Opening Your Gifts | Actress/Comedienne Kim Coles

Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.

Hi there, ladies. This is Dr. Zoe. I got a chance to sit down with Miss Kim Coles, actress, comedian, author, motivational speaker. And we had some girl-to-girl, woman-to-woman talk about her journey, about the strengths that she has developed over the years, and how she's now sharing her strengths and helping other women find theirs. It was a really good talk. I enjoyed my time with her. Thank you. with her, and I got some great nuggets. And so, of course, I wanted to share this interview with you guys because I know that you can get some great nuggets out of it too. Any links that she talked about, I will add to the podcast version on iTunes. And I just hope that you enjoy. You are listening to the Dr. Zoe Show on LA Radio Now. I'm Dr. Zoe, and I'm here with my guest. Miss Kim Coles.

Hello, Dr. Zoe.

Hello. So you are actress, comedian, author, motivational speaker, all-around inspirer. And welcome.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you for coming today. So I really wanted you on my show because, of course, I think that you are the quintessential superwoman.

If you say so.

You're like, I don't know about that.

Let me let my cape blow in the wind. I can't catch the wind today.

Not today. Today's a difficult day. No wind out there. But as I was thinking about having you on my show, I was thinking, OK, she's an actress. She's a comedian. I know she's funny. But what are we going to talk about? And then I started looking you up. And I had a conversation with you. And I was floored by how grounded you were. And the thing is, I'm probably a little bit behind on the 8 Ball Ladies. You guys might know all about her. And everything that she's doing. But your story inspired me. And I admire what you've been through, the strength that you've garnered as a result. And so I was so excited to share with my audience.

Well, I hope I floor them too. And then we'll get up off the floor together. Well, here's the thing. I do like— one of my favorite compliments is someone says that you're so down to earth or you're so grounded. One of the most important quests that you can go on would be To find your best self, stay grounded, stay rooted, find your clarity. And so I'm on that quest on a regular basis. And so maybe that's what it is you see.

Yes, that's what I felt. I felt that energy. And I felt that there was not lip service to what you were talking about, that it was authentic. That's absolutely what I felt. So tell us your story. Of course, we all loved you as Sinclair. You know, we all loved you as that. And you had so many amazing gifts— you do— that you have shared with the world. And now through your journey, You have found additional gifts that you are now sharing with the world. So tell us about your journey.

So there's an overview that I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. How you doing? I'm from Brooklyn, which sounds extra cool because I have a cold right now. So it's going to be a little extra earthy. I grew up watching the great funny people on TV. So Carol Burnett, Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Bugs Bunny, you know, and all those great shows that were happening in the late '60s and '70s. And was very much shaped by that, not knowing that this was going to be who— what I wanted to do. I wanted to be Carol Burnett, even though I didn't quite understand what it was. And if there's someone watching that, listening to this or watching this, who doesn't know who Carol Burnett is, I would say Google her. She's just, you know, she's funny and she was glamorous and she had her own show. And then there was Lucille Ball. Yes. Who I also just— I Love Lucy, you know. And so I was really shaped by these, not knowing how much this was going into the fiber of my being. Long story short, when I got to high school, and I remember being 14 but smart enough to realize, looking at the landscape and going, let me see what my experience is going to be like here. And because I was chubby or fluffy or fat— back then we just said fat— I was—

I like fluffy.

Fluffy. Well, we use fluffy now, but back then it was just, you're fat. And I just was fully aware that the fat girl was not going to have the best high school experience. So you look and, you know, there's the pretty girl and there's the jock and there's, you know, the, the good, you know, the girl with the pretty eyes or whatever the thing is. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to be the fat girl. And yes, I just threw up air quotes. And I remember thinking to myself, what can I do to change this experience? Because I can't lose, you know, 40 pounds, you know, before first day of class. So I thought, well, let me be funny. Let me make them laugh.

Mm-hmm.

And Yes, it was a way of deflecting, but it worked. And I can tell you that I had the most amazing high school experience because I tapped into what must have already been there, tapped into the geniusness that I had been watching on TV for so long, and I became crazy Kim Coles. I was class president all 4 years in a row.

Wow.

