In this episode of the Dr. Zoe Show, licensed therapist and life‑coach Dr. Zoe Shaw explores why many people, especially women, are afraid of their own emotions. She opens with personal "Superwoman" wins (family members landing acting roles and a newspaper feature) and a relatable fail (missing her son’s track meet due to a speaking engagement), establishing authenticity and the tension between professional commitments and family. Shaw then explains how fear of feelings often originates in childhood when emotional expression is met with judgment or rejection, leading to a self‑preservation strategy of pushing emotions down. She argues that emotions are merely information and outlines the core messages of five primary feelings: fear (signals danger or opportunity), anger (indicates something is wrong), sadness (signals loss or grief), happiness (indicates something is good but can be feared for loss), and guilt (suggests perceived wrongdoing). For each, she advises listeners to ask what the feeling is telling them, label the emotion, and take constructive action, using a "pressure‑cooker" metaphor to illustrate gradual release of emotional pressure. Shaw concludes with a brief health tip about citrus essential oils boosting mood, and provides calls to action for coaching, newsletters, and social media. The episode blends therapeutic insight, personal anecdote, practical guidance, and promotional content aimed at helping busy women embrace and work with their emotions.
Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.
Welcome to the Dr. Zoe Show. We're all about redefining your superwoman here. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist with a doctorate in clinical psychology. I'm a life and relationship coach and a motivational speaker, and I can work with you virtually to help you get unstuck. My passion is helping women find their superpower, learn to embrace it, and share it with the world. Connect with me by texting the word join to 38470, or you can go to my website at drzoeshaw.com. Today's topic is, are you scared of your feelings? We're going to get to that in just a minute. First, my Superwoman win and my Superwoman fail. Well, first, I've had a great time connecting with some women who listen to my podcast. I love them talking to me and saying, hey, this is my fail. This is my win. I love that women are embracing this idea that we can honor both, that we recognize that we have both, and it's totally okay. So my win, it's really a Shaw family win. We've had a lot of them this week. My hubby landed a movie role opposite the singer Ashanti. My son landed his first movie role, and those are big wins because both of them have had a dry period, a dry spell. If you guys know, my husband's an actor and My son is as well, and he's been auditioning for a couple of years now and has gotten some stuff, but things fell through. So it's just great that it's just all coming together. And of course, I have my speech coming up in a few weeks, and my daughter Sullivan got in the newspaper for Special Olympics basketball. So just awesome. We've got some definite wins for the Shaws this week. So with a lot going on, There's always the fails, and these wins are great, but as a result of them, I'm going to miss my son's possible last track meet of his high school career this Saturday. And so is his father. His last one. I've been to almost every single one. I only missed one a few years ago when I had to go to a conference in New York, and I'm missing it because I'm doing a speaking engagement. I agreed to do this speaking engagement, I don't know, 6, 8 months ago. And my husband is missing it because he's filming a movie in Michigan that he committed to. And there's no way we could have known months ago that my son would have a track meet on this Saturday. I kind of want to cry. And I totally considered bailing on the speaking event. Now, if you're listening and you're considering hiring me to speak at your next event, I promise you I won't bail. I can't promise you though that if something comes up with my family that I won't consider bailing, that I won't fantasize about bailing maybe a few times, but I promise I won't bail. So there's my fail. We're going to work it out. Honestly, I'm kind of hoping that my son's filming that day so he misses it too. And maybe I'll keep you guys updated. So onto the topic. Are you scared of your feelings? I've been a practicing psychotherapist for 18 or 19 years now. And one of the biggest issues that my clients Present in therapy is a fear of their feelings. Yes. Now let me be clear. No one ever tells me that they're afraid of their feelings, ever. But they don't have to. They dance around them. They push them down. They explain them away. They pretend like they don't exist, like they don't matter, or that they're not important. They'll change the subject when I hit a chord. They go through great lengths to avoid their feelings. And eventually, if I've worked with them long enough, they'll discover, if they aren't already pretty aware, that their feelings scare them. And that's why they're doing all the running, distracting, and pushing down. They fear that their feelings are going to overpower them and somehow destroy them. They worry that their feelings will also destroy people that they love. And I've literally had clients tell me that they never get angry So that's really talking about being totally disconnected with your feelings. But I've had clients tell me that I don't ever get angry. And yet it's funny because sometimes they're clearly angry when they're telling me this. So yeah, I know y'all, it's all ridiculous, right? But if you find yourself not being able to identify, recognize, or sit with your feelings, you're probably afraid of them too. So let's demystify this. I'm going to talk about the major feelings and what They tell us and how the fear of our feelings develops in the first place. Often our fear of feelings develops in childhood because we start to feel some type of rejection for the way that we're feeling. So we might get a disappointed look if we're crying, or we might get told that we're making too big of a deal about something when we're disappointed, or if we're scared, someone's telling us we're being ridiculous. So there's a sense of feeling judged or rejected when we have feelings. So our fear of feelings really becomes all about self-preservation. We push them down, we try to get rid of them and ignore them because we want to be accepted. And so we pretend. And so what happens is when you push those things down, they don't go away ever. All they do is pressurize and get hidden and they kind of get warped and they then come out in a very unhealthy way. And so then when they come out in an unhealthy way, we do things, say things that we regret. And then what happens is we begin to convince ourselves that our feelings are too much, that our feelings are overwhelming, that our feelings can destroy us and other people. And so we just press down more. And that is sometimes how a fear of our feelings develops, and we start to become disconnected with ourselves and who we are. We try not to feel those feelings because we worry about the damage that they can do. Now, the reality is that feelings are just information, nothing more, nothing less. When you feel something, the very first question you should ask