039: Get a Ph.D. In You! | Julie Reisler

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hi, I'm Dr. Zoe. And if you're listening for the first time, I'm a licensed psychotherapist, a life and relationship coach, and I'm a motivational speaker. And I can work with you virtually to help you get unstuck. I believe that every woman has a superpower, and my passion is to help you find it, embrace it, and share it with the world. Connect with me by texting the word join to 38470, or go to my website at drzoeshaw.com. And I'll All of that will be in the show notes. So today's topic is getting a PhD in you, and we will tackle that in just a minute after my Superwoman win and Superwoman fail for the day. So my Superwoman win is I followed my intuition and I picked up the phone and I was able to be a lifeline for a desperate woman whose husband had just left her. Now that's pretty significant because I never pick up my phone. Unless you are super close to me and your name pops up there, I do not answer the phone. I let it go to voicemail. I screen it and I figure out, you know, who I need to call back and who I don't. And so I was sitting at my desk in my office and I was in the middle of doing something, but my phone rang. And for some weird reason, and all I can say is intuition, I just picked it up and I said hello. And it was a woman who had found my website and Maybe read one of my blogs. I don't even remember now, but she found me on the internet and she was desperate. Her husband had just left her. And I talked to her for probably almost 30 minutes. And I don't know if she'll ever be my client or if she's ever going to reach out again, but it was wonderful knowing that I did good in the world in that moment because I chose for some weird reason to pick up the phone. And I love being older and wiser and having lived through the difficulties that I have because I can connect with and understand other people's pain. And the beauty of being a professional is that I don't have to feel their pain, but I can connect with it and I can understand it. And the feeling is kind of hard to describe, but Shonda Rhimes described it best as a hum when your soul is in perfect vibration with the world. And I am so very grateful because I realize that not a lot of people are fortunate to do exactly what they know is their absolute purpose for being in this world. And I get to do it every day. And experiences like that just confirm for me, this is why I'm here. This is what I'm supposed to be doing in the world. So that's my Superwoman win. So my Superwoman fail, and I feel like I kind of have to whisper this because it's a secret, but I had a crazy, you know, I'm always saying I had a crazy day because I do. I have so many crazy days. I have, you know, my 4 kiddos at home and, and a husband and work and everything. But my kids had a lot of activities this Saturday and I was trying to get to everything. My son had another track meet. End of the season. Thank God. I'm so happy that it's in the end of the season, although he didn't qualify for the next round, but he did an amazing job and PR'd. But anyway, so I had to get back after my son's track meet to my daughter's ballet recital. So I drove 2 hours to get there. We got her there in time. She got backstage and I didn't pay attention. And I was thinking that her performance was at the end of the show, and I went out to get some food, and I came back in right as she was leaving the stage. I missed the whole thing after all the craziness of getting there. So that's definitely a Superwoman fail, and I did not tell her that I missed it. I was able to videotape the finale. She did like a little thing in the finale, and there was no way I was going to tell my 5-year-old that I missed her performance. So yeah, that didn't happen. It was definitely a fail. Luckily, she's 5. There will be a ton more, and she doesn't know that I missed it. Okay, so my guest is Julie Riesler, author of Get a PhD in You. And it's a funny story because my mom met Julie in Maryland and she took a class from her, which was odd because Julie doesn't teach a lot of classes, I think, anymore. And she just happened to teach this class and Afterwards, my mom texted me and she said, you need to have this lady on your show. And I was like, okay, mom, okay. But my mom actually connected us together and we had a phone conversation and I knew that Julie would be a great fit. She has a master's degree in coaching and more than 12 certifications around health and wellbeing. She's been seen everywhere from ABC to TEDx stage to New York Times. She's done her work, her personal work, and I'm excited to talk to her about Getting a PhD in you. So here's the thing, ladies. The reason why so many programs that you have started don't work, whether it's a diet or it's a business program or accountability program, whatever it is, it hasn't worked because you haven't done your self-work. You haven't gotten to know yourself inside and out. You spend your life Reacting instead of responding. And I know as a busy woman, we have to react sometimes, but it's so important that you do your own work and you really understand yourself. And that's predominantly the work I do as a therapist, as a life coach, is helping people understand themselves so they can figure out how they can best show up in the world. And when you really invest in understanding yourself, your decisions become crystal clear because you know enough about yourself to know what works for you and what doesn't. You learn to say no to things that don't fit, even if they fit that next lady like a glove and she's having so much success and doing so well. You say no to what doesn't fit so that the door is open for whatever you are supposed to be doing in the world. And you say yes to what fits you, even if it looks crazy to other people, and you'll watch the world open up to you. And we are redefining your Superwoman here today. That's what this show is all about, because only you can define— Define it. find that for yourself. So let's dive into the conversation. Welcome, Julie. I am so happy that you are here today. Your book, Get a PhD in You— when I heard that title, I was just— I was like, that is such a great idea. We study so many things that are important to us in our lives. And how often do we really sit and study ourselves?

Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited. And exactly, it's kind of the idea that You know, we can get a bachelor's or master's degree, a certificate, a PhD in all these other subjects. And so obviously, you know, it's a play on words. You can't— not yet. You can't really get a PhD in yourself yet. However, there are tons and tons of activities. I did try to create it as a way for people to really, you know, uncover who they are and why they're here and to just have a lot more clarity around our inner selves.

Right, and I think it's a fantastic idea because number one, I think of all the years I spent in school studying, and you know, I studied human psychology. So certainly I learned a lot about myself in the process, but imagine if I had spent that time really just focusing on myself. But what I found as a therapist is that predominantly this is actually the work that I do. Most people that come into work with me don't have a really clear idea of who they are. And I would also suspect that many of the women listening now have some of the same issues that we spend a lot of our time taking care of others. We spend a lot of time figuring out our kids and our spouses and even, you know, supporting our friends. But when you don't fully understand yourself, it is so hard to have the rich life that you desire. And so that's why I wanted to have you on the show today.

Hmm. First of all, thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate you. I think this is, you know, a conversation worth having. And it's a topic— look, as a female, as a mom, as I'm somebody that can get caught into the— I call it getting out of my lane and comparing myself. You know, it's very easy to do on social media. It can get kind of like navigating, okay, who the heck am I? Or what am I here for? What's important to me? Who do I want to be? So I think, you know, these are conversations I love to be part of. So thank you.

Sure. So let's dive into the book. What would you say are some of those steps that we need to make sure that we are really tackling and paying attention to in our lives if we want to understand ourselves better?

Yeah. You know, I came up with this 3-letter acronym and it's no surprise. It's, you know, the whole PhD playing with those wording words. And I think what's helpful with that, I'll share. Look, a lot of times it can be daunting to kind of to look at, you know, your life and think, oh my God, where do I begin? So it's really simple. P is, it's about looking at your past and combing through. your data. What thoughts, what experiences have served you? What have not? What are some of the best of the best that you want to bring forward? I like taking that strengths approach, looking at where have I been my best? Where have I felt my best? Where have I felt in tune with who I am?

Mm-hmm.

You certainly can look at where you have not. I've done a lot of work in that area as well. I think it can be helpful, though, to make a— maybe even to journal or to look and think, OK, and see, You know, when have I felt in sync with who I am? What was I doing? Oftentimes that's when we were little, when we were children. So there's a whole piece on, you know, what did you love to do when you were 8 years old? What would you do in the middle of the night for free? That's a great question because it gets you to look at, oh shoot, well, for, you know, for me, one of mine is I love dancing. I have this whole story about dancing. Like I wanted to be, I'm going to date myself, a Solid Gold dancer. And I—

Ah!

I, you know, like the gold, shimmering in gold. I just, I love being self-expressed to music. So, you know, I would get up in the middle of the night to dance. I would, you know, get up in the middle of the night to help somebody who doesn't get how awesome they are and help them really move through being stuck. There's many different things I would do. And there are many things I wouldn't do. So I think it's kind of that past history, looking and seeing, you know, where have you been your best? Where have you felt most in sync with who you are? H is about honoring yourself. So one of the places, the best places to do this is the mirror. You know, a lot of what I learned, I was raised by a mom who was into Louise Hay, who is thought of as kind of the grandmother on self-love and personal development. And one of her things is about mirror work. And I was that kid that had the mother that made me look in the mirror and say, like, I love you and you're smart enough. And, you know, the whole Stuart Smalley— Wow. Yeah. At the time, I hated it. I was like, this is so embarrassing and like ridiculous. But here's the thing. We, especially as women, guaranteed everyone listening, I guarantee you look in the mirror at least 3 times a day. At least. Of course. In the morning, I hope twice because you're brushing your teeth and flossing hopefully every day. Twice. So, and then probably if you're getting in a car, you're going to look in the rearview mirror. And so then that's just basic 3 times. I'm sure there's other times as well. I think it's fascinating, curious, and interesting, and a great place to start, you know, to understand how you're honoring yourself is to see and look and hear what you're saying to yourself. And a great place to reflect that literally and figuratively is the mirror, because we say things to ourselves, often unkind, often something you would not say to, you know, anybody else.

