4: Peace with Pantry - Amy Barnette

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Thank you for tuning in. You are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. You are a woman who is strong and capable and sometimes tired. This show is not for superwomen who have it all together. This is for everyday women who may be struggling trying to do it all. We all struggle sometimes, and I'm here with tips, skills, insight, and encouragement. We're talking about things that matter to busy women all over the world. Yes, you can have it all, but not all at the same time. Every woman Every woman has a superpower and my goal as your life coach is to help you find it, embrace it, and share it with the world. As I encourage you in your struggles, I share some of my own and I give you tips and advice to make your life a little easier. We are redefining your superwoman. You can listen here on laradionow.com every Tuesday from 12 to 1. For those who can't always listen live, you can subscribe to my podcast on iTunes, Libsyn, Stitcher, and Google. Just search for The Dr. Zoe Show: Redefining Your Superwoman. You can also subscribe You can subscribe to my YouTube channel, Dr. Zoe Talks, and listen to episodes there. The easiest method to connect with me is to simply text the word JOIN to 38470, which will add you to my free monthly newsletter where you'll get freebies and monthly tips, encouragement, and insight right into your inbox. And I promise, I promise I never sell your emails. It's all good stuff, ladies. So we have another great show today. In my health tips section, I'm sharing the stage with my guest, Amy Barnett. She's a health expert. And we're going to be answering the question, how do busy women find time to work out? Oh my goodness! I have found the secret for myself, but it's taken me a few years, a lot of trial and error, and Amy and I are going to talk to you about how you can find that secret for yourself as well. And our main segment today, it's going to be called Making Peace with the Pantry. I love that topic. Whether you're fit, whether you're overweight or underweight, I think in In some way, we are all on that journey of making peace with the pantry. Of course, the pantry being all of our food issues. So stay tuned. It's going to be good, ladies. And we're going to follow up with some real talk. You guys know that I'm always talking about how important it is to love yourself. And I recently had a woman write in and she just said bluntly, how do you love yourself? And I thought, wow, what a great question. So I started thinking maybe I'm always talking around it and not really giving you steps and concrete tools. So I'm gonna dive right in, and I'm gonna see if I can give some meaty steps and skills that you can implement on the self-love journey. And it is a journey, and it's a journey that we all need to be on. So there was something I just wanted to share with you ladies today. You know, helping women is my passion, and when I say that all women have a superpower, I just want to share with you that when I I have been really searching for my own strengths and my own God-given gifts. I wanted it to be something brilliant. I wanted to be super unique, like something the world— something in the world that no one else has. But when I really started looking at my strengths, going even all the way back to my childhood, I realized that in my friendships and my relationships, my strength has been as an encourager. I'm a good listener. I do like to talk as well. That's why I have this show. But I know how to encourage well. And that's not flashy or super unique. But when I was able to own that and embrace it and not have to be somebody super brilliant who's discovered the answers to life's biggest questions— I mean, I know I'm smart, of course. But when I was able to own who I am instead of what I think looks or sounds good, I was able to harness my strength as an encourager, as a listener, as a teacher, and use it to make a difference. And that's what I want for you too, which is why I have this show, which is why I do the work that I do. Your superpower is already there. You just have to acknowledge it and embrace it because it's more than good enough. Okay, so next up, health tips. Remember, your body and mind are intimately connected. They are one. You cannot have health in one without health in the other, and that's why I have a health tip segment. I invest time reading about, researching, and trying various health and fitness ideas so that I can save you time and share with you my finds and tips so that you can just focus on implementing. Because I know you guys are all super busy women. And remember, healthy looks different on everybody, so stop the comparison right now. I feel like I'm talking to my kids. Stop right now. Really, just do the best that you can do. Just do it. Do you? So today we're answering the question, how do busy women find time to work out? This has been a struggle with me over the course of my life, and there definitely have been seasons where I felt like I just didn't have the time. I just can't do it. I knew, of course you guys know how important it is to work out, but it's a struggle to figure out how to prioritize it. You know, everyone's busy. We have a million things we have to do, so many obligations. So how do you find a way to balance it all? I'm introducing my guest early today because she's going to be talking to us about this too. Amy Barnett is a holistic health and fitness coach and the creator of Making Peace with the Pantry. She helps people finally end their struggle with food and weight and take control of their health. Amy was an athlete and she became a cycle instructor in college. She's a Schwinn certified instructor. Schwinn, I always— So when I'm saying that word, I'm like, am I saying it right? She's a Schwinn Certified Cycle Instructor and she's been teaching cycle classes for 17 years. I had the honor of taking one of her classes a month or so ago. I think I should say honor because she kicked my butt. But it was the best cycling class I've ever taken. She has a master's degree and she graduated from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. She has overcome her own struggles with food, weight, and body image, and she's going to share some of those with us. And now, as a health coach, she's passionate about supporting people from the other side. And she sees clients virtually all over the world, so everybody can benefit from Amy. So welcome, Amy.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I'm so happy to be here.

