Doing The Most With The Least - Not Allowing Your Impairments Or Disabilities To Hold You Back

Hi, Tracy. I am so excited to have you on my podcast today. Welcome.

Thank you so much, Dr. Zoe. I am so excited to be here.

I was just talking to you behind the scenes about the fact that I've never had a fiction writer on my podcast before, so I'm very excited about that.

Me too, me too. Although it's crazy that you never had one. We're everywhere, so I don't know.

You guys are everywhere, and I read fiction, but you know, it just doesn't quite align with my with my topic, but I have such a, um, respect for fiction writers. Obviously I'm a writer, but I don't write fiction, although when I was little I think I kind of wanted to, but I couldn't come up with those stories in my head. Talk about other people, I talk about other things, I can talk about things that already are there. So I just kind of fangirling out on the whole fiction writer thing.

That's so cool. Well, I'm honored to be the first. And, um, yeah, fiction, fiction writers are just liars, so there's— so don't even Don't sweat it. We're just, we're just lying on paper all the time. That's all. Nothing special. Just—

and it's so impressive. I love that. Shonda Rhimes, I loved in her book how she talked about that, how she was just such a great liar, which, you know, she's phenomenal. Great.

Terrible thing to have, but just on paper. Like, I actually feel ill when I lie in real life. Like, it's a little white lie, I feel kind of weird. So we do have conscience, but on paper Anything goes, no rules.

I love that. So today we aren't going to be talking about fiction, although you have 18 titles to your name and 2 more. I know a couple of them are nonfiction though. Um,

yes,

I wanted to bring you on because I've heard you in a couple places and I was just really inspired by your story and your energy and your presence. But before we get started, Can you share with my audience a win and a fail?

Sure. One of my, um, fails, I guess, was— it was a good fail. Um, it's not as recent, but it'll always be with me, and that's failing at my academia. Um, and sometimes the, um, the academic world and subjects and books and all of that, you know, there are a lot of average see students who become stellar adults. And when you really understand that, especially as a parent and as a mom— I'm not a mom, but I just know that, you know, there's so much pressure, you know, and I failed. I failed math all throughout my life. I still have trouble with math. And, you know, it's just, it's okay. But I used to cry so badly every day after math, and I just Even, you know, even when I do my book promotion, I still kind of get a little really like sad. Like, why can't I understand the algorithms and the things that would help me increase my bottom line? So those kind of feel like even recurring mathematical themes in your life and remind you of your, your difficult times in those subjects. And then it just all comes back. So yeah, it's a fail, but it, it leads you to something else. It led me to my writing. Um, and, um, and that, that will always be— I may always struggle, you know, even adults get diagnosed later in life with learning disabilities around certain subjects. Mm-hmm. And that's okay, you know, but it is a fail. Um, but it's you, it's something that you have to reconcile with. And you have to be okay and you have to move past that. But yeah, it's, it's an okay fail. Um, but it still feels— the feeling is worse than the actual result.

Right.

You know, like you are not going to die because you can't grasp, you know, certain concepts. Um, and, and that's okay, but you do feel like you're failing and you may fail and have to take it over. I did. I took 3 math for liberal arts classes. In my academics, um, because I failed one of them. One was 101, one was 102, and I failed 101. Um, and it's just hard, but it's just always something you think about it and you internalize it being worse than it actually is.

I think that's the key. Thank you for sharing that. As you're talking about your fails, I'm going— I'm thinking about some of my academic fails and the fact that I failed my first driving test and I can still drive today. So ultimately it doesn't matter, right? You are very successful. writer in your career, and that fail didn't matter. But I'm studying shame. I'm really going deep into shame as I'm writing, um, my book. And that's what I'm hearing, right, is that that's what happens sometimes, is failures sometimes get morphed into shame inappropriately, but they can affect the rest of your life. So thank you for sharing.

And they also— yeah, they also start the comparison, um, You know, downward spiral.

