7: Marci Fit vs Fitness - Marci Warhaft

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hi guys, it's Dr. Zoe. Thank you for tuning in. You are a pretty amazing woman who is strong and capable and sometimes tired. There's nothing wrong with being tired. This show is not for fabled beings with capes who have it all together. This show is for real women who sometimes struggle in the superwoman game. We all struggle sometimes, and what that means is that this show is for every woman. If you're tuning in for the first time, welcome, welcome. We talk here I'm Dr. Zoe Shaw and I'm a life coach and I'm here to help you hear about things that matter to busy women all over the world. Every woman has a superpower and my goal as your life coach is to help you find it, embrace it, and share it with the world. I encourage you in your struggles and I also share some of mine. Yes, I do. And I give you tips and advice to make your life a little easier. Here we are redefining your superwoman. So you can listen here on laradionow.com every Tuesday from 12 to 1 Pacific, which is 3 to 4 For those of you who can't listen live, you can subscribe to my podcast on iTunes, Libsyn, Stitcher, and Google. Usually they come up about a week or 2 after the show, but you can start listening now and catch up on some past episodes. You can just search for The Dr. Zoe Show: Redefining Your Superwoman. You can also subscribe to my YouTube channel, Dr. Zoe Talks, and listen to episodes there. Or you can text the word join to 38470 to become part of my tribe and get my free monthly newsletter. newsletters where you'll get freebies and monthly tips, encouragement, and insight right into your inbox. I promise I never sell your emails. It's all good stuff. So for me, summer has ended. For some of you guys, it hasn't because it's— it really hasn't season-wise. But my kiddos are all back to school. I have 2 of them that are now kind of in standard school, my oldest. Kai is in high school, which is crazy. He's a junior. He's an upperclassman, big boy on campus now. And I homeschool my younger 2. So it's been crazy this week. We all went back on Monday, and it's been a fun, fun week. I've got to get used to my summer being over. I'm feeling right now that I'm getting the worst of both worlds, and I've got to get up early to get my other kids to school and then still have to, you know, school the other kids. It's like, I don't get that benefit of being a homeschool mom when I've got some that are in school too. So, okay, I'll stop complaining. Basically— Troy's laughing. I just have to put my big girl panties on and realize that, you know, summer mode is over. It's time to get scheduled. So yeah, here's a reframe model for you guys. Basically, when you're frustrated or sad or angry, you have to reframe those stories that you tell yourself, right? So somebody help me with a reframe. I'm That's the problem with being on radio is there's nobody here except for Troy. Hi, Troy. Hey. To help me with my reframe. So let's see. So the story that I'm telling myself right now is that I'm getting the worst worst, right? And so I can reframe that by actually going, okay, wait, I'm getting the best of both worlds. First of all, I chose to homeschool my kids, right? I chose to homeschool my kids for a reason because I think that the 2 that I'm homeschooling, it's the best for them. And I'm choosing to put my other kids in school for a reason because I think I feel like it's the best for them. So I can feel blessed that I'm able to make choices that I think are the best for my kids individually and know that in some ways I'm getting the best of best because I get to teach my kids. So there you go. That's a reframe. It's a win-win, not a lose-lose. So I already feel better. And that's the story I need to tell myself at 4:30 in the morning when I'm waking up to go work out. It really does work, guys. Just remember, of course, that you talk to yourself more than you speak to anyone, and you speak to yourself more than anyone And that, what I was just talking about, is a reframe. You're reframing the words and the stories that you tell yourself. And it makes a difference because, like I said, you talk to yourself. And so when you're telling yourself negative things that, you know, you're in a bad situation and you're losing, your body believes that, your brain believes it, and you begin to respond in that way. So choose wisely talking to yourself, ladies. I'm talking about myself too. Thank you, Dr. Zoe. So today we have another great show. We have Marci Warhaft, and it's— am I saying your name right, Warhaft? Yes, that's right. Great, okay. And I think it's a timely show because of school getting back into session, and I know a lot of moms are worried about their kids' self-esteem and how their peer interactions affect it. And of course, body image is a big issue for our kids and for ourselves. We are not immune to body issues. I, you know, we carry them from childhood into adulthood. And so ladies, We're gonna be talking about your own body images, and we're gonna be talking about our children's body images with Marci. So first up, we're gonna have a health tip segment. I'm gonna talk about eating for your blood type, fact or fiction? And we're gonna follow up with some real talk about making tough decisions. So next up, health tips. Remember, your body and mind are intimately connected. You cannot have health in one without health in the other, and that's why I have a health tip segment. Healthy looks different on everybody, so we have to stop those comparisons, ladies, and we're gonna We'll be talking about that with Marci today. So I spend time researching various health trends and programs so that I can share my knowledge with you to encourage you in your health journey. And the health tips segment is really important to me because I— it's such an important part of the balance of being a, quote, superwoman, of working on keeping your life in balance. Your health, your physical, your emotional health is An integral, important part of that. So today I'm