Oh, great. I'm so happy that you're here as well. And we're going to get into your journey in the next segment. But for health tips, can you share with us? Sure. What are your tips for helping busy mamas find time to work out? How can we set ourselves up for success?

Well, I think the— one of the first things we can do is really understand that no one knows you better than you. So I believe it's really all about self-awareness. So you, you have a general idea of what works for you in terms of fitness and what doesn't. And so the idea is to capitalize on what you know works and ditch any pressure around what doesn't. And there's definitely some other some other tips to kind of set you up for success, but I think that's a big one.

Mm-hmm.

So I also think that it's important to pick an activity that you enjoy and that makes you feel strong. So not necessarily one because it's the hottest fitness trend or because you want to lose weight. And this is mainly because if you're doing something you enjoy and makes you feel awesome, you will keep coming back for more.

I love that one because of course there's always that new thing that's out there, right? And we all think, oh, I should do that. But if it doesn't fit you, it's not going to help, right?

Exactly, exactly. So it's about knowing you. Yeah.

Okay, so I'm thinking, how do you figure yourself out? Is it just trial and error? You take lots of different classes, or what would be your suggestion?

I would say honestly, go back to when you were a child and think about what, what kind of activity you enjoyed the most when you were young. Did you enjoy Did you enjoy dancing? Did you enjoy running? Did you enjoy swimming? Did you enjoy— the list could go on and on. So kind of think back to when there wasn't the hottest fitness trend that you were trying to incorporate. So

that would be my suggestion.

That makes sense.

And so with that, doing something that you love, you're likely going to be more consistent, right? And if you're more consistent, you're going to see those results.

Exactly.

Awesome. Absolutely. So I read your article and I loved your article, and it was really just all about this topic, about how busy women can find time in their life to work out. So I know one of the things that you talked about was the add-in approach. Can you talk about that a little bit?

Absolutely. I think so. One of the ways that I think if we can begin to switch our focus to instead of what we don't have time for, begin to focus on what we do have time for. So maybe keep asking yourself the question, how can I incorporate physical activity into my day today? So, and I really think that helps us kind of switch our line of thinking, but then also help us battle the overwhelm, because so often we get caught into our long list of daily to-dos. Mm-hmm. And it just becomes overwhelming and all-consuming. But if we switch, it's just a simple trick, a simple switch, and ask ourselves, That makes

a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. And I know when you were talking about kind of some of your points, you talked about the idea of looking at your week and putting it in your schedule on a weekly basis to accommodate changes. Yes. Now see, I miss workouts this way because I don't accommodate for some things because, you know, I have it statically on my schedule and then sometimes it's like something comes up and then I miss it. So I love your idea of looking at it on a week-by-week basis.

Yeah, I think flexibility is key. And, you know, we all balance so much, and just because you have space in your day on a Monday of one week doesn't mean you're going to have the same experience the next week. So allowing yourself to be flexible ultimately, I think, creates consistency.

Absolutely. So what are some other tips that you have for mamas?

Well, I think another one is to change the way that you think about it. I call this the airplane theory because if we go back and We think about the last time that we rode on an airplane and what the flight attendant said to us about securing our oxygen mask first before we help someone else. Yes. I think if we take a minute to really stop and think about why that's true, we can't help anyone if we're not taking care of ourselves first. I think women's self-care and our fitness routine needs to— if we can begin to think about it In the same way, it makes a big difference because when we take care of our needs first, then we have more to give to others.

That makes a lot of sense, a lot of sense. Thanks.

Yeah, and I guess the last tip I had was just how to find your driving motivation because I think when you begin to take a— you kind of find your why, how you want to feel when you are living healthier and a more vibrant life, and really connecting that overall why and that drive and that inspiration to your fitness routine that kind of will pick you up on those days that you just don't feel like going to the gym or taking your class or, or what have you.