Yes.

Right? It's those words reflect our inner beliefs about ourselves. And so A belief is just a string of thoughts you say over and over again. So that's an important place to look. So honoring yourself, there's a lot to that, but I think a great place to start is there. And then, this is oversimplifying, but I would say D is about direction. Like, how do you want your life to unfold? What is a dream? What's something maybe at 8 years old you wanted to do or love to do or that you haven't done that you would really love to have happen in your life? What lights you up? How do you want that to unfold? And so having sort of a, you don't have to have the roadmap, but having an idea of how you want to be expressed in the world, having a direction you want to go in, even generally speaking, can be very life-giving and can help get a sense of who you are and how you want to be in the world. So anyhow, long-winded answer, but—

No, I love that. And I love the D for direction or dream, but I'm going to go back because first, how amazing that you had a mom that taught you that, that planted those seeds, even though you hated it.

Yeah.

And that's one thing I really want. Even through my childhood, remembering and thinking about things that I hated that have so benefited me. And so moms, as you are interacting with your kids and as you're trying to really pour into them, please don't pay attention necessarily to their reactions, especially when they're in those preteen years. If you know what's important and you know that long-term it could help them, just think you're planting seeds. You're planting those seeds that will grow in whatever way they're supposed to grow over the years. So I love that your mom did that. Those seeds are growing in you.

Yeah, you know, it's funny, I love that terminology. And I think about that all the time. I have 2 children myself. And, you know, there are times they're like, my daughter, she said to me the other day, can you just stop with all your positive reframe and talk? I mean, she's 11.

Right.

It's like, no, actually, that's impossible. Because it's what I do. And it's who I've created myself to be. But I thought, you know what, she may not like it right now, just what you said.

Yes.

However, that's what she hears with me, you know, speaking, you know, around her, around myself, with others. And so I agree with that wholeheartedly, that those seeds, and both for our children and for ourselves. And I do think part of the reason the name of that book, you know, it's A PhD in You, it could have been A PhD in Me. I, you know, the idea is that it's got to start with ourselves first. I just wrote an article on— it actually just came out this weekend about selfishness and reframing it to be look at it from a new lens because, you know, I think it gets a bad rap. It's not about only yourself, of course, but if you don't get full in yourself and who you are, it's very hard to give when you're empty. So having those seeds planted in yourself and with others, especially your children, it's crucial. I was annoyed with my mom when I was 11, but I'll tell you, there's not a time I look in the mirror and I don't have a new way of looking at myself, and it's made a difference.

Right, because that becomes your default when things are going badly or when you're frustrated with yourself, and that That is such a healthy default to have because most people have the opposite. And I love what you said because I say this all the time. So my listener, my regular listeners know this, but we talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else and we talk to ourselves more than anybody else talks to us. And so because of that, like you said, we are our biggest influencers and we actually create our life by the things that we say to ourselves. So I love that.

Yeah. Well, I'm with you 100% on that. And I think when you get that, when people get that, and so people listening probably, you know, I've heard you say that and it's awesome and it's important. You can't hear it enough because it's 100% true. When you think about it, you're going to live with yourself the rest of your life. I mean, you know, I think about, I've got to be my own best friend. I mean, if not, it's a big missing if not.

Absolutely. And just like you said, being selfish, I hate that word too, but as moms, as busy women, when we take time for ourselves, we do tend to feel that way like, oh, you know, I'm being selfish. But when you do those things that are self-serving, you're actually serving everybody else in your life because you show up better. And we all know that, we all hear that, but we've got to, you know, put that in practice. So your book has a lot of journaling.