You

know, why can't I get this like other people? Other people seem to be getting this. What's wrong with me? Like, you just start this whole snowball and all of a sudden, you know, you're inside and you're like bawling and eating chocolate and popcorn. It's just not— it tastes good, but it's just not good for the long term.

Long term, it doesn't work out well. I'm sure in addition to me, there are plenty of women out there that can resonate with what you're saying. So thank you for sharing that. So tell us a win.

Yeah, a win is, um, just the opposite of that. Um, you know, we're getting to the end of the year, and it seems like, you know, I feel like a lot of people, at least for me, you know, I kind of like stop like moving forward. Like, I think October through December is like my own personal 3-month holiday, you know? And it's like, you have to, you have to look around and see that you know, you're still moving forward and we don't count our wins. So a win was that I've uploaded, you know, 2 books in 2 weeks for preorder. And one is not coming out till next year. One's coming out this year, November 30th. But I just did them and I was like, you know, you have, you have to have the writing in order to have preorder. You do realize that. And so I did. Right. And I, and you just, you just kind of gloss over things. So, you know, uploading 2 books for preorder was my win. for the last 2 weeks. Um, and, and I need to sit with that and be self-congratulatory before I move on to my next thing. Like, what's next? What's next? What's next? You know, you really need to, um, sit with the win and, and have your champagne or whatever, some kind of celebratory marker, right, to mark your wins. But we move so fast, we don't, we don't celebrate anything that we're, we're just on to the next thing. You know, and it's just so sad. And you wonder why you're exhausted. Yeah.

Right. And as a woman who takes like a year or 2 or 3 or 4 to write a book, I'm like, oh, I just hit my microphone. I'm like bowing to you. That's pretty darn amazing. So thank you for sharing your win and your fail. So let's dive into

this.

Our audience doesn't know much about you. I want to bring you on, you know, I'm bringing you on to, to really be an encouragement today and to kick some women in the pants that might need kicking. Um, can you tell us a little bit about your journey?

Sure. My journey is, um, that I am a Virginia native. I was raised by a singing choir singing mother and a pastor father. Um, my father's deceased now, but he pastored a church for over 30 years, um, here in Virginia. And, um, They just instilled in me a solid faith and a great deal of optimism, even though I was diagnosed at 2 years old with muscular dystrophy. And I use a wheelchair. I've used a wheelchair since elementary school to get around. I have caregivers. I need help to do physical things every day. But once I get in my chair, I'm done. We're good. And I just, you know, keep going as best I can. I live In Virginia, like I said, near, um, just outside of DC. And I do still work full-time as a case manager, um, for a nonprofit organization. I've been there for almost 13— yeah, 13. I just had my anniversary because people congratulate you on LinkedIn, right? And it's like, my job sucks right now. Don't congratulate me. I hate it here. But, um, I'm just kidding. I love my job. I love helping people. Um, I help people within the community find resources and stuff like that. But, um, and then I have my writing. I do writing and teaching, um, and stuff on I just got a new teaching gig. I'll be teaching at Rosemont College in Philadelphia. Lovely. Yeah, at their writer's studio. That starts at the end of October. So anybody can take my class. It'll be virtual. And yeah, I'm just living my life. I'm writing my books. Writing saved me from depression, again, around my math, but also through relationship depression and rejection and really coming into my own with my disability. Aging with a disability is no joke, you know? 8 through 12, it's not a big deal. Your mind, you're very resilient. Even into adulthood, you're resilient. But as a child, you don't really think about the long-term ramifications of what having a chronic condition means for your energy, your life, your acceptance of yourself, and your acceptance by society. And the type of boxes that people try to put you in. You don't really get that until you go to college, until you're like mid-40s, like I am now. You know, you really have no idea. And so it gets a little bit more difficult as you get older. Um, and you would think it would get easier because by now I have mastered it, but there's new things to confront.

Right.

And there's new, um, body changes.

Mm-hmm.

