1: The Power of Friendship in a Woman's Life and Marriage Polished

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hello, you are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman. You are not some fabled being with a cape. You are a woman who is strong and capable and sometimes tired. This is Dr. Zoe and you're listening to my debut show. Welcome! I am so excited to be here and thankful for you guys listening and I hope that you will interact as well. You can connect with me at zoe@drzoe.com and you can also connect with me on any of my social medias. My handle is Dr. Zoe and— or sorry, my handle is Dr. Zoe Shaw. And I will be here every Tuesday from 12 to 1 Pacific, 3 to 4 Eastern, and we are going to be talking about all things Superwoman. So why did I start this show? And what exactly is a Superwoman? And who exactly am I? I'm going to be answering all of those questions. First, a Superwoman. What is a Superwoman? A Superwoman is a woman who performs her duties typically associated with several full-time demanding roles. Basically, she does everything. Like many of you fall into this category. You're a house manager, you're wives, you're mothers, you're personal assistants, you're employees. Sometimes you're a boss or an entrepreneur, sometimes a student, and you're definitely a nurse. If you're performing all of these roles excellently and at the same time, then you're a fable which only exists in the mind of journalists and Hollywood reporters. But But you women are not fables. You get up every day, you attempt to do the impossible, and you are superwomen. So why this show? 70% of women ages 30 to 45 report dissatisfaction in their lives surrounding their work-life balance. This kills me, ladies. I believe strongly that superwomen are not fables. We are real, and we can have it all, but not all at the same time. And I love helping women figure out how to have it all And I believe you can have it all and thrive and be happy. Every woman has unique qualities, superpowers I call them, that need to be expressed. Women need a place where we can let our hair down and not have to feel strong, and we need support from other women. So we're going to have superwomen guests on the show who are amazing women who have had some wisdom or have some wisdom and skill and advice to give. We have one right now, and I'm so excited to introduce her right after I introduce myself. Hi, I'm Zoe Shaw. So who am I? I'm a mom of 5, 4 at home. I'm a wife of 23 years. I'm a licensed psychotherapist with a doctorate in clinical psychology and a master's in marriage and family therapy. So I clearly love people. I love how they think. I love talking about relationships. I also homeschool 3 of my kiddos. I love to blog. I'm writing a book. And my first love is fitness and health. And we're going to have a fitness and health section every week. Because I believe that the mind, well, I know that the mind and body are connected. You can't have one healthy without the other, and so we're gonna focus on fitness as well. I'm an amateur athlete, I'm a thrill seeker. I have to take a sigh after saying all of that. And you're gonna learn much more about me as you listen over time. That's me. We all choose our lives. I love mine. And I know that as I talk about all of that, it sounds like there's a ton of accomplishments, and sure there are, but I'm also an everyday girl, or woman, if you wanna use that term. Who has had my own struggles, and I'm excited to be sharing my struggles with you and the struggles of our guests as well, because I truly believe that wisdom is learning from other people's struggles, and we all have a lot to offer in that, in that way. And I want to help you women so that you can avoid pitfalls and also know that you're not alone. So without further ado, I'm excited to introduce my guest. Her name is Rosita Godicki. Today we're going to talk about women and friendships, how women can enhance our lives and our relationships, and how the wrong women can destroy them. My guest is Rosita Godicki. She's a mom of 3, a wife, a professionally trained chef. She's worked with some fun celebrities. She and her husband counsel married couples. She homeschools. She throws parties like nobody's business. We'll talk about that later. She happens to be my best friend of 16 years. And ladies, if she weren't my best friend, I'd still have her on the show because she's taught me so much about friendship. I believe that friendship is her superpower. She's got a lot to offer you ladies. She's gifted in being a social butterfly. Everyone thinks that Rosie is their best friend. And I might share a story about that later. So, not all women create and maintain friendships with other women well. Some of us really struggle in that area, and we've got to get some insight into that, how we can help these women. So, welcome Rosie. How are you? And thank you for being a guest.

Thank you for having me. It's just a pleasure to be here and to have some adult conversation.

I know, I know. Remember I said Rosie's got 3 kids. Your youngest, Josh, is?

8.

8, yeah. Fun, fun, fun.

Yeah, and I have a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old. Mm-hmm,

we both have 15-year-olds. They are on the road. Scary. So Rosie, let's talk about the value of friendship for women. Why should we have friendships? Why are they important? What can they do for us?