I was on the cheering squad. The quote unquote fat girl doesn't get to be on the cheering squad. I dated 2 boys on the football team. And I love to tell people, not at the same time. But I, you know, like, that's an A-lister boyfriend. Yes. And the quote unquote fat girl. So here's several things that I realize now, that I was setting myself up to win, not even A, knowing that I was going to be doing something. I was learning a skill that I would use for many years to come, the skill of comedy, which would become the way I earn my living, but also the skill of being able to look at a landscape and saying, how can I fit in here? How can I transform so that I can be the best version of myself. And it was authentic. It wasn't— if I had been goofy and funny, but it wasn't really in my bones, then people would have figured it out and been like, you're not really funny. You're just trying to deflect from the fact that you're fat. And so that was really the beginning of a lot of things. I look back on it now like, wow, you're good at adapting. Wow, you're really tenacious. Wow, you're really— there's all these other amazing qualities that came from that. And so from there, so many other amazing things happened. I was in a beauty pageant for plus-size women.

Awesome.

And there was a talent competition. And they told me, you're going to have to be in the talent if you want to be in this competition. And so I made up a comedy routine based on beauty pageants, and I won first runner-up. That took risk.

Yes.

And so all of these things are all, you know, I'm telling you like the back backstory, but it's, it set me up, I realize now, to be a little bit of a risk taker and to be authentically me. The lesson I learned is every time I show up and just do me, I'm gonna do just fine. And I don't necessarily mean win things. like class president or a beauty pageant, but I win the confidence and the strength, and I win people over because they see themselves in me. Like, we see ourselves in ourselves. Yes. In others. Sure. I really firmly believe that. And so with those tools in my— under my belt, I was able to, you know, move into show business, which is a tough business to be in. Auditioned for In Living Color. Left that show after a year, was gifted with Living Single. I didn't have to audition for that show. That show was created around me and Queen Latifah. And the rest— and we'll get into some more. I know I told you I'm a good talker. I'll stop there, so I'll let you ask me some questions. But that's the beginning of who I am and what I— and the base that I have to stand on.

Thank you for sharing that. And that is a strong base. And I didn't even know that part because you hadn't shared any of that with me. But what struck me is that— You were able, which so many women are not able to do, is to look outside. And you are gorgeous anyway. Thank you. You are gorgeous. But to look outside of the shell, right? And instead to say, who am I inside and how can I express that and get that out? And you were able to learn that at a young age. So many women are not.

No.

Because they're continuing to operate in This is my identity. Yes. What a gift.

What's interesting is that the girls who I went to school with, some of them who focused on the outside, well, you know, I'm in my— I'm 55, so my high school buddies are my age. And so, you know, you may not have that for a long time. So I'm glad that— and I grew up in a household where emphasis on your learning and your brain and how you treated other people was more important than the outside. And we live in a society now where there's so much outside. We have Instagram and Instagram filters and Snappy Jam and Snappy Gram and whatever they're using now. And there are people who have immediate filters on their phones. Like, you go to take a picture with them and the filter is already there. Wow. And like, you know, you get used to that, that look, and you look in the mirror and that's not what you see. So I want to see what's real. I'm happy to throw some makeup on it and some lashes on it and some glitter on it, but I want to know what's real first before I go trying to change it. But that's the society that we live in. Society, I should say. And I'm willing to accept what is and work on fixing or loving what is.

Yes.

And then the rest will take care of itself.

And so tell me, so you started out with that base, that great foundation, and you got thrown into the world of Hollywood. We know what Hollywood is about.

Yes.

And how it really does have an— I don't think that Hollywood, for anyone who becomes successful, and it doesn't affect them. And so we know there's the facade. And how did you deal with That, and then of course the other side of it.

You know, I think because I'm a lifelong learner and because I love to investigate things, I got here and I very quickly began to get the lay of the land. There will be an element of it where it's show. There's an element of it that is business. And be very clear that this is a business. Be very clear that— well, okay, I'm going to tell you this. This is something that was said to me very early in my career, and it was so helpful.

