In this episode of The Dr. Zoe Show, licensed psychotherapist and life/relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw addresses women who find themselves in difficult romantic relationships. After a brief personal update—celebrating the launch of her "New You, New Self‑Talk" course and noting a scheduling mishap—she shifts to practical guidance. Dr. Zoe emphasizes the importance of setting clear limits and boundaries, confronting small issues before they become large problems, and staying emotionally open rather than closing off out of fear. She encourages listeners to engage in deep self‑reflection, asking why they were initially attracted to their partner, what they hope to achieve by staying, and how the relationship benefits them. A central theme is the recognition that each day a person actively chooses how to engage in the relationship, and owning that choice empowers change. She also stresses self‑care and authenticity as essential for maintaining mental health while navigating relationship challenges. The episode concludes with calls to action: promoting her new course, inviting listeners to text "JOIN" or "strong" to a short code, and encouraging subscription to the weekly show.
Grab a cup of tea or listen as you go, ladies. This is your hour with Dr. Zoe, your life and relationship coach. With encouragement, on-point insight, inspiring guests, health tips, and advice, Dr. Zoe helps busy women keep their mind in the game by redefining your superwoman. You're listening to the Dr. Zoe Show.
Hey there, I'm glad you tuned in. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe. I'm a licensed psychotherapist with a doctorate in clinical psychology, and I'm a life and relationship coach and a motivational speaker. So you can connect with me by texting the word JOIN to 38470. Today's episode is for the woman in a difficult relationship. But first, as always, I'm going to share my Superwoman win and my Superwoman fail. So my win is that I launched my very first course called The New You, New Self-Talk Course, and the link to it will be in my bio. It took a lot of work, but I launched it, and that's for sure my win. So my fail is that I didn't plan this first week or 2 weeks in January very well. I'm back to work and I'm trying to hit it super hard, but the kids aren't back in school yet. Our schedules are all off. My daughter missed gymnastics twice this week. So in retrospect, I really should have just taken these days off or this week off because we are all just really out of sorts, still on vacation. So that's my fail, but it will sort itself out very quickly next week. So onto the topic. This episode is dedicated to the woman in a difficult relationship. I think I'll marry a difficult guy and have a difficult relationship, said no one ever. Yet woman after woman in my practice and beyond— friends, acquaintances— have found themselves in difficult relationships. There's this book by Mira Kishenbaum, and it's called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, and it's supposed to help a woman make a decision about whether she should leave or whether she should stay. If only it were so easy as reading a book. But of course, it's not that easy. And on top of that, not every woman is trying to decide if she should leave or stay. Sometimes the reality is that the relationship you've chosen is a little difficult. Your guy is a little difficult. And so now it's not a matter of if you're going to stay in the relationship, it's how you're going to stay in the relationship in a healthy way. And that's what we're talking about today. To the woman in a difficult relationship, set limits. I'm sure it's easier said than done, and it might sound like it's a no-brainer, but when you are in relationship with people who tend to be difficult or maybe tend to be time suckers, you have to learn to set limits. Setting limits might sound restrictive and unloving, but actually they're freeing and they're life-giving to relationships because you are giving to yourself by setting a healthy limit. If you find that this is a difficult thing for you, try going back to episode 80, Strong Women Give Ultimatums. That'll give you some ideas and some tips on how and why you should be setting limits in your relationships. But sometimes the issue isn't even setting limits. The issue is being able to acknowledge that there's something going on to begin with, being able to acknowledge what's really hurting you and not good and healthy in your relationship right now. It's kind of a common thing where women and men in relationships don't really wanna talk about the difficult stuff. Especially when things might be going great. So why address something that's just gonna make us feel bad? But when we ignore the issues, we think we're making things better. We hope and we have our fingers crossed that, you know, this time things are gonna be smooth sailing. But when we ignore those little bumps, they build up into huge mountains. And the second something is so big that you can't ignore it, what will happen is you're going to bring that and all the other things up. And no healthy conversation or resolution can occur when you're not sticking to the topic and you're bringing lots of other stuff up. So you've got to work on not ignoring the little issues, talking about them, and getting comfortable talking about things that are uncomfortable. And to the woman in a difficult relationship, it's so important that you stay open, not closed. Being closed causes bitterness. Being open to Maybe the fact that you're wrong, being open to where the relationship is leading, being open to possibilities and, and different opportunities to change your behavior. This is the hardest one because when we're in difficult relationships, we tend to do the opposite. We tend to close ourselves up because we're trying to protect us, right? We don't want to be open and vulnerable because that sounds scary. But when you close yourself up, you close yourself up to everything. So if you're going to stay and if you're going to be and work in this relationship, you got to be open. And to the woman in a difficult relationship, go ahead and get honest with yourself about where you are and what you're feeling, asking yourself questions like, what attracted me to him in the first place? Because it's really easy to forget when things aren't going so well. And you got to ask yourself, what is my why? Why do I want this to work? And what am I continuing and contributing in this relationship for the better or for the worse? And how does this relationship benefit me? This is really good because a lot of times people will say, well, it doesn't, but I'm staying, or, you know, it's not benefiting me. Yes, it is. If you're staying, which you are, if you're listening to this episode, my guess is it's because you're in a difficult relationship or are in a difficult spot, or you know somebody who is. There is something about the relationship that is benefiting you. Maybe the relationship aligns with your view of how you see yourself, and the lack of a relationship wouldn't. Maybe there's something very comforting in Some of the dysfunction in your relationship. There are reasons why you are staying, and there are reasons why you have been maybe content in some ways at this point to leave it as it is. Those are the things you need to get deep and honest with yourself about. What attracted you to your spouse in the first place? And how are you benefiting from this relationship? Which also goes with what stories am I telling myself about this relationship and maybe its benefit to me? To the woman in a difficult relationship, this one I think is the hardest, is that you have to acknowledge that this relationship, the way it is, the status and the experience, is your choice every single day. So every day you wake up and you actively Make the choice to interact in the way that you do with your husband. These are all choices that you make. A lot of times women will say, I'm stuck, and no, you're not. You're not stuck. You make choices every day. So you've got to take responsibility for the relationship in that you've got to recognize that every day you choose this relationship over and over again. And that's okay. But you got to own it, because when you own it, it's easier for you to make changes, because it's hard to make changes on something that you don't even— aren't even willing to acknowledge is there. I think this is the single best marker of maturity in relationships and in life, is when you start to acknowledge all your choices as your own. When you stop the martyrdom, because there's nothing beneficial in feeling like a martyr, when you stop being the victim and you acknowledge that I'm making the choice every day to do this. Now, why am I? How is it benefiting me? Those are great, great questions, but you will no longer feel stuck when you recognize that you are making that choice every day. So to the woman in a difficult relationship, being in a difficult relationship can definitely take its toll on your emotion, on your psyche. And so your job is self-care, and your job is showing up authentic, real, acknowledging, and being brave and honest, speaking your truth even though it's scary. To the woman in a difficult relationship, You've got this. So thank you for listening to the Dr. Zoe Show. New shows come out every Tuesday. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode and text the word strong to 38470 to connect with me. I look forward to speaking with you amazing women on social media throughout the week. Have a great week.
You've been listening to the Dr. Zoe Show, redefining Your Superwoman, with your host, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Don't forget to sign up for her monthly newsletters to get encouragement, tips, and skills for keeping your mind in the Superwoman game. Connect with her now at www.drzoeshaw.com. Tell your friends and subscribe to her podcast on iTunes. Join us next time for another edition of The Dr. Zoe Show.