Well, you need a friend, a confidante, someone to talk to. We're not meant to be alone, so we need others in our lives. You need a tribe, you need a village, you need your— as the kids would say, their squad. You know, you need people in your life. You need to build a community for yourself so that you can bounce Right, absolutely.

Just like I was talking to you before, it takes a village to raise a child, but I feel like it takes a community to have a fulfilling life as a woman. So, some— let's talk about number one, how women can enhance our relationships.

Okay, well, having a friend, one is you can bounce ideas off of. Sometimes you have a thought in your mind like, should I do this, should I not do that? And if you have a friend to talk to about that, You— it helps your mind to figure out what to do, and then that friend can offer advice, you know, what to do, you know. Mm-hmm.

We've certainly had some times, because I've been married for 23 years. How long have you been married, Rosie?

17.

17 years. And so even in our friendship, I think that we've had some times where we could definitely say our friendship has saved our marriage.

Yes, yes, yes. I think— I strongly believe that every married person should have a girlfriend. That one girlfriend that you can call and just vent to about, you know, something that happened in your relationship. Not tell intimate details, but just, you know, little silly things that are not a big argument. But if you're able to just vent your frustrations, you know what, then you don't have to have an argument later on. My girlfriends have saved me from having an argument with my husband. It's like, because I was able to vent and get it out, you know.

Right, the right girlfriend can definitely save you from having an argument with your spouse.

That's true.

Now, I know also, When we're looking— like, a lot of women will think, well, my husband's supposed to be my best friend, so is it okay that I have a girlfriend who's like my best friend, who maybe I even share things with her that I don't share with my husband? How is that okay to share things with her?

Yeah, because one, you know, male-females— males are different from females, and females by nature are talkers. You know, we love to talk face-to-face and have conversation. Men, you know, they compartmentalize. And so, they're not into all that conversation. Right. And they're not your best friend. You know, they don't want to hear all that. You know, you're boring them to death. You know, tell them the crucial things that are important, but like, you know, talking to them like your girlfriend, you're just boring them to death. It's not necessary. That's why you need a girlfriend to talk to.

Well, I absolutely agree with you, and I think the other thing that a lot of women don't understand about men is that when men have issues, they need to go into a cave, and they need to process internally, and then when they've got it all processed, Then they're ready to come talk to you. Right. Unfortunately, we work the opposite. Yeah. We need to talk it out to process. Yeah. And so, 2 things happen in relationships. When something's going on with our man, we are trying to get them to talk about it, and we want, you know, we want to be those nurturers, and we're like, tell us what's going on, what's happening. And they want to just go into their cave, and they get irritated, and they might be like, that's it, I told you everything, that's all that's going on. And so we get offended. But then the other thing that happens is that when something's going on in our lives, whether it's our marriage or our personal lives, we want to talk it out. And then, like you said, we might bore our husbands, or we might just— they can't give us what we need in that moment because they want to be fixers, right? So they're trying to fix it. We don't want them to fix it. We want them to process it with us. Yeah? Yeah. And so what we need to do is be able to go to our friends, our women friends who we can trust, Who love us, and process that stuff with them. And then we can come back, because our friends can be our cave, right? Yes. And then, then we can come back, our husband can come out of his cave, and we can talk to our husband about the issue going on.

Yes, yes, yes, that's true, because sometimes you'll go talk to your husband, you're like, I have this great idea, I want to tell him all about it, and then you go tell him all about it, and you're like, this is not what I expected. Whereas if you tell your girlfriend first, she's like, yeah, that's awesome, you should do it. Whereas the guy, you tell him, he's trying to fix, you know, all the problems, but he might be need to be fixed. It's already set up. You just needed a cheerleader, you know?

Exactly, exactly. And so how, how many friends do you think women should have? Now I'm talking to a woman who is Miss Social Butterfly. It's funny because when I realized that Rosie was such a friend to everyone, and like I said, it really is her superpower, I thought, okay, Rosie's my best friend, but everybody else thinks Rosie's her best friend too. And so I started to wonder, okay, is this just my imagination? Am I hers too? But then when she asked me to be the godmother to her daughter, I was like, okay, yeah, we're both on the same page here.

Yeah, well, I think that everybody should at least have one really rock-solid friend that you trust.

So a close friend?