And

this is going to be helpful to anyone, not just someone who's an artist. I would say if you're an entrepreneur, if you work in corporate world, this is for you. I'm going to use my name, but I want you to fill in your name in the blank. And this gave me so much perspective. And I'll tell you what. So I was told that when you arrive in Hollywood, your world is going to be like this. Who is Kim Coles? The next level is introducing Kim Coles.

Right.

Then it's, ah, get me Kim Coles. Then it's, um, get me a cheaper Kim Coles. Get me a Kim Coles type.

Yes.

Uh, get me a younger Kim Coles. And then in the end, who is Kim Coles? Wow. So I say to put your own name there because those are the stages that— who are you? You're excited, you're new at your thing, you make your mark and people are happy to have you. And then there's a point where, oh my goodness, they want you and only you. And then it's like, well, You're good, but you're really expensive now. So let me get a less expensive version of you. And then eventually it's the younger version. And there are great performers, great artists, great fill in the blank, great entrepreneurs, great corporate heads, kings of industry that have their moment, have their heyday. And then they're looking at— people are looking for the new. And when I understood that, I was like, oh, so when these stages began to show up, you know, when you're the hot thing, it's fabulous. And everybody takes your phone call and you get free stuff. And there's a moment where you're hot, and there's a moment where you're not. And I remember auditioning against the younger version of me.

Wow.

I literally was like, oh my God, I'm at that. Get me a younger Kim. Because it was literally— and I never said anything to her. And the cool thing is that neither one of us got the job. I was like, phew! So it's just an understanding that you're going to have highs, you're going to have lows. There are going to be people who are real and people who are not real. And I actually don't even believe that it's only Hollywood that's fake. There's fakery everywhere. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Absolutely. So you find your real friends.

friends. You find your handful of friends that love you. I've stayed in touch with my, my good high school buddies, and they keep me grounded. They don't have to keep me grounded. They just, they just are.

Yes.

And I just am. And when I'm with them, I feel like myself. And the other thing too is I never became of Hollywood. So I'm in Hollywood, and I'm part of the Hollywood community, but I'm not of it. I don't require being on and being seen in order to feel validated. And I think that that's what's important to know. And you and your profession, you'll understand that this just brings out more of who you already are. So whatever insecurities you have—

So true.

They're going to come out more. So you could be the most beautiful and have the most beautiful body and be dating the most handsome man and have the biggest amazing house and still not be happy because of what we started talking about, that place of being grounded from the inside, that foundation. And so I really worked on the foundation so that When all those stages came, and they have come and gone and come again. Um, and we'll talk about, you know, the moment that I got so depressed I considered suicide because I had lost my all— or I thought I had lost all of my mojo because I was not on a TV show. And how ridiculous is that? That's not my purpose, is not to be on a TV show. My purpose and passion is love and laughter,

right?

I figured that out when I was 14. So all I had to do is go do that and I'll be just fine.

Come back to it.

So I would say to anybody listening, find that thing That, that purpose, that passion, that gift. I would talk a lot about gifts. I have an obsession about gifts, which we'll talk about in a moment. But to find that gift and be willing to share that gift with the world always, and be willing to receive the gifts that the world and that God and the universe has for you, and you will be better than just fine.

You are so right about that. And what I talk about with women in terms of finding the gift, because a lot of times women do get lost, we get lost and we forget.

We forget.

Yes, we forget. Yeah, and if you go back to those early years, you can find it because it shows up early in your life. And you think of what type of friend you were, of what things you love to do, of how you were in interaction with your world at that time. You can find that gift that sometimes just gets buried and lost in the course of your life.

Or we set it aside because we think we should be doing something else.

Yes, we don't value it. We don't think it's important. We don't think that there's any way that we can share it with the world. And it's really a matter of finding that again. I love what you said about the circle of life when it comes to your identity in the world. I'm going to share that with my son because he's breaking into the entertainment business. And my husband's been an actor for many years. But I love that. I talk to him about those concepts all the time, but I've never said it in that way. So thank you. I'm going to—

I'm

going to be using that one for sure.

Yeah, it's more of a— really comes up, especially when people say, well, what's it like being an actress getting older in Hollywood? I go, So it's an age and a stage thing. And yes, there is ageism. And yes, there is racism. And yes, there's sexism. All the isms.

