing. Nothing. Women do not fantasize male legs. They don't use male legs in ads unless it's to a gay community. By the way, everything that I would ever say about male sexuality is proven by the fact that male homosexuals have the exact same feelings towards men. So it can't be induced by society the way men look at women. Back in a moment. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Shows that what I said was true. There's no difference between the sexes. Men, women, the same.

They are, huh?

Well, maybe there is a difference, but it's a little different.

Well, you know, as the French say—

What do they say? Vive la différence! Which means?

Which means hooray for that little difference! It's actually not little, and it's not even what you're thinking. Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here. This is the inaugural edition of the Male-Female hour and dedicated hour Wednesdays to this enormous subject. And the hope is that you will understand each other better and yourselves better and get along better. That's, that's the hope. And more than any other hour of my show, it will depend upon what you would like to ask. I will have topics almost all the time, as in the other dedicated hours of my show, but It will be driven a lot by what you have to ask, so I will take calls immediately. Highland, California. Gary, hello Gary, Dennis Prager.

Hello Dennis, how you doing?

I'm well, thank you.

Awesome. My question is, all you guys out there, check this one out. I'm sure you'll know it. Why do ladies in relationships expect men, like if there's a problem, you walk into the dining room and she's giving you the evil eye And you say, "Hey baby, what's wrong?" And they say, "Oh, you know." They expect us to know either what's going on or what's wrong all the time.

Bravo to you, Gary. That is entirely true of many, many women, and it drives men nuts. And here I side with the men. Women, we cannot read your minds. That is not an ability that God, or if you don't believe in God, nature alone gave us. Asking us to read your minds is to drive us nuts. It is almost as if you were to say to us, why did you get stuck in traffic? You could have flown here. But we can't fly. We're not supermen. We are what we are, and we should be the best that we can be as men and women, but we can't be what we imagine somebody to be. And what a woman should do, and you will find such a dramatic improvement in your relationship with the man in your life, is to tell him what is on your mind. Not want him to read it. That is a girlish, not a womanish thing. Boys must become men. Girls must become women. It is girly to want your mind read. It is childish. Children expect parents to read their mind. Well, what's the matter, my son, my daughter? Oh, nothing, nothing. What they're saying is you should know. You, my father, you, my mother, should know. From the earliest age, we— people have to be told, I won't read your mind, I can't read your mind, and I shouldn't have to. Just tell me what is troubling you, or what are you thinking about? So that's a great, great example of a, of a general problem between the sexes that can easily be dealt with. Women, just say what's on your mind. And get the notion out of your mind, "If he really knew me and if he really loved me, he would know." But that's not true. He probably really does love you and he may even really know you. But he still can't read your mind. Mind readers can't read your mind. All right, let's go to another call here. Orange, California, and Emily. Emily, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi Dennis, how are you?

I'm well, thanks.

I was just calling because I actually wrote a paper about this when I was in college. I've just noticed, as I'm a younger generation, so I was raised by the older generation of burning their brassieres and fun things like that.

Mm-hmm.

And I just think that something that happened in the women's movement that wasn't a beautiful statement was just the complete demasculinizing of men.

That's right.

And it completely just fuzzied the true identities of each gender role. Because one thing that I think they forgot is the true strength of a woman is to be able to to be a mother and be the backbone of the house and the backbone of the church.

I am very curious where you learned this. We'll be back in a moment with 23-year-old Emily. Dennis Prager here on this inaugural edition of the Male-Female Hour. Because there is so much, I'm sorry to say, nonsense about men and women out there and a generation, my generation, the next generation, so many members of those two generations have really been hurt. By claptrap about the sexes. And to the extent that people are willing to hear what I think are truths about men and women, they can really relate to the other and appreciate the other more. And that was a wonderful question. It's worth putting these down for further elucidation, like why, why, you know, about women wanting men to read their minds. That was a perfect example. It was a great inaugural question. Emily is 23. And you, uh, I assume you were raised religiously?

Yes, yes, I was. Well, my mother did, my father was not.

Yeah. Were you homeschooled?

No, I wasn't. I went to public school.

Now, now, how many, how many young people your age think as you do, or how many of your girlfriends do?

Um, I think that some of them, some of them believe wholeheartedly the way that I do, and I think that some of them still are sifting through the issues for themselves.

Right. And having been taught so much of what my generation unfortunately inculcated into yours.

Yes, it's been, you know, but you have to say also is that if nothing else, it's given God the chance to come in more into our lives and truly define us as his children.

Well, well, it's a beautiful attitude. And Emily, good luck to you. I, um, I appreciate your calling. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. And let's go to Line 3. And let's see, that's what, that's what I just was with. Uh, Bob, Scottsdale, Arizona. Hello, Bob. Dennis Prager.

Hi, Dennis. Uh, I'm really looking forward to this topic that you're covering. Uh, over the years of 44 years of marriage with my wife, I realized she made decisions a lot based on intuition and feelings. But if I could get her to talk about them, a lot of times she was spot on because of it. I was very, I need the facts kind of person.