Yeah, one close friend, because everybody is— it's is not gonna be your best friend, you know. So I think you should have at least 1 to 3 people that you can consider, but that one person that you can count on to be your friend is good.

To have one close friend at least. Okay, okay. And then some people like to have a ton of acquaintances. I myself am not one of them.

Yeah, you're very deceiving. You're very likable and everybody meets you and they want to be your best friend, but you're one of those type of people that you just need one friend and you're good. Right. So, and I'm the type of person that needs a lot of friends and, you know, can still cultivate all those relationships and stay in contact with all those people. Absolutely. But it just depends on the type of person that you are, you know. If you need a lot of people in your life, then that's good. You know, keep yourself surrounded by good supportive people that are there to cheer you on and be in your lives. That's awesome to have too.

Right, and I think that's a really good point. I think it's different for everybody, and different people have different needs and desires in that way, but I think everybody should have a friend. I consider myself kind of an outgoing introvert, so I'm good— That's a good description. I'm good with one friend, maybe two, you know, that are my really close, close people, but I don't have that need. You, on the other hand, you have a different need, and that's perfectly fine. And so I think that's really good to point out. Okay, we are gonna go on break. You are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, and we will be back in about 1 minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at KissMeOrganics.com. KissMeOrganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com.

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach, with encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, Health tips and advice. Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hello, this is the Dr. Zoe Show. This is Dr. Zoe, and we are back talking with my guest Rosita Godicki. We're talking about friendships, and we're talking about the importance of women and friendships. How women can enhance our lives, can save our relationships, and how women can actually destroy them as well. So, we just talked a little bit, Rosie, about the importance of friendships and why we should have them, how they can, you know, women friends can be a support system for us, that they can be there in our struggles, and they can walk beside us in our life and do life with us, and how important they are for our relationships. So, let's talk a little bit about the biggest What are the biggest mistakes that women make in friendship relationships?

Well, one of the things I think, um, that they make is that, one, they choose the wrong friend, and two, not being honest. And so, like, uh, you may say, like, well, how do you choose the wrong friend? Like, do you ever have that best friend that you grew up with since you were 5 years old, and, you know, that's my best friend, and, you know, but then you find out they're a bully, you can't be honest with them, they get you in trouble,

right?

Guess what? They're not your best friend.

I think that is such a good point, right? Because we, you know, I talk about relationships in general and how we confuse familiarity with health, and we do that in all parts of our life, not just romantic relationships. But when someone's familiar and comfortable, we think, oh, that's good. Yeah, well, not always. Just like you said, you know, if they're unhealthy for us, if they're bullying us, if they're not supporting us and lifting us up, if they're not happy For us and our successes, then you're right, they're not, they're not.

And also being able to end the relationship but not sever it completely. Like, you can have that person that's been your friend since, you know, 5 years old, you can still stay in communication with them, they still can be your best buddy from the past, but it doesn't mean that you have to roll with them every day, you know. You can just, you know, oh, hi, how are you, and spend a little time with them. And I, I bet you every time you spend time with them, you'll remember like, yeah, that's why we don't hang out that much. I can take you in small dosage. Yeah, that's fine to do that, but you don't have to roll with them every day for the rest of your life, you know, like, this is my best friend, you know. You can cut that ball and chain and, you know, discover other friendships that are more suitable for you.

I think a lot of women really struggle with that. How do you break up? I mean, it's kind of like a breakup, you know, romantic relationship. Yeah, how do you— so you say, okay, you don't have to do a You know, we're not right for each other. It's not me, it's you, or it's not you, it's me thing. Yeah, but really, I think a lot of women struggle with that. Like, they want to be maybe true themselves or authentic, and they don't know how to slowly distance yourself. And I've had that before in a relationship where we were really super, super close, and I didn't want to get her out of my life, right? But I didn't know how to stop that intense closeness. Mm-hmm.

Well, a couple of things can happen. One thing that can happen is Sometimes it's natural, it just happens. Right, yes. You start having kids, or working, or you move away, or whatever, and so that may, you know, force the relationship to turn into a different direction. But to orchestrate it yourself, you just, you can't, I don't believe that you say, we're never gonna be friends again, unless they did something that's detrimental for you to, like, not be their friend anymore. You know, just, you know, I have to, you know, do something else while I'm working, or, you know, we don't have— I'm sorry, we don't have as much time to spend with each other. You know, I don't think you have to completely kill the person's heart, you know, not hang out with them anymore. There's things that you can say, you know.