That's a really great one, and I know that helps me, especially when, like you said, you don't feel like getting up in the morning or, or you want to eat that thing that you know isn't good for you. If you can remind yourself of your why, that, that is so important to me because it'll stop me and I'm like, oh wait, This is why I'm doing it. You know, it's because I care about my body. It's because I care about my health. It's because of whatever my goal and my motivation is. I love that one. And so when it comes to consistency, I have a coach who gave me a really great tip, and he said to use the Jerry Seinfeld consistency approach. So there's a whole YouTube thing on it. You guys can go look it up. But what it is basically is, is really simple. When you want to develop a consistent habit, You literally get a pen and paper, not your smartphone or your tablet. Get a pen and paper, put it up on the wall, and when you do that thing you want to do, you put a red line over that day. And whatever you do towards that, you do that every time you do it. And it's actually a psychological thing. You want to see those red lines add up. And when you start to— when you get a streak, you don't want to stop that streak, right? And so that's one of— that's a little tip that can sometimes help with consistency because you want to kind of keep that streak going.

I love that.

Yeah. Okay, so we are finished with our health tips for today. Next up, we are continuing with my guest Amy Barnett talking about making peace with the pantry, the role that food plays in your life. We will be back in just a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com. Thanks for tuning in. This is Dr. Zoe and you are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. We are continuing with my guest, Amy Barnett, holistic health coach, and we're talking about making peace with the pantry. So Amy, can you tell us a little bit about your journey? And how you came up with Making Peace with the Pantry.

Sure, Zoe. I know firsthand what it's like to struggle with food and your weight. In fact, when it comes to food and trying to feel good about myself, I've done it all. So I've tried countless diet programs and purchased an insane amount of exercise videos. And I've battled overeating, undereating, compulsive eating, binge eating, secret eating. Honestly, the list could go on and on. And I really, I really get it. And it's tough. And so I'd say this has been about a 20-year struggle for me, but I'm on the other side. And that's really ultimately why I decided to become a health coach and launch Making Peace with the Pantry is when I started to speak about my struggle in my cycle classes, I began to see just how many people out there struggle. And it's my hope that, you know, through my own journey and my education that I'll be able to shed some insight and And things that I wish I knew when I was struggling.

Yeah, I thank you for sharing your journey. And I just love— I think I've said that maybe 10 times already, but I love that, that title, Making Peace with the Pantry, because I've had so many women who are in so much pain tell me that they just don't believe they'll ever get control of their eating, that their cravings are so strong, especially when they're angry or stressed or sad. So do you consider food issues like that an addiction, or like just like with alcohol or drugs?

I do. I believe it can be for some people, yeah. And I, and I think the important thing to understand is that processed food is carefully engineered by food companies to maximize flavor and create optimal palatability. So it's largely done through the layering of fat, salt, and sugar. And there's a book out there called Salt, Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us. It's by Michael Moss, and he talks a lot about this, and he talks about how the ingredients are combined in a very specific way in order to increase allure, and how for some people these formulations can contribute to continuous cravings, overeating, compulsive eating, and really just feeling out of control around food.

Right.

So I, I think that's, you know, a really powerful thing to understand, but then there's also solid research out there that That proves that ingredients like sugar are biologically addictive.

Right. So I've seen that, like sugar in the rats and the mice research is akin to like cocaine, right? In the body and the mind, the brain, how the brain responds to it. Yes.

Yeah. And there's a YouTube video out there called Sugar: The Bitter Truth. And I think Dr. Robert Lustig is the guy who is in the talk and he explains how our bodies process sugar and how for some people it can ultimately create tolerance and withdrawal symptoms, which are the trademarks of addiction.

I think that's a good point because, you know, I'm gonna out my mom, but my mom lives on sugar and I can't. My body, when I eat sugar, it just, it just, it doesn't work. I'm sluggish. I have to sleep like a million hours. Everything just doesn't work. So I think it does probably, I'm sure, just like everything else, everybody's Everybody's person is unique. Everybody's biology is unique. But I think for most people, sugar is really bad. So, okay, so people have food addictions, right? Just like people have addictions to many other things— psychological, emotional, chemical addictions. How is a food addiction different?

Well, I think for 2 reasons, actually. One is simply because we can't abstain from food. We just can't. We can't just not eat.

