83: 20 Things Strong Women Do | Dr. Zoe Shaw

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Welcome to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe. I'm a licensed psychotherapist with a doctorate in clinical psychology. I'm a life and relationship coach and a motivational speaker, and I can work with you virtually to help you get unstuck. My passion is helping women find their superpower, learn to embrace it, and share it with the world. Connect with me by texting the word join to 38470 or go to my website at drzoeshaw.com. The topic for today's show is 20 Things Strong Women Do. So first, of course, my win and my fail. So my win is that we are surviving my husband being gone for a month and the end of the school year with all the kids' activities and my son's graduation coming up next week. And it's all somehow mostly getting done. And just to update you, in case you were curious on last time's whole debacle of my son's track meet, I did miss the last race of the season because he qualified. I missed that one, and then he ended up not being able to go to the last one because he had a play. And my other fail was that I missed you guys last week. I missed a podcast. Life was just a little too busy, didn't get it in, but I am here today and excited to talk to you guys about the The things that strong women do. So here we go. First of all, let's definitely keep it real. We cannot be strong all the time, and our weakness is just as beautiful as our strength because our weakness helps us foster connection with others. And we can only do that through our vulnerability, our weaknesses, guys. So speaking of vulnerability, I'm here week after week. I talk to you guys about becoming and being a woman of strength because I was once, still am sometimes, a woman of weakness. That's just the reality is sometimes we are weak. I have figured out though, through my training as a therapist and my training through the school of hard knocks, how to develop strength as a woman, not to rival the strength of men. And I'm gonna talk a little bit more about that coming up, not today, but on another podcast, not to rival the strength of men, But to honor what is innately in us as women. When I was talking on Instagram about being a strong woman, as I do a lot, I had this lady comment that I was pontificating. Now, she didn't use that word. I'm using that word. But basically she said that all women are strong. We just do what we have to do as women. And that's what real women do. And real women don't sit around and talk about how strong they are. Well, I don't necessarily believe that to be the case. And I don't sit around and talk about how strong I am either. I encourage women to find strength because I know from my years of working as a therapist that many women are not strong. And sometimes we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that in just enduring or doing what we, quote, what we have to do, that there's strength in the sacrifice. But sometimes that's actually an excuse to keep doing the easy thing. Strength can actually be built, but it must be intentionally built. And that is what I help women to do. Now, when I say intentionally built, there needs to be a desire to get through something and overcome it. Life happens, and difficulties in life help build strength, but we actually do have to have some intention in that. So these are the things that we would be striving to be and do most of the time if we want to be strong women. And more importantly, these are traits found in research to be the most consistent with women who demonstrate strength. Number 1, strong women don't complain. Why? Because it's a waste of time. They look at the problem, they discuss the issue, and they develop a solution. Complaining just to complain is being a victim. And I used to complain a lot. And I do believe there's a fine line between venting and complaining because venting I know is good. I encourage women to vent, but there has to be a balance with your venting. And eventually I got tired of listening to myself complain and not doing anything to change the things that I was complaining about. And for me, that was really the turning point of developing strength. If something isn't going well in your life, complaining about it— here's the thing, it actually gives your brain a false sense that you're doing something about it. When you're actually doing nothing. And so complaining about something allows you to stay in a negative situation longer than you otherwise would because of that little brain trick of tricking yourself into thinking you're doing something about it. When you finally get tired of hearing yourself complain, you'll make a change. If you notice that you're complaining about something a lot, then I hope that this nudges you to do something about it. Sooner rather than later. Number 2, strong women aren't close-minded. The more that I work with people, the more I recognize that a lot of our problems actually stem from this idea that our way of thinking is the right way. Now, barring any conversation about religious beliefs, 50% of what we believe to be true isn't true at all. I've talked about that before, I think on the podcast, I know in some of my speeches, but literally I have been having conversations with couples for 20 years about things like which way the toilet paper should face, up or down, who's responsible for putting the toilet seat down, at which point a tank of gas should be filled, and how long coffee should stay in the coffee maker before it's poured out or whatever. Now, this may sound silly, but people hold very strong beliefs about this stuff that I just said, when the reality is there's no right answer. A strong woman can listen to someone else's argument and consider it. She's not so married to her own belief that she closes herself off from other possibilities. Number 3, strong women are good with money. That's kind of enough said. It takes strength to hold yourself financially accountable. It takes strength to create goals, habits, and behaviors, and it takes strength To dedicate oneself to learning about your finances and then communicating that with other people that you're in relationship with. I feel like I'm going to lose track of how many. Um, number 4, a strong woman addresses issues in all of her relationships. Now, this is a big one because the reality is it's easy to let things go. It's easy to tell yourself that you're keeping the peace and it's scary. And hard to have difficult conversations. Weakness avoids difficult conversations. Strength takes them on, knowing that health is the result. Number five. Now speaking of health, strong women take care of their health. It's not easy, especially when you have a family to take care of and you're super busy. Life you know happens, but strong women take the time. to focus on their own health. Remember, the easy route is to put everybody else first and you last. The easy route is to let yourself go. And the reality of motherhood is that there are definitely seasons when you have to put yourself on the shelf, but those seasons should be brief ones, after which we get back to ourselves and our health. Number 6. Strong women keep learning until they die. And this is actually a health thing as much as it