Right, right. That makes sense. I have to tell you a story about— and you might have heard this before— but after I had my oldest, Sakaya, my oldest son, I had a friend and we were great friends. We'd been friends for maybe, I don't know, 5, 6 years, and she was in a different point in her life. She was single. She didn't have any kids. I had my first, and after about maybe 8 to 9 months, you know, we were talking a lot and she called me up once and my son was crying in the background or doing what kids do, you know, and she was like, he's always there.

Of course.

Right. And a light bulb came on for me and I realized, you know what, this friendship isn't going to work anymore because she doesn't get Right. And now I didn't do the healthiest thing. I'm wiser and older now because I just never called her again and didn't accept her back.

Oh yeah, that's so mature.

But I've learned a lot, and you've taught me a lot about friendship. But so that's what I did. And actually, you know, 10, 15 years later, we reconnected, and that was good. But that was how I dealt with it at the time. And I think that that always— that also goes into the whole idea of Understanding that there are friends for a season.

Right, right, right, right, exactly.

Friendship doesn't necessarily have to last forever. Some, I think, you know, if you're lucky, you get those one or two that you've had since childhood. But it's, you know, also friends are for a season, and she was a friend for a season, and she worked well in my life, and I worked well in her life, but our seasons changed.

Mm-hmm, that's true. That happens a lot. But sometimes people don't realize that either.

Yes.

You know, like, why don't you call me anymore? And, you know, you may have to explain, you know, I'm, you know, things are not the same. I don't— I have another really, really close friend, and she doesn't understand me not having all the time in the world to hang out. She's still single. I'm not single, and I only have, you know, a little bit of time to give here and there. And, you know, if I go somewhere with her, she wants to hang out the whole entire day, and it's like, I gotta get back. I have to get back because I have, you know, a husband and kids and we've been hanging out for 4 or 5 hours and, you know, have to get back. But in her world, you know, she hangs out with another single person and they can hang out all Saturday.

Absolutely, yes. So another one that we had talked about before was how are you honest in friendships?

Well, I think one of the things is to remember is the truth Mm-hmm. If you can remember truth and honesty, that will help you in a relationship. And the other thing is to teach people how to treat you. So with truth and honesty, you know, you— if you have something that's going on with somebody else, you have to be truthful with yourself to say, hey, that hurt me. And you have to be truthful and honest with your friend and say, you know what, what you said really bothered me. You know, and that's speaking in truth and love. It can be scary to say those things to someone, but I guarantee you, once you get it out— I even get scared sometimes when I say it myself, but afterwards it's always good because it could have been a huge misunderstanding. You don't know where that person was coming from. You just think, I'm hurt, you know. Right. But when you go and you talk to them and you say, you know, that hurt me, and it's like, oh, I didn't mean it like that, or I meant to say this, you know, and then There's resolve. But if you are not honest with your friend and to express your feelings, that's what happens in relationships with women too. They don't say, you know, they don't let that person know when they've been hurt.

Right.

They don't let them know that, you know, I don't like this, I don't like that, or they don't teach them how to treat them. And so they're always being rubbed the wrong way, and it's like, I don't really like Sheila, you know. It's like, but I thought you said Sheila was a good friend. Well, she's a She's always doing this and this. But did you say that to her?

Yes.

No, I didn't, you know.

And Rosie, that is a huge one. That is such a big one. And ladies, I really want you to listen to that point because a lot of us in all of our relationships get scared to speak our truth. We get scared because we feel, just like Rosie said, that we're gonna be judged, that, you know, people won't like us. And so That's so important in relationships to be honest, and it is hard. It is hard. It's hard to set those boundaries. And I remember you actually did that to me. You might not remember this, but I think you called me once, and I was probably in the middle of doing 100 things. We all juggle all those balls, and I might have been— I don't know if I was rude. I was like, I have to go, Rosiara, or something. And you called me back and you said, Zoe, I don't like the way you talked to me when we were just talking on the phone. Do you remember that? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you said, if you have to go or if you can't answer the phone, just don't answer the phone. But don't— but it hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that. Okay. You know what? I didn't know. I didn't know, and you could have gone on being irritated with me, and I didn't realize that my voice sounded that way, and I apologized, and we went on. And I really respected that because you were able to tell me. There weren't any hurt feelings, and we were able to To go on. Ladies and gentlemen, maybe, if you guys have just tuned in, you are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman. We talk here about everything Superwoman, and I help you keep your mind in the game. We were talking to Rosita Godicki about friendship. We were talking about the importance of friendship, about the kind of negative sometimes of things that we do wrong in friendship. And right now we're talking about the biggest mistakes that women make in relationships. And Rosita Godicki is here, and you can— how can people connect with you, Rosie?

