029: Finding Strength in Your Struggle | Dr. Zoe Shaw

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, wherever you are. This is the Dr. Zoe Show, and I am here today in California, and it's a little chilly out here today. I think it might be a little, a little warmer on the East Coast. So I'm hearing we've got a little cold front going on. Welcome to my show today. I believe that every woman has a superpower, and my passion is to help you find it, embrace it, and share it with the world. And your job is to figure out how to thrive And the beautiful chaos that is your life. And why do I talk about chaos as beautiful? You might feel like your life is disordered and that nothing ever comes together, and you've got piles of laundry or you've got a to-do list that is just crazy. But the beauty is in appreciating what you have and not focusing on what you don't. The beauty is in recognizing that no one has it all together. And that is so true. And I know you're thinking about that one lady, but you don't You don't see the behind-the-scenes stuff. There is no one that air quotes has it all together. We all have our own struggles. We all have things that we were overcoming. We all have things that we sometimes hide. And it might seem to the outside world that we have it all together, but nobody does. And so the beauty is being aware enough to realize that these times right now that you're going through, these are the good old days that you're going to look back on and go, wow, I miss— Something about that. Because life goes way too quickly. And all the noise and all the dirty little hands and the whiny kids and the laundry and the to-do list will fade, or it'll get smaller and smaller. And it might seem chaotic right now. I know my life seems a little chaotic right now. But focus on what's important, and you'll see the beauty in the chaos. So that's why I say finding beauty in your chaos. Would you like some more encouragement? Connect with me by texting the word JOIN to 38473. That's the word join, and text it to 38470. You'll get on my newsletter where I send out a lot of encouragement to all you superwomen out there holding it down. And I also have to make a confession. I haven't sent out a newsletter in like a bajillion weeks, and I'm going to fix that. So if you have recently gotten on my newsletter, it's coming out. And the focus of my newsletter is encouragement. It certainly lets you know about all the things that I'm doing. It lets you know about any products that I might have as well. But the main focus is encouragement. That's the focus of my email list is to encourage you women in your struggles and in your successes. So my Superwoman win and my Superwoman bomb that I share weekly. My win this week is that I'm almost ready for my speaking engagement. It's in a few weeks and I've got the PowerPoint together, my speech is prepared. I think I talked last week about missing a deadline. Well, I got that taken care of. And so I I am so proud of myself for doing scary things. And I want you to think about anything in your life that's a little scary right now, something that you need to do with work, a project, something new you're starting, something in your life. It's good to do scary things. The sense of accomplishment that you feel and your ability to grow as a person only happens when we do those things that are difficult. And so that's my Superwoman win for the week. My Superwoman bomb is that I missed my son's solo at church because I was running around doing a million things in the morning. And also the clock in my kitchen was wrong, which is so frustrating. It was right at 10 o'clock or right at like 9:30, and then it stopped. And I was feeling so good, feeling like I had all this time. And then I look up, the clock still said 9:30 after I looked at it for like the 4th time. And I turned around and I, I just wasn't paying And I missed my son's solo. So that's definitely a superwoman fail for the week. I know any of you mamas definitely know what it feels like to miss something of your kids, and it's not fun. But I was very proud of him for doing such a great job. I heard from everybody else how wonderful he did. So today's topic, finding strength in your struggle. And today, as we are in the end of February, which is Black History Month, moving towards March, which is Women's History Month, Month, I really want to talk about our struggle as women. I want to certainly honor the struggle of African Americans in our country. And I'm going to kind of mold the two together and talking specifically to women about finding strength in our struggle and really recognizing that we stand on the shoulders of women before us and our daughters stand on our shoulders. But before we get started, I'm going to give a shout out to women Who are supporting my cause, supporting the cause of women and finding strength in their struggles. And the first one is a blogger. Her name is Cindy, and her website is lifebycindy.com, L-I-F-E-B-Y-C-Y-N-D-I.com. I found her, I think, on Instagram, and we've connected. And her site is all about women and mental health and well-being. And she's got some wonderful blogs, articles out there, actually some really in-depth mental health articles. So I suggest that you guys check her out, lifebycindy.com. The other one is Woman Doc, thewomandoc.com, and it's a page for women about self-love, essentially. And so I also suggest that you go find those sites and check them out. And I will be talking about a pledge, a personal pledge from thewomandoc.com later on today. So whether things are going well Or they're going poorly. The stronger you are on the inside, the more you can accomplish on