going to talk about eating for your blood type. I don't know, probably a lot of you have heard about this because it's not new. This idea was created about 20 years ago by a naturopath physician named Peter D'Adamo, and the whole concept is that you eat certain foods and avoid certain foods based on your blood type. It was based around this idea of proteins in the blood called lectins. They bind to sugar molecules. The theory is that depending on your blood type, eating the wrong type of lectins could lead to agglutination, which is clumping together of red blood cells, and inflammation. We all know that inflammation is a major cause of disease in our body. According to this theory, you avoid certain foods and you reduce inflammation in your body and lose weight. You reduce brain fog and you feel and look healthier. The only problem with this whole eating for your blood type thing is that no one has been able to prove it. And studies— there have been some studies, not a lot, but there have been some studies, and no one's been able to prove that it's bad for you, but they haven't been able to prove that it really does overall improve health, I suppose. And so therefore it remains just a theory, like many things do. So what I do know though is that research has backed up that everybody's body chemistry is different, and what works for one doesn't work for others. So we do know this. If you look at anxiety medication, there's There's a ton of different ones because each one will interact with everybody's body differently. Depression medication, same thing. If everybody's body was exactly the same, we'd have one type of antibiotic. Well, antibiotics are different because they're not necessarily working only on your body chemistry, but we'd only have one type of medicine for each disorder if everybody's body was the same. So we know that it's not. And so we know that in some ways that idea of eating for your body type whether it's blood type or not, is really important. Of course, if you have Type B blood, which I do, you're not the same as everybody who has Type B blood because there are certainly other factors that are involved. But we do know that people with certain blood types are more prone to certain diseases than those without those blood types. For example, people with Type O are more likely to die from cholera. Of course, who gets cholera anymore? But they also have a lower risk of heart disease, people with Type O blood. So this is proven, and so I do like the idea of this theory. And the crazy thing is that this diet works for me. It totally works for me. I found it maybe a couple years ago, maybe 5 or 6 years ago, and I have type B blood like I said. And by following it, I have seen a reduction in my body's inflammation processes by following, for me, the no chicken rule, no legumes, no wheat or tomatoes. And it's funny because as I was reading it a long time ago, All the things that I should avoid are things that I notice my body reacts to. If I eat too many tomatoes, I get hives or bumps all down my legs. I itch. I love tomatoes though, but I have to be careful because if I eat too many, that happens. And so what do I know about that? That's inflammation in my body and that's not healthy. And so I've been following the diet and I really love it. So maybe it's bad science, but what— the reason why I'm bringing it up as a health tip is because it does, number one, have good dietary recommendations. Because all of the recommendations for all the blood types are whole foods, right? So you're still— you're eating healthy whole foods, which is a great start for most Americans who aren't doing that. We're eating processed and things like that. And so of course all blood types should be eating that kind of stuff. And that alone will take you a long way. But the bottom line is that you are probably eating some foods that don't agree with your body, although they may agree with somebody else's. And it's important to figure out what those are. And that's why I'm talking about this today. So how can you do that? You can start with an elimination diet, which is kind of harsh maybe, but you can start with literally just going on a type of fast where maybe you're only eating vegetables or fruit that you already know doesn't have any, you know, you don't have any kind of reaction to, or juicing, something like that. And then slowly adding in foods and seeing what the effect is to your body. Now, of course, you might have a detox At first, a type of detox effect if you go to straight juicing or something like that. So you kind of have to wait for that to fall off and then see what— how foods are affecting your body. So if you're having health issues, you can look at how your diet may be contributing or exacerbating your illness and make some changes. So that is my health tip for today. So next up, my guest, Marci Warhaft. Hi, Dr. Zoe. Warhaft, creator of Fit vs. Fiction and author of The Body Image Survival Guide: Helping Toddlers, Tweens, and Teens Thrive. After battling her own body image issues, Marci created her Fit vs. Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think They're not. As a working member of the fitness industry for over 2 decades, Marci has seen firsthand how difficult it's become to get to the truth behind what being fit really means. And I can totally relate to that because, you know, there's always a new diet craze. There's always a new, you know, thing people are doing with their bodies. And she's also the proud mother of 2 young boys, and she understands the social pressures targeting kids at younger and younger ages. So I'm excited to chat with you today, Marci. How are you? I'm great. I'm great, thanks. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm doing great. So I'm, I'm really excited about this, and I wanted to start addressing body images because we women, of course, project and pass down our body images to our children, right? And so we women have to get started on loving our bodies. So can you tell me a little bit about how you got started on this journey?

