In this solo podcast episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, Dr. Zoe Shaw opens by framing the show as a source of strength for women navigating difficult relationships, including the relationship with themselves, through the lenses of psychology, faith, and a feminist perspective. She shares personal life updates—a health recovery for her daughter, the transition to a new family season, and a humorous "soccer‑mom" anecdote about forgetting snacks—to illustrate everyday challenges and wins. The core of the episode is a series of six "letting go" lessons she has learned over the past year: (1) letting go of perfection, emphasizing acceptance of "good enough" and the freedom that comes from releasing unattainable standards; (2) letting go of trying to change other people, encouraging listeners to accept others as they are, set boundaries, and focus on self‑growth; (3) letting go of the benefits of youth, embracing aging, wisdom, and caring for the body while releasing the expectation of a flawless, ageless self; (4) letting go of unfulfilled dreams, recounting her own lost aspirations (Miss America, Olympic gold, perfect motherhood, etc.) and showing how releasing them opened space for new purpose‑driven goals; (5) letting go of other people's opinions, shifting from external validation to internal self‑approval; and (6) a brief reminder that these lessons are hopeful, not sad, and an invitation to practice them as the season changes. She concludes with a poetic metaphor about leaves falling, reinforces the listener's inherent strength and purpose, and promotes the weekly Tuesday release schedule and email subscription for ongoing encouragement.
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This is not a podcast about being broken, although you may have been. This is a podcast about strength for women who find themselves in difficult relationships, including that sometimes difficult one with yourself. We'll look at your relationship through a lens of psychology, faith, and a little dash of my own kind of feminism. We're not fixing them. We're fixing you. And that changes everything. Welcome to Stronger in the Difficult Places. Save yourself, heal your relationships. Listen in. Welcome to Stronger in the Difficult Places. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe, and I am more than thrilled to be here today. It's been a while. I've taken an unintended hiatus because, you know, life happens, and I'm so glad to be back here with you guys. Thank you for continuing to listen. Today we're going to talk about my lessons on letting go, but first, First, as I've always done, my win and my fail. You know, my win is that I am here today. My win is that I've got a great lineup of podcast episodes between now and the next year. But let me just update you on my life because I think I left my last podcast asking for prayers for my daughter. I just want you to know that she's doing so well, and I'm just so thankful that she has gotten back to health and she is flourishing. And very, very thankful for your prayers, for you who reached out. My daughter's Sully's doing great, and my daughter Siggy and I are adjusting to a new life. Just the two of us. Sully's gone off to school, and my olders are off living their life in college and beyond. And it's it's just a new season that we're entering that is beautiful. And with all seasons, I'm going to talk about letting go. You know there is grief in that. Okay, so for my fail, my fail, you guys. My oldest son is 23 years old. We have been playing soccer twice a year, spring and summer, for 19 years. Now, out of 19 years of me being a soccer mom on the field, I have only forgotten snack twice. Now, in my opinion, that's a really great record, but I forgot snack at the last game, and on the day that you forget snack, nobody cares that you've remembered 39 out of the last 41 times. And Instead, I'm subject to glares. I'm subject to moms looking at me like I have starved their 11-year-old girls who woke up this morning and probably had breakfast before the game and couldn't possibly for some reason go an hour playing soccer without eating. But anyway, there you go. Me blaming the victims of my forgetfulness. I forgot and it was embarrassing and my daughter had a great soccer game and come halftime, Everybody's looking at me like, you had snack today, and I'm looking at everybody else like, oops, I forgot. And so that was my fail. I will, I promised to make it up to the coach and the other parents who were very disappointed. And it's funny, the actual athletes, they didn't seem to care. The parents were way more upset. And I can understand because they're like, look, if I've got to do snack, you got to do snack too. You don't get to get out of the snack thing. I understand that, but it was just It's kind of funny. The kids were like, oh, whatever. They had their water. They were fine. The parents were mad. So that was my fail for the week. Guys, it's great to be back, and we're going to talk now about my lessons on letting go. This year has been a season of transitions for me, so many transitions, and I've learned some lessons over this past year. And as I dive back into this podcast, I want to talk about The importance of learning to let go. What my lessons have been on letting go. As you guys know, I'm so invested in talking about relationships and talking about shame, codependency, and also that most important relationship that you have with yourself. And I really truly believe that you know part of having a healthy relationship with yourself is learning to let go of parts of yourself