Um, you can connect with me on Facebook at Rosita Stanfield Godicki. If you have any questions,

you guys have questions about friendships, about how to be a friend, why it's important, you can connect with Rosita there. So another thing With mistakes that women make in friendships is hanging out with women that we can't trust. Let's talk about that. How does that start? That's a good one. And how do we keep doing that?

Okay, that's a really good one. Okay, so I'm gonna set up a scenario. Okay, so you've— have you ever heard that phrase, um, he cheated with my best friend?

Unfortunately, yes.

First of all, that never happens, okay? And the reason why I'm gonna say that is because if that person was truly your best friend, there's no way in the world that they would betray you in that manner, okay? Yeah. Because they're your best friend. If they're your best friend, they love you, they care about you, they know who you are as a person, they respect you, they know who your husband is, they know the love and the relationship that you have there. So that is not truly a best friend. It may be an acquaintance, it may be somebody you know, maybe somebody you're familiar with, but that woman was never ever your best friend. So we have to be careful when we say, that was my best friend. No, you knew her. I knew who she was, that's who it was, but it wasn't a best friend, you know. Right. And so I think that's a mistake that people make, and then they choose wrong friends. Like, you know, if you're hanging out with a party girl, That's not a best friend. You need to connect with people that are like-minded. You need to spend time with the person. It takes trust. You have to trust that person and have conversations with them and spend time to find out if they're even reliable enough or worthy enough to be your friend. Mm-hmm. And so if, if, you know, you don't get with the gossiper at work and say, oh, we're buddies now, and that's my best friend.

Very good. And I, you know, I think a lot of women do fall into that trap, and I think it's important to learn how to categorize your acquaintances. So you have work friends, right? You might have, you know, neighborhood friends. You might have, you know, family friends, and then you have that best friend. And being able to recognize which one is which and which ones do you go deep with.

Right, right.

Because some of them you're gonna go deep with and some of them you're gonna be, you know, surfacey with. Mm-hmm. And understanding that. Ladies, you are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. If you're just tuning in, I am here with my guest Rosita Godicki, and we are talking about everything regarding friendships. We're getting ready to go on a break, and afterwards we're gonna come back and deal with how do you overcome issues with friends. So a lot of women have issues making friends. How do we even get to that point of making those friendships? We will be back right after this break. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. kissmeorganics.com.

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is Your Hour with Dr. Zoe. Your life and relationship coach with encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips and advice. Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hello, hello, this is Dr. Zoe. We are back with my guest Rosita Godicki and we are talking about all things Friendship. Right now we're getting ready to talk about how do we overcome friendship issues and cultivate healthy relationships with women. So we talked a little bit about why it's important, how we women need each other. We talked about some of the biggest mistakes that women make in relationships: not trusting, boundary issues, learning how to you know treat other people. And so now we're going to talk a little bit about overcoming friendship issues. So this is an important one because. Because many, many of my women clients, and I find this especially with busy women, number one, we don't see the value in friendships. We're busy. We have a ton of things to do. Our families are our priorities, and we don't have time for that. And then number two, things have happened in our lives with women, and a lot of women will tell me, I don't trust women. Mm-hmm. So, no, I don't have women friendships because I don't trust women, because women have done this and this. And this to me. And so how do we overcome that? Because despite the fact that some women might have hurt you, I still firmly believe that women are important in our lives.

Well, you know, you can't avoid getting hurt in a relationship. It's gonna happen,

right? So someone could say, well, I'm not gonna date men anymore. I'm not gonna— Right, because I've been hurt.

Right, right. But the same happens in relationships. And so if it's a good friend, You can discuss it and move on, you know, and have the healing. But if it's something that you can't get over and you choose not to be that person's friend, you know, that's a decision that you have to make. But you have to weigh out the relationship. If you've been friends with somebody for 10 years, they've been by your side, you know, 100% of the time, and they do one little thing that hurts your feelings and you want to cut them off, that's not really balanced. Mm-hmm. And is it worth it for you to cut this person out of your life that's, you know, been there for you?