Of course.

But the truth is, you still have to be grounded within you. And so just prepare him to go. There's going to be stages. And there's going to be moments where you are the hottest thing going. And everyone experiences that drop. You can't stay— no one stays on top.

No one. Yes.

It's not meant to be— to do. And particularly in show business, someone said to me a long time ago that at any given moment, 96 to 97% of actors are unemployed. So we're unemployed most of the time.

Yes.

Now here's the pressure of that. When you make it big, when you have— um, I call Living Single the sparkling jewel of my career. When you have that amazing opportunity, or— and in my case, I've had several amazing opportunities— other people expect that that's going to always happen for you. So they'll say, well, what are you working on now?

Yes.

And it became like stabbing me in my eyeball. Like, don't you know I want to be working? And I realized that That person, it's not their fault. They're saying, in essence, I love your work. I want to see you working. What are you working on so I can support you? I took it as an assault. Like, what are you working on now?

Well, that's because that was your issue, right?

Welcome to my world.

Yes.

Yeah. And I had to shift that. Like, oh, wait a minute. That person didn't mean me any harm whatsoever. It's just me going, I wish I was working on something now too. And so I have another friend who says, working? I'm working on me. And so that makes her feel good. And I remember I kept saying, I kept saying to myself, well, what can I fill that blank with if I'm not on a show? And I thought about— my goal was to— well, if I'm not on a show, I could just go sell like some, you know, things at a kiosk in the mall. Like, no, I can't do that. I can— I could try this on. Would you like fries with that, sir? No, that won't work. I could try— I even thought about becoming a casting director. And I was like, I don't have the heart for that.

Yeah.

Because my heart would break every time someone didn't get the job, blah, blah, blah. We all go searching. Yeah. And just like you said, often what you love and what your gift is was discovered when you were very, very young. It's right in front of your face. Go do that.

So tell us then about your journey after—

My Sparkling Jewel.

After Sparkling Jewel was done.

Yeah.

Yes. That season was over in your life. And I talked to women about seasons too.

Yes.

And recognizing how important it is to number one, focus on your season, Being present when you're in your season, right? And then recognizing when a season is finished, because so many of us keep going at this season thinking we're still in this, right? And we're not. And it's time to let that one go, leave that one, and go on to the next one. So tell us your journey.

Yeah, I, you know, I, I gotta say, I think for the most part I, um, remained in the season that I was in, living single. I really enjoyed my time, and the 6 of us had a blast together. I do remember thinking This is going to end, and be prepared. Now, the fortunate thing for me is I do stand-up.

Yes.

So I can do stand-up until I'm 150 years old. Joan Rivers did stand-up 2 days before she died, or the night before. And she was in her 80s. So I've got that going for me. And that gives me— I'll be honest with you, it gives me a little bit of confidence and comfort and a little bit of dust off my shoulder. Like, I'll be just fine.

You'll be just fine.

So but in that moment, it was— the show was ending. And I had written a book. And I'd done some other things. And then boom. And I worked a little bit after that, but nothing felt like this sparkling jewel. And so I got very depressed. And I missed working with my family. And when I say family, not just the cast. You form a family with your crew. You have nicknames for your camera dudes and all that. And so floundered for a while, got very depressed, and spent all my money. Now, part of it was that I wasn't making as much.

Right.

So you have to live. And part of it was I was shopping. it away. So my vice was shopping. So people talk about the drugs and the alcohol in Hollywood and all that. The truth for me is that it was shopping. We all have our thing. And so I shopped it all the way in. For me and my therapist, I talked to my therapist, was the one that brought me back. She said to me, stop. Well, let me say this. I was getting very depressed. I was getting really negative thoughts. I even considered suicide. Wow. I was like, this hurts so much. And it wasn't just that I wasn't on a TV show. It really was, who am I? What's my mojo? I've been able to figure this out year after year after year. I can't figure this out.

And you were in the middle of an addiction, which doesn't help. And in the middle of addiction. Yes.