I started because despite the fact that when I was younger I grew up extremely confident with myself, not just for how I looked but for who I was. Hmm. I was a kid who liked to be on stage and I sang and I danced and I was very into sports and I did great at that. I had a very loving mother who didn't put any pressure on me in any way really and who validated me as a person. She would tell me that I was beautiful but she would also tell me that I was smart. smart and I was interesting and I was funny and she wanted to hear what I had to say. She let me know that my opinion mattered and that anytime I wanted to share it, I was welcome and encouraged to do that. Despite all that, I still ended up battling a severe body image and eating disorder issue for most of my life. Mm-hmm. And so what's really important about that is there are times when you can look up who you think is at risk for body image issues or eating disorder issues and really I didn't check any of the Mm-hmm. So on paper, it should not have been my issue. However, eating disorders are very misunderstood. Mm-hmm. And a lot of people who are looking from the outside in assume it's a vanity thing. It's not even a food thing. Mm-hmm. I mean, eating disorder issues aren't even about food. I always say food is the weapon that I used to hurt myself with. Whether I was overeating it or I was depriving myself of it. But it wasn't the issue. Mm-hmm. The issue was control. That was a big part of it. Right. So for me, when I was 17 years old, I went through a huge trauma in my life.

Mm-hmm.

And my older brother, who I was incredibly close with, who took over as man of the house when my father left when I was 10, I looked at him like he was my superhero. And he was 5 years older, and I just, I adored him. He was the ultimate big brother. And when I was 17, he became ill. He was 21, and he passed away. Wow. And it just, it gutted me. And the thing I always say is that Billy's death gave birth to my eating disorder. And the reason was— there were 2 things. At that age, I felt that my whole life was out of control. At that age, you're supposed to feel invincible. But here, something had broken through that bulletproof wall that's around teenagers.

Yeah.

And I thought, I can't control anything. What's the one thing I can control? It's my body. What I'm doing with it. What I'm consuming. What I'm not. How much I'm exercising. How much I'm not. So it gave me a false sense of security. The other part of it was my self-worth. So despite feeling that I, you know, my whole life feeling I was good enough, all of a sudden I felt that I was taking up space on this earth that should have been his. Surviving the guilt. I felt that he was a much better person than I was. And so I felt that if I was going to be here instead of him, I had to be spectacular. And I didn't feel like I was good enough. And so I thought, well, I better be skinny enough. That's something. And so I started this horrible battle with an eating disorder where I I just tried to get myself to be as thin as possible. I was just torturing my body through undereating, overexercising, and it just ran the gamut of one extreme to the other. Over the years, it just got worse as a mother. I was a wife, as a mother, still battling, and then it wasn't until I was in my late 30s that I had given up on myself. Mm-hmm. But I was a mom to 2 little boys who deserved a mother who was present and healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. And I made the move to get the help I needed. Went into recovery, thank goodness. Came out of it with this need to change the way we all see ourselves. To change the messages that we get about body image and fat and health and nutrition. And I kind of made it my mission. That's wonderful.

Wow, what a powerful story. What a powerful story. And so a lot of times, yes, especially when we're talking about a true eating disorder, which you had, it is about control. But there are many women out there who certainly are trying to control some situations in their life, right? But also they just have some severe body self-love issues. Right? And they may be struggling with eating or struggling with their weight or just struggling in how they feel about themselves. Is that something that you talk to?

Yeah, I think the problem is that we put who we are and how we look, we put them together too much. We combine it too much. And I think the problem is, is one thing, I mean, I spent most of my life hating my body. And I can tell you that there are days when I wake up and I look in the mirror and I think, damn, I look good. There are other days I wake up and I look in the mirror and I go, I don't look so good. Right. But I will never ever say I hate my body again because my body has been through so much and has never let me down. My body works and a body that works is the best body that you can have. And I think there's a difference between liking who you are and liking where you are. And what I mean by that is if somebody is struggling with their weight, if they feel— if they're overweight And they feel that they don't have energy. They don't feel well and they want to lose weight. That's okay. Uh-huh. You can be uncomfortable with where you are, but don't let that change how you feel about yourself. What I always say is regardless of what the number says on the scale, you are no more or less worthy of love and respect from yourself or other people despite if it's the number is more than you want, less than you think you need, or exactly where it is. The level of respect you deserve never changes. But because you love yourself, then if you do want to feel better and you do need to lose weight, then you can do that. But don't lose weight in order to like yourself.

Absolutely.

You have to like yourself in order to get healthier. And that's the difference.