Right.

So it becomes very difficult to manage sometimes. 2, we've been sold this idea that conquering food issues is simply a matter of willpower, that all we have to do is issue a little more self-control. And I think sometimes we'll internalize that to mean that something's wrong with us if we can't stop eating. Uh-huh. But I think it's important to know that nothing's wrong with you. I, I really honestly believe that, you know, just, just like you mentioned, you know, we all have different thresholds for these ingredients. Uh-huh. So it's why one person can eat a handful of M&M's and feel satisfied. Uh-huh. will have to eat the entire bag and, and won't stop thinking about it until that bag is out of sight, out of mind. So I think that, you know, food really can be like a drug to people who have this predisposition.

Right. And just like with other, with other substances, some people do have more of a predisposition to addiction than other people do.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. And food is difficult because everybody has to eat. Really, really good point. So I've obviously read some of your stuff. I love you. I think you're great. Can you tell me a little bit about the circle of life? Because nobody knows what I'm talking about right

now. Of course. Well, there's— so there's 2 different ways that we nourish ourselves. In the health coaching world, we refer to them as primary food and secondary food. So second— secondary food is anything that goes into our mouth. So anything that we eat and anything that we drink. But primary food are the non-food ways that we nourish ourselves. So things like our relationships, our physical activity, our spiritual practice, and our career. And the 2 are interconnected. Mm-hmm. So if there is an imbalance in one, it often shows up as an imbalance in the other or creates an imbalance in the other. And the Circle of Life is a tool that we use to help clients identify the primary food areas where there might be an imbalance. So it kind of provides this visual representation of the non-food areas where you might be feeling hungry or feeling undernourished or deprived.

Okay, so this is really good because I haven't really thought about it necessarily in that way. But when I read about it and you put it that way, so, and I'm sure other people have talked about this, how, you know, you have a hunger for something, Right? And it's not being met, and so you go to food to meet it sometimes.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Yes.

And so how— what can you do about that? How can you stop that cycle? How can you recognize that you're doing that? How do you know which hunger is which?

Well, I think so a lot of it, you know, it ultimately becomes about awareness, right? And so, you know, it's— and learning To, you know, learning the secondary food that really truly nourishes your body. So becoming educated on nutrition and the foods that really serve your unique body because we're all unique. Uh-huh. And what the foods that make my body thrive may or may not make your body thrive. And in fact, that's actually why I believe there's so much confusion in the nutrition world is because, you know, there are so many different theories out there and what works great for one person, you know, may or may not work great for someone else. And so it's, it's, you got to figure that part out. But then you also have to, you know, be open to understanding that so often food is a, it can be a coping mechanism or a way to shut off our mind or a way to fill up on, and for, as a symbolic substitute, if you will, for areas where, where These primary food areas where we might be hungry. And so a lot of it becomes, you know, peeling back the layers, getting to know yourself, using, using this as a guide to really look deeper and go within.

So what I'm hearing you say is that obviously you need to figure out what your biological needs are in terms of food, but then also you need to figure out those primary food desires or needs. Which are things that are going on in your life. So you need to look at your life, maybe. If you're— if, ladies, if you're having food issues, if you're really struggling in this area, then what's important, and maybe you can utilize a therapist for this as well, is to look at the needs that you tend to have in your life, the emotional needs, the psychological needs. What is it that you feel you are lacking in your life? Because those are going to lead to probably some of your food issues. And learning how to figure out how to fulfill those, whether you're doing it yourself, because I always say that you cannot look for other people to fill you up in that way. You have to figure out how to fill yourself up, but first you have to figure out what they are. We are here with Amy Barnett. We will be back in just a minute. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, and I want to give you Amy's website real quickly. It is... drzoe.shaw.com. Did I say that correct, Amy?

You sure did.

Okay, great. And you can connect with her there. You can get on her mailing list, and she is also a virtual coach, so she can work with you wherever you are in the world. We will be back in just a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a Smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the Smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com. Thanks for tuning in. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show and I am Dr. Zoe and I'm here with my guest, Amy Barnett, holistic health coach, and we've been talking about food issues, making peace with the pantry. So we've identified some of the issues and of course one of the main issues with women who have addiction to food is really utilizing that food to fulfill an emotional need. So now that we know that that's what it tends to be, of course, if you tend to have an addictive personality, how do we fix it, Amy?

