Ask AI Mark argues for ditching traditional resolutions and instead designing your life around meaningful dreams. He shares practical advice on goal setting and purpose that actually sticks.
Hey everybody, welcome to my weekly house call. Now usually I get a question from a reader but this time I want to talk about a process I use to think about my life. You know, the new year is coming up and I often think about how I want to create or design my next year because if I don't, things just happen and I actually am not the creator and author of the things that I want to do. Now this is a time of year when a lot of us get overwhelmed. We're overwhelmed by what's still left to do in our to-do list and preparing for the holidays or family coming. Now, I'm sure many of you like me also think about what you want to do next year, what you want to accomplish, what are the important goals you have. Now, my handout coach gives me an excellent exercise each year. It helps me focus and it helps me get clear on what I want and it never gets old. Simply put, it's something called dreaming. Who has a dream? I mean, we tend not to dream in this culture and I think it's important to look at what you want, to dream the life you want and then create it. So, if that's important to you, you might think about scheduling a 30-minute consult to see how this tool can help you design your life to be what you always wished it would be and actually design your future. Now, there are a lot of areas of your life to work on. That's true. And the Handel Group and I agree that you should really only take on about three to five areas each year to focus on. But don't worry, when you improve one area, it actually spills over into all the other ones, too. Everything is connected. But choosing to focus can be hard, but it's also critical. Now next year, for me, I'm going to focus on my family and strengthening and building those relationships. I'm also going to focus on my finances because I get so busy working that I forget about managing all the things I need to do with my money, like how I can get organized. And I'm also going to focus more on my friendships by dedicating more time to nurture them. Now here's your guide on how to think about and write your dream. First of all, consider why you're doing this. What's in a dream? Well, having dreams engages you in your life. It makes it more exciting and it connects you to yourself and actually what's important to you. It imbues your thoughts and actions with a sense of purpose, a sense of direction, and hope. Now, important research shows that this is actually good for your health. In fact, when I give talks to physicians, I say one of the important ingredients, called ingredients for health, is meaning and purpose. In fact, people who identify with a meaningful direction have less stress and fewer physical ailments or stress related ailments like heart disease or headaches or anxiety. People who identify with a compass or a lighthouse that provides an overarching aim and a direction of their daily lives live 15% longer than their peers. In fact, knowing what you want is critical to actually getting what you want. Does that make sense? You have to know what you want to get what you want. Living without a dream is like driving a car with no map or GPS or no destination in mind. I mean, how do you know where you're going and how do you know you're not going around in circles? When you can actually measure and take pride in your achievement about what your dreams are, you're gonna actually see forward progress in what you might have thought was a real long ride before and actually now you're gonna get to where you're going. Now, dreaming forces you to rethink your limitations. It forces you to act in accordance with what you want. not what you don't want. Once you're clear on what your dream is, you're also clear on what it isn't. Having a dream gives you the long-term vision and the short-term motivation to make the right judgments and the right decisions for what you do with your day every day. Now, pursuing a dream puts you on a shortcut to a much better quality of life. As you align your thoughts and your behaviors with your dreams, You can witness change happen around you and within you in real time. You begin to recognize your own ability to design your life, which is kind of a powerful and also humbling experience. So practically, what do you do? First, write it down. Writing is a powerful way to think and plan and actually cause change in your life. If you write your dreams in the way we suggest, rereading them will evoke a visceral response and it's going to get you emotionally connected and present to what you want. Second tip is write it in the now, in the present. This exercise is about getting you to focus on being the person who could fulfill this dream. Writing it in the present tense is going to have you feel it right now. It's also going to make it easier to relate to and then draw it in your life. Using the present tense saying, I feel energized instead of I will feel energized. Writing it as if you already are experiencing this dream right now is very powerful. This active present tense engages your brain into an action mode. For example, I'm a working artist who gets paid for writing, painting, and creative design projects. Or, I'm at my best shape this year, slim and active and energetic. Or, I design alone time with each of my kids every week just for hanging out and talking. The next tip is make it real. Your dream has to be believable, it has to be sincere, and it has to be uniquely you. I would avoid extremes like I always or I never or all the time or perfect that are unrealistic. Remove any cliches because they distance you from the feeling of your dream by being fluffy and not real. You must try to contemplate and write out what you actually mean. Instead of saying, I have the perfect schedule, instead say, I adore making and sticking to my schedule. Instead of saying, I never yell, say, Peaceful interactions are more the norm in my life. Next thing you have to do is take out the negatives. See, most people begin dreaming from a point of what they don't want. We can't help but being tethered mentally to the past and to the present circumstances we live in. Writing dreams is a purely creative endeavor. So you've got to suspend disbelief for a little bit so you can design a future based on your ideals, not on what you quote expect or what you don't want. Instead of saying, I no longer hate looking in the mirror, rather say, when I walk by the mirror, I think, wow, and feel full of pride. Instead of saying, I stopped picking jerks as boyfriends, say, I've met and I'm in love with my soulmate. Next thing you have to do is take out the hidden jabs and sarcasm. Your true, real, heartfelt dream has no room for jabs at others or yourself. Most people unintentionally kind of weave them in, which ends up zapping the power right out of their dreams. Read through your dream. And if you feel your good vibrations dip at a certain line, well, you may have snuck in a little sarcasm or a jab. Instead of saying, My mom and I can finally stop bickering, say, We treasure our time together. Instead of saying, I somehow get my finances together and pay down my debt, say, I pay my bills on time and I have extra money left over. So now you know how to write a great dream. The next step is beating your excuses and taking the right actions. For that, you're gonna need accountability. It's ideal to get coaching, but if you can't afford a coach, get a buddy, an accountability partner. It has to be someone who thinks the dream rocks and will hold you to account for what you say and what you're gonna do about it. And it's best if you're each rooting for each other and you're willing to challenge each other. Designing a life of your dreams is one of the best things you can do for your health. And that's why I partner with the Handel Group because it really is a way for you to get connected to what you want and living a better life. Now I wanna hear from you. Please leave a comment on our Facebook page telling our community what you're dreaming up for next year. And if you like this video, share it with your friends and family on Facebook, and submit your questions to DrHyman.com, so maybe next week I'll make a house call to you.
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