the outside. And life has this crazy way of knocking us down sometimes, so much so that it can leave us feeling paralyzed and kind of just shot straight through to our soul. I've been there. And I know that feeling when the world continues to go on and you're stuck in this place with the rug feeling like it's just pulled out from under you. And you may wonder, will you ever feel strong again? And the answer is yes, a resounding yes. So whatever you may be going through, the beautiful thing about life is that it doesn't stay the same ever. And for some people that might feel scary, but if you can embrace that and know that the good thing is it doesn't stay the same. So whatever you're going through, when it's terrible, it's going to get better. It has to. That's just the way that life works. And so today I want to talk about Standing on the shoulders of the women who came before us. As I think about that, I think about my great-grandmother, who— and I shared about her before. But if you think about us, generation, I'm in my 40s, and we women in our 40s are right now 4 generations from women earning the right to vote, gaining a voice in America. And I think it was— when was it? 1987, I think, is when Women's History Month got put into action. The idea that President Jimmy Carter said, okay, women have had a hard-fought history in this country, and we are going to celebrate that with Women's History Month. Now, of course, I am 6 generations from slavery. And before that, you know, it took time for Black people to have a right to vote in this country. And so as I talk today, I think about that as well as, as women who got the right afterwards. And so here we are kind of acknowledging that and also our strength. So we stand on their shoulders. What does that mean? I think of the women who came before us, and I also think of this recent Denzel Washington movie. I don't even remember the name of it right now. What was it where he was playing a lawyer? Ma Rainey's Black Bottom. Can't remember the name of it. But it was a recent movie. And he was speaking to a group of young activists in this movie. And it became very clear that he and his— I don't know how old he is, 50s, 60s— talking to these people in their, you know, 20s, that there was this age gap, that they just weren't really getting him. And they were activists of the now time. And he was an activist of, you know, the 1960s. And they were being a little bit disrespectful to him. And the woman who was running the show looked at them and reminded them in a stern voice She said, you stand on his shoulders. And when we were watching that movie, my son leaned over and he asked me, what does that mean? And I kind of, I whispered a short history lesson to him in the movie theater. But what does that mean, we stand on their shoulders? And how is that an honor? And the reality is, it's a responsibility that we have as we're creating and broadening our shoulders for others. It was Roman J. Israel. Someone just texted me. Thank you. The movie was Roman J. Israel, yes. And Denzel Washington was an activist. And so when I think about that, I think of my great-grandmother, and I've shared her on the show before. Her name was Josephine Holloway, and she was an activist in her own right. She was a strong, strong woman who, in the 1920s, became a social worker. She was African American, and she wanted her daughters to be a part of the Girl Scout troop. In Nashville. But of course, African American girls couldn't be Girl Scouts at that time in Nashville, Tennessee. And so she decided to start her own troop. And it took her years of kind of fighting and pushing to finally be recognized. And ultimately, now she's in their history books, and she's in the museum in Nashville, Tennessee. She has a Girl Scout camp named after her. And she's part of Girl Scout history now. But then, of course, she, you know, was just struggling. She was just a struggling woman trying to fight for the rights of herself and her daughters. And she has been described as a mega figure. She's been described as a pioneer, that she was a strong-willed woman who didn't accept any kind of insecurity or fear, that she taught girls, young African American girls, to be strong and that they respected her because of that. And so my great-grandmother, she was a visionary and an activist. And the reality is, is that when I was a little girl, She would look at my brother and myself, and she looked at my brother, this activist, this woman who was a visionary in the 1970s, and she said, you're going to be President of the United States one day. And she looked at me and she said, you have really long fingers. You're going to be a pianist, a piano player. And I remember even then as a little girl thinking, why does he get to be President and I got to be a piano player? Not that there's anything wrong with being a pianist, but at that time, I felt that there was kind of this disparity. In terms of her goals for us. And the reality is that because she was a visionary, she saw that my brother, an African American, could be president one day. And she didn't live to see that. She died in the 1980s, I think. I was 9 years old when she died. She didn't live to see it, but she could see that into the future. And she spoke that to me and she spoke that to my brother. And she was not far off because my brother's not too far off in age from President Obama. But from where she could see her horizon— and the reality is we can only see as far as we can given our circumstances, given our environment. And despite the fact that she was such a visionary, it didn't even occur to her that a woman, an African American woman even, could be