That are complicated when they're coupled with disability. It's like your body can age and be like, oh, these are normal aches and pains. But it's almost like you have 2 bodies because you have body that's aging normally as everybody will. And then you have this disabled body that has its own, you know, engine and complications and needs, you know, addressing and fixing and tinkering. So it's a lot, but, but that's, You know, but I've still maintained my optimism. I'm very positive. Um, you know, I believe in putting good things in your mind in the morning. Um, I love how Hal Elrod, who has Miracle Morning stuff about listening to things to kind of set your whole day. And then I have my, you know, my faith from my parents and, and God. And I know, you know, he is sovereign to help me through everything, every obstacle that I've ever overcome. So that's me in a nutshell. I'm also very goofy and I make a lot of jokes and make people laugh. So there'll be some of that too.

Yes, I've definitely seen that in watching speaking engagements. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad and thankful that you're bringing awareness to this because,

you

know, unless people do, other people are oblivious, unfortunately. And so I'm so glad that you're bringing awareness. You know, I'm sure a subset of my audience may have physical disabilities. They may have psychological disabilities. And I'm guessing that, as you mentioned, you alluded to some depression and, and, and some struggles that you've had. So I'm guessing you haven't always had this optimism and, and this maybe drive. I guess you probably always had this drive, but you haven't always had this optimism in the lens through which you see the world. Can you tell us a little bit?

Right.

about, about how you went from being in a state of depression, how maybe you struggled with dealing with your disability and your sense of self and gotten to a place of acceptance?

Yeah, sure. So, um, my, my depression really started in schools, having a hard time with the math. And, you know, it's— and the math is such a symbol of so much more. You know, it's not just the math. It's the math. It's the math teacher. It's the peers that are around you. It's you're internalizing all these things. And I also was rejected in a relationship, um, by someone who couldn't, you know, accept the fact or work with the fact that I have a disability. So that's kind of also a thing. All of these things kind of send you into this spiral that you don't— you're not able to see that you'll actually come out of things.

Right.

So you just become very despondent. What worked for me is that in the math class, I would— I withdrew into myself and I started writing on the front page. I say, this in almost every, um, podcast episode and just about every interview, is that the math problem was on the front of the page.

Mm-hmm.

And I flipped it over and I started writing a story. Mm-hmm. Um, and that really helped me to escape and helped me to, um, you know, just, it really gave me purpose. And so I also won a writing contest while I was in college. At 23, 24, I was going to, about to be published because I won this contest. I got a trip to New York. They paid for and my parents to go. We went up there. I had a luncheon. I got to meet the New York, you know, a top 5 publisher.

Wow.

And was in their office, like, you know, looking around like, wow, I've arrived. And so that just— somebody else saying that your work is good and that we want to publish it, that really changed everything for me because we are all seeking validation. And it really doesn't matter who it comes from. It doesn't— it didn't have to come from a big publishing house. someone who was among me, like a teacher, anybody. When people talk about like how far they've come, there's always one incident that will change your entire outlook. So for me to submit like my heart on paper and for someone to say, wow, this is so beautiful, like that just really lifted my spirits. And pursuing these books and writing these books gives me drive and purpose because it's something for me to do. And I thought that there's a despondency and depression that you, you can't see your way out of. As soon as you can remove— like, my biggest fear was that I'm just going to be like, you know, and I say this lovingly to myself, like crippled and, you know, unemployed and living with my mom all day. And now it's like, hey, you were just a millennial before you were a millennial. Like, you're just home with your parents for the rest of your life mooching off them. So, hey, it's cool now. Now it's acceptable. But, you know, back then it was like, what can I do to have, you know, purpose purpose in this life? What am I able to do? Like, if school wasn't going to be it for me, I wanted something else. So I really prayed. And, um, I saw the writing contest when I was crying online. I was crying, scrolling, you know, the despondent scroll. And probably Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You is probably playing in the background somewhere. And, um, you know, there's like, you know, some food or some Cheetos laying around. You have Cheeto fingers and you're just like, you know. Like you're just despondent. So, um, I really remember seeing that and my tears dried up and I kind of felt like, um, God was speaking to me like, enter this, this is for you. And I felt like I won before I won. And I actually did win.