Right.

No, you could be making a huge mistake. So, you have to wait it out. Now, if you just became friends yesterday, and you keep talking to her, and she can't get it, then, you know, maybe you don't need to be friends, you know?

Yes, yes.

So, you really have to determine what type of friendship it is, and how valuable that person is, and if there's any history worth saving. Between you and that person.

Very good point. And so for busy women, how do we even find friends? How do we even cultivate that to begin with? Because we're doing our own thing, we're isolated, and we're in our little bubble. How do we do that?

Well, I say if you see somebody that you're interested in, you know, like usually it's somebody you are attracted to, hey, we're vibing. And I'll start with the workplace. If you meet somebody at work and you like them, and so you can go for coffee, You know, hey, meet me at Starbucks, and you can sit down and chat with this person, ask them some key questions, you know, like, where are you from, what do you do, blah blah blah. And

so that's not weird?

No, it's not. You know, I do it all the time, and I guarantee you'll find out if the person is worth taking that next step. You can find out right then and there, you know, because when they say— oh, I was really angry. I met this one mom, and I just met her, and I was like, oh, she's Spent one little afternoon with her and I knew she's crazy. We will not be spending any more time together. Checked that in my little file of friendships and she became an associate.

Love that. Love that. She became— so you didn't break up with her? You didn't say, I'm never talking to her again? She's an associate. Right, she became an associate.

Love that. Because, you know, she had some issues that, you know, that told me, you know, when you— when somebody tells you— when you can ask somebody a question, what do you do when you're angry? Mm-hmm. They say, I rip up the room and I tear up everything. Okay, we're not gonna be friends, you know, don't get too close, you know. So spending— having a little coffee date, asking them some key questions, and confiding in them— not confiding in them, but finding out if they're trustworthy to even confide in. Mm-hmm.

So when— you just mentioned the word confide— when do we know, like, at what point do you know that this person is changing from an acquaintance Mm-hmm. To a friend, like a deep friend? When do you get to that point?

I would say like when they share something with you. If they tell you a secret, if they say, you know, this happened to me, blah blah blah, that might be a good time for you to be able to share or to know that, wow, this person, they must really trust me with this information. Maybe I can even trust them. Mm-hmm.

So sharing really kind of is a reciprocal thing, like you give, the other person gives, and I know for our relationship. By the way, if you're listening, this is Dr. Zoe Shaw and you're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. We are talking about friendships and all things friendship. I have my guest Rosita Godicki, who also happens to be a best friend of 16 years. I don't know that we started out that way, but, but so I was getting ready to just share. It took me a number of years, I think, before I started to really go deep with you. Mm-hmm. And maybe that's just my personality. As I talked about it, I'm a I'm an outgoing introvert, and I know that there were some points that when I really started going deep to you, deep with you, I think our friendship got closer. And that's, I mean, that's human psychology. As we share more, we do develop intimacy, and that is important. But I think it's important also to know, like, when that switch happens, you know?

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah. And usually if that person is confiding in you, they, they want to go deep. That's a sign too, you know, if they're telling you something deep. Now, but if you say, for instance, you try to share something deep with someone and it's just falling on empty ears, lock it up and pack it up and keep moving. You know not to share. And that's happened to me before too. You share something, you're like, I don't think they heard me. Uh-huh. Okay, let's just put that back in our heart and not express with this person anymore because Because either they can't handle it, or they're not that type of friend, or they don't want to be that type of friend with you, you know.

Yeah, and then that can make you feel a little bit vulnerable, but that's one of the costs, right, of relationships and being in relationship. And so, for women who have trust issues, how do we trust? How do we even take that first step to be able to trust? Well,

one thing that we didn't talk about is you don't go to the person, the party girl, or the person that's gossiping. If somebody is sharing with you intimate details about someone else, then you— that's a sign that you shouldn't tell them any intimate details.

Oh, okay. So if they're gossiping, then you know they're gonna gossip about you too.

Right.

Okay.

Right, so that's a good sign, like, okay, don't tell her anything because, you know, next thing you know, she's telling someone your information as well. So that's a sign, like, don't go deep with that person.