president. And so I stand on her shoulders. And even then as a child, I had that little inkling of why not me? And that didn't even occur to her. And so I'm going to continue to talk about how we stand on shoulders. I'll be right back. And this is the Dr. Zoe Show. And we'll be back from a break in a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com. Hi, it's Dr. Zoe, and I'm back talking about finding strength in our struggle, and also talking about standing on their shoulders. And so I was just sharing a little story about my great-grandmother and how she visualized an African American man becoming president one day, and was not able to visualize, or at least didn't speak it to me, a woman becoming president one day. And of course, that hasn't happened yet, but I do believe that in my lifetime, I will see that. And so I was talking about the fact that it's a kind of a prime example that every generation can only go as far as they can visualize, as they can fathom in their wildest dreams. And so our horizon presently is now further out. We can see further out and we're obligated to push further and forward, just as our ancestors did. And my great-grandmother may well have, you know, said when she was a child, You know, I think that I can have an education and I should be able to vote as a woman. And so we have to speak the vision into the ones who stand on our shoulders, just as those before us spoke. And I also think in many ways it can be harder now today because we have accomplished so much. Women vote. We have sent women into space, deep into the ocean, and on the battlefield. Women crest warships. And so what more is there left? Well, Well, I think that during Women's History Month, during African American History Month, we do good to honor our foremothers who have sacrificed their time and freedom. And in some cases, they've sacrificed their lives to fight for the equality. But we can also look back and see the road that they paved for us. But looking ahead, we can see that there's still so much to be paved. So obviously, we know that there's issues like women not earning the same as men. But I actually want to talk a little bit about the unintended consequences Of feminism. And a lot of times as I talk about this, people might feel that it's kind of blasphemous. And it is not, because there are unintended consequences of everything. You know, there's unintended consequences of airplanes, the fact that we now have aviation that can get us to a country within a matter of hours that was remote before, which can also now carry back diseases that never would have crossed before. Those are unintended consequences. However, it doesn't mean that we need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We just have to recognize— recognize them and talk about the elephant in the room. And part of finding the strength in our struggle, I believe, is being able to talk about those elephants. And those elephants, in terms of the consequences of feminism, is that we as women have increased anxiety, we have increased depression. Most of us feel, when polled, that we don't do it all and have it all, that we don't feel like we have that work-life balance. What have we experienced as a consequence of feminism? We lost a village of support, we lost a sense of value in our motherhood alone. And we believe that having it all and doing it all is possible. And so therefore, we are exhausted and overwhelmed. And so those are some of the unintended consequences. But what we have to understand is that as women, we have to learn to support each other. And I think that my strength as an encourager was definitely built out of my struggle that goes all the way back to grad school. I was in my third year, I think, of getting my doctorate, and I got pregnant with my son, who's now 16. And I remember I had a college professor and she had 5 kids and she was an amazing woman. She was a researcher. She was probably in her late 40s, something like that at that time. And I was in my early 20s and she was just amazing. I looked up to her and I thought, that's who I want to be. She's doing it all. She's got 5 kids. She's researching. She's a professor. She's out there doing it all. And I I was getting ready to have my baby. I was like 9 months pregnant and I wanted to get into her class. I was scheduling my classes for the next semester. And back then, you'd have to call in at like 7:30 AM and you'd have to be the first person to call to get your spot. And so, I had it on my schedule to do that. And so, it happened. And the thing is, is that I needed that schedule because I had put it all together and I had gotten all of my childcare arranged so that this schedule would work with my childcare and I'd be able to, quote, have it all and do it all. And so I had my baby 2 weeks early, threw my schedule off because, you know, life. And it just so happened that during the time that I had to register for that class, I was giving birth. And so I'm in the hospital, and a couple hours after I had my son, I called to try to register for the class, and it was too late. I missed it. And I thought, this professor will understand. I'm going to call her. I can't wait to get into her class. She has 5 kids. She's going to know what— And understand what just happened. And I knew that as a professor, she had the ability to let me into the class even if the registration was closed. And so I did. I called her up and I let her know, I'm literally in the hospital. I just had a baby. I was in labor when I was— wanted— needed to register for your class. I missed it. Can you let me in the class? Her response just took that rug right from under me. She said, no, I'm