Right. It can't be a vanity thing. And it's funny, we need to go on commercial break, but I put a meme up on my Instagram and it said, how to have a beach body: have a body, go to the beach. Exactly. Right? And that's so true because you have to, like you said, even if If you are in process of wanting to change your body for health reasons or for other reasons, you have to still love the one that you're in, in that journey, because we're always on a journey. If you can't love yourself right now, you're not ever going to, right? Absolutely. Okay. We are going to be right back in just a few minutes talking with our guest, Marci Warhaft of Fit from Fit vs. Fiction. See you in a minute. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com. Hi there. We are back with my guest Marci Warhaft and we are talking about women and body image, our body image issues. And we're going to be talking after our next break about how we can help our children with their body image issues. So Marci, thank you so much for being here.

I'm happy to be here.

Great. So how do we adult women body shame each other and how can we get away from that?

You know, I think the problem is it's so easy now because there are so many sources out there. You look at social media. That's a huge one. Social media is massive for kids but it's also become such a phenomenon for adults also. It's a great place for people to feel superior. And we all know, because we tell our kids all the time, that people who put other people down are usually dealing with struggles, personal struggles themselves. Right. But I think that doesn't change. So it's very easy for us to see a picture that somebody puts up or a status that somebody puts up and to, if we're feeling uncomfortable with ourselves, to find something critical to say about them. The other thing is we're so influenced by what we see, by every diet we see, by every model we see, by every beauty beautiful actress we see, that even if we are working on ourselves and we see someone else that we feel doesn't fit the image, we tend to be overly critical. What we need to do is we really need to check that. Uh-huh. And a big part of that is we need to change our support system. We need to change the people that we hang around with because I think what happens is at any age when we surround ourselves with people who have a negative attitude. We tend to be pulled into that. Right. And I think it's also a common thing, especially when it comes to weight and how we look. It's very common to have— I hate to say this— but to have a group of women sit around and talk about how fat they feel or how old they look or how much weight they've gained or how tired they feel. And it's become easier for us to put ourselves down than it is for us to lift ourselves up. And I think we need to stop doing that. So I think we need to surround ourselves with people who will provide us with the positive support and encouragement that we need so that we I

think that's a really good point, and it's, it's good that you mentioned the internet because, you know, when I first started my practice 17 years ago, that wasn't even on. You know, there wasn't really social media back then. And now, and especially, you know, the past 5 or so years, I have so many people coming in, and a large part of what we're talking about is what's going on on social media and how it's affecting them. And it's just, it's, it's so amazing because we didn't even have that before. And now it's kind of like that high school angst that happened for all of us and we left it has come back, you know, in the form of social media for us as adults, as women. And we really do compare and then we do feel less than. And one of the big things that I say is, you know what, if that is how social media is making you feel, you need to get off of it. Until you're able to, you know, be in that process and be okay with who you are. And there's so many women in my practice, and I know just a lot of women who follow me, who are really struggling with that self-love. And one, of course, is also growing older. So, you know, as teenagers, we didn't necessarily appreciate the youthful bodies that we had, and now our issues are like, you know, if I looked like that, I'd, you know, now I'd be thrilled. And so now, you know, we're struggling with some of those, those aging issues too. And I love Marci, and I want to talk a little bit about that balance between, like you said, being proud and also being able to— what's the word— that line between being prideful and being proud, I guess, too, because it kind of goes both ways. But I saw on your Facebook how you posted your stomach picture. And you have a scar on your stomach.

I have 2 huge scars actually.

Pardon me?

I have 2 major scars actually on my stomach.

And you know what's funny is you were posting that, you know, because you are a woman who has lived and you have scars and it's really empowering as a woman to see that. But I have to say, I didn't even see those scars. I saw your crazy fit abs and I'm like, those are awesome. But how great that But you were able to post that, and I'm sure that it encourages a lot of women who have that kind of shame. And it's funny because I'm sure that you probably do see that when you look in the mirror, but that to me, it's like, that's so minimal. So a lot of times we are magnifying our flaws with the assumption that other people are seeing it, you know, that way as well.

Oh, absolutely. It's absolutely true. And it's so funny because I will even catch myself There were times when I remember walking down the street, I would see somebody look at my arms and I'm thinking, do my arms look big today? And then I realized, no, I've got massive tattoos on my arms. There's a chance that they could be looking at that.

Right.

We naturally go to the negative, and luckily I can snap myself out of it, but not everybody can. Right. That's a very good point. We do. We see the flaws that other people don't see as flaws. Those could be the things they like best about us.