that no longer serve you. And so today I'm going to be talking about my lessons in letting go. Letting go of perfect. Letting go of changing other people. Letting go of the benefits of youth. Letting go of dreams. Letting go of other people's opinions. And some of this might sound sad, but I'm going to address all of these one by one because it's actually the holding on that is sad. It's not the letting go. And so as I talk about letting go, which can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow, I want you to know that this is an encouraging, joyful, hopeful podcast about letting go. So let's first talk about letting go of perfect. Why is perfect so hard to let go when it's actually completely unattainable? So the why, I think, is probably an episode or a blog post for another day. So we're not going to dissect the why here, But just work on acceptance because good enough is good enough. And this year, as I've had to do new things, stretch myself, learn new skills, I've had to let go of those newfound skills being perfected because sometimes we just have to execute. And when I've been able to let go, I often look back and I realize, oh, that wasn't so bad. I was judging myself so harshly, often judging myself based on somebody else's, you know, years of learning something when I've just started doing it. But regardless if you've been doing something for decades, there still is no perfect. And as you'll hear today, I'm going to be talking a lot about acceptance. There's a saying that forgiveness is letting go of a hope of a better past, and I think that acceptance is letting go of a better present. Because when you can let go of this better present, this perfected present that you think should be, you get to enjoy this moment, this creation, this encounter right now. Even though it's not perfect. You see, perfection is a screen that blocks our view of all the good, and it only sees the flaws. And so in this moment, as you go about your day, as you do your work tomorrow, I encourage you to be intentional about letting go of perfect. My next lesson is letting go of changing other people. Now you guys know my mantra: we're not fixing them, we're fixing you, and that changes everything. I'm going to do a whole episode in a few weeks regarding what to do when your people or partner won't change. And although it's going to be an episode filled with words, I can boil it down to you right now. The answer is you accept them for who they are. You accept all the people in your life for who they are, and then you get to decide how you will change, what boundaries you need to erect, where they belong in your sphere of influence, if they still belong in your life. We waste so much time and energy trying to change people in our life when if we just accepted who they are and how they chose to show up in our life, we could live a more engaged life. So how about start doing that now? You know that person that keeps doing that thing and it drives you crazy and you call your girlfriend up late at night and you complain about it and you complain about it to your coworker? Guess what? They're gonna keep doing it, so you no longer need to be surprised or upset about it. Just create new systems in your life to care for you and to keep you safe. You now have the permission to let go of changing them. My next lesson is letting go of the benefits of youth and instead embracing the benefits of a life well lived. I will confess to my vanity, something that we all have to an extent, but because of mine, honestly, it's getting harder and harder to go in front of a camera. camera these days because what I see is not myself as I know myself to be, but what I see is an older woman looking back at me on the screen. This year has wisdomed me. I don't think that's a word, but it's wisdomed me in the most beautiful of ways. And I am turning a half century old in February. And I'm so proud of that. And I'm also equally trepidatious. I'm making up these words today, guys. There's trepidation about the physical changes that I'm going to see in my body in this next half century of my life. And so with those beautiful gifts of wisdom, and boy, are those gifts rich, those gifts are so good, there's also some necessary letting go of the benefits of youth. And acceptance is actually a beautiful place when you stop fighting against it. And I'm not saying stop fighting against it in an I'm giving up kind of way and just letting myself go, I don't care. I am so about taking the very best care of my body, my mind, my psyche, the whole 9 yards. I am about that. I am not giving up on health and longevity by no means, but I am learning to let go of a body that doesn't gain weight, that has no aches and pains, that I can actually kind of abuse and it just keeps functioning well on me. I'm learning to let go of a spirit and a psyche. That hasn't been injured. And I'm learning to love this new version of me that's frankly stronger, more powerful, more present, more determined, more grounded, and more purposeful. And I invite you to do the same, whatever age you are. My prayer is that as I continue to let go of what was and I grasp the present, this moment, that I will look back in a couple of decades at this young, almost 50-year-old, and I will smile. At how little she knew and how far she has come. But I can only do that if I am willing to let go of some of the benefits of youth and embrace the benefits of a life well lived. My next lesson is in letting go of dreams. Now, as I said at the top of this episode, I don't want this to be sad. I really want this to be hopeful. And yet these are