not going to let you into the class. I'm sorry you missed the registration, but I'm not going to let you in. You're going to have to figure it out. And I said, Well, I literally scheduled all of my childcare around this schedule. If I can't get in this class, it's going to throw everything off. And she said, I'm really sorry. And then she said, and by the way, just so you know, or something like that, don't ever use your children as an excuse in your career. Good luck. And she hung up. And I remember, well, first of all, I was— I just had a baby. So I'm definitely— hormones are definitely going all over the place. And I remember just feeling so devastated and embarrassed. That I had used, you know, my child was only a couple of years old, I mean, a couple of minutes old, and I'd already, quote, used him as an excuse. And I remember just sitting there thinking, as I'm looking down at my new baby and I'm thinking about my— the couple of years I still had to finish my doctorate, I remember thinking, I can't do this. I can't do this thing of trying to, you know, do academics and career and all of that. And I've already failed and my baby's only a couple of hours old. And I think that she was trying to help me. She was a feminist, probably of the old age, that really believed that she had to— women had to be like men in order to succeed. And she, I think, thought she was helping me by giving me advice of how to be a successful woman in, you know, this field. But what actually happened is it kind of threw me off for a while. I struggled in grad school. It took me an extra year to finish grad school. I quit my practice after I had my baby because I didn't feel like I could do this thing. And I remember thinking, I'm just going to I'm just going to get through school and just finish school, and I'm just going to stay home and be an at-home mom because I can't do this. And it took me a while to really figure out that, yes, I can. And the way I do it doesn't have to look like the way another woman does it. But the thing that I was left with is that that woman could have supported me. That woman could have lifted me up. And whether she let me into the class or not, she could have supported me and given me different kind of advice that said, you can do this thing. I've done it and you can do it. And she didn't. And so I think that was a big drive for me to support other women. And so as, yes, we're standing on the shoulders of that professor who definitely paved the way for me, she did. But we're also standing side by side with women. And she, at that point, was standing side by side with me and probably could have helped me in that way. But you know what? She did help me because it did develop strength. And that's why we're talking about developing strength in your struggles. And so that was a struggle for me. And I have developed strength and figured out how work that whole mom life, career work, entrepreneurial balance. And my goal is to encourage you also that yes, yes, you can do it. And remember, we stand side to side. And I think when it comes to the unintended consequences of feminism is so important because we as women tend to support each other less than even we get supported in, you know, our fields By other people. And I think of this story before we go on break. There was a, a woman, and I don't know why it made the news, but there was a woman who worked at Starbucks. And she was a single mama. And she was struggling. And she called in one day and she said, I really need to go to work. But whoever was supposed to watch her kid couldn't watch her kid, her childcare was off. And she hadn't— she's like, I want to come in, but I have my kid. I'm sorry. And the manager Who was male at the time, at Starbucks said, just come on in and bring your kid. And so she did. She came in, she brought her kid, and what happened was police officers came in for the morning, I guess their morning coffee, and her kid was there. And they ended up taking turns playing with her kid while she was working. And somehow it became a news story. I don't know. But a question I had is, I wonder if that had been a female manager, would she have said the same thing? Would she have said, Come on in, just bring your kid. And not that we can all bring our kids to work, of course we can't. But it goes back to women supporting each other in our struggles instead of saying, oh well, too bad, sorry for you, I've been through it, you're just gonna have to muddle through it. No, I want to support you and we need to support each other. So this is Dr. Zoe. Talking about finding strength in your struggles. I'm getting ready to go on break. If you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer questions live on the show right now. Text questions to 818-919-0228, and you can connect with me at Dr. Zoe Shaw at any of my social medias. I'll be back in just a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy—not the jittery kind—that lasts me. All day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. Kissmeorganics.com. Hi guys, it's Dr. Zoe, and I am back talking about finding strength in your struggle. And like I said, if you're going through something difficult right now, the answer to whether you will ever feel strong again is a resounding yes, yes, yes. And so I'm gonna give you a few tips when it comes to going through something difficult, how you can help So number one is I want you to look back on your survival instincts of the past. This is likely not the first time that you've ever been through something difficult. And sometimes you can look back at other women. How did women before you struggle and thrive? And how did you struggle and