And because I didn't feel worthy, so I was shopping it away. Here I was, I was a millionaire and I didn't feel that I deserved this. And so some red bottom shoes and a Fendi purse and a Gucci this. And I love to tell people, you know, if you can really afford the red bottom shoes, that's great. But if you can't, it's as if, you know, the red wears off when you walk. It's like your wallet is bleeding, you know, just like Cardi B now has helped me out so much with the bloody shoes. I don't even know what that means because I haven't listened to all the lyrics to the song, but your feet hurt and your wallet is bleeding. So you're wearing something to keep up with the Joneses. And I later found out that the Joneses were broke. Right. So I'm trying to keep up with people who are Keeping up with themselves and keeping— it's just like this great big hot mess. And so I did get some therapy, and I found out through the Screen Actors Guild, which is my union, that you get 40 sessions of therapy at a $20 copay.

Yes, you do.

Is that still the case?

It is.

I need to get back into therapy.

Actually, it might be unlimited now. I'd have to double-check, but yes.

40 sessions, that's like once a week. And I treated it like It was a spa treatment.

Good for you. I needed it. I got in. And chiropractic as well.

Oh, good. Good to know. Good to know. Uh, because I love that as well. So I just got myself the help I needed. And luckily, I found a therapist who was also spirit-based. And she said, we're not going to even deal into your mommy stuff and your daddy stuff and your old stuff. Let's just get you centered right now. And gratitude was what she suggested. And I was like, lady, didn't I just tell you I'm depressed? I ain't got nothing to be grateful for. And she was like, no, no, no, let's keep a gratitude journal for 5— you know, for 30 days. Write 5 things you're grateful for every day. And I was cheating, like, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for my eyelashes. I'm grateful for my fingers on my left hand. I'm grateful. And after about a week of cheating that way, like, just looking like, I'm grateful for this drink of water I'm about to take— but the truth is, I am grateful for this drink of water I'm about to take. I am grateful for that fluffy white cloud outside. And I haven't been outside for a couple of weeks because I've been sitting in this dark den. Let me go out and get some fresh air.

I'm

grateful for that little bird chirping at me. Maybe he's chirping just for me. And the trick is that I began to look for things to be grateful for.

And the reason why is because your brain does not know the difference between the truth and a lie. And so when you start telling it positive things, it believes it.

It's like, oh, okay.

It changes the chemicals in your brain. It increases your serotonin. And the reality is that The same thing happens when you do the negative. We have 60,000 thoughts a day, and for most people, 50,000 of them are negative. And so, I mean, I say this all the time, you guys have heard me say this all the time, that we speak to ourselves more than we speak to anybody else in the world, right?

Absolutely.

Yes. And we speak to ourselves more than anybody speaks to us. So, yes.

You have to be careful with your words. Well, even today, you know, I told you today, today was a rough day for me. I've been traveling, I'm cold. My husband My husband is traveling. I need to take care of some things for him. I was running late. And I was actually talking to my friend on my way here. And I said, I'm not— are you having a bad day, Kim Coles? I was like, I'm not going to claim that this is a bad day. The day ain't even over yet.

Right.

So I'm having a rocky moment. And I'm frustrated right now. But I am open to the rest of the day being absolutely wonderful. And as soon as we got in here and got settled, it's all wonderful again. The rest of my day is not a bad day. And so we do have to talk to ourselves. And so that magic happened to me. I had forgotten that it was a chemical reaction that happened. But why not tell yourself something good? There is something good in it. I later found another mentor who said, because I remember saying to her, how is it so hard to stay positive all the time? And she said, well, then don't stay positive, stay powerful. Make a more powerful choice. And so to tell yourself something that is more of a positive nature in that moment is more powerful because my brain is eventually going to switch it all around for me and everything's going to be fine. So my day from now Now, from when I started until about 1:00 was a little funky. But when I walk out of here, the rest of my day is going to be glorious. And to make that choice. And making those choices became more and more wonderful. And if I bring spirit into it, I really think that God goes, wait a minute. She likes that little bird I sent her. Wait till she sees what I'm going to send her tomorrow. I really felt like it became a game to look at what I could be joyful about.

Mm-hmm.

