In this episode of The Dr. Zoe Show, Dr. Zoe Shaw explores the concept of "opting out" as a pathway to intentional living and reclaiming personal power. She opens with gratitude for listener feedback, shares a humorous personal mishap at Trader Joe’s that illustrates how distraction leads to wasted time, and uses this as a springboard to discuss why many women say yes when they should say no. Dr. Zoe identifies common motivations for over‑committing—people‑pleasing, fear of missing out, guilt, and unrealistic expectations—and explains how these habits erode personal resources and create character flaws like flakiness. She emphasizes the need to ask hard questions, define a clear "why" for each decision, and write down the consequences of not saying no. Drawing on insights from Michael Hyatt, Patty Brightman, and Connie Hatch, she outlines a practical "whys" list that highlights the cost of saying yes to others. Dr. Zoe shares a relatable story about her son mirroring her over‑commitment, reinforcing the intergenerational impact of boundary‑setting. The episode culminates in a concrete challenge: for the next month, listeners are invited to say no to everything initially, then reassess each request against their personal goals, thereby freeing up time, energy, and peace. The episode ends with a call to action to subscribe, review, and stay connected via social media and newsletters.
Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.
What do you need to opt out of in your life today? We're gonna talk about it in just a second. Welcome to the Dr. Zoe Show. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe. I'm a life and relationship coach and a licensed psychotherapist and a motivational speaker, and I can work with you virtually to help you get unstuck. Connect with me by texting the word join to 38470, or just go to my website at drzoeshaw.com. And by the way, I love hearing from you. I got some great messages about the episode, When Life Changes, and I wanted to share one with you. This one is from @love52dove on Instagram. I don't even know your name, but she said, Dr. Zoe, I listened to your podcast and everything you exude is what my spirit needed to move forward from what was to now is and what possibly can be. Thank you for sharing your gift of empowering other women, including myself, and resonating our internal significance we may have forgotten. You may or may not get many of these messages, but I wanted to take a moment to thank you. You don't know me, but my life is better because of you. You inspire me and positively impact me to continue the good fight. Now, first of all, that was so beautifully written. Oh my goodness. And thank you so much. You are why I do this podcast. And really, that's my win for the week. That was an Instagram post, and so it was public. But for those who have messaged me privately, your words mean more than you can ever know. I respond to each and every one of your messages, even if it takes me a minute, and not just the compliments. I get some constructive criticism as well, and I'm always down for listening to that. If any of you guys have listened to my way, way, way old episodes. My show was kind of a hot mess in the beginning, and I love what it's becoming. So thank you for participating. Thank you for listening, and I hope that it continues to feed your soul. So that was my win, and now my colossal fail. I went to Trader Joe's, which I do every single week. I loaded up my cart like I always do. I had a cart full of groceries, and my 2 girls were with me, which they usually are. Got in the car, loaded the car, got home. And when I got home, I had like a Twilight Zone moment. I opened the back of my trunk and there was one bag in the back of my trunk. Now I knew I had just gone grocery shopping. I was just there. I came home to open the trunk to take all the groceries out and they weren't there. So I called Trader Joe's and they're like, yeah, you left your cart with all the groceries in it in the parking lot. We have it up here for you. We're going to put it in the cooler. You guys, I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how in the world I managed to do that because the cart is usually in the back of my car when I'm loading it. So I don't know how I managed to back out without hitting it. Something must have distracted me, and I kind of vaguely remember, I think Maybe I got a phone call or the kids said something and I went around to the front of the car. And maybe because I was in the front of the car, my mind was just like, oh, I must be done loading the groceries. And I got in and left, but I still don't know how I didn't manage to see a full cart or hit it or anything. I don't know. Don't know how it happened, but it did. So that took an extra half hour out of my day to go back to Trader Joe's and pick up the groceries while my husband's looking at me like I'm a crazy woman. And so what does that tell us? I clearly was distracted. I was not focused, but, you know, I'm on autopilot. I do this thing every single week. But what I can learn from that is that sometimes when we are that absent in our life, something's going on. And maybe for me, that means I need to opt out of something, which is all about what we're talking about today. We're talking about the freedom of opting out. Do you ever want to kick yourself as soon as you say yes? Or maybe you want to kick yourself 3 weeks later when it's time to do the thing because you lied to yourself 3 weeks ago, thinking that somehow you were going to miraculously be more on top of things and that you could fit it into your life 3 weeks later? Or is that just me? Am I the only person that does that? Or sometimes we get caught up in seeing what someone else is doing, and it looks great, and we think, I should do that. Well, no, actually you shouldn't. Or at the very least, you need to ask yourself a bunch of questions first. Why should you do it? How is that really