thrive before? And sometimes seeking out those stories or thinking about yourself helps you realize that yes, you will get there. Because remember, life doesn't stay the same. It's constantly changing. The next one is trusting your inner pilot. Remember, you are both spirit and body. You have a God-given knowing that goes way beyond any reason, and you need to trust that. I had this little joke that said, your first instinct is always right, so always go with your first instinct, even if it's a bad idea, because bad ideas make good stories. Now, I don't necessarily believe in that. I do believe that your first instinct is usually right. And it's usually based on a knowing that is about history, things you have learned from before, your wisdom, and about, like I said, spirit, just that inner knowing. And so often it is right. But obviously, you know, if you just want to go do something bad, don't do it. The other one is focus on your story after the crisis. And I love this one. And I work with my clients in this one. Because it's so good to practice seeing yourself rise above the pain. And I will ask them, tell me the story about this. Tell me the story you're going to tell your daughter or your kids or someone to encourage them about how you got through this. And if you can look back at the road behind you and remind yourself that you are bigger than this and that you have a lot of living yet to do, it's so helpful. And when you think of that story, write it down. Practice telling somebody, and that's part of you working on getting over it. The other one is lean on people. We are not meant to live in isolation. We are not. And the reality is that we live more in isolation than we ever did before, thinking and feeling that we're not because we've got, you know, the social media, which makes us feel like we're not. But the reality is you need to lean on trusted friends. And I talked about friends, and I think my very first episode, if you listen back to show one, about the importance. of friendship in a woman's life. And it's so important when we're going through things. And I have a client right now who's going through a horrible divorce. And sometimes as we go about life, I talked about we get isolated. And then when things get really tough, and we need to lean on people, we look around and realize, oh, I kind of let all those people go that were in my life. And so it's so important to continue to cultivate. And even if you're in that spot, you can still begin to cultivate those relationships that can support you. I'm working with my client doing that right now. Despite the fact that she left so many relationships for her husband, and now she's going through a divorce, she's finding that coming back to those, she's still finding strength. And those friends that she kind of left by the wayside are still there for her. So lean on trusted friends. Trusted, of course, meaning people who have vetted themselves with you, that you know, number one, that their advice is solid. Number two, that they actually care for you. The next is finding motivation from an outside strength. And this one is so good because sometimes when we're feeling super Yeah. When we feel weak internally, doing something physically strong helps us. So lifting weights, running, exercising, even though it's external strength, it's actually connected with our mental strength. And so it's kind of a faking it till you make it thing. But it actually— of course, we know exercise already is good for us chemically and, and creates good changes in our brain. But just exercising your physical strength reminds you that you are strong. The next is surrounding yourself with survivors, getting rid of the naysayers and the negative or stuck people because they will bring you down and keep you stuck. And what you don't want to do is find people who are still struggling after years and years with the same thing that you're going through right now. Those are not the people you want to connect with because they will certainly tell you how bad it is and how bad it's always going to be. And that's only the truth Truth if you allow it to be the truth. And so you need to work on surrounding yourself with survivors. Find people who have been through the thing that you're going through and get those seeds of nuggets of wisdom from them about how they got through it. Start a feel-good jar. I like this one. I think I've talked to you guys before about starting a gratitude jar, which is great to have all year long, but when things are really tough for you, Sometimes it's really good to just write down anytime you receive a compliment from somebody, because often when you're not feeling good, you don't pay attention to those compliments, or you yes, but them, or thank you, but, right? So thank you, but I really know this about myself. No, accept those compliments. And a good way to accept them is to write them down, put them in a jar, and you go back and you read those daily. Read the compliments that other people give you, or read about the good things that make you feel good and write it down and put it in a jar. The next one is doing stuff you're good at. Hopefully, you're always in that mode of self-improvement, which means we're pushing ourselves, and that's good. But when you're feeling really, you know, in a bad mood, or when you're feeling really sad, or you're struggling, sometimes it's good to do things you're good at doing. Do the easy things because it helps build your self-esteem, helps build some of that inner strength. And the other is help others who are just below you. And this goes back to that idea of you start formulating that That's a story that you're