Well, I think one of the things is, at least for me personally, it was to embrace the idea that our struggle is here to teach us and help us grow. And I think something Something really powerful happens when we begin to get curious and inquisitive about our struggle. You know, personally, this was a total game changer and it really set the wheels in motion for me to be able to heal because it's when I began to see that, you know, food was standing in as a symbolic substitute for areas where I felt deprived. Uh-hmm. And I had a lot of them, but probably the biggest ones for me was that I was seeking true connection, like real connection.

Uh-hmm.

Naturally, I'm a pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to say the right thing and do the right thing, be seen as a good mom, as smart, intelligent, a good friend. But in the process of trying to be liked and please everyone, I wasn't always being myself, and I wasn't allowing myself to be vulnerable, and I wasn't, you know, really connecting in the way that I wanted to. And I think my relationship with food had a lot to do with that. So I wanted to find my voice, my authentic self, and my struggle with food actually ultimately allowed me to do that because it began to allow me to see that it was here to teach me, to learn, and to allow me to grow and allow me to evolve.

Great. I love that you said that because it's kind of what I was just talking about in the beginning of the show about finding your superpower. Not finding or trying to be something that you think sounds good or looks good, but really embracing who you are. So can you give us some practical tips for healthy eating and using even that ADD-IN technique when it comes to changing our relationship with food, changing our food lifestyle?

Yes. I think the very first thing we can do is actually stop dieting. I think when we restrict or deprive ourselves, we, you know, we wind up setting ourselves up for failure, and it's just human nature, really. The very thing you're going to tell yourself not to have is going to be the very thing that you want.

I love how you talked about how deprivation triggers the inner rebel.

Oh yeah.

I have so been there before. It's like I'm just rebelling against myself, but I've been there. You deprive yourself and deprive yourself, and the next thing you know, you're stopping at Cold Stone— this was me yesterday— and getting a cup of coffee ice cream. So how do we stop that deprivation cycle?

Well, I think the same philosophy that we talked about with the exercise applies here. So it's called adding in. So instead of focusing on what you can't have, focus on adding in the foods that you know are going to make you feel awesome. So, you know, most of us have a general idea that, you know, we know whole fruits and vegetables are good for us. We know that we should incorporate more color into, into our meals. And so every time you sit down and eat, ask yourself the question, What can I add to my plate that will support my health and nourish my body? And if we begin to switch our focus, you know what the beautiful thing that winds up happening is, you know, the good stuff ultimately winds up crowding out the bad stuff. And so the foods that wind up nourishing us and supporting our health, if we focus on adding those in, it's going to just naturally crowd out the That makes

sense. So I have to ask because I just have to, what is your take on treats? So as you're creating this healthier lifestyle, as you're adding in healthier foods, if you're not depriving yourself and you don't want to have that sense of deprivation, where do treats, whatever that may mean, where does that play in?

I like to subscribe to a 90/10 philosophy. Mm-hmm. So like 90% of the time, you, you know, try to, you know, really focus on whole, real, nourishing food, but then giving yourself 10% of the time to allow for those treats, if you will. And it seems to be a pretty good ratio and also helps you, you know, kind of balance that feeling of deprivation.

Okay, and so my next question then is what— how do you do that? So when you say 10%, should you do it kind of on a daily basis, adding in 10%, or do you have like one day that you, you know, can kind of have a free day? What's, what's the best way when you look at your diet that you should add in those treats?

Well, I honestly— that comes down to knowing you.

Love that.

Really and truly, what's going to work for Right. You know, I think, you know, honestly, that when I really stopped focusing on, you know, really started focusing, I guess, on just really adding the good stuff in, and every client I have, I encourage them to do the same. And it's usually, you know, that is a game-changing philosophy, is just to begin to notice the good healthy food and just add it to your plate, add it in, add it in. And then, because ultimately what winds up happening too is that our taste buds change. So, you know, the foods that we want wind up changing as we begin to incorporate more whole real food into our diet. We're going to find that the, you know, the ice cream that we once thought was delicious might wind up tasting a little bit more chemicalized and artificial because we've got— our taste buds have begun to adjust to the natural sweetness of fruit. That's a great point because I've seen that