And, you know, when we're talking about relationships, because it, you know, friendships, relationships, they're all relationships, I talk to my clients about the fact that one of the biggest issues that we have in relationships is having unhealthy, really unrealistic expectations. Expectations. So we expect people to be who they aren't. People show you who they are, right? Right. And so when they show you who they are, you should expect that that's who they are, and you shouldn't expect any more from them. And we can have friends that we know it only goes this far because that's all she can give. Same thing in our romantic relationships as well. So really being able to have kind of the radar to see and watch the person and know What they can give and what they can't give. I think a lot of women struggle a little bit, a little bit in that area.

Yeah, that's true.

And also when it comes to relationships, because I don't know, I have a lot of clients, women who don't trust other women around their spouses or around their boyfriends. And I go back to, number one, you don't have to trust the other woman. The person you have to trust is your spouse. Right, because it takes two. And so, you can have a friend. Now, of course, you wouldn't expect them to spend time with your husband alone, but you can have a friend, and you don't have to trust that person if you trust your spouse.

Right, right. That is a key issue, is trusting your husband. And a lot of women don't like to have single women around their husbands. But it also has to do with insecurity from the woman's perspective. They're insecure about their issue with their husband, which is what you just discussed.

Yes, it becomes a relationship issue, not really issue with other women, right, but issues with relationships. So we have to be friendly, right? And just like, just like a dating relationship, we have to be able to be willing to kind of stick ourselves out there a little bit. And say, hey, I'd like to be your friend. And you know, I can understand some of you women who may struggle in that area. I don't think I struggle in it. Sometimes I don't think about it, but I'm always grateful for other women who reach out to me because I'm like, oh yeah, I'd like to do that. I'd like to go for coffee. I would like to do that. But sometimes it doesn't occur to me. So if you're actively looking for friends, it needs to kind of occur to you. Yeah. You need to think about it when you see somebody or you're talking with someone that you Do like or you do enjoy to take that next step, because maybe they're not thinking about it. Right. And it's not that they don't want to be your friends, but they're just not thinking about it. So, my producer is asking me, should your best friend, close friend have what you have? Oh, this is a great question to be— to ask. And you know, I, I was thinking about this before, and what I'm thinking is, should you be equally yoked? And of course, equally yoked meaning that you guys have similar lifestyles, you have similar, you know, thoughts, beliefs. What do you think about that, Rosie?

I think, um, I think you can have both because not everybody is all married, not everybody's all single. You have a mixture of friends. So, you're gonna have friends that may be married, and because everybody doesn't get— all your friends don't get married at the same time. on the same date, you know, so you're gonna have some friends, childhood friends that are not married, you know, you're gonna have— you're gonna meet couple friends as you get married and develop relationships with them, so I think you're gonna have both.

I hear you, and I think I kind of disagree, because I think that that applies to acquaintances, and so yes, and maybe that's my life versus your life, but I think yes, Yes, acquaintances and kind of outside circle friends are great to be from kind of all walks of life and different, but I really do believe birds of a feather flock together. And I also believe strongly that if you're, if you're gonna invest in a friendship, that you know that they're going to kind of be rubbing off on you. Mm-hmm. And so I think your closest friends should be a little more like you. Mm-hmm. And at least lift you up, if that makes sense, because we do tend to, to be like people around us, especially your best friend. So if your best friend is a single, you know, woman who's out, you know, doing a million things, I don't know, can you guys relate as much if you are maybe a housewife who stays home? And do you think that you can still relate the same?

I think so, if they're your really good friend, because like I said, not everybody gets married at the same time. That's true. And you are gonna have some stragglers that, you know, you love them, they're still your friend, but ideally, yes, you want to have people that are like-minded, but you—

That are your close, close friends.

Yeah, your close friends, but if your best friend doesn't get married, here you are, it happens.

Well, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, but if you are equally yoked in other areas of your life, I think that it can be positive. I think the negative comes about when we're not equally yoked with a lot of our friends, and then we're wondering why we're struggling in our lives, and we feel kind of pulled in all different directions.

Right.

So if you're listening, we— this is the Dr. Zoe Show. This is Dr. Zoe, and I'm here with my guest Rosita Godicki. We've been talking about friendships, women and friendships. If you guys have any questions or any comments about what we've been talking about, please connect with me. You can connect with me at zoe@drzoeshaw.com. You can connect with me at all my social medias. My handle is Dr. Zoe, and we will be back in a minute to talk about our next show and maybe a little bit of health tips. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a Smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the Smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com.