is a wisdom thing or a strength thing. Our brains were made to be active. Our brains were made to continue working and living until we literally check out of this planet or off. I don't know. When we get comfortable and we stop seeking knowledge, our brains atrophy. Strong women are curious and they're keenly aware of how much they don't know. And they constantly seek knowledge and they're not intimidated by what they don't know. Number 7, strong women don't waste time. We respect our time and we respect the time of others. And we don't want to ever participate in time wasting. As a result, we tend to be multitaskers. Not such a bad thing. Number 8, strong women take risks, calculated ones. A strong woman stays out of her comfort zone. That's where she likes to live because we don't grow in comfort. We grow when we're uncomfortable. And a strong woman pushes herself. She takes calculated risks for what she believes in, and she walks outside of her comfort zone, and as a result, she grows. Number 9, strong women help others, especially other women. Strong women are not selfish. Strong women understand that our strength is in the community and in the connection, and a strong woman helps other women. Strong women invest in themselves. A strong woman knows her value And she understands the value of maintaining herself. So she's willing to invest in herself, recognizing that she will definitely get a great payback on the other side. A strong woman is independent. She honors her need to be in relationship with others. And a strong woman knows and understands that humans were born to be in connection with others. A strong woman, though, she understands the necessity of emotional intelligence. And she seeks to increase hers by growing her relationships. A strong woman understands her need for men in her life, and she understands her need for interdependence in relationships. Next, a strong woman maintains her relationships. She has friends. Now let me tell you, maintaining relationships definitely takes strength and endurance. It's easy to let them go. That's the easy thing— cutting people off, getting upset, That letting people go, that's easy. It's hard though, to put in the time to make relationships work. Now, I've heard a lot of women say over the years that having a friendship with a woman just isn't worth the time, effort, and pain, but it is. Strong women see the value in maintaining relationships with other women. Strong women process and deal with the inevitable anger, jealousy, hurt feelings that are actually just a part of humans connecting. Next, strong women are not afraid to fail. In fact, they're afraid of not trying at all much more than they are of failing, falling flat on their face. Strong women recognize that it's only through failure that we learn and we grow. A strong woman seeks to build her internal strength. Her grit and her drive. She looks for opportunities to build her strength and challenge herself. A strong woman is not ashamed to ask for help or directions. We are not embarrassed by our weakness. We understand our deficiencies and that they are a normal aspect of our humanity. And so we don't need to cover them up. Instead, we acknowledge them and we ask for help when we need help. A strong woman lifts herself and others up. She inspires. A strong woman gives back, and she knows that her strength has been hard earned, which is actually, I think, something I said to the Instagram lady. A strong woman knows her strength has been hard earned, and she has a desire now to inspire, lift up, and encourage those that might just be a few steps behind her. She doesn't hold a scarcity model by thinking, I don't wanna help anybody else because then I'm, you know, when we look at competition and things like that, a strong woman does not walk in the concept of scarcity model when she interacts with her world. She knows that by lifting up others, she helps herself and the world. A strong woman ends healthy relationships. Now, earlier I said that strong women maintain relationships. This was not a contradiction. Just like last week's episode was about strong women giving ultimatums, strong women choose not to stay in relationships that are unhealthy. A strong woman makes her boundaries clear, and she's willing to end the relationships when she is not respected. Strong women have discernment in that area. They are able to really discern when a relationship is so toxic that it needs to be let go, and when a relationship is in a place where it can just be maintained. Strong women don't embarrass easily. They don't embarrass easily because they really just don't care what others think of them. Either that or they're clueless, but I'm pretty sure it's that they don't, they don't care about what other people think of them. This is actually strength. When we are not easily embarrassed, then we're less controlled by what we perceive others to think about us. And our locus of control instead is internal. Which actually creates health and freedom. A strong woman has strong boundaries. Sometimes a strong woman's boundaries are there because they've been hard-earned, like I talked about the school of hard knocks before. But a strong woman, woman is not bitter. Her boundaries are built on a foundation of wisdom and grace, not hardness and anger. So a strong woman seeks to let go of unnecessary emotions that are not so healthy. healthy, and she keeps strong boundaries in her relationships. A strong woman says no, and no really is a complete sentence. It's a complete thought. And a strong woman, not only does she learn to say no, but she learns to say no without creating excuses. A strong woman learns to say no without excuses, drama, fear, or FOMO— fear of missing out. A strong woman learns when no is appropriate. Now, the purpose of this list is not to make you feel badly about yourself or to make you feel like these goals are overwhelming or unattainable. The purpose is to challenge you, challenge you with the knowledge that on any given day, we can all fail miserably at all 20 of these behaviors, but we keep the goal there so that when we get back up, After we fall, we know where we're going. So check yourself on this list, and if you see any areas that you need to improve, pick one, only one, and take one tiny step toward that behavior. Now remember, small changes over time usually turn out a whole lot better than trying to make a whole number of changes at one time, which you're not likely to sustain. You've got this. So thanks for tuning into the Dr. Zoe Show. New shows go up on Tuesdays. I will be back next week with health tips and Ask Dr. Zoe questions, but I'm wrapping it up today. Subscribe so you don't miss a show. If you're interested in coaching or therapy, or you just want to get a little more help, or you're looking for a speaker for your next event, go to my website at drzoeshaw.com or any of my social medias at the handle Dr. Zoe Shaw. Join my free newsletter by texting Texting the word JOIN to 38470. And I look forward to speaking with you wonderful ladies on social media throughout the week. Have a super week.

You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, Redefining Your Superwoman, with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of the Dr. Zoe Show.