things that need to be let go of so that we can experience the joy of life. And so I'm gonna be vulnerable and tell you. Tell you guys first the dreams that I have lost. But I'm only telling you that so that you can see how beautiful this place is now. So I've been ambitious since I started walking at 8 months old. I was like, I am done with this floor. I am getting up and doing this life thing. And when I was a little girl, I wanted to be Miss America, but I was not a pageant girl and life took me on a different course. When I was an adolescent and I found myself in a crisis pregnancy, I dreamed of keeping my baby, but there was no real way to do that, and I had to place her for adoption. Another dream lost. Later, I dreamed of winning a gold medal in the Olympics, and although I did compete at track and field at a high level, and I even medaled in the Junior Olympics, I never qualified for the Olympics. That dream also had to die. I had a dream of having healthy children, but my first kept daughter was born with a multitude of health issues and a genetic disorder that meant that she would never live a normal life. I dreamed of being the perfect mom. Life definitely took care of that one. I dreamed that I would stay married to my husband until we parted in death, but God also had a different plan for my life. Even as I talk about all of those dreams that I've had to let go over the course of my life, And it may have sparked you to think about some of yours as well. There are so many dreams that have come true, and sometimes when we're focused on the ones that haven't, we get mired down and we can't even see all the beautiful gifts we have been given. I have 5 beautiful children that I am in relationship with. I have a beautiful home in Southern California. My dream of becoming an author has become a reality. I have an education and a career and a life I have built for myself that despite my lost dreams, I absolutely love. And guess what? I'm still dreaming. If I wasn't able to let go of those dreams that were not part of my purpose, I wouldn't be able to live out a life that I love, and I would struggle to dream about my future. And I have some big, big dreams. And I believe that my dreams now are based more on wisdom and purpose than on the fantasies of my youth. And you know, when we begin to let go of dreams, It can feel like we're losing a part of ourselves, and that can feel really scary. But when we're willing to leave behind who we believe ourselves to be, we get to see who we truly are and who we're purposed to be, and that, that is way more beautiful. My next lesson has been letting go of other people's opinions. You know, we can be multifaceted people, I'm a multifaceted person. I'm a woman, I'm a mother, I'm a partner, I'm an influencer, I'm a Christian. And I often get caught up in the idea of having to stay in a lane just because I'm a professed whatever it is, right? A Christian, a relationship expert, whatever. But those lanes constrict me, and the lanes that you imagine you need to stay in are also constricting you. We stay in these lanes because we worry about what other people are going to think of us. But what happens if you let that go? This last couple of years has been a letting go for me. And now instead of questioning what will other people think of me, or I should say, when that question pops up in my head, what will other people think of me? I flip that question and I say, wait, what is my opinion of myself? How will I think of myself if I post that? If I say that, if I respond that way, what do I think of myself? That I have that opinion and I'm questioning this doctrine? What do I think of myself if I make this choice? How about we let go of other people's opinions and we stick with our own? And it's not because I'm too stuck in my ways that I can't consider other people's opinions. Actually, it's the opposite. I welcome you to tell me yours, and if it makes sense to me, I might actually adapt it. But my work is to not allow your thoughts of me to shame me into hiding myself, into shrinking, into questioning or changing who I am or how I show up in the world. A practice of letting go of others' opinions is hard because we're hardwired to seek acceptance, but that is your work. When you finally decide that other people's opinions is not your business, then you can get to the business of showing up as you were made to be. As you were gloriously made to be, doing the work that you were put on this earth to do with ease, and it doesn't look like anybody else's, and so it's okay if they judge you. So those are my lessons on letting go this year. I'm sure I have more, and I'll be sharing them with you over the course of the next few weeks, but I wanted to share those with you as we enter this fall season. I am so excited about what's ahead for me, And for you. And so I will leave you with this: let the leaves fall. Let the wind pick them up and blow them away. You are strong, majestic, and beautiful, and you were put here on this earth for a purpose. You have so much ahead of you. Even though everything didn't work out as you imagined it would, there are things coming up for you that you could never have dreamed of. Because that's how life works. And that's why life is a gift. So thank you for spending some time with me today, and I encourage you to let some things go. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thank you for listening to Stronger in the Difficult Places. New episodes go up on Tuesdays. Subscribe to my email list so that you can get some encouragement from me, and have a strong week. See you next week.