Right, absolutely. And, you know, for you women who are struggling with social media, I know you want to be on there, you want to be social with your friends, but sometimes it actually makes you feel kind of depressed. And I know you know this already, but I'm going to remind you that social media is not real. People post what they want to post. We have wonderful filters on there as well, and you can make your life look like anything. And, you know, I actually— this really hit me so much. With an acquaintance that I have, and I can't give too much information, but her life is so very different than what you see on social media. And if you look on social media, you would go, oh my gosh, I wish I could have that life. But what I actually know about her is that it's nothing like that. And so, you know, it's so easy because now we have that and you can just put it up there and make your life look a certain way. And you can't compare yourself, just like you can't to the airbrushed model in the magazine. You can't compare yourself to anybody on social media because you never know what's going on, you know, behind that person's phone. So we are here with my guest, Marci Warhaft, and we're talking about body self-image. We're going to come back and talk about how we can help our children develop healthy body image and how we can recognize what we are projecting of our own body image onto our kids. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies, and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. I love matcha. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. kissmeorganics.com. Hi, welcome back. We are here with my guest Marci Warhaft, and you can get a hold of her on her website at www.fitvsfiction.com. So fitvsfiction.com. She's also available for speaking engagements. She does workshops. Where else do you speak, Marci?

Oh, I speak for kids at schools. I speak at sporting groups. I speak at any kind of venue for kids, for parents, social workers, for women in business.

Are you a coach as well, Marcie? No, I'm not.

I've been told I am, but not specifically. I also personal train.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful. So author, personal trainer, speaker, writer. Wonderful. Okay, okay. So I wanted to ask you just one last question as we're talking about women and our body images and self-esteem. If you're talking to a struggling woman, a woman who is really struggling to accept her body, whether she's always struggled or maybe she's struggling now in her life, what would be the one thing that you could tell her?

Can I give you 2?

Absolutely. I'll take as many as you have. So

the first one is, and it's something we touched on before, it is so important to surround yourself with people who are supportive. And that can be really, really challenging because a lot of times the people who should love us the most and be the most encouraging, whether it's a parent or a spouse or a best friend, sometimes they are the most critical. Mm-hmm. And we feel like we need to accept it and take it, and maybe we've just been hearing it for too long, and so we end up owning it. And we have to stop doing that. We need to find people who are supportive. Find people who lift you up and don't bring you down, because no matter how hard you struggle for self-acceptance, if you have the wrong people weighing you down, it's like an anchor. So it takes some strength, but you really need to It's a way to put up some boundaries and to, again, surround yourself. Find something that you like to do, for example.

Mm-hmm.

Find an activity you like to do, whether it's art or a sport or going to the movies. I don't know. And then find a group of people who do the same thing, and then you're going to be finding people who are like-minded, who aren't judging you on anything, and people who haven't known you forever. But it's a way to also exercise a different part of you that you didn't even know was there with people who are supportive. That's really— it seems like not a big deal, but it's so crucial.

Mm-hmm.

The other thing to do is this, and it's something— it might sound silly to some, but what I would suggest, it's a little activity you do where in the morning or at night, take a piece of paper and a pen and you write down 5 reasons why you love your body. Very difficult for especially women to do that. A lot of women will say they can't think of one thing. But it's all the way that we change the way we look at things. So for example, instead of saying, I don't like my legs because they don't fit into the jeans that I wore when I was a teenager, say, I love my legs because I can dance, I can run, I can play with my kids, I can go to the park. Instead of saying, I hate my stomach because it doesn't fit into my wedding dress anymore, you love your stomach because that's where your baby lived for 9 months. Instead of saying you hate your arms because they jiggle when you wave, You love your arms because you can hug your kids and make cookies and throw a ball and all the other things you can do. It's just a way to change the way that we talk to ourselves because we know that the way you talk to yourself is the way that you start thinking about yourself. Even if you don't believe it, do it anyway because the more you do it, the more you start to believe it. Little things like that, little things like that make a huge change.

It does. That is not little. I love that you said that because you are talking about what I was just talking about earlier, reframing. Exactly. Changing the stories you tell yourself. It does sound like it's not a lot, but like I said, we talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else. And so we are our biggest influencers. If you don't have that support, and I agree with you, it's important to go find that, but some women can't and some women don't have it. And so what that means is that you have to be the one to support yourself. And you have to— I love how you're talking about writing down those things. You have to be able to look at sometimes the issues that you have and find the things that you love about your body or reframe the things that you don't love. Exactly. And when you do it over and over— and here's the thing, if you recognize how much you speak negatively to yourself, so if you're always saying all day, I hate my legs, or if you look in the mirror and you're saying those negative things, you've got to do the positive times 2, times 5, times 10. So not only write them down, put them up on your mirror. Yes. And say them to yourself every single day. I love that. Thank you so much. Thank you, Marci. So we are going to talk a little bit about our kids and how our kids develop healthy body self-image and self-esteem. And, you know, we talked a little bit about the culture impacting us as adults and women, and we know, we know, we know the culture is impacting our kids. And so what can parents do to help their children with body image issues?

Well, I think what you have to do— it's so hard because I've had parents ask me, where are the negative messages coming from? And the answer is, where are they not coming from?