going to tell other people about your struggle and your survival and your strength. And even when you're in the midst of struggle, there's somebody who's still a step behind you or a couple steps behind you. And finding those people and helping them also helps you. The last one, which I think is so important, is to pray. Don't forget that praying to God, putting that out there to God, is so important. Remember, we are not just Humans, we are not just body; we are also spirit, and that is my belief. And so, because we are spirit, when you are struggling, it is so important to get connected to God in that way to help you get through it. So the other one is know who you are, and this is this is it's amazing to me that I meet with people weekly, and I realize, and part of my work that I do is not just encouragement; I do that. Yeah. And I think that on some level, part of my work is helping people to know themselves. Because as humans, we often go through life shutting off parts of our real self to try to present something that we feel is presentable to the world. And it amazes me how few people actually know themselves. And so think about this, there are 7.5 million species on this earth that operate in perfect harmony. There is not one electron that is out of place, and you are a part of it. You are a part of that perfection. And what do you know about your brain? Because your brain is a part of that. Here's the amazing thing: your brain is more sophisticated than an F-16 fighter jet. And many of us know so very little about ourselves and what we can create in our lives with the amazing brains that we have. Our brains can compute 10,000 trillion computations per second. Wow. So if you are able-brained, you have the ability to accomplish almost anything that you set your mind to, but you have to know yourself first. You have to be willing to look at your struggles and be willing to know your deficits, know who you really are so that you can build strength from them. And if I told you that half of the things that you believe to be true aren't true at all, sometimes even just making that statement can make people feel angry. Like, what do I know why you believe and what you believe about? Well, what I do know is about how the human mind works and how we limit ourselves, and how sometimes we are less successful and how the way that we limit ourselves affects our relationships and our life. And so if you knew that, that half of the things that you believed aren't true at all, what would be different in your life? And here's, here's a story that I often think about when I'm thinking about something and thinking that something is so true. I like to question myself. So there's a husband and wife, they're newly married. And the woman goes to make a roast, like a roast beef or some kind of roast. It's a big meat in the oven. And she cuts off the top of the roast, like the top quarter of the roast, and she puts it aside. And her husband's like, why are you doing that? And she said, because that's what you're supposed to do. And he's like, no, it isn't. She's like, yes, it is. That's what everybody does. You're supposed to cut off the top before you put it in the oven. He's like, you're wasting— why are you doing that? That's crazy. And they get into this crazy argument about it. Oh, my gosh. And he's sure that that's not what you're supposed to do. And she's 100% sure that's what you're supposed to do. And so later that night, she calls her mom and she says, why do we cut the top off of the roast? And her mom says, oh, honey, I do that because my oven's too small. It doesn't fit the roast. And so that whole time— and that's like that lightbulb moment— that whole time she thought, this is the right thing to do. thing to do. What she believed to be true strongly wasn't even true at all. It only needed to be done because the oven was too small. She had a bigger oven. Her husband was right. Husbands, you were right. But that is what I want you to challenge yourself with, because we grow up with ideas and beliefs that are passed down to us that we assume are real— because are true, I should say— because we've always believed them, or people have always told us that they were truth. But that's what I want you to do is question yourself, because that's how you get to know who you are is by questioning those things that you believe so strongly. And so I'm asking you today to challenge your beliefs. That's how we continue to grow. And that's how we continue to build on what our ancestors had. And if I had challenged my great-grandmother, which I didn't have the even wherewithal to think about challenging her belief that I would be a piano player because I had long fingers, you know, I wonder how much further she could have thought at that time. And I also think that it's so important for us as women to talk to that younger generation, our daughters, and find out what they see in their horizon, because what they see is different than what we see. They do have different eyes because they are standing on our shoulders. And if we can have those conversations, imagine how much further we can grow. Okay, this is the Dr. Zoe Show, and I will be back in just a minute to continue talking about finding strength in our struggles. And I'll also be answering some questions from People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it. At Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. kissmeorganics.com. Hi guys, it's Dr. Zoe, and I am back just finishing up some encouragement to you women about finding strength in your struggle. And so if you're struggling with something really difficult right now, big hugs, big, big hugs out to