But, uh, well, that's where we need both sexes. It's a perfect example. Women's intuition, it's a very old phrase, and there is something, there's a lot of truth to it. On the other hand, uh, a man is exactly as you said, more likely to say, well, on what do you base it? And she'll say, I know, I just know. And she'll find your fact-needing to be a little silly. And you will find her, who cares about facts, in my gut I know what's true, to be a little silly. And we need both. So it's a perfect example. Of where the sexes are strong. The problem with women's intuition is not that it doesn't exist and not that it often isn't excellent, it's that it can be wrong. And so you're left with, I'm saying this to both men and women, it can be wrong. And women's certitude that their intuition is right, it needs to be tempered By, well, beyond your intuition. See, sometimes you can't have anything but intuition. For example, let's say the two of you meet somebody and you are wondering, was the person telling the truth? There, if your wife has been fairly consistently accurate, and nobody has a 1,000% batting average, and it's not to be expected, But if her intuition where you don't have enough facts is strong, why not go with it? Or at least don't make that business deal. If she left a meeting with a potential business partner and says, you know, there's something about him that I just, honey, I just don't trust, that is worth listening to. Doesn't mean you back out of the deal. It means don't sign yet because neither of you have the facts. Her intuition, if she has a good track record, and that by the way is a big deal in life, track record, it's what I call moral bank accounts. If her track record and her intuition is a highly successful one, highly accurate, I wouldn't make that, I wouldn't sign that business deal even though I have no facts. She has no facts and I have no facts. On the other hand, to the woman, I would say you may have a strong intuition about something, but there may be a whole series of facts that, that prove the intuition to be inaccurate in that case. So you, you will have to somehow say, okay, my— I have my intuition for whatever reasons, but I also have to listen to the data. There really are reasons not to go with my intuition in that case, my gut instinct. By the way, men have gut instincts too, but we— because of the way our mind is formed, we will always ask ourselves, well, what's the evidence, Dennis? Right, that's your gut instinct, but— and women are more likely to trust their gut instinct in that way. Sterling Heights, Michigan, and Mary Kay. Hi, Mary Kay, Dennis Prager.

Hi, Mr. Prager. My question is, how can you expect to have an emotionally intimate relationship with your husband if he doesn't remember your conversations after a week or two?

Well, that's a very good question. And what—

you've—

I— so the reason for my silence is I so understand where you're coming from, and I so understand where he's coming from. You can have an emotionally intimate life with him, but it doesn't mean that he will remember the facts. He will remember the bottom emotional line of a conversation more than he will the facts that you have related. To the woman, the facts and the words of a dialogue are more significant than the facts and words of a dialogue that a guy has. And that's true for guys with other guys. I'm gonna keep you on, Mary Kay, because I, I wanna help you on this one. We will be back in a moment. You're listening to The Dennis Prager Show. Dennis Prager here. Mary Kay raises an issue on this, the first edition of the male-female hour, which I am going to devote an entire hour to very shortly. One of the, one of the earliest hours will be on this, Mary Kay.

Oh good.

How does one— how can a woman expect to have an emotionally bonded relationship with a man or an intimate relationship if he doesn't remember the conversations? Here, in a nutshell, let me tell you, it depends on what you mean by not remember, and it depends what the conversation is about. For example, there's an intern, a young man sitting in the studio right now who's interning with us. And he said this is something that he has heard. Can I cite this? And his parents have a wonderful marriage, but where the mom will chide the dad about, you don't remember I told you we're having dinner with the, you know, with the whatever couple it is. I told you 2 weeks ago we're having dinner. Guys don't remember. That's why we write this down and have computers and have all sorts of databases. But if he doesn't remember that you spoke about some deep hurt that you feel in life, that's different. That's why I want to know what it is. And I'm not saying you can answer that now, Mary Kay, but this is— and I'll let you go right now, uh, so you can hear the rest of this off the phone. This is— a woman has to ask herself, what is it that my husband isn't remembering? If he doesn't remember a date that is significant to you, the date you met, let's say, I mean, he should remember your anniversary. That's true, he should. And if he doesn't, he should have it in his PDA and with a 24-hour alarm in front of it. But you can't ask us to be you. With male organs. We are not you with hair. We are not hairy women, and you are not hairless men. And that is something that the sexes need to appreciate about the other, but especially because men do know that. Most men do not walk around assuming women are like them, but a lot of women want men to be like them because your understanding of intimacy is X, so he must be X. There are many ways of a man showing the emotional connection to a woman. Remembering the details of conversations is not necessarily one of them. It reminds me of one of the most ignored, hilarious, insightful movies ever. And that is the one where the guy with the devil— I love that movie. Come on, come on, come on, come on, quickly. Bedazzled. Bedazzled. The modern version of Bedazzled. The guy becomes a very sensitive man to get the woman, and then she throws up. All right, male-female hour. Send me your emails. This is Dennis Prager. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.