for sure. I've seen that happen in my diet as I've changed my diet that my palate changes and things that I've loved before are like super crazy sweet and yucky. So I've definitely, definitely seen that. So ladies, I think you made a really good point, Amy, that when it comes to how you incorporate treats into your life, it really has to be body-specific. I know for me, sometimes if I have a whole treat day, like if I'm good all week and then I have a treat day, I find the next Relax day kind of rolls into a treat day too. It's hard for me to stop that wagon. So I think maybe incorporating Amy's add-in, you know, technique. For some women, that would be a really great option. For some women, maybe you can do that one day where you're kind of lax and then you can get right back on. It really comes to knowing you and knowing how structured you are and disciplined you are. So Amy, you work with clients virtually, and I know some people aren't really familiar with that modality. And I'm also— I also work with clients virtually. So I see people all over the world. I work through Skype and Zoom. And I— it's awesome because I have clients literally all over the world. And a lot of them are first-time therapy virtual clients. And it's very surprising that it's really not different than sitting in a room with my client because the type of coaching you do, the type of coaching and therapy that I do, we're sitting in our rooms with our patients or our clients, but we don't touch them. Right. It's all talk, right? And so it's so easy to do that same modality right over the computer. So can you tell us a little bit, for the curious listener, what does working with you virtually look like?

Yeah, it would honestly— it would definitely be a lot like meeting in person. And we're so lucky that we have this technology that allows us to connect no matter where we live. So if we did work together virtually, I would connect with you via Skype or phone, whatever your preference preference would be. And I typically send out a welcome package at the very beginning of our work together that would contain any of our takeaways or anything else that I can't send you via email. And then in between sessions, we talk via email or text, and I support you that way. That's awesome.

And so I should say that actually you and I right now, you are not at the station. You are not in here with me. I'm in California. You're all the way in Maryland. We are Skyping and seeing each other, which is really very cool. So that's how it works, working virtually with a coach and/or therapist like myself. So Amy, thank you so much for being on the show today. I think that you had some really great nuggets for women starting on this journey. It is a journey, like I said, that we are constantly on, and certainly if you're struggling with Please— struggling with that, ladies, please reach out. What would be the one thing, Amy, that you could leave us with that you would say to the woman who's really struggling with food issues and doesn't see herself being able to get a handle on it?

I would say that if you struggle with food, it means that you're stronger and more powerful than you know, because you wouldn't have this struggle if you were weak. And I truly believe it's within our greatest challenges and obstacles that our greatest strength is born. And your food— your struggle with food will ultimately allow you to see it.

Okay. Thank you so much, Amy. And you can connect with Amy at makingpeacewiththepantry.com. She could be your life or health coach because she sees clients virtually all over the world. You can get on her mailing list for some motivation. Tips, tools, and resources to support you on your journey to better health. makingpeacewithapantry.com. So stay tuned for Real Talk. I'm going to be talking about how you can love yourself when you really just don't. If you're just tuning in, this is the Dr. Zoe Show with the— I'm sorry, here with— this is Dr. Zoe. You're here with the Dr. Zoe Show, and this is Real Talk. Sorry, my producer is talking to me at the same time that I'm trying to talk to you guys. I answer questions questions from my listeners and please reach out if you have some questions you'd like me to address on the show. You can reach out to me at drzoeshaw.com on my website. You can also text the word join to 38470. That will put you on my mailing list. You can email me and all questions are anonymous and I'll never reveal any information that would identify you. You can also connect with me on any of my social medias. So for those that follow me, you know I am always talking about the importance of self-love. I had a follower message me and say, "How do you love yourself?" This is a really great question. First, as I said before, it is a journey. It's a process that you take yourself on that is purposeful and intentional. So I'm really glad that you're asking me that question because that means you. We are going to go on a quick break, and I'm going to come back and address that question. I'll see you in a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code Dr. Zoe, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. Kissmeorganics.com.

This is the Dr. Zoe Show. Thank you so much for tuning in. I have to share with me. I just had a listener email and say treats don't work for me except for wine. A lot of us can identify with that one. So anyway, right now this is real talk, and I'm talking.

