68: #10 Year Challenge Your Life

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Welcome to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe. I'm a licensed psychotherapist with a doctorate in clinical psychology. I'm a life and relationship coach and a motivational speaker, and I can work with you virtually to help you get unstuck. My passion is helping women find their superpower, learn to embrace it, and share it with the world. So connect with me by texting the word join to 38470 or go to my website at drzoeshaw.com. Don't forget to get on my newsletter. I send out weekly encouragement. The topic today is 10-Year Challenge Your Life, kind of really based on the whole social media 10-year challenge. So we're going to talk about that and really applying it to your life because, you know, pictures are just pictures. You're gonna have to bear with me today because with my win and my fail, I'm feeling kind of contemplative, I think, today. So my win is that I have a baby, my 17-year-old baby, who is getting ready to launch. It's kind of really hitting me hard that he's graduating in 4 months. He'll be done with school in 4 months and I'm launching. We went on college tours a couple months ago and it's just a really crazy bittersweet time. He just had his 17th birthday. So he is graduating. You know, as a 17-year-old too, which is kind of nerve-wracking for a mama, which means he's going to college as a 17-year-old, not 18. So it's my win, obviously, because I raised a whole person, which is pretty cool. My husband and I raised a whole person, and I'm about to launch my contribution to society. And I realized that on his last birthday that When I turned, well, 18 for me, but my senior year when I had my birthday, that was the last birthday I ever spent at home. I went off to college and I was just never home again on my birthday. So kind of a bittersweet thing. And you know, when I look back over the course of his life, I can definitely identify some fails. Once you've done it, and of course I have others coming along, you can look back and go, oh my gosh, if I had it to do over again, I would do things so much differently because over the past 17 years, I have learned a phenomenal amount that I didn't have in this whole process. And I always tell my son, you know, the first kids, you guys just don't get the best of us. We're totally just like winging it and practicing. And the ones that come after get the benefit of all of our practice on you. But thank God, you know, he has them. So that's kind of a contemplative win and fail, not necessarily from this week, but that's where I am right now, contemplating my baby. Growing up, it's real, totally real. So today, and you know, it kind of goes along with this whole 10-year challenge because I did the 10-year challenge, the social media challenge, and we're going to talk about that. And so, you know, as I'm looking back at pictures 10 years ago, there's just a lot of reflection, you know, that happens. So today's topic, 10-year challenge your life, ladies. Like a lot of internet fads, The first major one of 2019 is a challenge. It's actually not a very challenging challenge. Mostly it just acts as an excuse to post a picture of yourself. Like, who needs that, right? Because that's what social media is all about anyway. So the whole 10-year challenge started, I think, mostly on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry, you're totally not missing out on much. But most people probably know because you've seen it. come up in your feed. And at its core, the 10-year challenge is basically a socially acceptable way to brag about maybe how great you used to look, how hot you are now, or how great you continue to be. None of this is really probably new. I guess there's probably been different challenges and there's always like TBT, Throwback Thursday. And so the concept, I guess, is basically like, I think they call it the Glow Up Challenge. And the user is basically just comparing a photo of themselves 10 years ago to a current photo of themselves now. So a photo from past and a photo from the present. And some people are also calling it the How Hard Did Aging Hit You Challenge. Basically, it's just simple. You just post that photo of yourself from 10 years ago and then whatever caption. For a lot of people though, the challenge has felt a little bit challenging Because aging sometimes is that whole thing that people aren't thrilled about. And for most people, aging isn't— it's not like a perfect, poreless thing like it is for celebrities who have professionals who keep them looking young. And it's not really supposed to be because the reality is, you know what? We're supposed to age. It happens. In Mel Magazine, Tracy More, she wrote that she noticed that a lot of her friends felt, you know, maybe because they've had children, that they had to apologize for their 30-pound weight gain when they posted their 10-year challenges. And that's just kind of sad. Because some people have said that basically the only way that you can win this challenge is to age either zero or in reverse, so that basically people are confused which picture is yours from before and after. And that's just not reality. And like all things social media, some of this can just make us feel kind of downright bad. And I did put up a picture. So I put up a before and after pic of myself, and you can check it out on my Facebook or Instagram page. And I put up a picture of a somewhat tired-looking, younger, plumper version of myself holding my middle daughter at the time. Then I put up a current, somewhat thinner, less tired-looking version of myself now happily not holding any children. And I actually do think that I look better now because I have a little more time to work on myself now. But then of course, the pics we choose on social media, they're all about smoke and mirrors, right? I mean, reality is I could find, you know, a horrible looking picture of myself and an amazing looking picture of myself from 10 years ago, maybe, although 10 years ago, I wasn't really taking tons of pictures of myself. And you might not have a picture-perfect 10-year challenge story and maybe your life hasn't gotten better. Maybe your life has gotten worse. And maybe looking at yourself 10 years ago makes you sad. I even felt a little bit of that sadness just looking at my kiddos 10 years ago, like, wow, I miss that. And in my case, you know, my life probably could look like a perfect 10-year challenge story. And it does in fact chart something if you kind of look at the course of my life that looks from the outside very much like progress or success. But really looking at it from the inside, there's been plenty of progress, yes, and success, sure, but it's never come in any form that felt or looked like a straight line. And every amazing, wonderful thing that I've probably put up on social media has also been counterbalanced by setbacks and disappointments, probably both minor and major. And when I look at myself 10 years ago, my kiddos were 3, 5, and 7, and I had no time to think about myself. When I look at that woman, I just think she was doing what she could do to survive. And guess what? She did. And those outside changes, you know, the ways that I've changed in 10 years, really, they mean absolutely nothing. It's the inside changes. It's the wisdom, the knowledge, the clarity about who I am, my ability to impart knowledge and wisdom to others now because