Right, right.

And I think the most important thing is, is I'm not big on trying to really control the environment too much. There's just, there's just too much out there, whether it be social media, TV, friends, Because there's only so much you can control. So what you have to do is make sure that home is a safe place to land. So make sure that the messages that they're getting from home, from the get-go, I'm talking from birth. Mm-hmm. The messages that they get have to be positive, strong messages so that they're prepared for when they go out there and the negative ones come in. So that means, it means having parents who speak positively about their own bodies. It means having parents who don't talk I'm going to

stop you right there because I think that that is so important. And I even recognize myself that I have to make sure that as I'm talking in front of my kids about myself, you know, if I'm, you know, working out or talking about, you know, a different, you know, eating lifestyle that I have, that I'm very careful to talk about my body in a positive way. And I think a lot of, particularly women, tend to— I even see it on Facebook with women who, you know, are, are talking about their bodies and maybe having, you know, their daughter right there. And our daughters especially— of course our sons do as well— but really internalize that idea of how does mom feel about her body, because that relates back to me and who I am and how I'm gonna see my body.

Yeah, especially at a young age too. Our kids think we're amazing. Yes, our kids are kids. I mean, I have 2 teenage boys, so it's a little different, but when they're little, you know, the daughters are— they're looking at their moms like they're the most beautiful women in the world. So when our moms are saying, but I'm not beautiful, it really confuses them. So we don't want to do that. And we want our kids to feel beautiful, but we want them to understand beauty as an inside-out kind of thing. You know, I look back to my mom, and I think that what I remember about her the most were her cheekbones and her smile.

Mm-hmm.

And that's because it was just happiness and joy and love, and that's beauty. And that's what we have to pass on to our kids. It's not the size jeans that we wear. It's not the size dress that we wear. It's not how flat our stomachs are or how thin our waistlines are. It's who we are and what we project. And I think the other thing for parents that I would suggest is to be aware though of their peer group and what's going on there. That's something that I've learned. I've had a lot of parents tell me they've learned the most about what's going on in their kids' lives on the drive to school.

Right.

When they've given their kids and their friends a drive. I had one mom tell me that she heard in the car where girls were talking about how they didn't eat breakfast and they're not going to eat lunch. That's how they just overheard the conversation. And it's important to know, because even if your kids seem fine, or they're not, you know, maybe they're— or they're being kind of secretive, you can learn a lot from what's going on in their peer group. Because if you speak to kids the way I do too, a lot, they'll tell you that the 2 major influences on their lives, especially as they get older, aren't their parents anymore. It's, it's their peers and social media.

It is.

So it's really important as a parent to understand what they're hearing and the messages that they're getting. On a daily basis. And if there is a need to jump in and do something, that they're there to do it.

I love that one. I love that one. And I love how you just talked about, you know, having home be a safe place. And I do that with my kids. And of course, you know, I have 4 at home and they argue and sometimes they're not always so nice to each other. And my mantra is home is supposed to be a safe place. At home, we don't call each other names. We lift each other up. And that's what we are supposed to do as family. And if you can, you know, always know, like you said, at home it's a safe place, that can certainly help in, you know, that whole process. So how do you define a positive relationship with food when it comes to our kids? Because, you know, there's so many different kind of models of, you know, eating with our kids, and lots of moms are always pushing their kids to eat, or, you know, you might have a kid that is overweight. Right. And how do you address that kind of issue with your kids?

Okay. That's a lot of questions. I know. My thing with— honestly, the biggest part of that is to take stress and fear out of it. I think a lot of parents, when they're dealing with kids and feeding their kids, there's a lot of fear there. I'll have— I've had too many times a mom come to me and say, you know, my daughter, she seems to be gaining some weight and she's eating a little bit more, but she's really active, but I'm a little concerned. I'm like, how old is she?

Mm-hmm.

Puberty.

Right.

That's okay. But it's fear.

Right.

So then the fear that they have gets passed on to their kids. So I'm big on taking fear out of food. Fear should not be involved in food. Food should be joyful. It should be something that's for pleasure and makes us feel good. I'm not big on banning certain foods. I'm more about including new foods. I'm more about taking your kids shopping and trying to find a fruit or vegetable you've never had before and making it exciting and making it fun and teaching them that way instead of lecturing about, I'm not big on that's bad. I'm big on that's good. And why is that good for you? Why should we do that instead of making things good and bad like that? I think when it comes to, and that's a really good question, when you have an overweight child, the hardest chapter in my book was talking about adult kids who had had body image eating disorder issues and how their parents negatively impacted them. And I spoke with a lot of kids who grew up overweight and they're still overweight because of How their parents handled it. One thing you do not want to do is you will— if you have a couple of kids or more than that— is ever single out if one of your kids is heavier than the others. And that happens a lot. I remember speaking to a woman who said her brother and sister were thin, and so it was like they could have dessert but you couldn't.