Yes.

You know, 2 things. First of all, we started out this interview without having your Superwoman win and fail. So we're going to interject that real quickly and then go back to your book and journaling. So could you please share with us your Superwoman win and fail for the week?

Yeah. Okay. Wow. Which ones? Okay. The Superwoman win, you know, I just yesterday, so I was with my kids on Mother's Day and we did an event. My daughter and I, I planned an event with her to do a clothes swap. We got all these clothing items from women in the community and from their daughters. And she and I had an event where moms and daughters could come and I've done it in the past when she was younger, but we call it, I call it wear and share. Mm-hmm. And, you know, it got me to get so many things out of my closet and to donate them. And it was just, it was beautiful. I mean, just to see, first of all, the women that came and could swap their clothing. And then she and I took it to this phenomenal organization called A Wider Circle, and they have a whole professional development arena. So we had beautiful clothing and accessories. We had a lot of variety, but we saw where they were going and we gave I don't know, maybe 40 bags of items.

Oh my gosh.

Wow. Yeah, it was incredible. And I actually donated some of my books to the professional women's section, women looking for jobs.

Oh, beautiful.

That was a win. I mean, just being a part of that and realizing I want her and I to start volunteering there more often and being part of that community and just seeing there are people that absolutely do not have access to what we have and felt amazing. We really gave away some gorgeous stuff and I think she also got That we're supposed to share and to help and get outside of ourselves. So that was a win.

Great win.

Yeah, that was a win. A fail, let me think of what I'm like. I have many of those. Which one should I share?

Don't we all?

Well, you know, it's actually— it's a— there's like, okay, do I share about I'm remarried? So there was a little interaction with my former husband. I think I won't go into that one. That could have been a fail, but it actually ended up Okay. You know, this is actually a fail, but I will say in it is a win. You know, moving well and exercising is crucial for me, and especially with an autoimmune condition, it's really important I do it often. Mm-hmm. And this morning I took my kids to school. My daughter had a week special program, they're away, and I had a whole plan. I was dressed to go and do this fitness class, and I was, you know, literally as I'm driving, my eyes were closing. Decided I failed on the plan. I did not go. I could have gone to 2 different classes. I did nothing.

Mm-hmm.

So the fail was I failed in the plan. I'll tell you though, I came home and I slept for almost 3 hours and, you know, I just needed it. So it ended up being kind of a win in the end. But, you know, you could look at it and say I failed. I didn't go. I didn't work out all weekend and I didn't go this morning. I'm Monday morning. But you know what? It's all good. Here I am. So I listened to my body. So for me, it's kind of a fail and a win all in one.

Right. And, you know, that goes back to that self-talk because you can label it as a fail and feel like, man, I'm a failure because I didn't get my workout in. But it sounds to me like there was a lot of really good self-care in there. And there's so much we can get from our fails as well because we learn our limits, right? We learn to pay attention to our limits. We learn to self-care a little bit better. So great. Good job.

Yeah, thank you. Now, that's taken years to do that. And so those listening that might get, you know, we make a plan, we want to follow through. What I've learned is though, at the end, it's important to listen to my body, hands down. So yeah, I was a little bummed and then I was like, nah, I gotta, you know, it's non-negotiable. So there you go.

Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Yeah, absolutely.

We all have those every week. We, I mean, really every day we have those mini wins and those mini fails, and it's really just about reframing the fails and feeling excited and happy and proud for those wins. So let's get back to your book. I was talking about the journaling. So you have a lot of opportunities for journaling in the book. Can you tell me a little bit about your story and how the journaling relates to really discovering yourself?

Yeah, thank you for asking. It actually connects beautifully with kind of why I left so much space for journaling. The long short of this is this. There are women and other listeners that can relate to this. The entry that got me into really studying who I am was through the door of compulsive overeating and bingeing. And occasionally, I'd say a sprinkling on the side of undereating and overexercising. But my way of handling life and uncomfortable feelings, really almost any feeling other than feeling slightly happy, was You know, I use food and for me, it wasn't until I had a pretty big binge breakdown episode. I really, I overdid it. I always joke it was a bag of tie-dye M&Ms from Costco and it was 3 pounds of M&Ms and I ate—

Oh my gosh, yes.