of what I've been through. Those are the 10-year changes that I can't post a picture of, but those are the ones that I cherish the most. And so I encourage you women to take out that picture of you 10 years ago, even if the last thing you want to do is partake or participate in a 10-year challenge. Don't blame you. It's social media, whatever. It really means nothing. But I encourage you in the privacy of your own home to take out that picture of the you 10 years ago. Look at her. Remember her. Thank her for the lessons that you now know today. Honor her journeys and her struggle because she's made you what you are. And there's a lot of good in who you are today. I'm saying, no matter what's going on in your life, there's a lot of good and you have learned a lot. And I can't think about myself 10 years ago without thinking of myself 10 years from now. I smile when I think about that woman. And so now I want you to imagine the you 10 years from now. When I think of myself, I smile because I know already, because of the work that I'm putting in myself now, I know that that woman 10 years from now, the me 10 years from now, has grown in leaps and bounds. She understands clearly the things that I don't get today, that I can't quite see them because I'm in the forest, but she's going to be able to look back and she'll get it all because she's gone through it. I've talked before with you ladies about writing a letter to your future self, and I hope that you did. I've talked before on past episodes. I received so much from reading the letter that I wrote to myself a few years ago, and I shared about it. And what happened was I actually wrote a letter to myself. I don't know where I got the inspiration to do it, but I wrote it to my future self. I came across it in a drawer when I was cleaning out my desk. I had totally forgotten that I wrote that letter to myself, and it was the best gift ever. Because that woman who wrote the letter to me knew me. She knew me inside and out, and she was able to speak to my future self, and it was amazing. Or really, she, she was able to speak to my present self when I read that letter, and it was like my best friend writing a letter to me. So I'm challenging you to take some time to think about yourself exactly 10 years from now. How old will you be? Write that number down. Writing things down makes it more real. Write that number down on a piece of paper. What do you want to be different in your life 10 years from now? What is it that you want to be different in your life? Who is this woman? She is who you are becoming right now. You're laying the foundation for her. What's she like? What are her characteristics? How is her life different from yours now? What are her priorities, her concerns, her goals, her passions? What is she working towards? What does she look like? Create this avatar in your mind. It's one thing to have goals, and it's another to imagine the person who will live out those goals. She is who you are becoming. 10 years is going to pass, just like the 10 years already passed. So write down her age at the top of the paper and write out who she is in bullet form. These are your goals. It's a different way to write out your goals. These are your goals. Now, on a separate sheet of paper, I want you to work backwards. What are the smaller goals that you need to reach every month, every year, to become that woman you see in your mind's eye? Like I said, she's real because just like the 10 years past have come and gone, the next will too. And this is a good thing. This is how life is supposed to work. And we are supposed to grow wiser and better. I've probably said it before, time passed in life alone does not create wisdom. Living on this earth 30, 40, 50, 80 years does not make you wise. It's intentional Learning that makes you wise. And this is a good thing. And this is the beauty of life. So I'm excited for these next 10 years. Are you? Write it down. Create your avatar. That's my 10-year challenge to you. Up next, this is Real Talk where I answer questions from my listeners and I share my own musings and encouragement. Reach out if you have some questions you'd like me to address on the show. All questions are anonymous. I take your confidentiality seriously as if you were my own client. You can email questions to zoe@drzoeshaw.com or connect with me on any of my social medias. And this next question was curated from my column at thegritandgraceproject.org. You can always submit questions directly to me or at thegritandgraceproject.org. So the question is, Dr. Zoe, I am burned out and changing careers midlife. How can I assess my personality and joys to find a new fulfilling path? So good for you. I'm so glad that you're doing what so many women dream of and regret not doing when they're older. And it's great that you're looking for a new path. You know, there's a ton of personality profiling and what are your vocation profiling tests, that kind of thing out there that can be useful, but you've lived half a life. You said you're changing midlife. You've already lived half a life. A personality test, you know, a vocational test, it'll give you some general answers about your talents. But it's not fully specific to you. What it won't tell you is what your passions are, and it's time to seek your passion, not what might be a good fit for your personality, you know, in terms of a vocation, but it's time to pursue your passions. Spend some time in self-discovery. Take classes that you've always been interested in taking. Think back to when you were little and ask yourself questions like, What things did I lose time doing? What were my favorite activities? What do I love to do today? Start brainstorming. Don't worry about how you can change that or parlay that into a career just yet. Just explore. The more you pursue your interests, more doors are going to open up for you. And start small. You don't have to take a huge leap. If you remember my podcast last week with Greg Clunis, You don't have to take a huge leap in order to have a lifetime of success. Once you've started to identify some of the things that you're really interested in, then start like volunteering in the field that you're, you're interested in. It's great to get your feet wet and volunteer to see if that's a path you're actually interested in pursuing. And don't be afraid to try on all different kinds of hats. Every experience will teach you something that can lead you closer to your path. So you've got to just take that first step in a new direction and I know that can be so daunting, but once you take it, the exhilaration can make you feel alive like you haven't felt in years and it's never too late to start over. So leap, leap, you've got this. I look forward to hearing more about it. Please keep in touch. So thanks for tuning into The Dr. Zoe Show. New shows go up on Tuesdays. Subscribe so you don't miss a show. If you're interested in coaching or therapy or you just want to get a little more help, go to my website at drzoe.com. Thank you. drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle Dr. Zoe Shaw and join my free newsletter by texting the word join to 38470. I look forward to speaking with you amazing women on social media throughout the week. Have a super week.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining your superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletter. monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.