Right.

Yeah, different meals, different— and you never want to do that. It should be a family affair. Eating, it should be about Let's all eat healthier to feel good. Never a weight thing. Never tell your kids you're changing their diet because they're fat. Ridiculous. And it's only going to make them feel horrible about themselves and they're going to feel like they're not worth getting healthy. So what you want to do is, if you want to make some changes, is make it a family project. We are going to start eating healthier because, you know what, I want to feel stronger and I want to have more energy. Everyone should eat the same thing. And you know what, instead of putting on the TV right after dinner, let's go for a walk. Let's go to the park. Family. So it's about spending time together and your kids see it as a fun, positive activity and they don't even know how it's going to change their body in a positive way.

Right.

Because the last thing you want to do is bring fear and shame into mealtime.

Absolutely. That's a good one. And I know how, you know, talking about this— so let's say you're reducing for some reason, talking about we're, you know, not eating this or choosing not to eat this because it's healthy or not healthy. Right. Instead of—

just feel good, you know. Feel good. Healthy is a tough one too because very different people have very different ideas. That's, that's a tricky thing with health. Okay. It's all the new diets now. You can pick up— I can pick up one food, I'll have half the people tell me it's the best thing in the world and half the people tell me it's the worst thing in the world.

True, true.

So, but it's, you know, if we eat too much of this, not that it's going to make us bigger, it's just it's going to make us not feel good. It's not going to give us energy. It's not going to make us feel strong. We're not going to be able to play as long. We're not going to be able to dance as long. No, it's that. Think of things that are— that they can relate to, that won't scare them.

How it affects their body. Okay, that's a really good one. Okay, thank you, Marci. You can connect with Marci on her website at fitvsfiction.com, and we will be right back after this quick break. People ask me, how do you have so much energy? I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the benefits of matcha green tea. More antioxidants than coffee and a smooth energy, not the jittery kind, that lasts me all day long. Perfect for you super moms too. I have searched the world over for that perfect matcha for my smoothies and I have found it at Kiss Me Organics. You can get it too at kissmeorganics.com. Enter the promo code DRZOE, D-R-Z-O-E, for 10% off and free shipping. Experience the smooth, healthy, organic energy of matcha green tea. KissMeOrganics.com. Hi guys, you are back with the Dr. Zoe Show. Thank you for tuning in, and we're talking with our guest Marci Warhaft, and we are helping our kids with their body images and talking a little bit about that. You can connect with Marci at her website at fitvsfiction.com, F-I-T-V-S-F-I-C-T-I-O-N dot com. And you can also email Marci directly at marciwarhaft, M-A-R-C-I-W-A-R-H-A-F-T, at rogers.com. So Marci, thank you so much for being here. And before we close, I just wanted to ask you, for a mom who has a child So if a mom has a child who's already struggling with body image issues, what would be a tip or what would you say to her to help her kid?

Here's one suggestion that I have because we can say tons of stuff to our kids and they're only going to listen for so long. I think something that's really practical that we can do is, again, oftentimes they're just getting negative messages from peers or from just things that they're hearing and we need to take an active role. So find something that your child loves to do. I don't care what it is. Again, it could be art, it could be dance, it could be sports, it could be photography, it could be anything. Find something that brings them joy that has nothing to do with how they look. Get them involved in something. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be super time-consuming. But by doing that, you are giving them the chance to meet other kids who are meeting— because maybe the kids they're hanging around with aren't the best influence. They're meeting other kids. They already have something in common because they're doing the same activity. So they're going to be doing something that isn't revolved around how they look. Plus, they may be meeting a new teacher or a new instructor who's also going to encourage them on what they're doing. And what we're going to be doing with that is teaching kids to appreciate their And when a kid feels really good about what they can do, it takes a lot of pressure off how they look.