is, what information is this feeling telling me? What do I need to know? So let me talk about the different types of fears. Not all of them. I'm just going to throw out a couple of them so that you can get an idea of what the purpose kind of that fear is. So let's talk about our feelings in general. What are these things? So the first one is fear. Fear tells you 2 things only. It tells you you should run towards something or you should run away from it. Why towards? Because something might be worth fighting for. We fear the unknown, but listen to this. Sometimes our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Sometimes we fear our own success. And so fear will tell us also that our life may be in jeopardy, and sometimes we really do have to run. But when you're afraid, you need to ask yourself, Is there any real danger? If the answer is no, then you need to move in the direction of fear. But you do have to ask very carefully because fear can sometimes be a liar like no other feeling. But when you've asked yourself that, is there any real danger? No. Then you know what it generally means? Okay, I'm just scared of failure. I'm scared of success. Whatever I'm scared of, I'm going to continue to walk. The next one is anger. So what does anger tell you? Anger tells you something is wrong. So when you start to feel angry, you need to ask yourself, what's wrong? Why am I feeling this way? What triggered this feeling? And so if anger tells you that something is wrong, then you need to figure out what is it that I feel is wrong? Sometimes it is just a perception, but you need to ask yourself, what do I feel is wrong? And then figure out what you need to do to fix the situation as best you can. When you recognize anger, you give it a name, just like all of your other feelings, and then you do something about it that's positive. Your anger dissipates. And it's not going to destroy you. But when you don't label it, when you don't acknowledge it, when you want to pretend like it's not there, You push it down and it pressurizes, and I guarantee you it will affect all other parts of your life. Next is sadness. What does sadness tell you? Sadness just tells you, I'm hurt. I feel a sense of loss. And just like the other ones I'm going to say, you've got to feel this. You have to feel it and walk through it. You've got to figure out what you've lost. Sometimes it's apparent and sometimes it really isn't. So it's good to ask yourself, what am I grieving? Because sadness is really just a lesser form of grief. When there's loss, there's grief if something matters to you. And so that's what sadness tells us. And so you feel it, you recognize it, you identify the thing that you've lost, you allow yourself to walk through that feeling, and then you figure out how you're going to make things Okay. So happiness, a lot of people might say, well, happiness, that's a good one. I'm not, I'm not afraid of that. But happiness tells us something's good. And usually you're right. We're not afraid of it, but happiness isn't totally exempt because sometimes people fear happiness because they're worried that if they feel happy, then something's going to be taken from them. And they've convinced themselves that it's easier to be unhappy than to be happy and lose. And that is another big fat lie. But when you're scared of your feelings, you'll create all kinds of lies to not feel them. Okay, so what about guilt? Guilt tells us we know or believe we have done something wrong. Guilt tells us we've wronged somebody. Now remember, our feelings do lie. And so sometimes what they tell us is simply not true. Sometimes we haven't wronged anybody. And we still feel guilty. For example, moms. So guilt can lead to sadness and sadness can lead to anger and all the feelings can swirl together. But if you notice that you're starting to feel guilty, once again, stop, ask yourself the question, what is this feeling telling me? When you realize it's guilt, then you ask yourself, what do I feel I did wrong? And then evaluate that. I feel like I did something wrong. Did I really? Who says? Who was hurt? Is it truly my fault? Or maybe should I actually be sad because I'm not to blame for whatever happened? Now, sometimes, remember, humans hurt humans. And so sometimes you are to blame. Sometimes you did do something wrong and you got to feel that guilt. You've got to give yourself some grace, recognize it, label it, and move on. So there are many other feelings to the tune of hundreds of feelings and different ways to describe different feelings, but those are the biggies. And I know it might be scary, and I know you may feel like you don't understand how deep my pain goes. You don't understand how scary it is when I get angry. And what I'm promising you is I want you to visualize that pressure cooker. Let the steam out little by little. When you let it out little by little, it's not hurting anybody. It's little, and you take all the pressure out, and eventually you can open up that whole cooker and not have to worry about keeping anything in or the damage it's going to do. Regardless, your feelings can't damage you. Your feelings can't damage anybody else. Unless, of course, you allow it, but you only usually allow it through behavior. So your feelings alone have no power. It's the behaviors that you choose as a result of your feelings, which can sometimes be damaging. And when you realize that they're not going to destroy you, then it gives you a little bit of freedom to open up and feel them and see that, yeah, it might be uncomfortable. Yeah, it might be a little scary, but they're not going to take you out. So I encourage you to label them, feel them, acknowledge them, and walk through them. And I promise they will not destroy you or anybody else in your life. Feel those feelings. Next up, health tip. Our minds and bodies are intimately connected. We can't have health in one without health in the other. And that's why I offer a health tip segment. So here's an interesting one. You might've already heard it. I know y'all are out there using your essential oils. I love mine. I don't sell them. I just love them. But citrus oils like lemon, orange, and grapefruit have been found to boost positive thoughts and enhance your mood. So essential oils, things that you smell, can actually have mood-changing properties. You probably already know that essential oils like peppermint, lavender, and basil can actually help you relax. I happen to diffuse lavender in my bedroom every night. It definitely relaxes and calms me and makes me just feel ready to go to bed. I use essential oils in my cleaning and downstairs I use more uplifting ones to kind of just have an energizing effect in my house. So there you go. Check out essential oils, my little health tip. Thanks for tuning in to the Dr. Zoe Show. New shows go up on Tuesdays. Subscribe so you don't miss a show. If you're interested in coaching or therapy, or you just want to get a little more help, go to my website at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle Dr. Zoe Shaw. Join my free newsletter by texting the word join to 38470, and I look forward to speaking with you wonderful ladies on social media throughout the week. Have a super week.
You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining your superwoman with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.