going to benefit your life? And if you do it, what are you going to let go of in order to have more space in your life to do it? See, the hardest questions we have to answer in this world do not come from outside of ourselves. In order to grow, we have to be willing to live an intentional life, and an intentional life means that we don't just react. We think, and we ask ourselves the hard questions. So why do we do it? Why do we say yes when we really shouldn't? Of course, we probably all know we want to appear helpful, or we're worried about what others will think. We feel guilty, Or we don't want to miss out, we're not prioritizing ourselves, and sometimes we're just being downright unrealistic. Saying yes when we really should say no can ultimately lead to creating character flaws in us, like becoming a flake. And I have to admit that I'm gonna own up that I have been that at some points in my life. And, you know, it wasn't until my son, when he was like a sophomore, junior, he got super busy and I noticed that he was flaking on people, and I was talking to him about it. But what also happened was an internal, uh-oh, he's getting that from me. And he was talking about his difficulty saying no and overcommitting. He's super talented. People want him to do a lot of things. But there's nothing like watching your behavior in your own kid and that mirror that it puts up to your face to make you realize that you need to make some changes. And so I've gotten pretty good at saying no. And it was funny because I was having this conversation at church with my pastor's wife, and another woman came up and she was speaking to us. Now, this woman had a toddler running around her, and she had a baby in a stroller, and she was telling us that someone had asked her to volunteer in the nursery, and she didn't say no. She was explaining to us, and the crazy thing is she was literally pleading her cause. She was telling us about how church is like the one time that she can come and drop her kids off and have some of her own kind of quiet time, but she felt guilty saying no about volunteering. And I could tell she was dreading doing this. And both of us looked at her and at the same time we said, don't do it. And what's hilarious is that my pastor's wife, we were talking and she looked at me right after the woman walked away and she said, you know that rapper Meghan Trainor? I think that's how you say her name. And she has a song called No. And in the song she goes, my name is No, my number is no. I can't rap, sorry. And I hadn't even heard the song, but I've been listening to it. My name is no. I love it because the relief on that woman's face when both of us looked at her and said, don't do it, it was so apparent. She had been given permission to say no. And guess what? She didn't need permission or validation from 2 women. To say no, and neither do you. But I'm giving it to you anyway. Your name is No. Your number is No. Now, with any behavior that you determine to start in your life, you have to have a clear why. Why are you saying no? If you don't know your why, then you shouldn't be doing it. Your whys give you motivation, and your whys give you clarity. So always ask yourself why, write it down. And sometimes you're going to find out that your why is really just not a good enough reason, or it's based in something superficial and it has no real meaning in your life. In order to grow, remember, we have to challenge ourselves and we have to be intentional. So say no for a better yes. When you're writing down your whys for saying no, consider this. I got this from Michael Hyatt and I've personalized it myself a bit, This is what I've written down. If I don't say no, other people's priorities will take precedence over mine. If I don't say no, mere acquaintances, people I barely know, will crowd out time with my family and close friends. If I don't say no, I will not have the time that I need for rest and recovery. If I don't say no, I will end up frustrated, stressed, and resentful, and that is real. If I don't say no, I won't be able to say yes to the really important things. And then this last one is really a clincher for me. Here's what Patty Brightman and Connie Hatch say in their book, How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty. Out of guilt or fear of confrontation, we take on more projects, invest in someone else's priorities. In the process, we dissipate our most valuable personal Personal resources— time, energy, and money— on things that aren't even important to us. Each time we agree to something without enthusiasm for interest, we waste a little more of these precious resources. Now let's turn that around. Every time we say no to something that's not important, we're saying yes to something that is— our work, our relationships, our resources. So I'm going to challenge you guys today. I've done this challenge before, but my challenge to you today, and I will join you in on this challenge, is I am saying no to everything for a month. My initial response will be no. Now I can think about it later in the privacy of my own space and thoughts, and I can change my mind if I realize that it aligns with and furthers my goals, and it also aligns with the season in my life. I will not allow FOMO, fear of missing out, to make me say yes when I really should take a step back. Will you join me? Every time we say no to something that is not important, we are saying yes to something that is. And that is redefining your Superwoman. Thank you for listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. New shows go up on Tuesdays. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. And if this podcast is speaking to you, share it, leave a review. I'd appreciate it. I look forward to connecting with you on social media throughout the week. Have a super week.
You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, And skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.