About 3 pounds and I got, I was, I mean, really ill. I was ill for 3 days. I missed work. I was, let's just say, like out both ends. It was frankly what happened was I got so, you know, we know sugar affects the part of the brain, just the same place that crack and drugs and alcohol do. And I got to the point, you know, I did not want to live. I mean, it was bad. I had really thought about driving my car into a wall. It was that bad. And I had remembered, you know, that there was a support system, a support group. It's 12-step based. And I found out about a meeting and I drove my butt there and it was so uncomfortable. It was the last thing I wanted to do. This is about 15 years ago. You know, that meeting Really saved my life, and that was the beginning. So I used to go to two to three meetings a week. We're talking like ten years, and then between therapy and I did a lot of personal development programs and worked through the artist's way and worked with a sponsor and a coach. And a lot though of what helped me to move through this not just addiction but self-loathing and crappy self-esteem was journaling and was writing. And I'll never forget there was a workbook I'd used. And it had me really look at my past story and my past experience with food and emotions and why I'd been using food. And then there was a lot of space to really look at, you know, in the moment when I was feeling triggered or things would come up, how to, you know, new ways to handle that through journaling and connecting. And so when I wrote this book, you know, honestly, I wrote it for my younger self. I wrote it, I created it so that it would have been something I said, okay, what would I have wanted when I was starting out? And it doesn't mean you don't have to have issues with food to, you know, want to make changes within yourself or get to know yourself better or uncover, you know, who you really are. You don't have— it doesn't have to be food. It could be anxiety. It could be just feeling stuck or it could be body image and food. I mean, it could be anything. But I created something that I would have wanted for myself. So that's really what I did. And journaling for me is very, very important. In fact, I had not done it this weekend, and this morning after I took my very super duper long nap, I have a process of journaling a couple different ways, but I— it was awesome. I gave myself 10 minutes and I just tuned in and asked some questions and wrote about it. And for me, that's been one of the biggest gifts and ways of moving through challenging moments, through lack of clarity, through judgment, through anything, celebration, is to journal. And so that's for me, you know, we know that when you start to write in handwriting, not just— although typing is great too— there is something about putting pen to paper that I've seen it myself triggers kind of that, you know, I don't know that there really is a right and left brain difference, but it does trigger that tapping into something greater than ourselves, into creativity, into Or emotion. Emotion. Yeah. So that's part of it too.

Yeah, I love that. And yeah, your book doesn't have to talk just to people or women who have issues with food or body image. It really isn't about that at all. It's really about discovering you. But I always say everybody has a thing.

Yeah.

Your thing might be, you know, food. It could be other types of addictions. It could be shopping. It could be depression, anxiety, whatever. Everybody has a thing.

Yep.

And you've got to really understand yourself enough so that you know what your thing is and figure out how to live with your thing, how to make sure that that thing doesn't rule you, that you live with it. And I love the fact that you said 10 minutes because remember, we are talking to busy women, right?

Oh yeah.

Journaling is so important and if you can incorporate it, I don't care if you do it once a week or every day, but incorporate it somehow so that you get Get into a regular rhythm with journaling because it really does help you self-discover. And I love that you said that you wrote to your younger self because I just put a post out. I haven't written about it yet, but I put a video out on my social media about a letter that I found to myself. And I think I talked about it last week, a letter that I found that I had written to myself 2 years ago. And it was so powerful because I didn't remember writing this letter. Mm-hmm. I was a couple paragraphs in before I even figured out who wrote it to me, but you learn so much about yourself. Through writing. And I love that, you know, you talk about writing to your younger self, which helps women now, but you can write to your future self.

Absolutely. Oh gosh.

Yes. As you learn, you know, more about yourself. So—

Yes. Huge.

Yeah. I love that you have that aspect. And really, it's an important aspect in understanding who you are. Because I do have so many women that come to me and say, I just— I've lost myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I like. I don't know what I want. And journaling is a really great place to start that.