And my favorite moment was I kept— I enjoyed the process so much, I kept going. And on the 32nd day, a residual check showed up that was enough to pay my mortgage and my car note because I had chopped myself down to— I call it the last 3 important payments: my mortgage, my car note, and my hair weave. And I think that you can function. You can go sleep on somebody's sofa. Somebody will give you a ride. But if you can't get your hair done, it's all

done.

And until now, I had chopped every check. And so now I was in a space to go, no, I'm going to be grateful that I'm saved. I eventually sold my house, but it wasn't taken from me.

Yes.

And I was able to stop the bill collectors from calling and all of that. And so it was beginning to climb out of this dark, dark place. And here comes the real gift. Me going like, well, what's my gift? What can I do now?

What's next?

Say it again.

What's next?

What's next? I know, just start sharing your story. Like, you learned a technique 5 minutes ago. Go share that with people who are 5 minutes behind you. And the trick was sharing the— the first tip was to share a gratitude journal. And I wrote a gratitude journal. And then I began speaking more and auditioning still, but still moving into this space of sharing my gifts in a new way and sharing with others that they also have gifts.

Mm-hmm.

So my story sounds like a Hollywood story. But we've all been through those trials and tribulations. We've all been through pain. And really, your promise and your purpose can come out of that. And then when you decide to share it with others, not only is it healing for you, it is healing for them. And then, oh, look, the world is getting— we're all lifting together. I like to say lift as we climb.

Yes.

And so it gets better and better and better and better. And it kept getting better and better. And now when I have a dark moment or a dark thought, thought, it doesn't take me much time to spin up out of it because I have those techniques.

Beautiful. Beautiful. So tell us— Good work. Yes. Very, very good work that you are now sharing with the world. And I love that.

And I don't mean to pat myself on the shoulder.

You should be patting yourself on the shoulder.

Am I allowed to give myself credit for that?

Yes. Yeah. You worked hard for that. You worked hard for that. So tell us about your books. Tell us about what you are doing now with other women and you're speaking and you're motivating and inspiring. Thank you, Dr. Zoe. Sure.

So this all became a progression to how can I serve even more? And in my darkest hour, I was going, I don't know what my gifts are. And one of my favorite things about myself is I think I'm very clever. So I made the word gifts an acronym, which is gratitude, intention, forgiveness, triumphs, and self-love.

Yes.

G-I-F-T-S. And I believe those are some of the pillars that when you work on them, you open up your gifts to the world even more. And I had no idea I was going to start a movement around this. So it started out as just talking through, explaining how important gratitude was, like we just did, and intention and forgiveness and triumphs and self-love. And then it became a program, then it became a book. And the first book was a gratitude journal, but the very next book was a collaborative. Mm-hmm. An anthology called Open Your Gifts. I am passionate about other women and other people sharing their stories. Like, let's all tell the truth about what's going on so we can see ourselves in you. You have someone to bear witness to your story, and you help so many others going, oh my goodness, me too. That happened to me too. Because so much of it, we think we have to—

Think we're the only ones. We think we're the only ones. Yes.

And that we have to suffer alone. And you do not.

And I read your book.

Oh, you did?

OK, good. I did. I did. I read your book a couple nights ago and I got started and just kept going through. I got through it. And usually I don't finish books that quickly, but the stories were very— some of them were raw.

Yeah.

And very inspirational. And I think that it was a wonderful idea and a wonderful thing to do. And I know you're doing another one.

I'm doing book 2. So it's 22 women in the first book, all sharing their stories of how they've overcome in some way or how some of them are still overcoming.

Yes.

I'm doing book 2 right now. I'm looking for some more authors. I call them authors. Authorettes, but I've decided to add men to this one.

I heard that.

I think men need to tell their stories too.

Yes.

And their faces light up when you say to them, as a woman, I want you to share your stories. Because they, you know, they really— because they have to be macho or whatever the rules say.

Men don't talk.

Right.

That's the rule. That's the unspoken rule. And when I say talk in those air quotes, it's don't talk about the real stuff.

Absolutely not.

Yes.

And when they do, they open up and they become vulnerable. And I think they become more beautiful and more accessible. And more accessible to sensitive parts of themselves. And so this next book is going to have men as well. And so I'm doing Open Your Gifts book volume 2. And, you know, we'll put some links up if people are interested.