you. Things are going to get better. And remember, sometimes we find our biggest purpose in life in and from our struggle. And so if you feel like you haven't discovered that yet, your purpose isn't so much something you discover as much as it's something that you're willing to accept and decide to walk in. And sometimes your purpose is sitting there right in front of you, and you're scared Of it, or you're not willing to look at it because you don't think it's big enough. What I'm here to encourage you is that whatever it is that is your superpower, whatever it is that you do well, the sky is the limit about how much that can affect the world, even if it seems so very tiny to you. And so be willing to take some time to question those beliefs, to accept and decide to walk in what is your strength. Okay guys, so now I'm moving on to health tips. I saw this commercial watching the Olympics. I don't know if any of you guys watch the Winter Olympics. I am a crazy Olympic fan. I don't watch TV. I pretty much never watch TV. I just don't have time to, or take— I should say I don't take the time to do it. But the Olympics, I go crazy over. And I haven't had as much time to really binge on the Winter Olympics, but the Summer Olympics I just— it's just to die for for me. But anyway, so I saw this commercial watching the Olympics and it said, imagine if you got a brand new car for free. The only catch is that this is going to be the last car that you will ever have. It's your dream car, but the last one you will ever have. You would take care of it, right? You would baby it. The reality is this body is the car that you were driving and you got it for free. And it's the only body you're ever going to get, so you need to take care of it and baby it. I listened to that commercial, it was something like that anyway, and it just kind of really hit me like, wow, yeah, you're right. Imagine if that was the last car you would ever have. You would. And so pay attention to your body just like that, just like you would if it were the last car you were ever gonna have. So that's my little health tip for your body today. The other one is that my son, my 14-year-old, has science Last week, which was so fun seeing all these— my kid, he's homeschooled— and seeing all these homeschooled 7th and 8th graders presenting their science experiments. Just, it was really great. And so here are a couple little nuggets that I pulled from experiencing the science fair. Here's one which is really interesting: don't wash your fruit when you get it home. And I was like, why not? This one girl did this whole science experiment about it. It actually makes your fruit decay faster. And so it's funny because you usually hear, oh, as soon as you get home, wash all your fruit, get all the, you know, dirt or the bugs, the bacteria, chemicals off your fruit when you get home from the grocery store. And actually, it just makes your fruit go bad. And the reason why is because there's spores that are already on the fruit, and you are breaking the skin of the fruit often when you wash it. You're activating those spores by, by putting moisture on, and you're actually creating a perfect environment for bacteria to And so the answer is don't wash your fruit as soon as you get home. Wash your fruit before you eat it and it will stay so much longer, which I was like, wow, that's awesome. The other one is, well, Tide washing powder. And no, I'm not sponsored by Tide. That'd be nice if I was, but Tide really is best based on all the— there were like 3 science experiments that looked at that and Tide really did work best. Another interesting one is that gummy bear vitamins will cause you to gain 5 pounds per year. Because of the amount of sugar that you'll consume every year by eating them. I forget how many pounds of sugar, but it was a crazy amount of pounds of sugar that you consume if you eat gummy bears every day. And a lot of us are feeding gummy bear vitamins to our kids, thinking that we're, we're making them healthy, and we're actually just, you know, dumping a bunch of sugar into them. So I think the moral of that story is that we need to get our kids swallowing vitamins or taking liquid vitamins that aren't aren't flavored with sugar as early as possible. And so it's now Real Talk with Dr. Shaw. If you're tuning in, I'm Dr. Zoe. It's Real Talk where I answer questions from my listeners and I share my own musings and encouragement. So please reach out if you have some questions and you'd like me to address them on the show. All questions are anonymous. I take your confidentiality seriously as if you were my own client. And you can email questions to zoe@drzoeshaw.com. I have people sending questions to me on Instagram, which I love, and even on Facebook. So you can definitely connect with me on any of my social medias and answer and get some questions answered. And so for my first question, a listener said, it's hard for me being a full-time worker and student and mom. How do I focus without losing my mind? That's a great question. And I have been there. I have been there. I have been a mama and a student and trying to build a private practice and It's tough. And so my suggestion to you is that you really have to get crystal clear and focused on prioritizing. And I actually put a meme up today on my social media about the importance of putting your priorities on your calendar. And so if you look at all the things that you're doing, the first thing I want you to do is write down what are your top 3, 4, 5 priorities that you want to make sure that you are getting taken care of every day, every week, every month. And I want you to put them on your calendar because often