Absolutely. Well, and going back to the whole idea of, you know, direction and how you want your life to go, that was part of what I was writing. And I think it's so beautiful what you just said. You know, how do I want to show up in 5 years? What would that look like? Who am I? I get these images all the time, you know, in my 50s and my 60s. Like, what kind of woman do I want to be? What do I want to be doing in the world? And That can actually be very helpful, right? Because if we're not sure, it's like, you know what? I can see that, or I can feel that, and I can start to figure out, all right, how am I going to live into that image? Because, you know, those values, those words, those traits, however you want to quantify it, that can be an indication that can give you a sense of, okay, that's what I'm looking for. You know, I want to be someone who's thought of as making a difference and graceful and, you know, whatever the word, loving, whatever those words are.

That's beautiful. And yes, you can journal that and talk into your future self. I love that.

Yeah.

What other tips do you have for women who are in that place of, I really need to know who I am? And sometimes it happens when you're going through life transitions, right? So when your kid goes off to kindergarten or your kid graduates from high school or you have a divorce or you have, you know, a huge life transition, often we really reflect and go, okay, wait, Life has kind of stopped and changed. How do I want to show up?

Absolutely. That's a great question. One of the things I would say, this has really changed my life, and it's funny, I'm even right now reading a book that's shifting how I do this, but one of the most important things for me has been developing a meditation practice, no question. And I was probably one of the most resistant, you know, really. Like, I did a master's degree where I had to write a dissertation on it and learn to do it, and I was kicking and screaming, I don't want to, just because I was I was the one that was like, my brain is going all the time. I don't have time. I don't like to sit still. Which, you know, as human beings, we never— our thoughts are going to constantly go. That's not the point. That's— I mean, the point is to learn to harness it and to have more of a steady state, but it's never going to be a time where you don't have thoughts going back and forth. And so for me, I mean, I started with 30 seconds and today, you know, it's funny, this morning I gave myself time to do 20 minutes. That's not every morning. Sometimes it's two minutes, but that practice of sitting still and being quiet in a comfortable place, breathing, you know, maybe having a word that brings peace where you don't have to really think much, but to get that inner calm as best as possible—that has been a huge piece for me. I think obviously the journaling—one of the things I do bring you back to the mirror—I actually have pens and markers that are these gold and silver pens, and I write all over my mirrors words that. That's

beautiful.

I mean, literally, my husband's like, oh my God, we don't have a mirror. We have one mirror right now that does not have writing on it. I went overboard. It's my like, well, I do have the addictive personality. It's not food now. It's like now quotes. But I mean, there's 15 quotes in my house that I painted. So that's another thing, you know, having words, having quotes, having things that you can see that you get to dictate your environment. I really watch very little TV and frankly, instead of the news, I read The Skimm. You know, I just, I like to have things in my world that are supporting the person I want to be and that are kindness, that are, you know, and I still want to hear what's going on. So for me, reading The Skimm works. But I would say the meditation, journaling, having words that really kind of help stay grounded and connected that inspire you, whether it's, you know, peace or ease or grace or love or compassion or, Like, I like to think of myself as somebody who can add healing and light, whatever those things are. Those are a couple. I mean, there's a lot of other ways to do that. I think vision boards are great.

Well, let's— because I want to go back to the— I love the 30 seconds because I have a lot of clients who have big issues with meditating. And honestly, I do. I know I wrote somewhere like, I'm the girl who goes to yoga class and takes a nap. So yeah, you know, during the meditation part. So I have that issue as well. But I have also learned how to sit still and remain conscious in my stillness, which I think is so important, but it does take practice. But I also think it's really great that if you— whether you do 30 seconds or you do 30 minutes, leave a few minutes to write afterwards so that you can focus, you know, on clearing your mind while you're meditating. But things tend to bubble up, and that's when you want to kind of do your journaling after the meditation process.

Exactly. I would leave the journaling for after, and it could be, you know, you give yourself 2 minutes I mean, 2 minutes or 1 minute, sit still, and then give yourself 5 minutes. I mean, if you, if you have 7 minutes, I think we can all hopefully find 5 or 7 minutes. That's a phenomenal practice. That little time of kind of honing in and getting connected to yourself, even if you feel scattered, it doesn't matter. That can change the whole day. It really can.