That is so true. It's developing healthy self-esteem in who they are and what they can do and what they can offer to the world versus having anything to do with their body. I love that. Thank you so much for coming, Marci. And you can connect with Marci again via email at marciwarhaft@rogers.com, and she is available Yeah. For workshops for both adults and for kids working on body image issues. So stay tuned now for Real Talk. Actually, we're up. There's no commercial break. If you are just tuning in, this is Dr. Zoe and this is Real Talk where I answer questions from my listeners. Please reach out if you have some questions you'd like me to address on the show. All questions are anonymous and I will never reveal any information that would identify you. You can email me You can send me questions to zoe@drzoeshaw.com or connect with me on any of my social medias. So what we're gonna talk about today is when you have a tough decision to make. So, you know, I have clients who, you know, in the past couple of weeks I've had a lot of clients who are really struggling with some tough life decisions. And so when you're in this place and you can't really figure out what you should do, the first question I want you to ask is, If no one else had any say, opinion, or judgment, what decision would you make? Often it's that simple and you already have your answer. And the problem isn't that you didn't know what the answer was. The problem was that you were worried about what other people would think. And so if you start with that and you recognize that you kind of already know the answer, then the next step, of course, is how do I deal with that? What other people would think. But sometimes that's not all it is. So another question that you need to ask is, will I regret it if I don't do it? If you think forward in your life and you know yourself the best, you know yourself ultimately, you can usually honestly answer that question whether you will regret it or not. And a lot of times it goes back to fear when we're thinking about making tough life decisions. And you know— well, you might not know, but when it comes to regret, most people regret things that they didn't do, not necessarily things that they did do more. And so you really need to ask yourself that question: will I regret it if I don't do it? The next one is, am I just scared of the unknown? You know, staying in your life pattern, continuing to do what you've always done and what is familiar, is comfortable, And easier. It doesn't necessarily make for the best life that you can have, but sometimes that fear is so overwhelming that it's easier to, you know, it's that evil you know than the evil you don't know. And so if that's the only thing that you're scared of, the unknown, then usually it means that you just need to make that choice and recognize that you can probably deal with those things. The next one is, what does my intuition tell me? I talked I don't remember which show, but a few shows about— a few shows ago about intuition. Our intuition is not just woo-woo stuff. It's really based on our knowledge and what we have learned throughout the years and what we know about ourselves. If you are quiet and you really pay attention to your kind of knee-jerk reaction that's not emotional but logic-based, your intuition usually can help you with that. The next is, what is my why? Why am I trying to make this decision? What is the why of why I would do it, and what is the why of why I wouldn't do it? Make sure that your why is aligning with your values. If it's something you're thinking about doing, you want to ask, why am I thinking about doing this, and does it align with my values? Does it align with my goals for my life and what I really truly believe? The next one, of course, is: Will I be able to sleep if I make that decision? And that goes back a little bit to regret, but asking yourself: How will I feel at night once I've made this decision? Not about the fear of the unknown, but about what's actually going on. Will I be able to sleep? So the last question, and I say this is the last one because the decision needs to be almost made before you ask yourself this question, and that is: Can I cope? cope with the likely consequence. Now, that word likely is really important because I'm not asking you if you can cope with the possible consequence. We can come up with a possible consequence for anything. I mean, the possible consequence of me walking outside of the station today is that a plane falls on my head, right? So we can make up those stories and scare ourselves into not making decisions, but you have to think of what's the likely consequence. What's the consequence of this decision and can I cope with that? If you can, then you need to go for it. And sometimes it takes a little bit of faith because we know, you know, you have to leap into the unknown sometimes when we're making a decision that's not in our, you know, norm of the things that we are used to doing. And so if you are struggling with a decision and you need a little bit of help, you can reach out, join my newsletter, connect with me. And so thank you for joining the show today. My takeaways So, I think that's a great way to end. I think so too. So, I want to give you guys a couple of takeaways from the show today. Number one is if you are a woman struggling with your body image, you need to start paying attention to what you're saying to yourself. When you look in the mirror, when you're going about through your daily day, pay attention to the words that you say to yourself because they are so powerful. And start treating yourself as well as you would treat your kids, as you would treat your friends that you love, or your family members that you love. Talk to them in a loving way. Talk to yourself And the same loving way that you would talk to them. And when it comes to your kids, I love how Marci talked about, you know, number one, making home a safe place, not talking about body image when we're talking about being healthy and making healthy choices, or, you know, instead talking about what feels good. And then also encouraging and lifting up your children's self-esteem based on what they can do and finding their talents, not based on anything related to their body. So next week, I'm going to be doing a different kind of show. I have no guest next week, so you have all me, good or bad. I'll be answering various parenting, relationship, and self-love questions. If you have any questions that you'd like for me to answer, please feel free to email or message me before next Tuesday. I'll be happy to answer them on the show, and I'll be happy to answer some You do some question and answering during the show. So thank you for tuning in to the Dr. Zoe Show. Tune in next week and every week on Tuesdays from 12 to 1 Pacific, 3 to 4 Eastern at laradionow.com. And check out reruns of my show on iTunes, Google Play, Libsyn, and YouTube where I am your life and relationship coach. I help sometimes struggling superwomen keep your mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. Thank you. Connect with me at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the same handle, Dr. Zoe Shaw. I'm pretty easy to find. You can also join my newsletter and get a free copy of 30 Minute Life Transformation: The Secret to Getting Stuff Done by texting the word join to 38470. I look forward to speaking with you wonderful ladies on social media after the show. Have a super week. Bye.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining your superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.