the things that matter to us the most in our life, our biggest priorities, aren't even on our calendar. We have all these other activities, all these other things, all these other fires we're putting out, all these other deadlines. But the things that matter to us the most don't even make our calendar. And I'm saying put them on your calendar first. Because when you do that, when you literally schedule that playdate with your daughter on your calendar, when you schedule that, you know, date with your husband, or you schedule that me time, or you You schedule whatever it is, the things that matter to you in your life, even the study time. When you have it scheduled out, you won't fill it because you've got it scheduled just like any other appointment. And you've got to give it just as much respect, if not more, than all those other to-do things on your calendar. So that's my biggest tip for that. And the next is just encouragement. This is a season of your life. It is a phase that you are going through. And I know it feels like it's going to go on forever and that light is super far at the end of that tunnel, but you're going to get there and you're going to look back and go, Wow, that is amazing what I accomplished, and it'll happen sooner than you believe. So just remember, life doesn't stay the same. It's a phase. You kind of hunker down, put your head down, keep moving on step by step, making sure that you are at the very least fulfilling those priorities and the other things. It's okay if it goes to the wayside until you get out of this phase. The next question: My boyfriend of nine years broke up with me. We met in ninth grade. I'm 23, and I feel like I will never. I'll never love again. Any advice? Yeah, my heart breaks for you. I've been there. It is no fun to have a breakup. And, you know, sometimes as women, we, we get these Disney kind of ideas about our relationships and what's going to happen and how long they're going to last. And we fool ourselves into the story we create for our lives. And we get stuck in this story. And so then when things change, when the chapter, you know, when you turn the page and the chapter is totally different than you thought it was going to be, you feel a little bit blindsided. And you feel like, I don't even know how my life is going to go on anymore because I already wrote this whole story. And so it's okay that you wrote the story. But what you have to know is that there's a new story to be written. And it's okay to grieve what you've lost right now, because that's what you're doing right now is you're going through grief. And a lot of people don't think about ends of relationships or losing a job Or even just the end of a dream as a time to grieve. But it is— grieving isn't just about losing someone you love. It's about loss altogether. And what I know, and what I've learned over the course of my practice in my life, is that when we allow ourselves to grieve the losses in our life, when we allow ourselves to look at and acknowledge that there is a loss, that we are able to get over it, develop strength. But we're also able to not attach it to future losses. Because when you don't And when you don't grieve, future losses come up and grief is compounded. And then you're not just grieving that, you're grieving the thing that, you know, happened before and what's going on now. And that's how people tend to get to a place where they feel trodden down by life. When you're able to grieve the thing that you're losing right now, it helps you. And so I'm just going to encourage you to go through that period of grief, know that it's acceptable and it's okay, and that it will end. And that you also do get to decide at some point how long you're going to stay in that. And I talked before about not surrounding yourself with people who are stuck in a story about their past. And know that with time, you are going to and you need to move forward. And even if you don't believe it right now, you need to start talking to yourself and talking to yourself about the type of partner that you want and deserve for your life, because he's out there. He is. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but he is. Okay, this is the Dr. Zoe Show. Thank you for tuning in. Please tune in next week and every week on Tuesday from 12 to 1 Pacific and 3 to 4 Eastern at laradionow.com. For those who can't always listen live, check out reruns on my show on iTunes, Google Play, Libsyn, and YouTube. And I've been checking and you guys are listening on podcasts. So that is really awesome. Thank you. Where I am your life and relationship coach. I help sometimes struggling superwomen keep your mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. And if you have a cause that is similar to mine, please reach out. I'd love to give you a shout out on my show. I love to find other women who are supporting other women doing similar things that I'm doing. If you know a friend who may benefit from any of our topics, please spread the love and share my show. And if you like my show, please show me some love with some stars. Connect with me at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle @drzoeshaw. Thank you. And join my free newsletter. I promise I'm going to be getting it out. I'm going to be giving you encouragement. And also you get a free copy of The Secret to Getting Stuff Done by texting the word join to 38470. I look forward to speaking with you amazing, wonderful women on social media after the show. Have a super week.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. Finding Your Superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of— Finding Your Superwoman. The Dr. Zoe Show.