I love that. And in your book, you touched on it a little earlier about going back To those things that you enjoyed, that lit you up when you were little, when it comes to trying to really understand who you are. Because, you know, they get buried over defense mechanisms, they get buried over life and busyness, and we do tend to forget who we were. But we actually, as children, I think, have a better connection to ourselves and our bodies because we didn't even talk about our bodies and how much our bodies No, it's

a great, it's a great question. I mean, I think, you know, when we're younger, the way I see it is it's before we've really been exposed to a lot of, you know, negative and contrary thoughts and, you know, breakups and programming and things that happen and being let down and being told by some teacher. I mean, I remember I was told I was too big to be a dancer. I mean, crazy crap that we start to believe. And I think, you know, there's more of a pure sense of connection to who we are, to our soul, our spirit. spirit, whatever you want to call it, or, you know, the essence of our being. And so I love to have people, and myself included, look at— usually it's a great key. It's kind of like this little— gives you a key to maybe what might be missing or might want more of. Looking when you were younger, you know, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, any of that, any of that kind of young preadolescence, even adolescence time, although that can usually start to get into a period where you've started to hear a lot of You know, negative stuff. So I usually say like 7 to 9, you know, and I know for me, it's funny, you know, both doing podcasts, I used to, in the mirror all the time, it was always the mirror, I always thought I was interviewing people. I always was interviewing people about their lives and wanted to hear about their life stories. Oh, cool. I really actually thought I was being filmed and there was a mic and I was hearing people's life stories. I mean, my best friend remembers this, you know, of me doing this and So one of the things I got was, oh yeah, I love, love hearing people's stories and learning and sharing. And so, you know, that was a good indication to get back into that. It could be anything. It could be, I used to love to help my mom in the kitchen. Maybe, maybe it's adding more time to just cook with reckless abandon. It could be, you know, I loved planting with my dad, which is not true. My dad came from a farm and did plant a lot and I did not enjoy it, but my sister did, you know, and she's good at that. She has a green thumb. I really don't. But, you know, It could be anything. You know, I used to love to draw. And what is that? It's dreaming and creating. So maybe wanting more creativity in your life, but they give clues. That time of life gives clues. So it's, it's helpful sometimes to look back and just comb through and see, okay, what was I doing that gave me energy, that gave me joy, that filled me up? And is any of that happening today? And if not, how can I infuse that? What would that look like?

I love that. And I see that in my life as well, because I was a voracious reader when I was young.

Mm, yeah.

And I loved reading and I loved stories and I wanted to be a writer, but I always felt like I wasn't creative enough to make up stories in my head. And somewhere it clicked. And it wasn't until I got into this process as an adult of really discovering and trying to go back to the things that lit me up when I was younger. where I figured out I don't need to make up stories to be a writer. I tell other people's stories and I talk about things that are real. And that's why, you know, I do self-help and I do— I write that way. And I still have all of that emotion.

Yeah.

You know, in my writing and the things that I love. But it was just really understanding, remembering, and going back to what did I love to do. And I used to write too as a child, but it's not until you take the time to really Think about what you loved and think about how that can incorporate itself into your life now. And I'm like, I am a writer. I just don't write fiction. I write real things. And it's still just beautiful. So I love that.

I love hearing you say— I mean, and it's beautiful kind of connecting the dots and saying, oh my gosh, like, and then, you know, we get to take the fact that we are wiser, right?

I don't—

I think of getting older as phenomenal because we get wiser. We can connect those dots. We can look and see, oh my gosh, that story I had that I don't, you know, I don't have stories is not true at all. In fact, you're using it in a way that really serves you and others. That's the whole point. I love that example. That's exactly it.

Yes, exactly. So how can people get your book? How can they find you? Do you coach as well?

I do. I do coach. So the best way to find me is on my website, which is just— it's my name, which is julierieseler.com.

And I'll add that in the show notes as well.

Yeah, I always say it's— yeah, you can even add that. Yeah, no, I have my podcast. My book is on Amazon. I have an audio and a digital and then also hardcover. And my podcast is also, you know, you can find that on iHeartRadio or iTunes. But in terms of working with me, if there's someone listening who has struggled with body image or food issues of any kind, I have an online course It's actually chapter 10 in my book called Hungry for More and I took it—

Oh, yes.

And just blew it up. I teach what's called the 6 H's of hunger and it's really about looking at what you're really hungry for, which is obviously not what food can fill up and it's my baby. It's my third baby and it's a course that's very interactive and that is all on my website and yeah, the book's on Amazon but you can also find it on my website and I do one-on-one coaching, a little bit less so these days but I still coach individuals. Yeah, I just finished a TED Talk in Austin and it was pretty vulnerable. I'll be honest. It was all about my struggle with food and dealing with that.