You're looking for authors right now?

I'm looking for authors right now. I've got about 16. I'd like to go to 22. Might even make it to 25 because, because of the success of the first book, we're already an Amazon bestseller, that people are interested in being a part of book 2. And the cool thing about it is that not only do you as an author get to tell your story, in this book. I use my platform to help lift everybody up. So I do tele-summits. So each one of my authors gets promoted and you get to sell your book any place you want to. So like, it's almost like we share in the profit of this experience. When I go and I speak, I sell my book. When you go and you speak, you sell your book too.

Right.

And we all get to share together. And I'm— I did one book signing so far with 10 of my authorettes who showed up. And Chico's, you know, the clothing line, provided clothing.

So we all got little outfits.

And 3 of the ladies had the same— you did just see.

I did.

3 of them were wearing the same dress. And I was like, are we in a cult of some kind? A very foxy cult. And it was a lot of fun. And we lift each other up and support each other. So I'm going to do that again with book 2. And I think— I shouldn't put this out there. I want book 3 to be with celebrities. I'm just putting that out there.

OK. OK.

Because there's stories to be told. So we'll see.

There are stories to be told. And I think I told you I'm thinking about telling my story.

I want you to tell your story.

I was inspired by reading the book. Oh, good. I was. So we'll talk about that a little later. So GIFTS.

Yes.

Say the acronym again.

Gratitude, intention, forgiveness, triumphs, and self-love. And I'll just give you a little blurb on each one. Gratitude, we know, is sort of the beginning of everything for me, the beginning and the endpoint. Intention, I call your spiritual to-do list. It's sort of who am I, who do I want to be, what do I intend, and getting into inspired action around that, which is another I. It's about Being clear about what it is you want and then taking a baby step or a giant step towards it, or else it won't get done. The F is for forgiveness, which is so clearing. It's like we're all walking around with this closet full of stuff that doesn't fit. It's out of style, it's got holes, and it doesn't matter anymore. And you're still holding on like—

You're still carrying it.

I'm holding on to this heavy thing. I might put that on again one day. It doesn't even fit you anymore. Let it go. and create more room for more to come in. Now notice that was a shopping reference, but I told you that's my thing. Dr. Zoe, yes. But yeah, you, you need to clear that out. And forgiving yourself for any quote unquote mistakes you may have made. They're not mistakes, they're lessons. And if you reframe them that way, you wouldn't be who you are, you wouldn't be who you were without having those lessons come up. And it's okay to forgive and let things go. And then triumphs is about celebrating yourself where you are, just like I patted myself on the shoulder and I was like, Is it okay to do that? And you're like, yes, it is. Of course. It's good to celebrate. I don't know if other people who are listening, we have these successes and we go, whew, I made that. Now moving on to the next one. No, stop.

Celebrate. Celebrate.

Bake your own cake, put your candle on top of it, and blow your candles out if you have to do it for yourself. And go like, wow, look at how far I've come. And the S is for self-love, which is what this is really all about, and self-care. I have a cold right now because I have not been taking good care of myself. And so you have to walk the talk and talk the walk. But taking the best care of yourself so that you can, you know, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Right.

As so many of us, and I know you have a lot of women who are listening, we pour, we pour, we give, we give, we give, but we're giving from an empty cup. It's okay to fill yourself up so that you can give from your overflow. And that's my acronym. That's my thing. I love going like, I'm creating something new. And I've got a brand new thing I'm going to be doing on Facebook soon. And I found a new acronym for the word YOY. I won't tell you what it is yet.

Oh.

Because I'll tell your people to come.

Great. We can look out for that. Yes, we can. So, how can people get ahold of you? How can they find you speaking or follow you?

I am at www.kimcoles.tv. And yes, that's TV as in television. So, that's my website. I'm also— I'm big on Facebook. I'm a Facebook girl. I'm Real Kim Coles on Facebook and on the Instagram and the Snappy Chat and the blah, blah, blah. But Instagram is my I'm @KimCole almost everywhere. And you Google me, I'm easy to find.

Yeah, I think you're pretty easy to find.

So

thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Zoe.