Right.

So, um, so that just changed everything. People need something to grasp. That is what will bring you out, something to hold on to, um, something to motivate you and to know That, um, whatever you're going through now is only temporary. You know, like, you people— most people don't understand trouble doesn't last always, or joy comes in the morning. It's just all you have to do is get through one next night, one next day, and your, your, your next day could be totally better. But you have to hold on long enough in order for that to happen.

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that story. You know, as you're saying, as you were sharing your story, I was just thinking about the woman out there who might be thinking, yeah, but I don't have that validation. I don't even know, like, what to grasp for, what to hold on to. I've heard you share before about the parable of the talents and how that really affected you and motivated you or influenced you really in your life. Can you share a little bit about that just for the woman who's just thinking? Yeah. Yeah, I don't have anything to grasp.

Yeah, I think that, um, everyone needs to, um, you know, read that. I don't just read the biblical passage, passage sometimes, but I look for actual sermons about how people expound on that. And that's even more fun to me. Of course, you should read, you know, your Bible every day or how much often you can, but even getting to listen to more like an Amplified Version, which is more, um, you know, interesting, more entertaining, but also educational is really important. So I look for sermons about that and so many different people, millions of people expressing that same passage in a different way. The bottom line is that, you know, God gave, uh, 3 men, you know, different— he gave one, one, like almost, let's say it's like a dollar. He gave one $1, one $3, and another $5, you know, and he's looking to the one that came back and had The least amount. So there's 2 things. He had the least and he did nothing with it. Sometimes I feel having a disability detracts from me and makes me feel less than. Mm-hmm. But I have been able to do the most, you know, with the least, you know? And so, you know, I can't walk, I can't stand. And then, you know, when you can— when you think about it, I've been able to do more. And I'm not saying that out of, you know, being conceited or arrogant. It's just that I feel sometimes I have so little to work with.

Right.

You know, as far as my ability to run, like, even in my book promotion, I want to get on a plane and I want to go to this fair and that fair. And I don't, but I make— because, you know, they'll bust up my chair. I'll get injured because we're not, you know, it's The plane is like the last transportation mode that is inaccessible. But I get online, I'm, you know, get on podcasts, I do whatever I can, even from my little office here, and make the most of the situation. And some people who can go don't.

Right.

Some people who can go don't. They refuse. They don't want to get out there. They don't try to meet people. They don't send out press releases. Like, they, like, the opportunity is even greater. It's easier for you to get up and get out of a plane so easily. And I would give a lot to be able to do that, but I don't focus on that. I focus on, well, there's the internet, um, there's chats you can talk to. I've talked to people in Canada and in Australia and the UK, all from the comfort. And other people have the ability to go there and still don't. So I think that God is looking to say, I'm gonna give you this much. Do something with this much, whatever it is.

Wow. Yeah.

You know, and do the most that you can, do the best that you can. And so he's, um, I feel like he's angry, you know, if we don't try as hard as we can exhaust. I'm exhausting myself because I wanna be like, I did it. Yeah. You see that back there, Lord? I did all of that, you know, I, with you helping me, of course. But I didn't just sit. I didn't just think that I can't get out. You know, um, everything has been difficult for me. I had to be denied for driving modifications to my vehicle 7 times before the state said, okay, uh, the 8th time, you know, we'll give it to you. You know, we'll give you the help to buy your modifications so I could drive. The person that he gave the $1 to would be like, I can't do it. It's too hard. They denied me one time. I'm done. I'll just take the bus for the rest of my life.

Mm-hmm.