Is it out yet?

So though I did one actually that is out and that was at University of Maryland, the one in Austin is not out yet, but you can find— there's one I did if you look up TED Talk and Julie. That's also vulnerable. I have a thing. I'm like, well, if you're gonna do this stuff, you gotta, you know, keep it real. So that's my thing is if it makes me uncomfortable and want to squirm, then it's probably good to share it.

Not only is it good to share it for you, but it speaks to people where they really are. And so many people, it's so hard to be vulnerable. And so when we can see somebody else, especially who's maybe further along in the journey than we are, express their vulnerability, it's so healing for everybody. So thank you for being vulnerable. I can't wait to check that out.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I would— anyone, you know, and if you have feedback, I love feedback. I'm always learning and growing. So anyone And watch or read my book or have thoughts to share, I'm an open book for sure.

Thank you so much for this conversation, Julie. It was really wonderful. And I'm sure, I'm sure just hearing your story and some of your tips for understanding and learning yourself and really diving deeper into yourself is really helpful for my audience. So thank you for coming today.

Thank you so much. Listen, I really appreciate you. I love what you're doing and what you're up to. And these are the conversations I want to be a part of. And I think anytime we can uplift other women and be inspiring and empowering and really have these kinds of dialogues that are about how to be our best self, I am all for that. That's why I'm here. So I so appreciate you and acknowledge you and really thank you for having me. It's a lot of fun.

Oh, great. We'll have you again.

Thank you.

That was a wonderful conversation. And I hope that it inspires you. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope that you can get to know your Self deeper, to spend time investing in your relationship with yourself. And now it's time for a health tip. Your mind and body are intimately connected. You cannot have health in one without health in the other. And that's why I do a health tip segment. And stop the comparisons, ladies. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday. And speaking of that person you were yesterday, you are not even obligated to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago. Just think about that. And hearing that, I heard it years ago and it just really, I feel like it empowered me because I thought, you're right, I'm not. And sometimes we have that feeling like, well, you know, you know, I said this yesterday or I felt this yesterday, so I've gotta kind of continue that. And the reality is you're not obligated. It's okay to learn and grow and change as you do that. So the health tip today is, do you have stinky feet? Well, that's a question, not a health tip, but the health tip is coming up. If you've ever had stinky feet or if you've ever dealt with shoes that are stinking? The answer is apple cider vinegar. Now, you might be thinking, okay, apple cider vinegar is supposed to heal everything or cure everything. I've heard that before. It won't cure everything, but it really does have properties that kill bacteria and eliminate odor. So it's a 2-for-1. So you should try it. So how do you do that? If you heat up water to warm, not super hot, and fill a bowl deep enough that you can submerge your feet, so just Just, you know, a couple inches, and then add a cup of vinegar. And you can also add some essential oils and soak for 30 minutes. Now listen, we're busy women, so make sure you are multitasking while you are doing this. Read a book, write your to-do list, help your kids with their homework, whatever. Just make sure you're multitasking. And apple cider vinegar used regularly can actually totally eliminate your foot odor. How cool is that? It can also fight dandruff. You can shampoo your hair and then in between shampoo and conditioner, you can put the apple cider vinegar on your scalp, leave it on for 2 minutes, and then go on and rinse it out and do your shampoo— I mean, your conditioner, and you're good to go. And rinsing it out and then using your conditioner will get rid of the smell too. You can also spray your stinky shoes. So you spray equal parts solution of vinegar and water in your shoes and let them ventilate well. So there you go. There is my health tip. I hope you're using that vinegar and I hope you're already using it around your house because if you don't know how beneficial it is around your house and other kinds of uses, Google it, apple cider vinegar. You gotta start using it. So thanks for tuning in to the Dr. Zoe Show. New shows go up every Tuesday morning. Subscribe so you don't miss a show. And if you're interested in coaching or therapy, or you just wanna get a little more help, Go to my website at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle Dr. Zoe Shaw. Join my free newsletter by texting the word join to 38470. I look forward to speaking with you wonderful ladies on social media throughout the week. Have a super week.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman, with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.