Do you have one last tip for a woman who might be struggling out there, maybe trying to find herself or figure out how to do this self-love thing? And while you're thinking, when you were talking about self-love and about women who pour and pour and pour, I went to the Janet Jackson concert this weekend. It was so much fun.

I've seen everybody's Insta snapping.

And I didn't even take any video. of it. But I went with a couple friends and I sat next to this woman on the shuttle going up to the Hollywood Bowl. And she was— she told me she was 54 years old and she's single again. And she's been kind of in a funk. And she finally said, I'm gonna take myself out on a date. And she said she has never taken herself anywhere. And she did it that night. Wow. And we were talking and I was like, you have the best time. And it was— you could just see the light in her face. And we women don't do that enough. We have to start. We have to start. So thank you for sharing that, especially about the self-love.

I love that, that she was not afraid. She knew she was going to be amongst friends.

Yes.

And we were all on this quest to go see the amazing Janet Jackson.

Oh my gosh. She is amazing.

I saw a video. She looks amazing.

She looks fantastic. She's 51 years old and she just had a baby.

Come on.

Oh my gosh. And her strength. It was just— it was a great show. Great show.

Good. Good. So let's see what one thing— I like to get a little download, the one thing is that it's OK. It's all OK. It's all OK. It's all OK.

Everything you've been through.

It's all OK.

Everything you feel.

It's OK. Like, you embrace it and go, OK, it's— if the default position was it's all OK, you can leap from there. You can go from there. If you tell yourself that it's OK, it's going to be OK, everything is OK. And I don't mean in a Pollyanna, like, it's all OK. It's like, it is what it is, and And it's okay that it is this, and that's the default position. And then you can launch from there. You can launch to making something better. You can launch to learning something better. You can launch to getting healthy. You can launch, launch to making more money. You can launch to whatever, but start with a base of it is what it is. And it's all okay for now and rest in that. And then launch from there.

I love that launch. And that gets rid of all your excuses, right? For why you can't do something when you start with that base. Love that. Thank you so much.

That's the download for the day. I didn't come prepared. Let me write down launch. Maybe I'll come up with an acronym for launch.

Yes, you were going to come up with the acronym, and I can't wait to hear about the YOU acronym.

Okay.

So stay tuned for that later. I'll tell you what it is.

Sure. It's yield, overcome, and upgrade.

Oh, I love it.

So yielding is about surrender and allowing, you know, similar to what I was just saying. Overcome is overcoming mindsets. Mindsets and excuses. And upgrading is that launch experience. It's like, okay, I get this. I know who I am now. Let me just upgrade and move to the next level and take another baby step. And sometimes it's a baby step, a baby step. And then you look back and you've gone a mile. So yes. So that's my little thing.

I love that.

It's going to be a free Facebook 7-day class that I'm doing. It's an experiment. I'm just going to play with giving. This is my way of serving the world. And giving. So it's going to be something about you and your purpose and your blah, blah, blah. You get it.

I get it.

You heard it here first.

I get it. Yay. So gifts.

While you're finishing up, I'm going to see if I can come up with something for launch while we're talking.

Yes. Gifts, you, and launch. And she's going to be coming up something for launch in just a minute. I am so thankful to have Kim Coles here today. It's been inspiring for me. And so I know that she has inspired you women, a true superwoman who She has been through it like we all have. And that's life. That is life. Life is going to give you those trials. You need to come through them and find the strength as Ms. Kim has. And do you have it?

I do.

She has it. She's like, you can stop talking. I have it.

I was like, thank you for vamping for me. And I want people to see that I literally wrote this here. So this is raw. Live and understand now can happen.

My gosh, you were good at that. Thank you.

I don't even know what now is. Maybe there's another word for now.

Live and understand now can happen. Launch.

Enjoy.

Thank you, Dr.

Zoe.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for the challenge that I gave myself.

I appreciate it. You have a wonderful day, and good luck with the launch of your book, Gifts.

Thank you. Thank you.

And we'll be seeing you soon.

Yes, you will. Thank you, Dr. Zoe. Bye.

Bye. You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining your superpower. With your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of The Dr. Zoe Show.