You know, like, oh, Tracy's not taking the bus. Tracy was on a bus from K through 12 and she couldn't stand it. You know, the bus drivers were mean. They cuss you out. They're late. They don't show up. You can't go where you want to go. Like this, these things, the hardships that I had in my life motivated me to try to get to things that I need and wanted, you know? And I may not, I won't be able to drive always because muscular dystrophy is A degenerative muscle disease. Most people don't know it makes your muscles weaker over time. So there are going to be some things that are going to be increasingly difficult for me. But right now I can do it. I passed the test. I got a highway restriction. You were speaking of driving earlier. I got a highway restriction. I still went on the highway. And if I got pulled over, I'd be like, I'm just practicing. I got to take this test over again. So I'm just out here practicing, Mr. Officer.

Oh, yeah.

You know? And so that, that was going to be my story. But I could have been like, I can't drive. I have to go to back roads. everywhere and I can't— no, like, you gotta— you have to think about how you're going to assess the things, access the things you want out of this life. And that's what, you know, I feel like I'm being called and other people are being called to do.

Doing the most with the least. I love that because I, I know, you know, how inspiring your story is, especially like you said, for people who have more privilege and complain and, you know, feel like I can't, and I'm so sorry for myself. And that's why I said I hope this episode to some extent is a little kick in the butt for some people, um, because I really appreciate, um, your outlook and your view.

Yeah, it's, it's great. You have to work with whatever you have, employ that,

right?

You know,

right. So when you were coming out of your depression, was it kind of an instant thing? I just hit my microphone again. Or was it gradual?

Um, I think it's gradual, and I think you still have bouts. I think we'll always have bouts of it, um, throughout your entire life. You know, if you die at 100, you will have a bout at 99 and a half that says, are you going to make it to 100? Like, why didn't I just do 99? you know, isn't that enough? Like, you'll still have these struggles, I think. Right. And that to me is more of a reminder to not only count your blessings, but to keep praying and keep seeking and searching for opportunity, um, and to keep going. So I think that those bouts come around again. I was, um, the leader of my singles ministry for like 4 years, and I would plan these events, and every now and then Something was held like a football game at, you know, somebody's house and I couldn't go. And I was, I was so sad, you know, and, you know, I had a meeting, um, once and then, you know, the pastor, um, it was a small meeting, just like 3 of us. And he was like, well, you know, if you can't participate, we shouldn't have it. And I'm like, you know, that's wonderful, but not everybody feels that way. Or we should have it at an accessible place.

Mm-hmm.

And that, that should be true. But that's just not the reality.

Right.

People don't always want to accommodate you. And that's depressing to me. And it's sad because I would want to accommodate someone, I would hope, even if I wasn't disabled. But that is not how the world works. And those are bitter pills to swallow. Those are lonely pills. Those are hard to chew. These are the things. Not everybody is going to be accommodating. Not everybody is going to be accepting. And I also had to check myself because I was like, I can't go to this event? You know how many eligible, good-looking men are at the football party? I want to go. Like, you know, so I'm just like totally wrong motive, wrong thinking. But, you know, it was part of it too, that you can meet people at these things and then here you are, can't go. You know, you're going to make a big fuss, you know, at the risk of, you know, you have, you're going to have to accept some things that you cannot change. And that can be depressing.

That is so powerful, though. You're going to have to accept some things that you can't change. So whether you're dealing with a physical or mental disability, whether you're dealing with just difficult times, space in your life, bad times that happen, things that are not fair, right? At some point, part of really the end, the completion of a grief cycle is acceptance, right?

Right.

And any time There's something going on in our life that we don't like. Usually it's about loss. And that last step is acceptance. But it also doesn't mean we don't have to go through the other ones of anger and denial and bargaining and depression.

Right? Right. You're going to have all of those always.

Right.

You're always going to have all of those. And you need to have those. Those will motivate you to create change for other people. And yourself. Um, and the more that it happens, the tougher you'll be. You know, nobody really wants to be tough because tough means you get punched, you know, and you get hit and nicked and scraped and you fall down and you break bones and you hit your head. Um, but those are the things that you're going to be like, oh, I won't do that again. Gotta learn that lesson. That's hard. Um, and then you, you might repeat it. And it's like you weren't paying attention the first time. You know, and then I only have so much control. As much as I try to orchestrate an accessible life, there are going to be things that are out of my control, like an inaccessible party, like the time that I may have went with a group somewhere and nobody had the forethought to make sure the restaurant was accessible.