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is Your Hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women Women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

And so Rosie and I became friends when we were pregnant with our firsts. She had Sasha and I had Kai. And we were in a— no, it wasn't Lamaze, it was Bradley. We were in a Bradley class.

Yes.

I was just talking earlier with you guys about how important it is to reach out, to create friendships, and that I sometimes don't do that. But Rosie, you did. You reached out to me and we hung out in class, right?

Yeah.

And we were what, 6, 7 months pregnant, I think? Right, right. And so you reached out to me and you were like, hey, what was it? Did you— I don't remember.

I don't remember. We used to talk at the snack table because we were pregnant and always hungry. Of course. The snack table, for sure.

Yeah, and so you invited me. I don't remember what it was. I think I was moving at the time, and you said, hey, I'll help you pack. And I think I probably flaked on you a couple times.

Yeah, you did.

I did, yeah.

Never let me come over. I was like, okay, she's weird, but okay.

As I said,

I struggle— all right, I don't now, but I did maybe a little bit in the whole friendship area and not getting the concept of why we should have close friends. But anyway, so we had our babies 2 weeks apart.

Yeah.

And I think that that sealed our relationship because we became mamas and we would call each other and we had all those early mama questions.

Yeah.

We were both sleep deprived at the same time and it was just one of those things that just sealed our relationship. Right. And we started to just kind of, you know, go deep and live life together. Right. And then we got pregnant again.

Yeah, yeah, that's

true. At the same time, and you were wanting to have your kids 2 years apart. Do you want to share that story a little bit?

Yeah, I was crying my eyes out because I didn't get pregnant when I thought I should get pregnant. And you know, you called me up and you said, you know, if you don't get pregnant at exactly 2 years, it could be 2 years and 6 months or 4 months. And I was like, yeah, you're right. And then my My kids are exactly 2 years

and

1 day

apart. So it happened anyway. She just needed a little encouragement from me.

Yeah.

Yes. And so then I had another baby a couple years later, and then Rosie called me from the closet. She's like, I'm hanging— I'm in the closet. And she's whispering. I'm like, what's wrong?

I'm 16 or something, knocked up.

And you're like, I'm pregnant! Yes. And what did I say?

Oh, that's wonderful! Everything I said negative, you're like, that's great! Because I was 40 and pregnant in the closet. Yes. Oh my God, I'm 40 and I'm pregnant! Yes. And you were like, that's great, that's wonderful! And I was like, I have a kid in kindergarten. That's great, you can spend time with the baby!

So I spun it. I used my CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, and we spun it to a positive place. And Josh is here in all of his glory at 8 years old. And then I did it again, right? Yeah. Oh my gosh, yes, crazy. And so we have been doing life together for, for 16 years, which has really just been amazing. And I'm so thankful that Rosie came on my show as my first guest to talk about friendship. I hope that you guys got some little tips and some jewels as you go out there and create, cultivate, and grow your friendships as women. Do you have anything, Rosie, that you wanted to add about friendship?

Yeah, I would say go for it. Try it. Spend some time. Have a coffee date. There's nothing wrong with that. You know, and just get to know the person, and you'll find out if they— you should go deeper. But try it. People in the service, you know, that travel all over, they go in deep real quick, you know. So stop being busy and take some time to get a friend.

Great, I love that, I love that. So tune in next week, guys. We are going to have a guest. Her name is Paula D'Andrea. She's a producer of the series Rock Your Life. She's an author. She's been featured on Forbes. She's a 2-time Amazon and international bestseller. She's been featured in Wall Street Journal and KNBC. She's going to be bringing us some insight and tips on one of my favorite topics, how busy, overwhelmed women can stay present when things are feeling like chaos all around. Tune in, it's gonna be good. I wanna hear what she has to say. This is the Dr. Zoe Show, and you've been listening to me, Dr. Zoe Shaw. We're redefining your superwoman. I am your life and relationship coach. I'm here every Tuesday from 12 to 1 and 3 to 4 Eastern. I'm helping you keep your mind in the game. I want you guys to have a fantastic week, and you can connect with me on all my social medias, Dr. Zoe Shaw. You can email me also at zoe@drzoeshaw.com. Goodbye.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. Redefining Your Superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of— The Zoe Show. The Dr. Zoe Show.