I'm answering a question from a listener who said, "How do you love yourself?" And as I said before, it's a great question. First, it is a journey and one that's so important for you to start on. So let's go all the way to— back to infancy when we're talking about self-love. Babies love themselves because they have a symbiotic relationship with their mothers and they love their mothers. So what's a symbiotic relationship? The infant relationship with a mother is one such that the baby does not Mm-hmm. Separate itself from its mother. It doesn't know that there's a separation. It thinks that the baby itself, you, you're as a baby, and your mother are one being. And so that's why it's so important for moms to mirror expressions and things back to their baby because we really are, as moms, teach them about themselves and we do teach them about self-love. So as we start to develop and separate, we start to see ourselves as separate beings from our mothers. And sometimes, you know, during those toddler years, our mothers get upset or angry with us, and we can start to sometimes feel like something is wrong with ourselves. And going forward into those preteen and teenage years, self-hatred can really begin to develop in those years because we just want to fit in or we want to be like everyone else. And there's all this super comparison, which of course now unfortunately seems to be extended and exacerbated by social media. Yeah. the social media comparison issues. I think it goes way, you know, past those teenage years into adulthood. And we all have things about ourselves that we would like to improve, as we should. I say all the time that we need to always be on this journey of self-improvement, but because that journey never ends until we take our last breath, we have to love ourselves now in that process. And so how do you do that? I believe that it starts With owning your story. You have a story and you might be ashamed of it. It might be something simple, like for me, I've always had really muscular legs. I still do. And kids in junior high used to call me horse legs. That was really painful and embarrassing. Of course, now, I mean, I was able to pay for my college because of track, you know, running track because of my horse legs. And certainly I've been able to overcome that and I'm very proud of who I am. And my body. But during that time, that was definitely painful, embarrassing. But for somebody else, it could be something huge that you did. Like, I had a client once who accidentally killed his best friend when he was a child. That was horrific and traumatic, and he's still ashamed of it 40 years later, even though it's not— it wasn't his fault. Brené Brown says that when we deny our stories It defines us. When we own our story, we can write a brave new ending that— an ending that I say includes loving yourself. She also says that you either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside of your story and you hustle for worthiness. And that hustling is because you don't like yourself. And so I believe— I believe that all behavior makes sense in its context. I've probably said it on this show. I certainly have said it before, and I know that that's a truth. And what that means is that the choices you made over the course of your life make sense in the context of your life experiences and your knowledge and your makeup at the time you made the choice. You're not that person anymore, and you can't judge yourself as if you were. I always think— I don't remember if I've said this before, so I apologize if I have— but I think about that store, that movie. Like, you go to the movies and the movie starts with the beginning— I'm sorry, the movie starts with the end of the movie where you see something crazy like this guy who looks like your all-American boy next door walking into an office and shooting people up, something really crazy. And you think, oh my goodness, that guy just went crazy. What happened? Well, then it takes you to the beginning of the story and you see all of the things that led up to this guy doing that crazy thing, right? And then when he does it again at the end of the story, It's understandable. It makes sense. And I'm not saying that all choices are right, because you can unders— just because you can understand why you made them does not mean the choice is right. But we have to forgive ourselves for our wrong choices. And if we understand how we made those choices, we can have more empathy for ourselves. And empathizing for ourselves, just like you would a stranger, just like you would for a friend, is the first step towards self-love. Or even just liking yourself. So if you're struggling in this area, reach out. I can help. As I said before, I work with clients all over the world. So next week we will be speaking with our first guy on the show. Yay! It's good to balance out all of this estrogen with a male perspective, right? So we're gonna get some masculine energy in here, and what a great guy for this. Yes. He is called Detroit's love guru, Greg Dudzinski. I hope I'm saying that right. From theartofrelationships.org and I, we're going to be chatting about ending the hurt in our relationships and helping us have the love, intimacy, and passion that we crave. So don't miss this show. It's going to be good. He's got some amazing tips. He's got a radio show too, and he just— they call him the guru of love for, you know, for a good reason. So thank you for tuning in to the Dr. Zoe Show. Tune in next week and every week from 12 to 1 Pacific and 3 to 4 Eastern at laradionow.com. And check out reruns of my show on iTunes, Google, Libsyn, and YouTube where I am your life and relationship coach. I help sometimes struggling superwomen keep your mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. Connect with me at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle

Dr. Zoe Shaw. Join my free newsletter and get a free copy of 30 Minute Life Transformation: The Secret to Getting Stuff Done by texting the word join to 38470.

I look forward to speaking with you wonderful ladies on social media after the show, and you can also connect with my guest Amy Barnett on keeping peace— say it again. Makingpeacewiththepantry.com. Have a super week.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining your superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.