Hmm.

You know, those things are going to happen and they're going to hurt, but they won't kill you and they will teach you what to do. And I'm constantly going to be out there still. You know, sadly, people still think we should stay at home. Or if I go to the store and I try to, you know, grocery shop, somebody thinks that I should have help, you know, with me all the time. What kind of level of independence is that?

Right.

You know, I don't want someone. I have a friend who's actually a nurse. She's not my nurse. I don't actually have a nurse, but I get mad when I'm like, do you have to wear your uniform? We're going out to lunch. Do we have to, like, why do we have to wear a uniform? Can you at least carry a shirt that you could change? Like, she's usually getting off work I was just like, here goes Tracy and her nurse. Like, no, Tracy doesn't have a nurse.

Yeah.

Um, so just those little silly little things, you know, it's not a big deal, but when you, you know, they add up and they, they can send you into, you know, a, a, a type of way. They can send you into a way and you have to work hard to get out of that because it can, you know, Nicks and scrapes can lead to gashes,

right?

And outright deep cuts, you know. And so, um, you just have to guard yourself too, just a little bit, in order to protect yourself and protect your heart.

Yeah. Thank you so much. So I've gotten out of this that one, we have to learn to really walk in acceptance and accept that things aren't going to always, you know, be the way that we want them to be. And that's a, that's a process and that's a journey. And Also, you can do the most with the least. I think that that is, it's such a, a strong message that I want so many people to listen to and hear. So,

right,

can you tell us about your work? So for women who read fiction, um, what is your genre? How can people find you? How can they find your books?

So I'm on Amazon and, you know, any other retailer, Barnes& Noble. I have a website at tracegarner.com. Yeah, T-R-A-C-E-E, 2 Es, garner.com. I'm on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook, and people can really— at my website, they can just use the contact me, um, link and just send me a little message or, you know, email me. It's all there at my website. And, um, I write fiction. I write about people falling in love, but they get a lot of adversity before they get to their happily ever after, because those kind of characters are me. And are the people around me who are facing adversity every single day, but choosing to try to love, try to have a family, try to find the one. And, you know, it's fiction, it's escapism, but it's also part of self-care, you know, to see and to live vicariously through fictional characters. They have very real problems, though. That's one thing I'll say is that my characters, they get real problems. And they suffer, you know, and they have, and they struggle with their faith, which I think is also important for people to see because I write inspirational fiction. So I think that I'm just giving them everything that I've received. Now, the villains are former bosses, so they shall remain nameless. But anything that I've encountered, I just try to put it in my books and make it as realistic as possible, but also giving us that soothing end that, um, you know, makes us feel better for a little while.

And an inspirational message.

Yes, definitely. Always very subtly, very under there, under the current of the suspense. Somebody's locked in a house and the house is on fire. How are we going to get out? And so that's what I'm doing, torturing their poor souls. Well,

I think that's what the best fiction does, is it sends those subtle messages so you're being entertained and not even realizing how much you're getting from it on, you know, a non-entertaining basis. So thank you. Thank you for your work. Thank you for your— the time you invest that you don't need to invest in spreading awareness. And I'm, I'm excited. I haven't checked out any of your titles. I mean, I've looked at them, but I haven't bought any your books yet, but I will be. Um,

well, I will also give you some free links for the show notes. Um, a couple of books are free, so if people want to get them, I will provide the book funnel links, um, and I'll send them to you, and people can go and download and give me a try for free to see. But I'm gonna warn you, you're gonna be hooked, so you'll want to know about the entire family and get all the books to the series.

Well, I hope so. 18 titles and counting. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, Tracy.

Sure. Thank you, Zoe.